Tagged: behavior
Let it flow
“Flowing” in Life cannot happen while we maintain our ideal of what it “should be.”
The most important item to unlearn is the idea that “I am someone.”
Look at yourself in the mirror. Observe all the labels coming from your mind to define “you.” Some may be stuck with the image of a brainy lawyer, others with the image of a 24 x 7 Mom and yet others with the image of a self-defined punk.
Out of that image, comes the behavior to support the ideal. That behavior will be our activities, our actions.
That is how religions and psychological systems created to change individuals, assume that by changing the perception of our image, our behavior and actions will change.
Yes… the individual will change superficially through defined actions by a system and he will be stuck in that “mental” box of artificial change, unable to BE who he truly is or someone else… Although Life roars for change.
That is the problem with hard core belief systems and strong father/mother/spouse figures: I may be busy changing my image to be what my religion thinks an angel or a saint should be or a good son or daughter or wife or husband should be. I may change my behavior to try to match that expectation. I may act purposely to fit the ideal… But the bottom line is that “I AM” not that. It is rehearsed, artificial, manipulative, calculating… all mind created.
Because “I am not” that, a strong dissonance will arrive to the ideal “I should be,” for it will not fit the growth, the change coming from within.
Those willing to “suck that up,” convinced that “I should not change no matter what,” those are not living Life. Those are already death in their stubbornness. Enjoyment is an experience away from their experience.
Fear of change is their Life. There cannot be “flowing in Life” under fear.
To flow means that the “I” is immersed in Life, as a drop of water in the Ocean.
Observe and feel in your gut, what is your calling at this time. Once something else arrives in Life, observe, feel and act if called for.
If we believe that because we acted in one way in the past, we should act the same way in the future to be consistent, then your mind is defining you and that definition will not allow you to flow in Life.
That is how the struggle of living Life appears. The “I” wanting to remain unchanged, when everything is change.
Please observe this: “I used to do that, when I was younger. Now I can’t.”
That is not because “you” are older. That is because “You” are not the same. Are you willing to observe that “You” are never the same?
“I divided my fortune between my 2 sons equally. That is fair.”
Fairness in Life is not a mathematical equation. Give to each according to their needs, but that sort of fairness, requires for us to be able to feel, to connect to be empathy and not just to use our mind. This sort of fairness is not understood by many. Are we willing to dispel our belief in mathematical fairness?
“I say that Sex before marriage is a sin.” “I say that Sex is a sin.” “I say that Sex is …”
Sex is not a sin. Sex is just Sex. The sin resides in what you feel about it. We cannot change our true feelings, we can only fake that we are changing what we truly feel. Observe that in yourself.
Allow for that one who defines and asserts opinions and beliefs, to be “wrong.” Allow for Life to show you something different. That openness will bring a flow, for there is nothing in this Life that could be qualified with some word, without the possibility of using the opposite word (antonym) for the same item at the same time.
It just depends on how you feel. 🙂
All is “good” in acceptance
At the end… it is all good…
Acceptance is a word conveying openness to Life.
Acceptance is not a practice. There is no way to “practice” it.
There is no way to define it. There is no way to know “it” until it happens to you.
Experience of it will allow you to talk about it, but whatever it is said, it is never “it.”
“Why are you “talking” about it then?”
Because there is no other way to refer to it.
You see a beggar outside asking for money.
Those “trying to be good,” will use that opportunity to feel good about themselves. They will practice a virtue such as “charity,” so they can tell others: “ I practiced charity today.” Then they will keep track of that “good action” for judgment day. There is “proof” of “good deeds.” “Salvation” is the goal. 🙂
“I did something “good.” I am working towards earning Heaven.”
The above practice is completely meaningless for those who are aware of the “I” in action.
For those who are not, the above practice has meaning. It is part of their necessary development in Life.
Therefore, all is good.
“Acceptance sounds good; but how do you deal with a violent behavior against you? What do you? Flow with it, accept it and do nothing?”
Accept yourself first and do according to what you ARE. If you do according to what you are told, you will repress who you ARE.
Whatever you “do” will have a consequence.
It was a “good” consequence? Then great.
It was a “bad” consequence? Then it is a lesson.
