Thank you for your challenging question!
Thank you for sharing your experiences as well as your challenges. Being a BK for 6 years is meaningless for “last go fast,” and that is all there is.
In today’s Murli (9/13/12) Baba spoke about “maintaining our stage constant and stable.” He mentioned that “following Shrimat accurately” is what makes the difference.
When we say “Shrimat” there are many implications for “Shrimat” is pretty much individual. A “Shrimat” for a householder is different than a Kumar; that is why I like to go back to the Maryadas, for Maryadas are for all BKs.
Many times, our carelessness in one Maryada makes a difference. Today Baba spoke about cooking your own food among other pieces of advice. This is something that you may need to consider, unfortunately; I am limited in my knowledge of your particular situation; therefore, i can only share general items.
Now, on your question. I am aware that many souls have experienced this “trip” of bliss and out of this world experiences with Baba. Those experience serve as “motivators” to continue in this path; however, let me be clear that in this path, suffering needs to be experienced so we can learn and overcome. That is just our own weaknesses magnified through the tests of life.
This is part of the package of “dying alive,” until that suffering is understood and transformed. That means, our vices transformed into virtues again.
If you are not “creating” your stage with awareness, then any other energy around you can “get into you” and change your mood. I found this is one of the most common issues with souls who have lots of sensibility. These souls could be in tune with subtle experiences and “Baba’s energies,” but at the same time; the opposite will happen with “negative energies,” thus, changing easily the stage of these souls.
Perhaps this is your case.
Our stage is not made by “outside forces.” It is not made by subtle, divine experiences. We make that stage with awareness and understanding of our own processes in life. That is why, it takes time. If your stage fluctuates like a “roller coaster” that is the proof that your stage is not coming from your own self awareness. There is no “recipe” to improve that, other than letting life show you the way. The solution will come if you are honest with your efforts. Waiting just means the opportunity to settle karmic accounts in the process.
Do not get discouraged. As you mentioned, the first thing is to “accept that is happening to you.” Do not deny it. Then look for things to try to “improve.” “fighting” means rejecting. There is no fighting in spirituality. It is just accepting, surrendering ego and flowing with life.
Check the accuracy of those “maryadas.”
Check if you are experiencing greater concentration to be able to create your own stage despite outside forces…and finally have the tolerance and the courage to persist and to look and try for “new” solutions. Experiment.
Do not despair in what you are experiencing for it will change in due time if your persist. It is guaranteed. Tolerance and patience are needed more than anything else.
This path is about trying new things rather than repeating the same old stuff. Openness is needed. That is my experience.