Category: sexuality
Male sexuality and spirituality
Sexuality has been separated from spirituality and religious beliefs. The dichotomy is viewed many times as opposites rather than complementary.
The phrases: “pleasure of the flesh” or “temptations of the flesh” convey a lesser evolved way than the spiritual one, which is believed to be asexual, “pure.”
In spirituality it is well known that “we” are energy (subtle energy, that is) as many have the awareness of different subtle bodies besides the physical one. The word “I” then, has another meaning.
Sexuality is perceived many times to be about the union of sexual organs with an objective: To procreate or to experience pleasure. That is the extent of mainstream human sexuality.
However, arousal which is the ignition key in sexuality; is all subtle energy. It is completely unconscious when it happens until we gain some awareness when it has happened. That is the beginning of that subtle energy manifesting in some sort of conscious way. After that for most men, it may feel as if opening the sink water at full force. It is a matter of a couple minutes before it fills the sink with pleasurable sensation and then, it overflows… That is the extent of sexuality for many.
That is subtle vital energy overflowing. That lack of “control” is what most men are looking to “improve” through many techniques and “high tech products” or participation in some retreat.
Sexuality is an extension of our spiritual nature. Procreation is energy creating energy. While having pleasure, is energy re-energizing itself. Although, for most men at this time, re-energizing is not fully experienced, while on the other hand; depletion is well known.
Because as humans we are living with violence, repressions and fear, we have damaged the subtle conduits of energy which will not allow us to “control” the force running through the “sink water.” Most men are trying to control through will power, or using best-seller techniques and so on; but the damage in the “pipes” cannot be fixed through those techniques. Yes, we could be careful, we could use many tricks; but that is all artificial, for that “control” or regulation happens automatically when the subtle “pipes” are working fine; therefore, there is no need for the mind to be involved at all. Thus, you are free to experience the experience, for the mind only deteriorates and interrupts the feeling of experiencing.
“Fixing” our violent ways, repressions and fears, will in turn fix the damaged conduits. That will change the perception and experience of male sexuality 360 degrees.
Why is pornography so popular in most men’s experience? Because it displays that which we repress. The armor of taboos and preconceptions are there to be challenged with what we unconsciously would like to experience but we cannot through heavy conditioning. Also, for most the mind is the most important “sexual organ” and when the sexual experience is not fulfilling, then the mind craves for more mental stimulus. Pornography as it is today; shows the association of violence with sexuality. It sends the message that violence is “good sex.” It sends the message that human sexuality is reduced only to the interplay of physical sexual organs. It sends the message that man has the “duty” to “make” the female enjoy sex while he is convulsively moving his hips back and forward in a tiring and violent way; while holding on for dear life. It appears to be almost a sweet torture. Pornography sends the message that sex ends with male ejaculation, and that that is necessary for men and women to feel satisfaction. Pornography lacks the depth of portraying human sensuality at its best, and because of that it lacks emotional intimacy, which is another level in the experience of human sexuality.
No wonder human sexuality has been taken apart from spirituality.
Definitely, there are other ways to experience human sexuality and one of those, is intimately related with spirituality. There are temples in India portraying that, even though; many will not understand why and rather use rejecting labels such as “impure,” or “filthy.”
Once we go through the road of fixing the “sink water,” we will know that there are no shortcuts. It is a road of self understanding and self-observation, where the mind and its conditioned tricks are caught one by one. It is a road of healing by harmonizing our dualistic nature of male-female. It is a road of patience as it takes time and… of course, practice.
Sexuality at that point could not possibly be viewed as “sinful” or “dirty.” Instead, it becomes one of the most beautiful experiences that man could have, which will allow us to grow in harmony, stability and love.
As we ARE so is the expression of our sexuality. Sexuality and Spirituality have always been one.
Tantric Sexuality and Spirituality
The discovery of the reforming (the passage from mind to heart) and revitalizing effects of sexuality are in direct proportion to the development of consciousness, that is the manifestation of BEING without impediments to open up, to trust Life.
Bluntly put, in my experience without a “higher” consciousness (as a consequence of the assimilation of Life experiences without traumatic tones,) there could not be the experience of revitalizing, reforming and loving sex (Tantric Sexuality.) Therefore, Sexuality is intimately meshed with Spirituality to fully experience its benefits.
There is no class, no certification, no teaching that could transform someone into BEING the embodiment of Tantra. However, all those teachings are helpful for most to increase their awareness and information of something different about sexuality, which is not transmitted or taught by our deeply conditioned, violent and dormant society. There is benefit in everything.
