The trauma of living Life

“Superhero” movies illustrate how a past traumatic experience could direct our Life. The superhero has powers to overcome the “bad” guys but he cannot overcome his own pain.
An interesting common condition between superheroes, is the painful trauma of their childhood. Most of the time, it has something to do with parents: Killed parents, lost parents, tough parents, etc.

A “superhero” will live in the “now” with that past pain. To be “good,” helpful, to put his life in danger is the antidote to an otherwise unbearable pain.

Most movies make of that “superhero” character a martyr, a near-saint, who is willing to sacrifice himself for the “good” of others.

The “drama” of these movies reside in how the superhero cannot forget the past. He is continuously living in the past and trying to make things “right” in the present to calm down his feeling of futility to change his past, which is tinted by anger and guilt.

A superhero wears a mask to protect his identity and to protect his “loved ones” from “evil” repercussions. Thus, fear is part of his experience.
The mask will give a superhero the opportunity to be who he cannot be, without the mask.

The pain, the trauma of something which has happened  is not allowed to go. That incident shapes his ego.

That experience of suffering has built a strong ego who is typically looking for revenge, to get even, to express anger due to an unbearable experience.
To help “others” means to change someone destiny, which is something that he couldn’t do for himself. That is how in a subtle way, the superhero gets even with Life.

Paradoxically, suffering is what will dissolve the illusion of the ego, when the time comes to surrender.
The superhero must surrender to life to heal, to be someone new. The word “surrender” is not an accurate description of “giving yourself into” Life, by stopping the rejection of a past experience. That is opening yourself to Life.

The ego is the child of that “past tense” mind. Although an illusion, it becomes a source of identity and the pain will be proportional to size of that ego.

We don’t see experiences as building blocks for change. We catalog experiences as “good or bad” according to the moral value that we have upon them. That value system is not congruent with Life.

Ego arrives when our fight, our rejection of what has happened is strong. Because of our inability to control the outcome; we could try to destroy ourselves in a desperate attempt to “win.”

That is why a person with such pain, is unable to know what love is.
Their love is only a moral standard: “To do good unto others.” But the quality of their actions is not consistent with their true feelings.
Their “good” is coming out of their pain. Life is not a celebration for them, but a traumatic experience, where “self-protection” from others becomes the number one priority.

That is how the ego encloses itself into a box, there may be “good” actions, “good” deeds when viewed from the outside, but the inside is colored by anger, pain, trauma and fear…

Obviously there cannot be love when we are inflicting pain to ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves, how could we love others?

That is why a simplistic morality which only judges the value of a person from their actions, is not concerned with the well being of the individual. Actions are just the face of the clown as the “show must continue”… but; the clown is crying inside.
No one seems to care about that… not even the clown himself. After all, there is no time for that, when “others need you.”

It is that belief the one that perpetuates lack of self-respect. Paradoxically; our society may call that love to yourself as being “egotistical” which in turn, is the source of dishonest human behavior, spiritual self-lies, and political correct facades.



  1. Dinesh C

    hey bro, I loved your article… especially the heading… you know I too had a past which I was not able to forget and it used to traumatize me a lot… I was sexually abused by my cousin brother in my childhood (Just once)… and that incident remained in my mind for a very very long time… it’s still there but it does not hurt me anymore… but somehow later after crossing teen age I became attracted towards men (not towards their bodies but towards their behavior)… when I became a LGBT activist, I came across many such guys… I could help few of them but most of them say that they can’t forget it … I mean memories do remain but they don’t hurt you… isn’t it !!! 🙂


    • ahnanda

      I’d like to share with you that there is no experience in Life that could be “bad.” So, someone used you for his sexual pleasure. For how long do you want to keep that in your mind? You are not the same. So you are attracted towards men… what is the issue? Please observe how your moral standards, your own concepts and beliefs of sin and sex are tormenting you. When are you going to become free from that?
      For how long can you live in self-pity? So your mind went to the extreme and you became a LGBT activist… Please see that you are doing that for yourself, so you feel better about yourself. Nothing wrong with that, but for someone who truly wants to observe ego, that is an invaluable opportunity…
      Memories are just like watching a movie. The movie is there, but the meaning of that movie is put by you. The meaning that you pick only shows your teachings, your indoctrination, your conditioning… that is all.. 🙂 Put that aside and you are free.
      All the best!


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