To take a glass of wine or beer once in a while, is not a problem. Someone in that experience will not need to know “Dry January.” Those who are lost in alcohol, will surely experience what “Dry January” is. An extreme brings another.
Same principle applies with sexuality and celibacy.
For most individuals, sex has 2 main functions: Reproduction and fun\pleasure. There are more functions in sexuality, only known/experienced by few.
Most men are unaware that their vitality is embodied in their semen. The importance of this vital energy will be seen as the individual ages.
Most individuals are incapable of regulating their excitement and need to ejaculate. Due to the “macho”/”stud” conditioning, many men are depleted of their sexual energy, then; when they reach their 40-50- 60s they lack vitality.
What was the solution for this problem?
Nowadays, it is a “blue pill” which will take the person into further depletion or in other terms: it will submerge the person into greater vitality debt.
Before the “blue pill,” there was the natural means: Celibacy.
It was thought that by “not doing it,” a person will lose interest. Religions tried to sublimate the sexual urge by “purifying” a relationship through love of God or condemning sexuality and the “pleasures of the flesh.”
However, there cannot be celibacy when the individual is repressing and denying his own sexuality.
Celibacy is not repression. However, celibacy could be used as medicine to restore the vitality of an individual. When an individual is running in deficit, celibacy is not a repression, but a needed “practice.”
Some individuals believe that celibacy is only to abstain from sexual relationship with another; however, it is as well to abstain sex with yourself.
Nevertheless, the important factor is for the man to maintain its semen as much as possible, and not to abstain from human touch, feelings and pleasure.
It is easier to maintain a “black or white” posture: No sex, no touch, no pleasure and to disseminate the message that this “practice” is “spiritual.” However, most; at least 99% of individuals will repress to comply with this “spirituality.”
Since the above may be too restrictive; sex, touch and pleasure were allowed by some religious/ spiritual systems; but not ejaculation at all.
What was the outcome? Utter pressure. Sex was no longer enjoyable as someone has to “watch” for the moment of “no return.” Then guilt sets in, for that “failure” and the consequences of it.
The “reality” of human sexuality is that we cannot put all human beings in the same basket. We are all different and those differences will change in time: A 60-year-old is very different than a 20-year-old. A society will teach them to comply with some belief or some moral ideal, but the teaching does not cover to be AWARE of ourselves.
If a human was AWARE of himself, he will know to walk the “middle way” and to put himself in that path as Life turns into different streets. That “middle way” is never the same; nevertheless; it is the natural way. Most are prey of social/peer pressure, collective beliefs and nonsensical traditions which endanger their own well-being. That is the path of extremes.
Celibacy is as good and necessary as Sex is. They can complement each other. It all depends in timing, setting and circumstances. The keyword is “Balance.” To “practice celibacy” means for a limited time. Typically, we don’t “practice” sex. Naturally, we ARE sexual beings, but according to who WE ARE, we could manifest love and care through sex, OR lust and violence.
When celibacy is natural, it is no longer celibacy. Anything “practiced” with repression, will NEVER be natural.
Semen is Life. Through that we give Life to another. Your Life, your vitality depends on keeping that energy.
How many times a month shall I ejaculate?
You are missing the point. Discover what works for you. Be sensible, aware of what your body tells you. Change when there is a need. Forget about the “scientific research,” of what should be “normal.” Feel the balance. What is natural does not rely on numbers and formulas.
Sex and celibacy are the complete human sexual experience. They are ONE.
Sex is the energy of creation. That energy is able to create Life and able to regenerate the self. As a matter of fact, it is able to generate a new consciousness, to uplift an individual. At the same time it is the source of degeneration and frustration for many human beings.
It is the “yes” and the “no.”
If Sex becomes a source of only physical/emotional/energetic release, a source of possession of another being, then frustration and lack of satisfaction are guaranteed.
A man could be a 5 minutes wonder with a woman from penetration to “orgasm” (release.) The woman may not be satisfied. The man is done, the woman is not. If the woman wants more, she automatically becomes a 4 letter word in the world of men. Repression is inculcated in the woman’s mind.
