Controlling sexual desires

I’m 20 years of age. I’ve have been trying to control my sexual desires and follow celibacy. But,sometimes I get infatuated or attracted to girls. The worst part is I get wet dreams once or twice in two months. I feel guilty of it and I hate it. I don’t indulge in any sexual acts(like masturbation or watching porn) like my friends. But, wet dreams is one thing which I couldn’t control.I usually sleep at 11 or 12 and wake up only after 7. I’ve tried waking up at dawn, but in vain. Even if I go to bed early and wake up at dawn, I feel very sleepy and drowsy for the entire day. So, I prefer going to bed at 11 and waking at 7. Can give me any suggestions on controlling wet dreams and preventing infatuation?Any tips for waking up at dawn without feeling sleepy for the entire day?

Dear soul,

Thank you for your honest question.
You do not mention why you are “trying” to follow celibacy. That is an important aspect.
It is that a life style based on spiritual reasons, a psychological outlet from a personal issue, or just something momentarily?

Please do not feel guilty. It is a waste of time and energy and could only contribute to make this “issue” to continue on.

In the world of “normal people,” you are ahead in “awareness” and willing to find solutions. That will take sometime to try different things and see for yourself what works for you.

I will give you some suggestions:
Trying to control sexual desires is a sure way to fail in celibacy.
It is not by controlling how we can have a celibate lifestyle, but by transforming that sexual energy into something else. That refinement of energy comes with a change in your life style primarily.

Being vegetarian is a must. Developing feelings by being acquainted with the beauty of Nature, its sounds and colors is another strong help. Balancing your male energy with your own female energy is the last one and that can be accomplished with the help of Nature as well.

There are some activities which are considered “female” which you could participate to balance that energy: singing, dancing, hatha yoga, etc. Also the influence of the elements of Nature such as the Moon and the Ocean are considered of female energy. Have walks at night by the Ocean or a Lake.

Wake up early. 5 AM or 6 AM and gently exercise by doing pranayama and hatha yoga outdoors. Be out before everyone else wakes up.

Be aware on the position that you sleep. Facing up should help, for you should be aware that at dawn your sexual energy will naturally reach its higher point, especially at your age.
That is why, the practice of waking up very early is helpful (so that time period is skipped when you are completely conscious.) Take a nap in the afternoon. That is a healthy practice and that will take your tiredness away until you get used to getting up early.

You have not talked about the contents of your dreams. They could give you clues in what you need to take care of. If they are sexual dreams, you are repressing, rejecting and your unconscious mind is letting you know that.

It is important to spend regular time with Nature for that beauty will develop your feelings so the next step, which you mention as feeling attraction towards girls could be transformed.

Nothing wrong when feeling attraction for girls. Please keep that in mind. It is natural and it is positive if you have learned to transform the “normal” ways.

What you feel will be transformed in appreciation for that which you feel attracted to. Appreciation of beauty. Appreciation of a complementary female energy in front of you.

This blog and healthycelibacy.blogspot.com have plenty of information on the topic of celibacy. I invite you to search those articles in this blog by using that keyword (celibacy) and you are encouraged to ask about this topic if you have further questions.

Best wishes!

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One comment

  1. B.K.Gayathri

    Dear brother, i am sharing some thoughts on this topic by Dr.Dilip bhaiji.

    The answer is quite simple. Four steps-

    1] Early to bed early to rise,makes a person healthy and wise- 4am is Amrit-vela.Get up immediately after an alarm set previously. Accumulated Tamas (degraded sanskars) of several births comes out in the form of sleepiness. Drink coffee. It has helped me. But sit for Yog with a single-point focus on the thought that i must meditate at least for one hour. Splashing cold water helps.

    2] Self-determination -Tell your mind. i must do Yog for 1 hour. Mind tells and body behaves. This is one of the principles of Mind-Body Medicine.

    3] Vegetarian diet prepared at home in Baba’s Yaad and eaten in Baba’s Yaad.

    4] Read any one Murali at night before going to sleep and go to bed while meditating [chintan] about any one Murali point that has touched you. Do n’t forget to say Good night to Shiv Baba and good morning first thing when you get up.

    This Spiritual effort done regularly with commitment shall raise the consciousness from the basal Tamasik [ Sleepiness is one form of Tamas] and Rajasik [Aimed at sensual pleasures ] to a very high and powerful Satvik (elevated) Consciousness.

    Initially for some time but later on for most of the time The Mind [Dil] should be stabilized in Satvik Consciousness. The “THE DIL HAI KI MANATA NAHI SYNDROME” ( “my mind/ heart does not oblige” syndrome) SHALL DISAPPEAR AND YOUR PROBLEM OF SEXUAL DESIRES SHALL ALSO DISAPPEAR.

    Just three months of sincere Purusharth [ Spiritual effort] and all of your problems shall disappear. I am talking this from my own experience.

    And Above all, whatever is happening with you right now is also a Divine Grace because a study shows that many youths today have turned into dry taps because of the stress. So we have Asexual Couples not by choice but due to chronic mental fatigue caused by stress [Chronic Fatigue Syndrome]

    Dr. Dilip V. Kaundinya MD

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