Tagged: cold hands

Question on feeling fear

“Hi Dear Brother Avyakt7
I just want to know how to think in easy way. and how do i can remove fear from my mind. Lot of fear come into my mind when ever i want to give any kind of exams (Written and Computer). During interviews i get lot of fear sometime I shiver my hands and body become completely cold due to fear. Any situation which create negative impact creates fear in my mind. Please let me know how i can remove fear from my life completely. I tried lot to build confidence in me but fear create lot of problems in my whole life due to which i have lack of confidence. Please response me the solution of my problem and what should i have to do to resolve this problem in my life.”

Dear reader,

Thank you for your question!
Facing our fears is the way to go over them.
What you have described as “fears” are really anxieties and anguish due to a perceived “pressure.”

You have an expectation to “do well” (pressure) in an exam, in an interview or in any other circumstance. Perhaps you need recognition from others, perhaps you need re-assurance of your own worth and you are afraid of not doing well, perhaps the pressure comes from economical reasons.

When a circumstance occurs which will put your belief about your own self-esteem into a test, fear to fail appears.
What is troubling you is not fear itself to fail but your mental anxiety and anguish. Your body reacts when you feel that emotion.

The above is just a description so you can see where the issue comes. Your own inner work is to go back to the source, look into your life, when that started.

I’d suggest to go by the Ocean/rivers/lake in a tranquil environment by yourself, just watch the waters move and allow your thoughts to become quiet by hearing the sounds of Nature and the ocean. Once your mind has slowed down and you feel serene, start looking in yourself for that episode when you did not feel that you were worth unless you demonstrated something to someone. You may need to do a lot of digging, but you will find that event.

Perhaps your mother had a strong personality which gave you some insecurity. Perhaps your father wanted to live through you by encouraging you to be “successful.” Perhaps you felt that their love came through your “success.”

Once you find it, send your best feelings to that person (yourself in the past or the person who triggered this experience or both) without judging that person.

This is the emotional and psychological work to be done.

Intellectually, a test to take or an interview is just a circumstance. Avoid the trouble of thinking about a particular event until it comes. Do not cross the river before you get to the bridge.
That will take care of your anxiety. Observe your mind. How your mind is taking you to a future which does not exist yet. Observe how there could be negative thinking and worries due to your insecurity, but at the same time; see that whatever happens, whatever the outcome is, you are still “alright.”

If you make mistakes, that is life. Learn from that and move on. No expectations, but the opportunity for you to see your own “progress.” Expectations are illusions, which will only add pressure and thus, anxiety and anguish.
What you call fear.

The basic rule to remember is that your state of mind needs to be tranquil, calm; thus get acquainted with that. That is the greatest practice that you can have for that will “cure” you of that anxiety and anguish. Be conscious, aware of that anxiety.

Finally, any other “natural help” is recommended. From herbs to relax you, to acupuncture, Bach flowers or even Tibetan singing bowls sessions to get you to a state of relaxation where you can clearly recognize your change into anxiety. Once that recognition is there, it will be easier for you to go back to tranquility, calmness.

Learn from that experience and let us know what you found out.

Best wishes! 🙂