Our “morality” is meant for a man to be a “stud” and for a woman, a “hore.” So much for equality.
The “solution” is to ejaculate many times to be the “stud” (through artificial substances) or to become insensitive to pleasure so the man could last longer.
Both “solutions” will bring further frustration and will be toxic to the well being of man.
A woman may need to learn to pamper the ego of a man to survive in this society.
A sex addict is a frustrated individual. His vitality is continuously decreasing. The creative energy of sex is wasted out of frustration.
Even though sex is “accepted” by most modern societies, there is no satisfaction out of it. Why? The mind does not surrender to the moment. The mind controls sex life. Want proof? “According to a 2008 survey of sex therapists, sex is “too short” when it lasts one to two minutes. “Adequate” is three to seven minutes, and “desirable” is seven to 13…” We are being clocked in and clocked out, just like work! That is the mind: Numbers, analysis, division, control.
The label of “desirable” has nothing to do with the “real” experience.
What is the “solution”?
Not to ejaculate.
Then sex is no longer about enjoyment, but another “stressful” job. Watch out for the moment of no return and no matter what… do not ejaculate.
Many “mystical” traditions advise that. This “method” is applied without consideration on the student’s current consciousness. It is a sure road into frustration.
Do not forget about the worries of “pregnancy,” diseases, the use of plastic to “protect” yourself, etc… All of that, makes out of sex, a dangerous activity.
A better solution?
Negate completely what we cannot understand. The extreme.
The above is the bitter aspect of sex.
What is the sweet aspect?
When the sexual energy runs up into your head and the energy expands into the environment, Nature. We are creating new energy.
When time is limitless and the pleasurable sensation remains. When there is neither need to ejaculate nor an effort to stop it.
That is when sex becomes uplifting, for our vitality will be increased.
Because we have been programmed, conditioned with so many ideas and “moral” standards, our sexuality has suffered to the point where our minds do not allow enjoyment and the sensation of surrendering to the sexual experience.
In “mystical” terms, our “nadis” are not connecting our energetic centers. There are blockages stopping what otherwise is a natural flow.
Most individuals are unable to feel the inner energy, which is moving through sex. They are unaware.
The process of repairing our damaged sexuality is part of the “seeker’s” path.
Facing beliefs, healing emotions and erasing previous conditioning will need to be part of the job. We will need to learn to be free from the mind to truly enjoy.
In a few words, inner work is necessary. Without that inner work, anything we use as a “technique” or “method” to enjoy sex, to “enhance it” or to make it last longer, will not be natural for us.
After all, sexuality is not separated from ourselves. If we are harmonious, vital… Then our sexuality cannot be otherwise.
True celibacy comes after that point of being vital and harmonious. It cannot be before that, for then; it is only forced repression of something, which we do not know about.
Because we fear it, we reject it… because we are not willing to understand it, we will hurt ourselves.
Sex could be a slow, rhythmical dance of the senses, but for most; it is the race to the big “O.” It is about filling up the belly and not tasting the meal.
A reader wrote about the need to go “beyond the sense organs to experience a different reality.” He also mentioned “Purity is in the mind.”
The above is interesting.
In many sharings here it has been stated that “reality” per say; is a perception. “I” perceive something based on my senses (sense organs.) That perception is not “reality” but it is the way I perceived things according to the way my sense organs are designed to work.
My “reality” is confined to the way my perception appears. Do we see that?
Because I see a tree, it does not mean that it is “real” as I perceive it.
Without the experience of the above, we will be caught up in beliefs and dogmas about the “right perception.”
“The word of God” is the right perception… Some may say.
Isn’t the perception of what someone considers God, just another perception?
There are many religions with a “different God” stating that “theirs” is the “true one” because of a different perception which could be a “collective” perception but nevertheless, a perception.
“Self” is yet another perception. We have agreed to make our world based on that perception. It is our “reality” by agreement. 🙂
If readers could follow that up to this point, wouldn’t it make sense to accept and enjoy those perceptions rather than deny them, once we know that “reality” is a perception?
In other words, experience what is in your lot, but enjoy it while it lasts without being attached to it because those perceptions will change as our consciousness changes.
