Question: If your close one is really attached to you and you can see that person is harming the self as well as other person growth and freedom by possessing that person, how can the person, (to whom other is so attached) frees the self and the other from such attachment by not hurting other person’s feelings ?
Great question. Thank you.
I am sure, many in a relationship will identify themselves. As you mentioned, this is a close relationship.
Gyan points everything back to us. If a loved one is attached to us, that attachment has to partially be related with my own behavior. The other half, is that person’s own neediness. “It takes 2 to tango.”
Gyan also teaches us that freedom and the ability to “be,” is an intrinsic right of every being. Finally, Gyan teaches us that we only have responsibility towards the self while seeing the self in relationship with others (for there is the law of karma which only spiritual knowledge allow us to consider.)
Your only responsibility is to “break” that attachment. (As a Sakar Murli will say) BUT remember it is a gradual process. We are typically, emotionally addicted to the drug of neediness and loneliness. You can remove yourself from attachment as if a dentist extracts a tooth without anesthesia, it will hurt your emotions tremendously… or you can take your time to talk a bit about your feelings with the “loved one,” understand where the other person is coming from and let your loved one know that you want something different in the relationship. This may take sometime. A temporary separation, a healthy space to give yourself and the other one time to look at themselves without the distraction of the other, may be helpful as well. This is working together to achieve that goal if both of you can see it.
Possession is definitely unhealthy. It is violence, even if in a subtle way. When there is possession there is no love, but neediness.
To be able to do this, you need to be in a position where you do not depend on anyone. See if you have any sort of dependency (financial, emotional, physical, etc.) Otherwise, you will know that there is an unhealthy relationship going on, but you will feel that it is “better to stay” as things are for you have a lot to lose. Then freedom is not as important as comfort and “status quo.”
Be honest with yourself and see if you are willing to go with whatever it takes to break this attachment. Start this with yourself by seeing in which ways you are attached to the other person.
The “method” is easy. 🙂 It took sometime to get where you are by tying up different levels of dependency to the other person. Now it is time to see those and remove them, little by little…. in a gentle way…like a loving person will treat his/her loved one.
Best Wishes!
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