A reader asked to go into this topic.
First, for most people “love” is the duality between hate and love.
For most people, you “love” what you possess and you hate it, if you cannot.
For most people, you suffer if you don’t love, and if you do; you still suffer for there is fear of abandonment. You want security.
For most people, “love” is a problem.
In a “romantic” relationship as long as someone is not psychologically independent, self-sufficient, there will be neediness. How do you “fix” this?
By loving yourself first. By being at ease with your own company.
Love to the self is not an idea. By caressing yourself, touching your hand with love, taking care of your body and your overall wellness, by enjoying your own presence alone… we will learn to feel love for our presence, to pamper ourselves. Crazy?
That is what we have learned in our society. You DO those things to another, but never to yourself… That is sickening… Well, if you want to go somewhere as as a seeker, you must start with acceptance of “you.” That acceptance means to understand that in “You,” the 2 poles of masculine and feminine are present.
If you are not ready for this, then you will look for another to “love” as a hungry man looks for food, for his belly has a need that must be satisfied.
That is why, LOVE is the natural consequence of BEING at PEACE with yourself.
Before that, we cannot speak about love, but about the duality of hate/love- Infatuation.
Thus, according to our consciousness, we will respond to a not corresponded romantic love.
In the most common type of consciousness, it will be about feeling anger, hate to protect our ego. When the ego is traumatized, even some “romantics” could take their life away. For them, Life has ended.
As we reach internal maturity, when we ARE love; Love still will exist, although the original person may not be there to share it with. That experience is welcomed for that is how we learn to remain vulnerable and open despite emotional pain. To learn to deal with that emotional anguish is certainly a proof of maturity.
Hope is over. It is time to move on. Moving on means to be open for another experience without the burden of the past.
What we see as attractive in another is not our choice. The way we feel for another, we did not choose. Do we see that?
The experience of not being corresponded only increases the size of our heart through assimilated pain when the ego does not make it into a traumatic experience. Life is a game! Our openness to love shall remain to grow. When you close yourself, Life is over. You may have security, but your mental jail cannot be called Life or to be free.
Paradoxically, emotional pain is what allows the expansion of our consciousness when accepted.
If we see the “educational” side of that experience, there will growth. If we focus on the trauma, there will be pain, bitterness, hate and insecurity… More ego.
That same emotional experience can have 2 different effects to different type of consciousness.
Therefore, every situation depends on who you ARE at that time.