Therefore, “good.” 🙂
That lesson will shape your consciousness. It is an experience to learn from.
Therefore, all is good.
Repression has a limit. It could save you momentarily from “getting in trouble,” but the pressure inside will explode sooner or later, then all things which were repressed; will come out to the open and without restriction.
Who you ARE, will be known sooner or later.
It does not matter if others know or do not know about it.
You will know. Unless you are not aware.
Is not being aware “bad”?
No! Then you will get the chance to repeat the lesson again, until it is learned.
Thus, all is good.
If the lesson of inner honesty hasn’t been learned, then we will try to cover those things, which we do not like about ourselves. We could try to look “saintly,” “respectable,” etc. but any actions of the “I” to “fix ourselves” are meant to deceive ourselves, for it is a rejection of who we ARE.
This rejection will build repression again and with that we will repeat the same pattern of explosion-repression.
“But… how do I fix it, if I find something “wrong” in me?
Definitely it is not by labeling it as “bad.” It is not by changing behavior but by understanding the ramifications, the consequences of that. If playing with fire causes to burn my hand; labeling fire as “bad” will not do a thing. Telling myself that I “should never play with fire again” will only create fear in me, a rejection. Do we see that?
Acceptance of everything around us, cannot happen unless there is complete acceptance of who we ARE.
Without knowing who we ARE, there is no acceptance and because of that, no openness in consciousness.
Who we ARE is not related with a belief or a concept such as: I am a soul, I am a spirit, I am a body, I am a brain, etc.
Who we ARE is known by the observation of the type of unrehearsed, raw, “natural” activities that we perform.
If you are alone, if no one is seeing you or watching you, what will you do? How do you act?
Observe that this is not a religious belief or social agreement to act in a certain way to look “good” or to look “respectable.” To do that is to be dishonest for the one who is aware of the “I.”
For the one who is not aware of the “I,” the above practice is “good” until that individual becomes aware of the “I.”
Thus, all is good.
Life is change, and so “what is.” Whatever change that may be… it is all good. 🙂
The journey into insight: Experience beyond theoretical “Knowledge.”
In the “office world” to reinvent the wheel is inefficient effort.
In Life, to reinvent the wheel is necessary to grow.
From the last article, we could observe the duality of the “believer” and the “non-believer.” Both are experiencing their childhood state of consciousness.
How do you know if you are no longer there?
When you are not conscious of that duality, of course.
For the most part, our “journey” will take us to both sides equally and with the same intensity, that is we could be a believer or non-believer turned into its opposite.
That “journey” will take us to the full range of experiences and will give us naturally, a deep insight away from the simplistic labeling of something as “good” or “bad.”
That labeling is a child-like consciousness.
Ingrained in that childhood state, it is the belief that we could “become better” by following some thought out method, by practicing certain actions considered to be “good.”
For example:
“Practice compassion if you want to be compassionate.”
“You should choose what you want to create and then, take the steps towards that direction to “achieve” it.”
Sounds good? Respectable? Reasonable?
Perhaps, but let me assure something. Unless you are “compassionate” already, there is no way to “practice” compassion. If you practice something that you call or think as compassion, that is not compassion but just a thought, a belief, a mask that we wear for a determined occasion.
You see, Life will present different scenes, which will shatter all of our “thought out” ideas about compassion.
BEING compassion will result in acting compassionate.
The practice of something, which we are not; will merely change our behavior and that behavior will reverse as soon as the practice is stopped. Consciousness will remain the same.
That is the issue that all religions cannot resolve. They are about “practice.”
“Practice” will solidify DOING. Repetition will create a habit, but none of that is related with change of consciousness.
If you are a seeker, please consider the above; for it may be helpful.
Internally, we believe that “spirituality” is another subject, another discipline to “practice.”
Most seekers do not realize that “spirituality” cannot be separated from living Life itself.
It is that same frame of mind, the one looking for a method to obtain “compassion” after putting the “effort to achieve it.”
It is that same frame of mind, the one which will inculcate “steps” to reach the goal.
Please see that all of those “steps” are only made to hide who you really ARE.
BEING is a process. Every Human being is in a different location in that process.
BEING changes by living Life, in the assimilation of experiences.