The “road” to Tantric sexuality is not easy. It requires the space, the time to discover, to practice and to assimilate. Someone coming from the “busy world,” doesn’t have what it takes. Their minds will not leave them alone.
All ideas about “achievement” are a hindrance, a deep obstacle in learning to let go. There is no deep sexual enjoyment unless we let go.
A man has tremendous pressure: The pressure to last. The pressure to maintain. The pressure to be there “present.” All of those things are natural for a man who has liberated himself from past traumatic experiences and who feels at ease with his own body and the natural expressions of it. Those traumas take their own time to clear, for otherwise; it may be highly counterproductive. Our minds could be our deepest obstacle.
Observe how proponents of a “new sexuality” direct their “teachings.”
It goes something like this: “ A man needs to control his ejaculation. He needs to learn that ejaculation is not the same as orgasm. He can have orgasms but no ejaculation. Ejaculation depletes a man’s vitality.”
They offer methods, techniques, meditations, etc. to “achieve” that.
I say, that is a very violent teaching. “When we want to build a house, we need to put a strong foundation.” That is a well known cliché.
The foundation of sexuality is spirituality. That is to learn to live Life in enjoyment, in harmony. A person full with unhealed traumas, is not ready for that yet. The foundation is not there.
A man trying to restrain from ejaculating, is forcing himself into something which he is not ready. That “goal” is something which HAPPENS naturally. It is not something to get DONE through effort, through practice, through some method. This is the same “sin” that many religions perform: Get to the “ideal” to be saved, to be pure, special, etc. It doesn’t matter where you are in Life. Just fit the ideal. That “practice” will bring violent repression. What could be the “solution” in the meantime? To learn moderation. That takes inner knowledge.
As shared many times, sexuality only expresses who we ARE. Thus, by understanding our own self, there is an opportunity for natural change of BEING, which will be expressed naturally in sexuality.
We cannot force self change. We cannot make it “happen.” It happens. We can only change bahavior; the DOING part, but never change the true BEING. The inner world, our consciousness is not regimented or controlled by the way we understand Life. Our human conditioning is geared to use force, the use of will power to overcome, the use of moral values to give us self righteousness to act in what we perceive to be “right.” That is an ego centered way of understanding Life.
The misinterpretation of Tantric sexuality is evident. We want to “make sense of things,” and shape our understanding into some philosophy or view, which we are willing to apply to all. Life doesn’t move along those lines. “Just Do it,” doesn’t do it in self-realization.
Life is an untold discovery of ourselves. Sexuality expresses our journey as an artist expresses through a paint. From the outside, we judge and put a label to that paint according to our conditioning, likes or dislikes. However, the paint is only an expression of an artist, as long as the paint is not being done just to please others.
Sexuality from the heart center
Most individuals at this time have their consciousness located in the mind. From that experience, sexuality has a different perception.
There, most men will experience sexual excitement only located in the genital area. This impulse is uncontrollable and most likely will end in ejaculation. Duration of this experience depends on the ability of the person to withhold the force of his sexual energy. It is a struggle. For this person, satisfaction is equal to release, and the experience of relaxation afterwards.
Ejaculation for a man, takes its toll in vitality depending on frequency and age. Nevertheless; at this level of consciousness, to repress ejaculation will be detrimental for a man’s health. It will be a struggle instead of an opportunity for enjoyment, for it is not natural.
Sexuality for those whose consciousness is mainly located in the heart, is located beyond the initial excitement, which translates into a longer and much slower experience of sex. The focus is not only in the genital area but the sensations of the whole body. When the mind is away, there will be full enjoyment of sensuality through the sense of touch. Repressed sensuality brings the ever search of satisfaction through the mind (known as lust), which in our visual society; is experienced in the consumption of pornography or subconscious sexual driven thoughts.
In the heart center, currents of energy could be felt which when naturally directed towards the head (6th chakra) will bring elation and a sense of well being. As the body learns to relax through this energy, then sex becomes a “slow dance” and a male will not have the urgent need to ejaculate, which in turn means to feel satisfied and energetically “re-charged.” This description when there is exchange of energy, has been labeled as “sexual Tantra.”
To be “re-charged” means to gain vitality. This aspect is little known about sexuality. It is not only “fun” or pleasurable as most know, but it is a way to recharge the vitality of a person.
In the “heart center”, a man is able to meet the natural arousal of a woman, as things will go slower and longer. Also, while in the mind; a man is usually visual and physical attraction is the key to engage with sexual partners, whereas in the heart center there needs to be emotional “attraction” as well. There needs to be more levels of congruence than just casual “fun.”
