On sexuality, pleasure and masturbation
It was noon. The Sunlight appeared bringing some smiles. It was finally escaping from the prolonged grayness of Winter time. Many times in Life, we miss that which is now gone and take that for granted while with us. There, we live in the realm of memories. What is not real anymore, becomes our reality.
The disciple and the master were observing a plant in a flowerpot. The master said:” Today you look a little distant. Are you alright?”
The disciple looked down and said: “ My little brother had an ejaculation for the first time. He is feeling guilty for he masturbated. I put off our talk so I could think what to tell him. I feel uncomfortable and I do not know what to say since I am his big brother.”
The master listened to his disciple, took a few seconds and responded: “ I understand. What is your experience with masturbation?”
The disciple felt uncomfortable, that was a taboo conversation but he found some courage and said: “ I also masturbated at one time. I don’t know why I felt guilty. I used to pray to God asking for forgiveness as I couldn’t help it. It became a habit like an addiction and I felt depleted of energy as time went on. Now that habit is gone, but I understand that my spiritual efforts and inner changes have helped me to perceive and feel sexuality from a different perspective and I am afraid that my brother will take my experience and my current state as something better than his and feel guilty about it. I don’t want for him to feel guilt as I did.”
The master could understand his disciple’s emotions and said: “ Sexuality is an expression. That is all. That expression could be loving, violent, ugly, lustful, pleasurable, and any other adjective you could think of. That expression expresses who we are. Nothing else. You cannot be violent one day and loving another day through sex. That is an illusion. You are what you are and the expression will be there until your BEING changes.
There is the ideal of sexuality which is the loving expression, but there is a reality at this time as well; where many do not know what love is. Guilt arrives when the ideal is not your experience: When you unconsciously feel as if your vitality runs away even though you only look for pleasure, or when you realize that your promises not to indulge in that act, cannot be kept.”
The disciple knew that to be his case, but knew that others did not have that same experience. The disciple asked:” Master, how is it that others do not experience the same as I did?”
The master replied:”That is the wonder of consciousness. It is different for every individual. It is a matter of sensibility. There are some who can murder animals or even people, consciously without feeling any remorse. Completely unaware of the consequences. Those cannot feel the same as you but yet those are human beings the same as you are. In that realization, is how compassion arises. They require different answers to the same questions that you have. Therefore, answers are according to the level of consciousness of a person.”
Then the master immediately changed the conversation :”Do you see that plant in the pot? Like a child, its growth depends on someone else ’s care. We can water the plant, give it nourishment so it will grow and blossom. Guilt, shame and self righteous beliefs associated with fear of sexuality will only make that water leak at the bottom of that pot continuously. The nourishment will be gone. Do you understand?”
The disciple understood that comparison quite well, but still did not know how to approach and advise his brother. He wanted to hear clear cut ‘words of wisdom’ from his master and repeat that to his little brother.
The disciple said: “What do I tell my brother, then?”
The master smiled and said: “ That depends on you. There are no right or wrong answers. Perhaps tell him your experience, in that way he will know something different and more reliable than the typical social conditioning and peer pressure. Remember that what is truly important is your intention. If you intend to suppress his experience by inflicting fear and guilt, it will make him fearful and guilty if he trusts you. That water will leak at the bottom of the pot. On the other hand, if you congratulate him for he has reached a new stage in his life, where he is capable of bringing new life in a loving relationship; and tell him about the value of his seed for his own health and well being; you will be helping him by nourishing his growth. After all, that experience is only his to go through just like you had your own.”
The disciple said: “Master, sex could be very pleasurable and addictive…”
The master responded: “ Remember that pleasure is the prelude of pain and vice versa. That is the reality of duality that we are meant to experience in Life. Avoidance of both sides, is not living Life. While most will pursue only one side of that duality, the other side is unavoidable. Therefore, BE in the middle. Experiences are meant to be experienced but if you are a conscious human being, you will notice when there is no harmony in your life. That realization will steer you towards the balancing act. Nevertheless; as your spiritual stage increases you will be able to hold your seed at will naturally, and released it at will. That is the other side of the coin, which is seldom experienced.”
The disciple had one more question to redeem himself. He didn’t know how to put it, but he took the chance: “Master,” he said, “is masturbation bad?”
The master looked at him with tenderness and said: ” That is not a human moral issue where we label something as right or wrong. Do you remember the talk we had about the limits of adaptation in Life? To explore yourself and your potential is not bad, is not wrong. The intention behind the action drives the quality of it. However, if this becomes a compulsive habit then you are cutting yourself off from the complete experience while draining your life force. That is a consequence not a punishment. Learn from your own experience. What humans call ‘problems’ will evolve in different ways with different individuals. In your case, it went to side A, for others it will be the opposite, side B. For both sides, a learning experience will come out only if you are attentive, aware.”
Exploring the Depth of Living 