De-conditioning in Sexuality
As we may be aware, our society is the greatest source of conditioning. All of us have made that society throughout time. Our rules, regulations, laws, moral standards help us survive as a group, but at the same time; they could hinder us individually, in inner growth.
I am not saying that society’s conditioning is “bad.” This conditioning is necessary up to a point. Once we become aware of it, our path for de-conditioning will start. This path does not deny and reject our previous conditioned self. This path integrates all experiences: I wouldn’t be able to BE who I am now, without the experiences of who I was before. This openness, will allow us to perceive continuous newness in Life through change.
In “Tantra for the masses” as taught by “certified” individuals, the emphasis is on sex. They have “tips,” methods, practices to “improve the sexual Life of the client.”
Observe that all of that information, is put on top of a conditioned person. De-conditioning is not to “know information.” It begins in an inner realization. That is why sexual fulfillment goes hand in hand with self-realization, as it is an immediate consequence of opening the “I” from its own web of attachments (ideals, beliefs, traumas, hang ups.) Sexual fulfillment is not necessarily in having sex, but it is never in denying it.
Our capacity for enjoyment of sexuality as a sacred time, starts in the enjoyment of our own bodies. Yes, our bodies will allow us to DO things and accomplish things but, the enjoyment of it is the necessary counterpart to live a balanced Life.
Every person has a different capacity to enjoy sexuality, a different perspective of it based on their own experience. That is what we need to acknowledge. The polarity of the range of experiences is always there, to be expressed by different people.
That is why, in sexuality as in Life; we may need to learn to acknowledge who we ARE. Observe our limitations. Observe how much our beliefs stop us from exploring our pleasure. Pay attention to that. Here is where sexual de-conditioning starts.
Pornography only shows the collective consciousness. It is not “bad” nor “good.” It is a mirror expressed by actors.
There is more to sexuality than using it to express aggressiveness, anger and lust. For most sexuality is only about pleasure, but in that there cannot be fulfillment.
Fulfillment is in the union of body-mind, spirit, the whole human being. Sensations of pleasure may be enough for most, but Sexuality is one of the paths to know Love. That is to go beyond “I.”
In another realm of sexuality, to abandon yourself without using the mind to “practice it,” but as a natural consequence of the experience; is a way to get out of our mind.
The ego-mind will keep us chained into our beliefs and standards. Openness, is to let go of what we believe to be ourselves.
Sexuality offers that experience.
Sexuality has many levels according to who we ARE. While we have been conditioned to find the “right way” to enjoy sex, we never stop and see who we ARE.
As we become aware of all of our “stop” signs from enjoyment of ourselves, we could observe that without this capacity for self-appreciation in all of our physicality (body-mind,) we could not be fully ready to love another human being.
We will add more “stop” signs to their experiences than “yield” signs. It is this lack of balance the one that will bring many issues in relationships.
Life will bring opportunities to go beyond our own definitions/standards. Those opportunities are the ones equipped to shape us into our next change, our next impersonation or role in Life.
As we cling to the “old,” we will cling to our mental unchanging definitions of ourselves. We are stuck.
Sexuality and “spirituality” are about allowing the Life energy within us to move on, to cycle through, as this has a regenerative effect, a healing effect. The size of the “I” will be the obstacle. To be AWARE of that, is openness.
Inside, we may allow ourselves not to be defined, despite the outside world of definitions. That is the harmonious “act.” 🙂