The “heart center” is not obtained through a technique. It is a level of consciousness which appears when internal, psychological healing has happened. That is the “spiritual inner work” that is necessary.
This “work” entails the liberation of traumas, taboos and especially, the dissolution of that violent energy, which for most has an evident outlet in sexuality.
This type of “inner work” takes time, but a different kind of sexuality will be the outcome.
Most individuals are conditioned to believe that there is a separation between human sexuality and “spirituality”. That is not the case according to my own experience. Human sexuality needs to begin with “self-love”. This is not some romantic idea; but as we could love another, we may need to star our journey by loving ourselves starting with our bodies; for within that understanding and observation of our own experience, we will be able to fully meet another.
The experience of human sexuality is the true expression of who we ARE in Life.
The value of Tantra
Tantra is the discovery of our limiting personality. Thus, Tantra “opens ourselves up” in such a way as
diluting that which we call “self.”
In my experience, Tantra is the discovery of no-self. How? “self” will open until there isn’t.
Thus, Tantra cannot be for everyone. We need to be ready for it; otherwise, it will be misinterpreted as it has been the case.
Some believe that Tantra embraces debauchery. “Tantra followers get drunk, have all sorts of sex and eat meat as a way of finding enlightenment.”
That is a gross misunderstanding. Whoever “practices” that, does not know what Tantra is.
Tantra as a “spiritual” path will allow us to observe our repressions. For instance, a yogi (one who truly follows the path of yoga) does not drink alcohol. A yogi does not eat meat. A yogi does not have sex. If there is repression while following those “disciplines” (sadhana) when that individual changes to Tantra, it is usually to indulge in his repressions.
As our society is sexually repressed, the attraction of Tantra resides in the sexual aspect. Individuals will find that there is a “spiritual path” agreeing with their desires. Again, that is another gross misinterpretation, for their “real” objective is a license to indulge in their repressions, feeling accepted without the feeling of guilt.
For example, when we observe ourselves and discover that we are afraid of another color of skin, when we discover that we are not open to different genders, or nationalities, when we value a particular political party, ideology or religion and belittle others, when we criticize to support self-righteousness, when we discover that, we are in the path of Tantra.
However, one thing is to discover our hang ups and a different thing is when that grudge or trauma goes away. We can make ourselves believe that we ARE open to those issues but something inside us has resistance, rejection, then; we are being dishonest. It is just the mind accepting a new “program” but not the heart. It is the heart the one in need of “opening up.”
The first step is to discover. Life will give us the tools to change and transform those hang ups when we are ready, when our desire to transform is true just for the sake of it, and not driven by another desire.
In my opinion, many traumas, hang ups and grudges will need to go away BEFORE exploring our sexual aspect. For the heart needs time to open up and the mind needs space to lose its overwhelming grip on us. Then, we may discover what “making love” truly means. That is Tantra.
Without this previous “work,” we only have the “tantra” of techniques, sexual retreats, and massages.
The hang ups are still there, but with a new toy to play, a new label to use, a new source of palliative “self-help.”
In society, every repression or neediness we experience, may be a source of profit for others. Profit seekers may label that opportunity as “helping others.”
To ejaculate or not … into “sacred” sexuality
Most Humans at this time are out of touch with their sense of “self” but paradoxically, there is selfishness without awareness of it.
No wonder, an opinion from someone else, whether from a “teacher,” a “guru,” a “scientist,” a “priest” etc. becomes the yardstick to measure our own “goodness” or “worthiness.” We live through the perceived acceptance of others rather than through our own experience. Why? Because we want to be “right.” It is that fear the one that will not allow us to OBSERVE.
For those “practicing” “sacred” sexuality, not to ejaculate becomes important. Those who do not practice this, are engaged in “mundane” sexuality, that means the opposite extreme.
For the common man, that desire to become “better” brings its own issues. He IS not ready yet but, the IDEAL becomes important in order to be “right.”
READY means that this person is in a process of dissolution of his own “darkness” or “shadows” or “hang ups,” etc. That is a “spiritual” man. As those emotional burdens clear, then all the internal sexual channels will align and energies will flow with ease. Most, are not aware of this. Most believe that their “success or failure” is in the tip of their penises!
For that “spiritual” man, the question of “ejaculation or not” is of no consequence. Naturally, this man will be able to regulate his sexual energy. He does not need to think or “practice” a technique.
