In my sitting meditation I focused my attention/awareness in feeling the self. Immediately, the center of the forehead and the heart become present. I realized that I was able to make this awareness last longer , if my breathing was slow, rhythmical and deep, then a pleasurable, blissful energy would arise from the heart towards the forehead.
It was a nice experience but I wanted to test my ability to concentrate, to focus deeply.
I went for a walk.
It was late afternoon. A gorgeous day to walk by the bay. Many people were passing by exercising (running, walking, rollerblading, riding the bike) In a typical “normal day,” I would be distracted by my own thoughts, reviewing the day or something from the past popping up like an unwanted mosquito. Then, I would be distracted by the people along the way, generating different silly thoughts.
This time, it was different.
My attention was focused, concentrated in the self, as I started walking, I was gazing either the water of the bay or the sidewalk, little by little the focus on the self increased (just like in sitting meditation) and my concentration on the sidewalk or the water of the bay, took care of all distractions.
The feeling of bliss arose again. While walking with that feeling, there is no sense of tiredness; walking seems very easy and comfortable and through that bliss, very enjoyable. A smile arose as I was looking at the bay.
For the first time I realized that I couldn’t “donate” (good feelings and pure wishes) anything to Nature as long as I admired it, but at the same time “denying” the self to admire Nature is not right. It is this separation (self and Nature) which does not make it natural. However, when there is the experience of bliss, admiring or not admiring Nature is no longer an issue, for the awareness of the inner self has way more pull than anything else.
I was aware that there was an “inner beauty” which is self fulfilling in itself and it does not require anything from anyone. That feeling of bliss was that completeness.
As I was looking at nature, “donation” of vibrations was easy and it made the feeling of bliss to be enhanced even a notch higher..
Even though all sorts of people were walking by at that time, I was not interested in anything other than continue to feeling that inner beauty.
This “disinterest” came naturally as what I was experiencing had my full attention and just lingering thoughts will make me aware about people around me.
To be aware of this inner energy is how we become interested in the soul. That soul energy had a blissful feeling which could overtake any physical attraction. The task is just to keep concentrated in that inner feeling.
This seemed to me, the natural way to experience “unlimited disinterest.” Being aware of the “inner light” is how we perceive everything else as just entertaining “side scenes” of the Drama.