Consciousness will change and it will bring different awareness, and that brings a different “reality.” (Perception.)
We cannot control change of consciousness. It happens at a particular time for every individual.
Consciousness is the key for a different perception of “reality.”
Beyond the “sense organs” there will be another perception. The reader has decided to call that “Purity.”
That is his perception.
“Purity is in the mind.” Of course it is, because duality is in the mind and so are addictions, obsessions, over-thinking and… the self.
The “impure mind” trying to make itself “pure.” That is the irrationality that we may believe in.
Have we experienced no-mind? 🙂
Is that “pure” or “impure”?
Do we realize that actions do not change the state of mind? Aren’t intentions before actions?
Let me give an example:
Are you “pure” because you practice celibacy, that is “sex denial”?
There is no purity if there is denial.
That is called dishonesty.
Is the denial of an action the way to have a “pure mind”? What is the intention? To be “pure” through repression?
Isn’t a denial a way to repress, to negate to separate?
We may want to look into it. Beliefs aside. Without fear.
It is not “bad” to practice celibacy with understanding and not just to follow someone for an ideal. However, dishonesty has its consequences.
The path of a “Life walker” may be different according to his consciousness and perceptions.
To be open in life means to accept all of those perceptions, knowing that individuals act based on their own perceptions and label them as “the truth” to feel “good” about themselves. That is the typical “collective” consciousness at this time.
When our consciousness looks at it from a different perspective, then “reality” will look different.
Do we see this brilliant game of life?
You label something as “purity.” I label it as “impurity.”
Who is “right” who is “wrong”?
Whether that is “purity or impurity” it is a matter of perception… A mind in duality will only label.
When a recurrent compulsory thought appears in our life which has the force to determine a behavior which is believed to cause pleasure, relief, a soothing effect or a reward, then we could be dealing with a mental addiction.
In an addiction a “rational person” turns irrational. A life which is managed by the belief of an existing self, becomes out of balance, out of control in order to fixate its efforts to acquire that which is believed to bring relief, pleasure, reward, peace of mind, soothing effect, etc.
The way our society deals with mental addictions is by denying the triggers, which are believed to be the cause of the addiction.
For example, let us take a look at sex addiction.
A sex addict will be told not to watch TV or to have a computer so “temptations” do not occur.
If that addiction is dealt in a religious setting, then the idea that the “body is ugly, full of disgusting fluids” will be told as to create distaste in the addict.
The promise that there is something “better” than the pleasure from the body will be expressed as well.
A person who practices celibacy as denial of sex, could believe that “he needs to protect himself from the impure environment by avoiding triggers and situations which could become a temptation.”
Praying could help in this case, … “And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”
A mental addiction appears when there is a great mental identification with a “self.”
The solution of that mind problem has been to use the mind to deny itself.
What are the typical cliches used in that “solution”?
Use your will power to “fight against it.” Believe that a higher power will help you. Cover your senses. Think about something else. Surround yourself with like-minded people for support.
Those “solutions” are only a band-aide waiting to fall off the wound.
The problem, the addiction hasn’t been cured.
A mental addiction appears when we are incapable of living in the “now” due to a life, which is lived mostly in the head.
Let me illustrate.
Charlie “Mind” meets a girl. Charlie does not notice the first instants. He does not become aware of the “thinking.”
If the mind takes over as it is the case with most, labeling will happen: “ My gosh, She is beautiful/ugly” from that point the thought has been started into duality.
Something pleasurable will need to be repeated. That means, the movie in the mind will repeat and many plots will be added to that movie to make it exciting, “new.” That repetition will make sure that the thought will linger even without our conscious will.
From this point on, we could discover many things about our own minds. That is our own inner work.
The “experts” whether religious or scientific, are about denial of the triggers, “Don’t do this, don’t think that, Do this, do that, etc.” It is the “black or white” mentality, which will lead someone into the experience of duality: Success or failure. Success through repression, failure through feeling guilt. Either way, the “problem” still remains.
Let us take a look at another Charlie…. Charlie “feelings.”