In fact, this man could have as much sex as he wants and ejaculate when he wants. That is what for most is labeled as “mastery.”
It is obvious that a “normal” man will only try to imitate something that he IS not READY. That imitation will not be a source of joy but of worry and guilt.
When a man IS in that state of inner work with his own shadows, then sex IS “sacred,” for this man IS “spiritual.” That is how sexuality and spirituality meet.
Observe the emphasis on “techniques” of those who ARE not there. Observe the hypocrisy of those who believe to have “conquered” their own devils. Sex will show where they are, without a doubt.
The “normal” man may need to ejaculate every time he has sex to feel fulfilled. The “normal” man may need some sort of regulation so he does not deplete himself from his own vitality. The “normal” man may need “practice,” to emulate what he IS not.
When someone joins a spiritual group and he is forbidden to experience sex or to ejaculate, that is the effort to copy some IDEAL that is not truly REAL. The “normal” man IS not there. “Practice” means to add a layer of repression, self-denial and self-righteousness; that is to increase the “shadows” within. That is not “bad,” as long as we are AWARE of what is happening.
In Life, everyone is different and whenever someone gives a concrete “answer” or a “solution,” that person is only reducing the ample spectrum of possibilities. That question whether to ejaculate or not, shouldn’t burden our minds. Become AWARE of the FEELING. How do you feel in the moment, the “now”?
Be your own teacher by learning to be your own student. Listen. OBSERVE. Become AWARE of your own mental games, needs and wants. Acknowledge CHANGE within, so the “answer” given yesterday could be changed into something new today.
The question whether to ejaculate or not, is a mental problem made by those who are more concerned in being “right,” than to learn about themselves.
For those who are AWARE, “mistakes” are necessary steps to learn. But for those who are not aware, “mistakes” are an enhancement of their own silliness.
Observe that “mistakes” could be “good” or “bad” depending on who you ARE. The same is in sex, in love and in Life.
However, in our society; what we DO is deemed more important than who we ARE. That is how dishonesty increases. That is how we copy the actions of others believing that by DOING those, we become the same. That is an illusion.
Acknowledge who you ARE. Learn from it.
Understanding male sexuality #4 – Conditionings
“Normal” consciousness can only perceive the physical aspect of sex.
“Normal” people will express sexuality mostly based on their lower energetic levels (Chakras.) That expression is raw, only concerned with the satisfaction of the sexual organs by getting rid of the “itch” of their own life force. That force lacks regulation to permit closeness and blissful enjoyment. It reaches a quick peak and explodes. Pornography is a good example: Protagonists are limited to the sexual organs. That “making love” is mixed with profanity, hitting the partner and even inflicting pain. That is fashionable, “normal” nowadays. There is nothing to condemn or to preach about. It only shows our collective consciousness, who we ARE. An “orgasm” becomes a power play. Unconscious shame and guilt of feeling pleasure, is masked in that act.
When the energetic expression is based on the heart (upper chakras,) sexuality has a different meaning. It is a slow dance. There is no goal just like in dancing. It is the dance of 2 beings becoming one.
“Teachers” will teach “methods” to slow down. They will give Do’s and Don’ts. The outcome is dishonest individuals, copycats who are hiding who they really ARE. If you are a “normal” individual you cannot pretend to be a heart focused person. Your energy is not there, no matter how many “methods” or “techniques” someone may follow.
If you are a “normal” person looking to experience something “great,” “better” or different, you are not acknowledging who you ARE.
When we know who we ARE, we can change. It is natural to change. Our society will teach us to DO things to make a fake change without spending time in our self-understanding.
For our society to have degrees and certifications in sexuality and spirituality is important to “know” and to “teach” others. If your higher chakras are not open, of what good your information, your knowledge is? You ARE NOT who you pretend to BE. That information will not help you to BE there. Only to DO things to look like you are there.
Do you want to be a great lover? Do you want the “secrets,” the “techniques”? No need to register for a class. Here it is:
Learn to love yourself. Start with your own body. That is very difficult when we have taboos and conditionings, so; the task is to learn about ourselves to decipher our own maze. That is where sexuality and spirituality begin in a holy marriage.
When we love ourselves, we can love another. Without loving ourselves first, there is no chance to share love with another. It will be fake. Sooner or later our true needy, traumatized self will come out.
Thus, human sexuality is the manifestation of who we ARE.