Did you realize that you don’t have compassion in your heart and now, you want to change that?
Become aware of those traits that are in what you call “you.” Life will bring the right scenarios for that to change into greater openness, that is compassion.
Life for you, is a different experience than Life for me. Therefore, how is it possible to generalize a method, to reach a collective ideal?
Did you hear about Mother Theresa?
Do you believe that she was compassionate?
Want to be like her?
Then, imitation is all you will have. Imitation is not BEING compassionate but just to copy someone’s demeanor, activity, behavior.
The “I” cannot change anything about itself. The “I” can only change behavior, externalities but never the core, the heart.
The “I” is a separation from Life, an entity living his own world in self-absorption.
That “I” is the one who needs a God to “change.”
That “I” is the one who needs to “practice” things to make himself believe that is becoming “better” now.
That “I” is the one in need of Paradise as a reward for postponing the “practice” of his “real” nature now.
That “I” is the one selecting pain and suffering and denying pleasure as a way to “purify” himself.
That “I” is the one making up beliefs, dogmas when there is the experience of Life and our ability to enjoy that experience.
BEING in AWARENESS of continuous change will take away the static beliefs and dogmatic truths that will not allow us to flow with the wind of destiny.
That freedom to BE implies a journey to unmask the “I.”
The “I” is not “bad” nor “good.”
The “I” is part of our own growth in the journey, from “self” into “no-self,” from “form” into “no-form,” from “being” into “non-being.” 🙂
Question: How does change happens without “making it” happen?
You have mentioned that just observe yourself without intention to change it and change will happen.I am confused how change will happen if we don’t think about changing it. For ex if I have anger and i just observe myself and don’t try or even intend to change anger to calmness or peace, how can this change in consciousness happens on its own.
Thank you for your question for the common good.
Did we observe that consciousness changes all by itself?
Believing in Santa Claus was a stage of consciousness, which changed into not believing in him.
Were you upset when that change happened? Did you feel that someone lied to you?
We can apply the above example to all the beliefs that we have acquired.
Life is change, we are Life itself, thus we will change. It is obvious. There is no moment when “we” are the same, “we” are always changing, evolving, except when we hold onto beliefs of being a static self. We make it a dogma.
Have you observed that?
Are you the same as 10 years ago? Are you the same as a month ago? Are you the same as a day ago?
Not a chance. Matter of fact. Do you see that?
The great belief is that the “I” has to do something to change things. The great belief is that “there is something wrong with me and I must change it.” “I need to become better.”
All we can change is behavior, but not our inner feelings.
Lost in that belief, we start “doing” things to get us to “improve.”
It was shared before, that there is no energy “inside” us, which is “good or bad.” Those are just labels that we have given in our dualistic consciousness.
Have you seen a game of ice hockey? Is to play hockey “bad”?
Anger is the energy used to play most sports. It is a re-directed energy. Are sports “bad”?
Sports are channels to redirect anger.
Please observe this in you:
If you label any energy inside you as “bad” it is obvious that you may want to do something to “get rid of it.” That means rejection. Anything that you do at that moment will be rejecting something, “which is.”
Do we see that?
If you are completely AWARE when anger happens, it is that realization how anger could go away.
I am saying, “it could go away” for perhaps to experience suffering as the consequence of acting in anger will be needed. That experience will teach us for sure. The same as when someone discovers of having a disease because of anger.
Is suffering bad, then?
NO. If we are AWARE.
If we are not AWARE, then we call it “bad luck,” or “God has punished me, “ or it is my “karma.”
Let us get away from that mentality of “good and bad.”
Have you noticed how the natural anger of youth goes away all by itself as we get older?
Have you?
What have you done to make it happen?
How are you going to learn about the energies inside you if you don’t observe it?
Do we think that by labeling something as “bad” and to repress that will be the solution?
Life is about experiencing to know. To be AWARE and not to “know theoretical knowledge” is how we assimilate Life, that brings change in consciousness not some human or “divine” method.
Experiencing means to BE. When you ARE you know.
Experiences in Life have a range. We go from believing in Santa Claus to not believing in Santa in one Lifetime or in many. There is no goal, nothing to attain. It goes from one side of the range of experiences to the other side and then vice versa. There is a moment when we are full of “I.” There will be a moment when we are not. It just happens. Appreciate that for it will change.
