Question: Staying alone by yourself gives you immense opportunities to go more closer to yourself, can be challenging too at times. I have realized that when I am in company of others, or taking up something to “do” a service, a retreat, an office project, out for a vacation with friends or family, like whenever on with something new or busy with something or someone, there is a natural sense of zeal, enthusiasm and happiness, but as soon as I came back to my place on my own, I feel the inner temperature of soul going down, doing the mundane things like getting ready for work, cooking for self, eating alone doesn’t give me the same happiness and fulfillment. This is so deep, that I am myself amazed that being an extrovert and able to adjust and enjoy company of everyone, even the most difficult people, I am not enjoying my own company. With others, I feel a sense of sharing, belongingness and expression of self, and probably that’s what I miss being alone. How to make the journey of self more enjoyable and how to sustain the same zeal and enthusiasm for our daily activities? Any suggestions.

Thank you for your great question!

Dear soul,
Living alone is the opportunity to look at the self. It is the opportunity to find out our emotions and how they direct our lives. Living alone is the opportunity to practice awareness of our own thoughts, our own feelings and to feel that “center,” the soul, that which is in itself what we are looking for but that we do not realize by being distracted by the outside world.

Without an understanding of the reason why we are living alone, there will not be an “objective.” We do not live alone just because we cannot find a BK center to take us or because we don’t want to live with the same gender companion.

When the objective is clear, then to eat is an opportunity to observe where my thoughts are going, what do I feel, if I eat with anxiety or anguish; that is the way of becoming aware, conscious, so those sanskaras go away permanently. “Remember me alone” starts with an awaken consciousness. It starts with the self. When you use every opportunity to do something worthwhile to discover the self, you will see that time is actually enjoyable, for there are times when you will have experiences with the self which will allow you to continue looking for more.

For instance, for me as soon as it starts becoming dark, I will shutdown the computer, the cellphone and that night is to eat and enjoy that in awareness and to walk by Nature afterwards and get recharged. A “thought-less” (no thinking) walk is healing. At that time when the “objective” is clear and you truly want to experiment with the self; time to be with yourself is valuable time.

Therefore, a clear objective is first.

Spirituality requires your utmost energy to be conscious, aware. Therefore, eat well, sleep good and learn to discern those activities which are superfluous in your life. Your time becomes precious. Until that hasn’t been experienced, you will be “in between.” You will be longing for company and people around you, just like a “normal” person.

However, this practice of “being alone” is not meant to be “alone” for all time but to be around people. That is the paradox.
That is how you will do “service” automatically, for that introversion will be noticeable, that strength of being awake will be noticeable and your interactions with others will be necessary, but not to “take” their company but to “give” your awareness.

The practice of living alone takes time. Once you have mastered it, life will give you different avenues. When opportunity knocks at your door, be ready to open it.

Best wishes!


  1. bk

    Thank you so much for making me understand why I need an objective and clear aim for staying alone. Its of great help.
    Lots & lots of blessings πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚


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