Observe the duality within your body. Your penis and your anus are sources of great pleasure but at the same time, it is a “normal” source of a feeling of disgust, for urination and defecation are also part of their function. A conditioning that “straight males do not mess with their anus” is there. Could you accept your whole body? Not mentally or verbally, but it has to be a change in BEING.
Do you love your own body? Do you touch yourself with care as to experience the pleasurable sensations that your body is capable of? Do you feel ashamed or guilty? Those feelings cannot go away with a simple understanding that our body is “good.” We have to go deeper emotionally. That is the journey.
Sexuality and Spirituality are intimately related. When taboos are no longer there, when our little conditionings are dissolved, we are free, open. Sexuality will show us our hang ups, our lack of openness, our fears… BUT, we don’t start with talks and techniques to touch ourselves or our partners “better.” We start with acknowledging who we ARE NOW and by discovering our emotional barriers.
Human sexuality is truly a gift to enjoy in our corporeal experience. That capacity of enjoyment varies among human beings: For some is none to negative. For others is greater to outstanding. That is the range of experiences. But for very few, it is a communion with the Universe. That is the most sacred act. Worthy of being depicted in a holy temple.
Will be on vacation until July 5th.
Understanding male sexuality #3 – Energy
It came to my attention, that there was a sensationalist “news” that a woman “is having sex with ghosts and prefer them than humans.”
Those “news” have been existing for many centuries. “Ghosts” do not have physical sex organs but are able to give a woman a pleasurable time while men get caught up with the size of the penis as a sign of virility.
Those ghosts are called Incubus and Succubus.
Some individuals want to “try” this. These individuals have no idea as to why this happens, but they want some of that, for they are curious or perhaps they have an unfulfilled sex Life. Unable to be fully intimate with a person, a “ghost” will serve conveniently as a pleasurable “sex toy,” although with a hefty price.
When a person suppresses and represses different emotional aspects, that is a sign, that this person does not love himself. Their aura field, displays energy which is attractive to these “ghosts.” Those “ghosts” are not there to get “orgasms” with humans. They are there to feed themselves with the energy of their prey and in the process, change many aspects of the human they are using, including taking away their vitality.
Those “ghosts” are like vultures, scavenging from the sorrowful, repressed energy of some humans. That is their nature, thus those ghosts are not “evil” just like a vulture is not “evil.” In exchange, those individuals will be experiencing high levels of sexual pleasure, but there are some inconvenients:
“Ghosts” come and go as they wish. Typically they will disturb the deep sleep of their victims, that is when the victim is most vulnerable. Typically, victims will be perplexed as everything seems like a dream. As the “ghost” is accepted, then times will vary but the “ghost” is in control.
There will be a high level of addiction. Many will even confuse that with “love.” They even call that a “relationship.” All misleading terminology missing the “big point”:
There is no self-love.
To illustrate, these “ghosts” have visited many religious temples filled with nuns and monks over centuries. Their “holy” repression was an instant attraction for these “ghosts.”
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be celibate all your life. Nothing wrong with believing that this will take you closer to God. However, if we are not honest and we repress, then there will be consequences.
Since the immense majority of these experiences have no evidence for others to confirm, a “holy” temple could also be the biggest brothel, in the name of God.
Our society has another infantile idea: “The more a man ejaculates, the better.” Women may even count the times her man ejaculates. “Let us compare the numbers. Run the stats.” The hidden side of it is a lost vitality. As the man attempts to “impress” a woman (although the woman may not experience sexual fulfillment,) his vitality goes away as well as his interest for that woman. What is the consequence? He will look for another woman, for newness will inspire him to get back to the former “stats,” until one day there is no more “juice” to continue on. Then, a pill from science may do the trick and in the process, take away more energy from an already depleted man.
Sexual energy is the glue for a relationship of love, when there is full emotional involvement. For most, sexual energy is just another form of entertainment, a new way of excitement, something to try when it itches, like watching a renown, expensive play. How many times could you afford to watch an expensive play? How many times per week? We will lose money although we may enjoy ourselves; but in our sexual life, we are losing our energy, our lives.
That is how silliness entered our minds and labeled sex as “bad and dirty.” Some looking for a culprit, wanted to avoid ejaculation at all costs and yet others, wanted to forbid sexual pleasure and replace it with shame and guilt. All of that is in our DNA, for it has been going on for centuries.
As many things in Life, balance is the key, but there cannot be balance when we are addicted, repressed or needy. It is in that realization how we start our journey in Tantra, by healing those traumas first, and not by learning “techniques, methods and secrets.” Those are for childish minds.
Shall continue…
Exploring the Depth of Living 