As our “I” diminishes, we have no issue in understanding the above.
As our “I” increases its size, we cannot understand the above, for we think that we “have to do something” to make a change.
To have a “big I” is not “bad,” but just a state of consciousness which will change all by itself through the assimilation of Life experiences. Suffering will be experienced for sure, but that is not “bad” either, but just a means to change.
To have a “small I” is not “bad” but just a state of consciousness which will change all by itself through Life experiences. As we evolve, so our “I” will grow in pleasure, until it needs to decrease its size, that is when suffering comes in.
Do we see the pattern? Just like the 4 seasons. One goes after the other automatically, uncalled for.
All of the above are merely experiences. Nothing to reject, nothing to avoid.
It is about Balance. Harmony.
Balance is not something that we could learn in a “spiritual class” but something that we become attuned to it as we live life in AWARENESS.
Balance does not reject, does not have the aim to become “better or worse,” it is a state when our feelings, our thoughts and our actions are heading in the same direction, without purposely trying to make it happen.
Observe. Become AWARE that is all. Do not judge, label or add moral values to it. OBSERVE, become aware.
If you “do” that without “doing” it , but when it just happens naturally, you will not be confused. You will know.
Until then.
Question on changing behavior and changing consciousness
“I receive all your above mention topics through my email, some of the points are too deep for my understanding. But the last one about Suzy her dog her anger and consciousness made lots of sense to me,
Please let me know how to change our conscious in day to day behaviour it makes sense that through applying knowledge you change your behaviour temporary
Also I think I am trustee or instrument but that’s how far I go but the actual change in my feelings do not come also I know I have lots of negativity deep inside, which does not seem to move.”
Thank you for your question for the common good.
Ananda does not teach anything. Ananda merely shares.
Readers, who are able to see in these writings a reflection of their own experience, will understand.
They will see in words what they already know about.
That is all.
No ulterior motives. No promise of salvation. No religious sales pitch included.
Very happy to find out that one of the writings here made sense to you. How did it make sense to you?
Because you have experienced it.
You also found out that change of behavior is not the same as change of consciousness.
How do you know that?
Your own experience.
Now, you are asking me to “tell you how to change consciousness in day to day behavior”?
Obviously, you are asking that because it is not your experience yet, so all the other writings, which actually expressed views about your question, do not make sense to you yet.
See how it works? 🙂
Here I will share something that I have shared before, but this time it will be just for you:
It makes no sense to believe that the “I” can “fix” itself through the adoption of a particular method, for that can only change behavior.
It makes no sense to believe that there is a “good” “me” and a “bad” “me” inside and that Spirituality is about the “good” “me” changing, conquering the “bad” “me.”
If you do that, you will find repression and when you are repressed you will not feel happy and there will be a consequence experienced as a bodily disease, depression, lack of zest for Life, etc.
I am happy to read about your inner honesty.
You have discovered that your feelings do not change, your “negativity” does not change despite your beliefs.
Some may tell you: “Keep believing. It is just a matter of time.”
But you have discovered that consciousness does not change through beliefs.
See?
Let me ask you this.
What would happen if you abandon all your beliefs about yourself?
What would happen if you abandon all the labels that you believe to be?
When you do that, you will be able to observe.
When you observe without thinking: “This is bad. I will be punished. How immoral of me to feel this way. Look all the negativity that I have. I feel bad.”
At that point, observation will happen. “You” will be a “detached observer.”
That is all. The rest will happen by itself.
Do you want a method? Something “new” to repress about you? Some “do not’s” to follow?
No… That is not needed at all.
Let me put it in another way:
This girl “Punky Brewster” shows up on TV. There is something about her that you like. You keep OBSERVING her and then, some of her characteristics magically appear in you. You start acting like Punky.
Did you decide to follow punky? Did you think: “punky is good. I better follow her”?
No. That happened naturally It was in tune with your consciousness. Life offered the opportunity. Obviously, if you observed someone else on TV, you may not have felt the same “chemistry.”
