The question is here:
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Thank you for your question.
It appears that you have an Indian background, where typically marriages are arranged and there is a negative stigma with being divorced. Here goes the small print before we start: Ahnanda does not give advice. Ahnanda only shares.
Clarity is brought through inner honesty. The mind does not know about inner honesty. The mind knows about compliance, convenience, tradition, among other things. Inner honesty is felt. We could choose to hear that and go for it (that is the hard part, to learn to listen without interference of the mind) and accepting all consequences. That will bring us a type of experience.
We could choose to ignore that inner feeling and go for the “Do what I am supposed to do” and also, accept the consequences. Which path is “better” ? None. It just depends who you ARE. Be honest with that.
That is the “clarity” that you were looking for.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you speak with your husband and let him know frankly, about the huge attraction that you feel for someone else? AND wouldn’t it be fantastic if your husband let you go with your attraction and allow you to come back to him if you wish since you have with him a “good life” already? Would that make you happy? Satisfied?
Many times, marriage turns into a license to possess another, but if we decided to play that game, we may need to play it until we call it quits. Don’t you think? You don’t mention if you have children. I am assuming you don’t.
Are you willing to give everything up for that attraction, not knowing how long it will last? Are you willing to stay stuck in a relationship without feeling fulfilled but comfortable? Rest assured that at least 90% of people have to answer that question at one point of their married lives.
What do you use as compass for your own Life? What do you believe is your purpose?
That is the important question, for that will bring you direction, clarity. Feel it.
In a previous article I shared what my friend Mathias mentioned about attraction:
” Attraction brings a collision. It is like a magnet. When that magnet attracts another object, a collision is unavoidable. Attraction has the ability to make someone lose their own essence. A “Life walker” does not reject attraction. He simply observes it in himself, smiles at the scene and continues on, not forgetting his life purpose. When a “Life walker” forgets his purpose for a few days, then that attraction will distract his mind, then his thoughts and his feelings will deepen that attraction.”
You have not mentioned if the other person feels the same for you. If you don’t know, then your mind is fantasizing. If you know he does, then are you willing to take the chance? It may work or it may not. You may be more miserable and your mind will make sure to complain about that later and blame your situation to someone else. But perhaps, you will be satisfied to follow that huge attraction. However, rest assured that something else will not go as you expect it. Guaranteed.
What do you want out of Life?
Children? Sexual fulfillment? Romantic love? Let that be your compass. Once you know, allow for Life to show you the path and be willing to accept it for that is what your heart desires: That experience.
Observe that you did not go with what you felt when you decided to get married. It may be that you accepted a tradition or your family pushed you into it; however; learn about the consequences of going with something which we do not feel 100% sure, although our conditioned mind may tell us that it is “best for us.”
Finally, know that there is a difference between feeling from the gut and the heart vs. an emotional outbreak like an attraction. In the world of duality you cannot have it all. That is the dream that many have bought into.
Don’t follow your dreams. That is conditioned utopia. Follow your compass, your purpose. Not what the mind tells you, but what you feel from the heart without distortion from emotions or mind games.
All the best.
Can you Please share your view point and a solution to the following spiritual problem:
I want to get rid of physical attraction from its root COMPLETELY. When we get attracted towards a good looking body, we feel full of thoughts like, wow what a good body, I wish I had him/her, I wish i could make him/her mine, followed by some sexual and normal usual fantasies. There is a huge feeling of discontentment with this kind of feeling, because end of the day, you don’t have him/her!!How to get rid of these two things? Physical attraction leading to discontentment!
Can dedicating yourself completely to meditation and the process of awakening/self realization help in this matter!
Thank you for your question.
For centuries, there has been misinformation about what is “spiritual.” The belief that a human being needs to act like a spirit or an angel to be “good” has been turning followers into masochists. This belief is so ingrained, that we will not realize how much harm we are inflicting to ourselves for the sake of following some man made, mind conditioned ideal.
You may think that Yogananda didn’t feel physical attraction or Buddha or Jesus or whoever, therefore “I “must DO it to be as “elevated” as they are.
That way of DOING spirituality is pure self-violence.
There is a process for everything in Life. It may be true, that the above beings did not feel physical attraction at some point in their lives, however; I can assure you that it wasn’t always like that.
Not to feel attraction is the result of allowing the process of feeling attraction.
Your mind and its conditioning believes that once you find the method to eradicate attraction, you will be “better off.”
That is an illusion.
Ahnanda knows that to feel physical attraction, is a gift of living Life through the manifestation of a human experience. OBSERVE what it does to you, how it takes you away from “you.” That magnet is not depending on you and your “choices”. It happens.
