In search of aloneness

Most dread the thought of being alone. There is fear of loneliness. Their time to look inside, has not arrived yet…Loneliness becomes aloneness. Fulfillment is there

The “normal” basic teaching is the following:
Everything you are looking for is outside of you. Search and get it.

Want happiness? Get it from over there. If that doesn’t work, try something else.
Want love? Get into a relationship with someone. If that doesn’t work, try harder next time…
Want to have insurance for the afterlife? Get to know God. Flavors may vary according to the shop you visit.

Want to hang on to something just for the sake of companionship?

Yes…. all of those things are “outside” of you.

As “seekers” went “outside,” another teaching came up, the “opposite:”
“Know thyself.”
The “experts” conclude: “It makes sense. It is important, etc, etc. “
Let us talk about it. Let us make an intellectual ideal of what is like to “know thyself.” Let us come up with a method to “reach there.”

However, very few are willing to pay the price.

To know thyself, you must experience what is like to be alone…how loneliness changes into aloneness.

“But… why?”

Because until and unless you are perfectly comfortable with your own self, without company, without a support group, without someone to lean on… until that point hasn’t been reached, we will dependent on something or someone. It is that dependency the one that will bring suffering when that which has given us support at one point in the past, is gone.

This does not mean that tomorrow I will look for the cave near me and stay there for a month, or that I will reject every individual close to me for they will bring “attachment.” That is a misinterpretation and a compulsive behavior.
It is the price to pay when “doing” before “being.”

The inner lie may go something like this:
“ I stayed alone in a cave for 1 year.” “ I was in complete silence for 365 days.”
Impressive!… and what is what your mind was “doing” during that time?
Crying? Counting the days? Toughen it up? Miserable time, huh?
Yes, it is a great story to impress “others.” Something to put in our resume for “guru-hood,” but nothing else.
As long as there is no natural enjoyment of that experience, we are completely fakes.
Enjoyment is the keyword at every step in Life.

The experience of being alone will come to every single one of us at its own time. The length of time will be different for everyone, but when it comes; if we try to run away, we will be in despair.

For instance, observe a relationship in your Life. What is the “worst” that could happen?
Perhaps that our partner may leave. If you are not comfortable with yourself, you will suffer in a proportional amount of your attachment.
Simple math.

Some religious groups have misinterpreted the above, by supporting a lifestyle of not having human relationships for the sake of being alone, with the “goal” of avoiding suffering, without realizing that to suffer may be part of the necessary process to change our consciousness. Suffering is not “bad,” but many times…necessary.
To learn to respect the process of suffering of the self and others is part of learning in Life.

Life is relationship. But the first and most important relationship is with your own self.
Your body, your self-perception, your mental health, your tranquility… all of those are important to be in balance.
If someone is continually hurting himself by denying or sabotaging himself the gifts of health, serenity and mental stability; how is it possible for that person to love another?

It is impossible, unless we mean by “love” to be jealous, angry, violent and moody with our partner. That is the “normal” stuff.

The “outside” is never to be blamed for the issues that we have “inside,” for the outside is the inside.

To go into the experience of aloneness is not a life style. It is a natural path to inner knowledge, for the one who is ready. For the one who is not ready, it may be a miserable experience.
Life will bring sooner or later that experience to us. There is no need to join a religious group for this, just to be aware that is happening.

Enjoyment of our own company is the most spiritual thing someone could “practice.”
Love what you consider to be yourself. Treat it well. Give it “quality time,” then we could be ready for others in our Life.

Looking for others to fulfill what we lack, is the romantic trap that we have learned.
We can only give to others what we ARE. If we are empty of neediness, we have the whole world to give, there will be fulfillment.

Embrace your aloneness. It is something to cherish, it is the opportunity to be wholesome… One.

To be alone and to be in company are 2 extremes of the same rope. We hold on to one extreme… eventually, we will reach the other. We become attached to one experience, there will be suffering when it is time to let go and reach the other side… 🙂


  1. Susan

    I love this. I have just this year really begun to learn how much of my life was really just teaching me this… “Enjoyment of our own company is the most spiritual thing someone could “practice.””


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.