A particular consciousness gives you the opportunity to keep expanding what you are able to perceive. A particular consciousness has a timing, then it will go away unless you want to trap it through a dogmatic view of the world.
When you observe yourself is not about “observing thoughts.”
That is a waste of time.
Become aware of your feelings. Observe your anxiety, observe your anger, observe how they appear without labeling them. Just acknowledge their presence.
There is no need to change anything. You will have the necessary experiences in Life to balance the different energies/feelings that arrive. Trust Life without using a belief to tell you where is the “right place” to go.
Listen to your heart without the cloudiness of beliefs.
Anger is not “bad” neither “good.”
Anger when channeled in a proper way and in the right circumstance, will be helpful. There is no energy inside us, which could be labeled simply as “good or bad.”
It is a matter of sensing the balancing act in Life.
Balance in Life is not about rejecting some things and accepting others. That is repression.
To express anger is not something to be ashamed of.
To hurt someone with our anger will create a consequence that will be experienced by us. We will learn through that experience without the need to label ourselves through the eyes of a belief system. If we knew better, we wouldn’t hurt someone.
To repress our anger will only poison our being.
Please experiment with forgetting about all the things that you think that you “are.”
Those beliefs are creating barriers around you, which will not allow you to explore.
To explore is not “bad.” It is called “living Life.”
When we learn to observe our being, we will discover many things. Acknowledge them.
Learn to observe without further goals or objectives.
You are not observing to become an angel or whatever else you want to think or believe.
You are observing because you are. If you emit judgment, moral value etc. then you will find your beliefs. Once you find your beliefs, you can face them and observe how rejection appears, how contempt for other beliefs appear… basically you will find out how your “reality” is created in your head.
That inner honesty will give you the key for further progress, without looking for it.
May you inner honesty blossom! All the best to you.
Knowing in Theory does not follow into Being in “practice.”
In the “office world” we learn the theory before making it practical.
That same “concept” is continuously being applied into living Life.
We learn a body of “knowledge” (commandments, moral codes, laws), which are supposed to transform human beings into something “better.”
That knowledge implies that we either “get better” or else…
To learn the extent of that teaching becomes part of the inner work of the “Life traveler.”
Suzy knew that anger is “bad.” Suzy has learned to “forgive others” and to “forget their errors.”
When Suzy learned that the neighbors killed her beloved pet, Suzy had such a rage and anger that she was ready to “get even.”
Nevertheless, Suzy repressed that anger as much as she could.
What was the outcome?
Suzy became ill. Her energy of anger poured all over her body.
Her “knowledge,” her theory, did not help her. Obviously, she could “help others” by giving them that “Spiritual theory “ of forgiving and forgetting; that made her look like a saint under the eyes of others.
Do we see the trap? Do we see the lack of self-honesty?
“Knowledge” as theory is meaningless when what actually matters is BEING.
If Suzy cannot “be” a forgiving and forgetful person, which is known as being “better” in religious Spirituality, then
do we need for Suzy to “practice” more?
Don’t we realize that BEING is not changed by practice? Behavior may be changed, but never consciousness.
If behavior changes but not consciousness, that behavior will go back to its “original” when the stimulus to keep a behavior is no longer used.
When Suzy observes by herself, because she wants to, after having the time to sit down and reflect by putting all her beliefs aside and just observe the impermanence of things, when Suzy is able to observe that “her pet” was never hers to begin with and that her neighbors’ actions will have a repercussion as we are all together in this, if Suzy is able to perceive that every being manifests through consciousness and consciousness cannot be destroyed … When Suzy is able to perceive those things in her own experience in Life, then she will understand “naturally” without artificial mental games.
Suzy is merely repressing herself and hurting herself in that senseless process of trying to be “someone” who she is not.
Is Suzy allowed to “make mistakes” in Life?
Yes?
That is to experience her lot according to her consciousness.
If you are anger itself in one moment, if your consciousness is in that state; suffering will be waiting for you, through your own activities.
Is that “bad”?
Many of us learn out of that suffering and not out of “theory.”
It may take a refinement of many experiences to understand these things according to our awareness, but one thing is for sure:
Repression by itself in any way, shape or form does not make a “better human being.”
There is nothing “angelic” about repression.