Rather than tasting the moment, you want to get rid of it because your mind interferes with the recurrent thought of possessing that which attracts you. As a little baby who cannot have what he wants, the mind will cry: “If I cannot have it, let me destroy what makes me desire another.”
That sort of destructive and violent mind is the one creating that sort of “spirituality.”
You feel attracted towards a good-looking body? Enjoy the experience. You want to possess that body?
Tell that person that. Tell that person that you only want her/his body.
Perhaps your mind may learn that there is more than a body to a person. Can I get the body and not the whole person? Why get the whole cow when I can milk it instead? After all Life is about ME… and that is why LOVE cannot be known at that point of our journeys.
Many have gone through that “spiritual” route. Our society allows that. Pay for your desires. There are all sorts of bodies to select from.
Do you want to try that? That is the opportunity to satiate your fantasies. One “solution” is there. What is stopping you?
If you really want something, you ought to accept the consequences as well for whatever they are. Are you ready for that? One way or another, you will gain an experience in Life. Remember: Ultimately, WE DO what WE ARE for that brings full satisfaction.
Physical attraction does not lead to discontentment. The possessiveness in your mind does. Do you want the solution for that? Possess as much as you can. There will be learning in that experience.
You ask if dedicating yourself completely to meditation and the process of self-realization will help in this matter.
Definitely No. First go into your demons, into your possessive mind and your idealistic perceptions. Don’t run away into “nice” ideals.
Self-realization happens to you. It is not something that “you” DO or pursue for that to happen. So, enjoy Life while that happens! 🙂
Oh yes… As we know, Love is the solution… So you have 2 solutions to your “spiritual” question. 🙂
“I want to know what my personal situation says about myself. If you don’t mind I would like to share it.
‘Marriage (arranged) happened to me, but from the starting I wasn’t satisfied though my husband is not a bad person and everybody in my family likes him. After that I came with my husband to another country where I met a person whom I liked instantly. Now it’s more than a year but that liking is still there. Now that I am married I can’t express this feeling to the person and ask him out and get to know what he feels for me and whether this liking is mutual. I like the new country, this place and everything and this place and company has provided me exposure to many new things. So I m happy that way.
Now, if i opt out of marriage I would have to go back to my country and to my parents who are quite controlling for my personality. Besides, greater fear is that I would be labeled, as it’s an Indian society. And I don’t know who I will end up with eventually, so that is another fear.’
I understand that you cannot tell me what to do. But please help me understand myself in this situation. Thank you.”
Thank you for your question.
Based on what you have shared and with the shortcomings of my understanding; I will answer this because it may be for the common good. If you haven’t observed your situation, let me bring some points:
You have a pretty good Life. Everyone takes care of you. You probably have plenty of free time, good meals, friends, comfort. You enjoy the new country, you have the company of a “not bad” husband…
What is the issue?
Your mind is telling you that you need something else. Some excitement. Maybe your age, your hormones are playing with your emotions or perhaps, you do not love your husband as you think you should. That is for you to find out.
An episode of attraction to someone flusters your world. You may think that this attraction could lead you into something better, for you have not experienced something like that before. Your mind is weaving the “perfect world” for you with the source of your attraction at this time.
The security of marriage could be one of the greatest jails. It just depends which side you see and embrace.
Observe your dependency. You depend on your husband and your family. You are not free to do as you please.
Sometimes the price of independence is very steep. Are you willing to pay for it? Do you have skills to survive by yourself? You don’t? Maybe that is something to consider.
The mind is taking you to some futuristic events “that may happen.” That is a waste. If the “I” wants to DO something to change things, then that “I” must be willing to fully accept the consequences. This is not about good or bad consequences for that is meaningless in Life. Everything humans come up as “solutions” is dualistic: It could be “good,” or “bad” depending on your perspective. Marriage is one example. The consequences of it are beyond “good or bad.”
Attractions come and attractions go. Don’t think that because you are married or because you found the love of your life, that you are not going to feel attracted to another person. That does not depend on you. What depends on you is the value that you give to that attraction. Your fear increases as your need for security increases.
DOING nothing when unsure, could be the best recipe for that stress and anxiety.
Life does the DOING as long as we are ready for the move. It just takes time, for we take our time.
Communication with your husband may help you. Perhaps he understands the way you feel. He may not be in love with you, but going along with the “arrangement” as well.
Many times our minds are so caught up with human “arrangements” that we label as “Holy,” “Godly,” “Lawful,” “the right thing” etc. that we are unwilling to hear our gut feeling’s voice telling us our truth without using words.
The mind is so busy trying to figure out how we can save face, how we can get away with what we want to experience, despite the lock of the “arrangements” that we have signed up to live by.
Isn’t that the story of the human drama?
You are not alone.
When there is no choice inside you; You will be One with what you truly feel.
All the best.
