Tagged: attachment to ideas
Observing the inner drama of the mind
Ananda was wondering about the words of Mathias; the wise tree, about getting rid of the “Me.”
In theory it sounds good, but how do you do that practically?
By simply not being attached to anything we think or perceive. Simple but not so. Paradox. 🙂
Ananda had the ritual of watching the waters of the bay every morning. Ananda does not feel compelled to do this as “mandatory,” but it is a natural fulfilling experience for him, as if he was seeing a friend.
When Ananda observed the waters of the bay without emitting any judgment in his mind, something occurred: Some sort of understanding appeared by just looking at the world of the Ocean and their participants: The seagulls flying, the fish swimming in formations just like the birds, the dolphins arriving from afar to be seen, the wind blowing and the sunshine reflecting on the waters of the bay, which created a calming sound when hitting smoothly the walls of the bay. All of that made a symphony, harmonious music with the theme of celebrating a new day.
Ananda was getting ready to go for a trip far away to a land filled with buildings, cement and noise, also known as “progress.”
Ananda knew that his morning ritual of “self purification” will be stopped for a while. He had developed love for Nature, specially the Ocean.
Then a thought arrived. He thought: “I will really miss you.”
Ananda was working on observing his mind, thus; Ananda caught that little phrase when he was about to build the “feely” emotion of “I miss you.”
Ananda realized that he was comparing. Anada realized that he was anticipating the future based on his experience of the past. He was attached to the thought of “having the waters of the bay,” in his mind.
From there, everything was about the game of comparing: the new place versus the old one. The likes and dislikes, the “how miserable I feel now and I wish things were like they used to be.” All of that, is plain rejection of what is.
Ananda realized that whenever he compared, he will be choosing one thing rather than another. That choice meant his automatic emotional dependency on something. That “me” selecting things to depend on which by nature are transitory.
As Ananda discovered these things while observing his mind, deeper emotions came up.
Ananda thought of that moment when he fell deeply in love with some one. That person did not reciprocate his feelings; but that experience didn’t allow Ananda to “move on” in life. Every woman that he met from that point on, was compared against a fictional “blueprint” of perfection, an emotion which depicted perfection and no woman could be closer to that.
Ananda was trapped in that emotional drama, which truly showed him the issues of being trapped in idealism and daydreaming, on playing your own movie in your mind.
Ananda then remembered the time that a dog bit him. His ego made a trauma out of that experience and his mind confabulated to create fear every time Ananda was close to a dog.
“All dogs are like that. Don’t get near to them,” advised the “little voice” inside his mind, the “Me.”
Ananda perceived how accumulating psychological information in his mind, which is known as memory; was the cause of not living the now, for those experiences had greater value than the current present.
Ananda realized that this memory of an experience in life, became permanent every time his ego felt hurt, neglected, lacking respect; that is every time an experience came below “his” expectations.
Ananda realized that the source of all of that was this center who he called “I.” That center is psychological, it doesn’t exist but his mind make that “center” alive. That center even has his own little voice talking to Ananda all the time, to prove its existence.
Finally, it “clicked for Ananda,” when he remembered what Mathias; the wise tree, mentioned about being empty and getting rid of the “me.”
There is “pure” observation without comments, that is, the “Me,” is not there. It is like a 3 year old baby looking at the environment attentively, learning new things. People would infer that these babies are “thinking,” but that is not there yet. As a matter of fact, most of our thinking comes out of learning our language, then the concept of “me” is learned very well and from that “separation” arrives.
It is just conceptual separation made real in our mind.
Religions and philosophies have used different methods to deal with the mind. One of them is to busy the mind. Remember this or that instead. Fantasize with this or that, keep the mind busy. That is a method relying on something else to keep that peace “of mind.”
Nevertheless, to observe our own mind without being the observer is a step further, a step beyond dependencies. It is the art of figuring things out for yourself and by yourself.
You become your own teacher.