Self control


In the world there is this idea that self-control is about repressing something. For instance, if someone wants to drink wine, we usually tell that person: “You need to have self-control not to drink.”

Self- control is usually about going over the “temptations” in life, for the sake of feeling beyond our “normal” wants and desires.

The word “temptation” is truly a misleading word. All of the sudden, to drink wine becomes a “temptation,” something “negative,” something which we must resist… 🙂

In fact, the problem is not wine, but it is our own “whining” 🙂 our mind-set and lack of “self-control” to behave in a non-damaging way.

The world of duality is the one that we live in. There is every object, every situation, every thing which could be easily put in convenient opposite labels. The most common: “good and bad.”

Please see how our mind is set up to believe in things as merely representing one side of the spectrum: They are either in the light or in darkness. Our beliefs then, can make a religious ideal, a dogma or way of living based on a static idea of something, which is continually changing in time.

Wine is neither bad nor good. It could be useful in some occasions and not useful in others. It all depends on our circumstances, our state of consciousness and our own openness to see things beyond a defining label.

If someone is an addict of drinking wine, obviously the issue is not “wine” itself but the issue is with a personality, but to extend that personality to all people, that is; to assume and place everyone under the same label… is a very costly but comfortable assumption.

When we observe the movement of life and duality, we could see that there will be things bringing pleasure and pain. Many times we reject one side and try to get a hold of the other, not realizing that things will change by themselves. The day changes into a night without our help, without our judgment, without considering our beliefs.

Nevertheless, enjoyment of the Moon happens at night. Enjoyment of the Sun, is in the day. To be in the day longing for the Moon to appear … That is the issue of many!

To call the day “bad” because there is no Moon there, is to reject what is there and to live without fullness.

Self control then is that art to move according to time and circumstances, to flow with life without having a mental label or script to determine how our life should be lived.

Self control is about knowing the right time for everything since nothing remains the same. When we act with self control there is neither rejection nor indulgence. There is enjoyment at every step for living is not a thought, it is not a static idea of how things should be, but rather is a flow, a dance where the steps in dancing are not the same for all tunes.

In this way our mental structures will collapse, they will not be able to construct a being which is constrained by ideas and beliefs; but rather a human being in tune with the totality, with the wisdom of knowing the timings in life…
There is time to live, there is a time to die. A time to smile, and a time to cry…There is a time to enjoy and… to keep enjoying…the movements, the seasons of life. 🙂


  1. raj

    Excellent !! I used to bother by asking by you about spirituality pertaining to not so called spiritual person .I am able to sense that in write-ups written after vacations .especially helping other ,self control ,the one like me,when everything is lost are pointing that how easily spirituality can ease so called complications of life.
    Though we are connected by this blog .but many times i strongly feel to know about You or meeting with you.let me know if that is possible .


  2. conqueryouremotions

    Very eye-opening article. It makes you rethink the way you live your life and also makes you think about how during our lives we are so quick to put things in a right or wrong category, or label things as good or evil. Sometimes the truth is they are both and neither at the same time.


  3. avyakt7

    Hello Raj…we can meet in “blog talk radio” I am in EST. If you are coming from India, I could do a show in the morning my time, which will be night time for you… 🙂
    Dear Conqueringyouremotions, That is right, the truth is that they are both and none at the same time, thus; the truth cannot be put in words… No one can have the truth for there is nothing to possess…We can find our truth…That is a different truth! 🙂

    All the best!


  4. Truth

    Please elaborate on the following
    Self control is knowing there’s a Time for everything and it changes.. Perhaps with a example.. This statement can be interpreted many ways.. A so and so addict, may just not curtail his/her ways and go on and on, saying there’s a right time.. Etc.. I partially know your response.. The fact of their addiction is not in the act and more in the mind as cravings or desires, whose root cause is deep.. How do you or can you convince an addict to have self control and not commit the act without so called label, which is to be used..


  5. avyakt7

    Hello Truth,
    Let us say that I am in “love” with the full moon. As the days go by, the full moon will not be there. If I have compulsive thoughts about that full moon and want it to stay when it needs to go, that is some sort of addiction. Most will not even live a life until the full moon comes back.. and they will get sick, angry… longing for the day to see the full moon again… Someone with self control understand the timing of everything and moves along with life. Enjoyment will continue nevertheless.

    The sharings here are not meant to convince someone else. They are meant just for us, readers; to look at ourselves and recognize those things in ourselves. As mentioned in an article before, unless the other person has enough confidence in us to listen to us and consider what we have to say, if asked; then that person may need to realize by himself when the time comes. For that honesty is of paramount importance. There are many individuals who rationalize things to make themselves believe something that they are not; obviously this will be uncovered sooner or later…It is just a matter of time for the “truth” to be perceived… 🙂

    Best wishes!


  6. Truth

    Thanks for your response..
    I think the example you mentioned about wine addiction and the message conveyed seemed different..
    The main message you are trying to convey is

    Things happen when they are meant to happen, no matter how hard you want it to happen at your will.. A can of worms will be opened about free will and predestined will come up now 🙂

    Bottom line – be the knowing, witness, not the known, is the Jist of all spiritual teachings.. All you have is this moment,,treat it for what it is and not create a story in your mind and believe it, which is the sad story about present times..

    To quote a very prominent teacher

    Prevent cleverness without wisdom from happening, which often is dangerous..


    • avyakt7

      Longing for the moon is the same as longing for wine in the world of addictions.
      What I try to convey will be understood by many in different ways.
      Glad to know that you have your own take on it.
      Best wishes!


      • Truth

        May be I am wrong, My mind may be creating a story.. Your response has a tinge of a sentiment that I did not agree with you.. That’s not my intention.. Good luck on your new endeavor.. Gotta ask you one question –
        You can choose not to answer, I definitely can understand-
        Why is there a sudden urge of all the spiritual students or practitioners to show case their experience on a global audience. I am curious, that’s all..
        My take is, as part of the next level in our evolution, this is the next – more and more people are getting awakened.. Associating to one’s self or derive identity only thru our minds is bound to reach a limit..

        I think the gist of all teachings (spiritual) I mentioned in my earlier post- i see a resemblance in almost all new practitioners (teachings), with the teachings I grew up listening to – it will be interesting to see your perception on them..
        One good thing about spiritual teachings is “no worry about copyright etc..” 🙂 no one can claim they created anything…
        Will look forward to your talk show and your articles..

        Good luck and God speed


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