I don’t hear about “teachings” of transforming energies, channeling a particular form of energy into an outlet or to just allow a person to “make a mistake” in Life to learn.
To learn means to make “mistakes.” Right?
Thus, “mistakes” are not truly “mistakes” but the way an aware individual will learn in Life.
Is repression a catalyst for change of consciousness?
No.
The suffering that it brings maybe though; once we become aware, awake of feeling that pain.
Beliefs are typically used to make someone to change his ways:
What I hear is: “Don’t do this because you will go to hell for ever.”
“If you do that, something very bad will happen to you.”
We are too caught up in beliefs and too busy in making ourselves believe that we have attained something “special,” which we are not.
As a reminder, here is a paradoxical aspect of Life.
Humans use repression to change behavior.
Changing behavior does not change consciousness.
However, the suffering that repression brings is the catalyst for a change in consciousness.
Some are able to perceive suffering and hear the voice of Life asking for a change. Others will suck it up and remain repressed for fear of change.
Life is change but still some are not aware of it.
Perhaps some are aware in “theory,” perhaps as “knowledge” but until it becomes BEING it, there is no understanding of it; therefore to “fake it ‘til you make it” becomes the credo, the formula of self-dishonesty for the sake of “self improvement.”
The game of changing behavior to pretend a different consciousness
Have you experienced the traffic in the city at around 5 PM on a weekday?
Most probably it will be slow. Everyone wants to go home after an “arduous” day at work.
This experience is called “Rush hour.”
Everyone wants to go somewhere, thus “rushing” but reality is that… there is nowhere to go…
The other day, I was observing how the behavior of drivers totally change when a police car is nearby.
All of the sudden, all drivers around slow down their speed even though they are under the speed limit. If someone is ahead of the police car, then that person will try to move to the next lane to be “polite, “ right? And if you are behind the police car, then you should maintain a “safe” distance 🙂
Have you ever been in front of a police car and then heard the siren accompanied by the colorful red and blue lights? 🙂
What did you think a that moment?
Probably something like: “What have I done now!!! It wasn’t me!!” Just to find out that the police car moved to the next lane to take care of some traffic issue.
The above is the perfect example of changing behavior through fear.
This is the way we as humans have been taught to react as if we were one of Pavlov’s dogs.
We salivate like a Pavlov’s dog when there is fear of punishment.
Then the police car goes away… Everything goes back to “normal.” 🙂
Let me use my horn without mercy, to speed up the car in front of me. Let me change my personality to the one of “Speed racer,” and find out how much dexterity I got behind the wheel!
Let me push the limits of the “law” because every law has its loophole…
The above is called consciousness. It is an ego-centered consciousness.
“I’ve got to get to my place now. Everything else can wait.”
No reason to enjoy the driving experience, when “I got to get out of here….” “I got to beat everyone… for I am Speed racer, the king of the streets.”
“Honey… “I” found a way to get home faster….The others are still stuck in traffic”
Meaning: “Don’t you see how smart I am? Congratulate me! Reward me- Look, I am salivating…”
That is consciousness.
Then a religious moral code comes in our mind: “ You must not think that you are smarter than anyone else. For that is ego…. And ego my brother, will take you to hell and not to heaven.”
In that case “Speed racer” will pretend. He will play now the “I am a humble boy” song. Even though, I know that I am “great,” I must not say that to anyone… They will recognize my greatness for sure someday!
That is consciousness.
When we observe the futility of changing behavior by using fear, we could discover that our own consciousness needs to move to a different place.
A place where it is free from beliefs and cultural learned behaviors. A place where I could realize the “game” that I have been playing all along for so many years. A game where I convinced myself that “I am a good guy” or a “bad guy” based on my own beliefs, my own digested “food for thought” from many years of “learning.”
That is why, adopting a religious belief or a new philosophy or view about life or reading a new book, will not do a thing to move our consciousness from its individualistic world.
You may gain information, something to talk about and look “smarter” and pump up your own ego, but nothing else…
If we are conscious, if we take the time to “smell the roses,” then perhaps we could see that we are missing the other aspect of being, that is of being part of all.
When we start living in that consciousness, we cannot be the same again.
Exploring the Depth of Living 