The word “Detachment” is used in Spirituality as the ability to become a “witness,” that is a “trustee” in all the different life situations.
Through “detachment,” “Me” becomes another actor in the “movie” of life (my part) and as such “Me” is the “observer,” the one sitting comfortably in a seat in the first row of the movie theater of life, just to watch the show… which includes “my” part.
That detachment in only possible when there are no desires.
That is one way to check if our so called “detachment” is “true,” for if there is any sort of desires about a particular outcome, we cannot be “detached observers.”
Not to have desires is one of the first practices that any spiritual teachings will teach. Desires are the “doors to suffering,” we are told. Nevertheless, our minds are usually full with desires.
That is why, it becomes important to check our thoughts, to watch the mind and its emotions, as a “detached observer.”
Thus, to be a “detached observer,” a “trustee” in the movie of life, we need to check our own mind first.
A desire will come to the mind and our thoughts will create a story. That story brings emotions and those emotions have the control over us to “make us feel” sad, happy or neutral.
Detachment does not mean to “negate” life, but to enjoy it without “attachment” to it. That “attachment” is also at the level of our minds. It is the mind who is attached to, who does not want to let go. The thoughts in the mind are obstacles to feelings in the heart.
In “detachment” there will be preferences many times. That is life will offer different experiences that we could be open to. As mentioned before, rejection is a sure way to suffer. Many may see rejection of life as detachment from it. That is a separation, that is asking for suffering through the “desire” of being detached.
Life may open the door with possibilities. Which one to take? That is a preference. That is a “choice.” In Detachment there could be a “preference,” but even within that preference, there is no expectation of an outcome, that is a desire on that preference is not materialized.
However, at the most “elevated” level of the self, that is when the “self” is self-less, that is when “preferences” are not even part of the equation, for there is acceptance of that which appears, in that; there is freedom from the movie of life.
In that freedom there is love.
That is how being detached and being loving are related.