Charlie Feelings meets a girl. Charlie appreciates her through his feelings. A feeling invades his heart and a smile comes out. That feeling will be completely felt without thoughts or beliefs coming to his mind. Without judgment. Charlie Feeling will move into something else in the day as he lives the “now” but he chooses to maintain the feeling while meeting other people throughout the day.
Feeling is what gives fulfillment. The mind is trying to obtain that fulfillment by mentally repeating the experience or acting that out compulsively.
Going further into feelings we may find out that if the feeling that we develop before meeting anyone is strong and we feel fulfilled, all we need to do is to maintain that throughout the day. Strong awareness is needed for that. That is the reward of our own internal work. Life will be impregnated with our feelings.
With feelings we can appreciate life and the different scenes, the uniqueness of those.
With thoughts we do not “feel anything.” We separate through the mind and we look to experience only one aspect of duality. We choose what we believe to be pleasurable and reject pain. Pleasurable/rewarding/a relief is that which needs to be repeated continuously in the mind, that is an addiction.
Nevertheless, pain cannot be avoided as an experience once the “self” has chosen pleasure. Duality 101. 🙂
There was a discussion between Orkus the bird, and Ananda about the importance of celibacy in a spiritual life.
Orkus maintained that to reproduce and to enjoy sexuality was part of his nature. Orkus mentioned that he has never seen a conflict in sexuality and he cannot understand how human beings make sexuality such an issue.
Ananda on the other hand mentioned that celibacy was a tool to allow him to know himself, for otherwise, he would have to assume many unwanted consequences. At this time it is like playing the “Russian roulette” with someone, he said. Ananda mentioned that there are very few people nowadays who see sexuality beyond pleasure and relief only, but as a way to integrate beings, to enhance their existence and relationship.
Ananda: There are people who believe that heaven is to have a good orgasm! That is ridiculous… and then he started laughing.
Orkus: For them, that becomes a positive experience in their minds. You seem to be rejecting their experience.
Mathias, the wise tree heard the conversation and added:
Orkus’ point is on one side. Ananda is on the other side… that is to feel uncomfortable or to reject.
Ananda then said: Friend, I am not rejecting… I am just making a little fun of that childish idea…
Mathias: You are rejecting friend …and when you reject, that will attract you.
Ananda: I want to conquer sexuality…
Mathias: How can you conquer something that you reject?
Perhaps the day when you hear about that without that affecting you. Perhaps the day when there is an emotional emptiness in you as when someone talks about drinking 5 cans of sodas rather than just one… but of right now, that topic moves you. It works you up.
Orkus: All of those debates about perceived opposite viewpoints, are all intellectual games… without openness from any position.
Mathias: In feelings there is openness, openness means to respect free will and to respect everyone’s processes and to look at them as something natural in them. You do not compare that with you, but only observe it and appreciate it.
Something that is happening there and also is happening in you, and with greater intensity as you put information in your mind.
To call something spiritual and something else not spiritual is to separate.
The spiritual path is truly just a word, when in reality someone “is.”
There is the story of 3 monks who were walking down the river. Then they saw a prostitute there. For them “spiritually” speaking, to help her cross the river was something negative because she was a prostitute. One of them felt compassion and helped her and the other monks judged him.
-How is it possible for you to touch a prostitute? They said.
The monk responded: “I have only helped her to cross the river but, you continue to carry her in your mind.”
What is Spirituality, my friend? It doesn’t deal with touching or not touching but to maintain some information for a long time in your mind, which will then be introduced in your own body.
The one who touched with feelings of goodness, is liberated. Those who did not touch but rather judged with their minds, compared and rejected; those are trapped.
What is freedom then? To understand the totality.
Totality means that which happens in others will occur in you as well as long as you do not respect the harmony of the natural movement of the time periods in the physical plane. In this is included your own physical body which will be affected.
“How to have balance energies in order to conquer lust? Any physical and mental method?”
There are no methods to conquer lust. Methods can only allow you to become more sensible to different energies and out of that sensibility, you could choose in life based on your current state of consciousness.
Let me explain this a bit further.
Lust is experienced through different senses. It is basically to lose ourselves in front of sensations or perceptions. In the case of sexual lust, it comes with a degree of violence to possess.
