The paradoxical “I.”


We could understand about “black or white” belief systems. It will be more difficult to understand that “rationality” is as “black or white” as those beliefs.
It is either A or B. It cannot be both.
Observe how our labeling will give us something to choose from.
It is in that “choice” where the “I” thrives.

When there is a consciousness of a “real I” making decisions and shaping the world, automatically the realization that the “I” is not capable of some things arise.
Which are those things?
To create itself. To be immortal. To have control of the world.

“God” came as a solution for those problems, which only exist in that “I” consciousness.

The paradox is that this “I” exists in certain consciousness but at the same time that “I” does not exist in another type of consciousness.

When the “I” does not exist, neither God needs to exist. When the “I” does not exist there is nothing, which may need to be accomplished, attained as a “life or death” mission.

It is the “I” wanting to become “better, enlightened, beautiful, famous, immortal, controlling.”
Those “wants” are never ending. There is always something new to accomplish.

Nothing wrong with that, BUT if all of those “goals” of the “I” are not accomplished then “failure” is the label to live by.
That “failure” is mundane as well as “spiritual.” It is the same exact thing.

Want to “make money” so you could retire early?
Sure, why not. That is a good objective for the “I” to accomplish. Nevertheless, if the journey is not being enjoyed for the sake of reaching the objective, if working 60 hrs + per week are accompanied with high doses of stress, that retirement may never happen. If it happens and the “I” is attached to its work for a sense of worth, then the days of retirement will not be enjoyed.

Here is another paradox. Enjoyment of Life is not a function of the “I.” To enjoy Life, there is a need for the no “I” to arrive.
A function of the “I” is to “want” and to “accomplish.”

No “I” could fully enjoy and appreciate Life as it “is.”

Is anything that the “I” can do to become “no I”?
To ask that question means that there is no understanding yet on the above.

There is nothing that the “I” can do to learn to enjoy Life.
It happens when the “I-ness” has reached its full growth.
It is in that “full-growth” when disappointment and suffering is experienced and then, when a new consciousness appears.

Some may experience being fed up with themselves. Some may experience frustration, a meaningless life. Some may experience no “reason” to keep living.

That is all part of the process. The “I” will start dying.

Enjoyment of Life does not mean to be complaisant, to be apathetic or to have simple “fun.”

Enjoyment of Life primarily is to be at peace with oneself, to enjoy our own company and because of that, to be at ease around others and different circumstances.

When the above is lacking, “wanting” to acquire, to become something, is the main pursue. There is no enjoyment until the goal has been obtained, but paradoxically; once something is obtained, it is the time to look for something else to pursue.

The “I” is like a glutton. The “I” could keep feeding itself with a belief that there is something else which needs to be attained.

When we are in Nature, enjoyment comes when there is nothing that we want out of it.
That enjoyment is gone when, our vision is to “use” things for our own mission, objective, goal. As the “I” has no limits, that “use” becomes quickly “abuse.”

Is the “I” bad? Do we need to get rid of it? Do we need to conquer it? 🙂

That is exactly what a person full of “I” will say or think. It is the same “Black or White” mentality at work.

The “end” does not justify the “means.”
There is no “end” other than what we believe to be.
There are no “means” other than a journey.
There is no “justification” but a belief in a rationalization.

Enjoy the scenes without further labeling. Allow yourself the freedom from your own “self.”


  1. VS

    Dear Ahnanda
    somewhere you have mentioned that we are like small leaf in this river and leaf cant decide where to go and this river will take the leaf to particular place or to its destiny.We don’t need to make any effort .

    Can you please explain this is in professional life scenario. For ex if i am working in office and need to plan and finish few task proactively as I think thats only way to survive in this competitive world , Can i just rely on my destiny for that to happen and just doing minimal work?Doesn’t that make us laidback or not taking up things proactively.


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