Question: “How to know whether a person is right for us? Does attraction on a physical or mental level has anything to do in a relationship like marriage (presence or lack of it)?”
Thank you for your question.
The meaning of “right for me” will change for every individual.
We are unwilling to acknowledge what Life brings, but rather, have an ideal in our minds (conditioning) that we want for Life to match.
Remember, you may feel attracted to someone, but Life has presented that person in your path, it is not that “you found him/her.” Consider this: You may not feel attracted to a person, but that may be the only option Life has brought to you. You may want a person but he/she may not be interested in you, because “you are not right for him/her.” Then what?
Life will bring potential partners in your Life according to what you ARE and what you need to experience in your journey. Life does not work on human terms such as : “this is right or this is wrong.” All experiences are needed, part of the “resume.”
Attraction is very important at different levels. Attraction has an ample meaning. Without it, love in a couple is like the love a brother has for a sister. There is no fire…. no fireworks.
Does it sound anti-spiritual?
That is because we have been conditioned to deny Dyonisus for the sake of choosing Apollo.
Religions call that, “to choose our good side and to deny our bad side.”
You may choose a man/woman because he/she is nice. “A church going person who fears God;” but there may not be sexual attraction, there is no passion. Or you can choose a “fatal attraction” which may be a high for sometime, but eventually feelings will get hurt and that will kill the passion and the fire will be extinguished in deep resentment.
At some level, we are attracted to that which we repress in ourselves. The striper girl or the “bad ass dude” are attractive to many. Do you see why?
That “choice” of Apollo over Dyonisus is killing our zest for Life. The wild side that everyone has underneath needs to be liberated, acknowledged and be One with the rational, calm, “spiritual” Apollo.
Dyonisius must be One with Apollo. That is a spiritual person. That person has integrated into oneness rather than the infantile denial and repression of our passionate side.
Are you a “right person”? 🙂
Most people are looking for a “complete package” to “buy.” They want looks, body, personality, sexual chemistry, mental stimulation through someone…that list is not enough for some, for financial independence, status,and power could be the “main attraction.”
As you can see, it is not simple for the mind to figure a formula, a paragraph with all the answers. Add to that the fact that “you” may find the “right partner,” but it is not the “right timing” due to some circumstance affecting your Life. See?
In a sentence: It comes down to your feelings.
Are you willing to live with such person? Not because of a “reason,” but because you feel deeply. Not as a need, but as the openness to experience sharing yourself with another.
Not as an escape from yourself, but as the opportunity to know yourself into a deeper level. Not as a social pressure to “get married” but, to experience partnership in the journey of Life. Nothing lasts forever, and so the “right person” may not be after awhile. Life is change. Are you willing to experience that?
Man and woman are 2 opposite electrical poles yearning for completion. That completion is to complement each other. The “right” electrical charge that you will encounter in Life to complement you, will only match your own potential.
Life has many students coming from a diversity of consciousness.
To learn to “knock at the door” in life is what typically has been called the “law of attraction.”
Think about something that you want and it will appear. Many books have been written to share this wonderful “Secret,” only known by the selected ones and now being shared for mainstream.
If the door opens then we could tell the “Secret” to others 🙂 However; if the door does not open, that only means that destiny wasn’t meant to be in that particular door.
Keep knocking at different doors.
There is a “Secret” in attraction, which is experienced by all, nevertheless we may fail to realize.
When 2 magnets attract each other, they have to be from opposite polarity. There is a collision through that attraction.
Similarly, when we reject something in life we attract it, for the polarities are opposed. Isn’t that paradoxical?
Ananda couldn’t stand to be in the presence of smokers. When he moved into a new apartment complex, his main request was not to be around smokers. As months went by smokers started to appear, then 2 heavy smokers arrived nearby.
Ananda wanted to get out of that apartment complex but he couldn’t. His lease wasn’t over.
Mathias the wise tree, suggested to Ananda not to feel rejection towards those who smoke.
Ananda said: “ But the smoke gets into your clothes and it is unhealthy for you. “
Mathias replied: ” Even more harmful for your health, are the sentiments of rejection that you are emitting in that moment.”
Ananda changed his ways and accepted the smokers around him. Every time he was close to one of them, he thought that it was a “test” and that he had to “pass the test” by not feeling rejection and by having a friendly conversation with those smoking.
The “test” game is interesting. The game is to pretend to be “good” by tolerating. In that toleration, there is separation between the “I” and them, the source of my tolerance.
Mathias the wise tree, informed Ananda that he was still living in that place despite his wishes to move out, because of his rejection to smokers.
Obviously, Ananda had attracted that which he was rejecting.
One day, one of the smokers had a small conversation with Ananda, while smoking his cigarette.