If your path is celibacy, any method that is used will be effective in the beginning. Usually the method consist on labeling sex as “bad,” “dirty,” etc. as well as the persons “indulging” on that “vice.” Therefore, you probably don’t want to be into those categories and will repress yourself and hope that “temptations” will not be around you. That is how many other “methods” appeared such as labeling women/men to avoid attractions or separating men and women or making men and women to look similar (shaving their heads) and any other “creative” method that humanity has created…Isn’t that so?
If a person persists doing this, that repression may be unbearable. that is how many individuals have finished their “careers” in the celibate path.
The key element is to change the quality of your feelings. For that you may need to open yourself for greater sensibility. To appreciate beauty in Nature, through feelings is one way of doing that. Because the quality of your feelings is distinct, possessiveness will not be there, because your feelings have been expressed.
Let us say that you are a “man” and that you “see” (eyesight) a beautiful “woman.” Observe yourself. Observe how possessiveness arises and desires. Observe how awkward you may feel if you “try to be celibate and to think good things.” Observe that a repression has happened and due to that repression your mind will play with that image of that person even though that person is gone.
Do you know why this has happened? Because you have repressed your feelings.
The issue is not that you cannot taste the “candy,” but your feelings about not tasting it and your mind reinforcing those feelings by “thinking about it.”
Even if you taste that “candy,” your feelings will be that “it is not enough, the dream was better than “reality”…” which will be reinforced by your thoughts:”I need another candy.” See?
That repression and lack of satisfaction is lust, which is an energy.
On the other hand, if there is appreciation; which means that you are open to what “is” and you have the sensibility to see beauty and express that through your feelings; then because of that expression of appreciation; your mind and your feelings will be alright.
Basically, it is like becoming a child again: Smile, appreciate without the thought of possessing anything or needing anything from another, sending beautiful feelings of appreciation to another.
That is all.
One more time, the key element is “pure feelings” as mentioned in many articles before. If you could engage yourself in becoming sensible to beauty in Nature and in the world without distinction, without labeling things as “bad” or “good,” then you will see a change in you. That is the “method.”
Allow yourself to enjoy Nature, to be part of it (Please read article “beach healing and therapy.”) Allow yourself to be wholesome by resting well, eating well (not only what you eat, but how you eat it ) and have gratefulness to life for giving you the chance to be in relationship with others at different levels.
If going beyond lust is in your path, it will happen. In the meantime, all we need to transform as preliminary steps is the quality of our feelings by becoming more sensible to beauty and its expression and the clarity of our mind, by being able to observe it continuously.
We know that “fear never transforms, but love transforms,” then let us use that love through feelings for that transformation to occur.
Dear brother, i am a bk brother who lives in laukik family and feels to share love with a good girl. Is going for dating good for me?
No one but yourself has to decide that. However, in spiritual knowledge there are some general guidelines to keep in mind.
1) Your thoughts, your words, your feelings and your actions have to be aligned. If your belief system tells you something which you have in your thoughts, but your feelings are telling you something else; do not expect for your words and actions to be consistent. You are scattered and thereby, you really do not know what you want.
2) If you do not know what you want and act out of an impulse, you will make mistakes.
Therefore, see in yourself if you have achieved that consistency within you.
3) The law of karma can only “give you” something which you deserve. “A good girl,” is a “good label.”
Once you sort that out in your life, you may get the answer.
hi brother, in today’s murli baba says:” Shaadi is barbaadi”. However, there are many BK who have to live alone in laukik and where they may feel the need of a partner to live a secured life. Under this condition, is marriage a blessing or a bane?
I don’t know Hindi. Your belief tells you something. If you live with your family you are not alone. If you live with a group of people, you are not alone. Marriage in itself is never an issue. The issue are the people involved in it.
The issue (in your belief system) is if you have conquered sex lust. The issue is if you have conquered attachment. The issue is if you have conquered loneliness. Then, marriage cannot be an issue, but you will be the blessing itself.
Circumstances in life may change, but as long as you are aligned within yourself, things will be fine as well.
Please see the answer above as well.