Ananda did not think anything at all related with smoking in that conversation. He saw how the smoker got rid of his cigarette after a little while. Ananda did not feel or think about this episode to be a “test.”
3 days later, a new management took over the apartment complex and with that unforeseen change the opportunity for Ananda to move out appeared.
Ananda’s feeling of rejection finished and with that, the need for him to be in that place.
Have you seen a person having fear (rejection) towards roaches?
But… they are ugly despicable vermin, dirty, repulsive etc…. rationalizing our motives will not do anything to hide the rejection. It is not the “fact” of what they could represent but how we FEEL about that “fact.”
Usually that person rejecting roaches is the one who has most encounters with roaches.
What about the one who rejects a religious group or a philosophy or a group of people?
Their life will be full of that which is rejected.
That is the law of attraction in life.
Ananda believed that garlic was “bad for the mind.” That belief became so extreme as to reject any food touched by garlic in the grocery store.
One day Ananda became very sick due to mold growing in the bathroom of his apartment. He was feeling tired and his lungs were not breathing to the full capacity.
Mathias the wise tree, recommended to Ananda to drink apple cyder vinegar in the mornings and to eat raw garlic before lunch and after eating lunch, for 3 days…
Mathias mentioned to Ananda: “Let your food be your medicine.”
But… garlic is “bad”… Any alternative? 🙂
To be tormented for a long while by doctors’ tests, insurance companies and secondary effects of medicines.
Ananda changed his view about garlic and his belief as well. His awareness changed once he became well again.
Everything that happens in life has benefit. We choose to call those episodes as “good” or “bad” according to what we perceive as convenient, without realizing that there is a journey made up of life experiences that every individual needs to go through.
Wisdom comes through those experiences in life, which will be converted into insight from lifetime to lifetime. When we are AWARE we could observe and obtain a valuable teaching from those experiences in life.
If everything is beneficial in the journey of the “life walker,” how is it possible for something to be “bad”?
When we reject any aspect of life, we cannot flow with life. A belief becomes the protector to preserve a particular type of consciousness, but at the same time, that same belief does not allow for consciousness to flow, to change… for life is change.
Mathias the wise tree, was sharing with his friends Ananda and Raysha, about the significance of human attraction.
Mathias:” Attraction brings a collision. It is like a magnet. When that magnet attracts another object, a collision is unavoidable. Attraction has the ability to make someone lose their own essence. A “Life walker” does not reject attraction. He simply observes it in himself, smiles at the scene and continues on, not forgetting his life purpose. When a “Life walker” forgets his purpose for a few days, then that attraction will distract his mind, then his thoughts and his feelings will deepen that attraction.”
Relationships made out of attraction will experience that collision, a crash of “selves,” which is in direct proportion to the attraction being felt.
For many in our society, attraction is “good.” That is love for many. Songs and poetry are written to reflect that enchantment. The “Blue lagoon” syndrome. 🙂
Is attraction “bad” then?
No. It is “what is.”
Choosing between “good and bad” is known as “living in duality.”
It is childish to reject and suppress attraction, when that is a teaching that Life is giving at that moment. For a self-aware individual, that is a brilliant opportunity to observe himself.
Although the question: “what is the purpose of life?” may be meaningless as life is the mirror; the question of “what is my life purpose?” may have some meaning.
Ananda’s life purpose is love.
That is his essence.
Someone else may have a different purpose in life, as everyone brings his own essence into this huge game.
That “inner-purpose” is the compass to be observed.
Everyone and every circumstance brings something in life, like colorful advertising. When the mind engages into that “free ad,” a story will be built. At that point, the story becomes our “inner-purpose.”
Is that “bad”? I must never think about anyone?
No. That is rejection. Rejection brings greater strength to that which is being rejected. For example,”hate” is rejection; and that is the “best way” to be fixated in someone to the point where we lose our own essence. Someone who hates something is sentenced to be a slave of that which he hates. He will remember that thing and he cannot let go.
Nothing is “bad” or “good,” we just need to observe, experience, enjoy and move on. Life is change.
Our awareness makes the difference. Someone who is “studying” himself will take advantage of every moment to know something about himself.
“Know thyself” at this point, has meaning.
The mirror of life will only reflect that who we are, back to our own perception.
Thank you for your question!
Next time you find in your path someone who you feel attracted to, just check what is going on inside you, be AWARE, conscious on the changes: what you think, what you feel, how your stomach feels and how your pulse and heart beats changes, etc. Those changes happen through energy.
Next time you find someone who you feel attracted to, just take that energy through the feelings of your heart and “emit” those pure feelings and good wishes. Transform. You need to be AWARE of that. That is all. Feel the difference.
That is a simple description of transformation of energies; to know you need to experiment and experience.