Our society is built upon the idea of separation. There has to be a nemesis to make our Life interesting, to have a purpose.
Humans have developed their little colorful country flags, their little national anthems and the idea that they are “representing” something “special” over everyone else. That sense of identification is misguided through chauvinism.
It is team A against team B. It is “Me” and what I am identified with, against everything else.
To separate, we could use jerseys of different colors, the color of our skin, or ideas. Anything helps to make a separation.
That idea of separation is in our core. When “I” am not representing “my” country, “I” am representing my town, my church, my political party, my “ism,” my race, my social status, my education, my age group, my sexual identity….
It is that idea the one that needs to be flushed out from our system for the repercussions are tremendous. This is a matter of consciousness.
I can litter the streets because those are not “mine.” It is “my” country but my separation mode is different now. Among same countrymen, the streets, the Ocean, the air are not “mine.” Those are “mine” only when someone from another country, someone “different” wants something with them.
That is the stupid idea deeply ingrained which books do not talk about, nor the priest, the religion or the politician.
Those only “talk about” peace, unity, love… Cheap talk.
When we ARE separation, how could we be united? By DOING something?
That conditioning of “survival of the fittest” is flawed as most humans believe it is.
“I” cannot survive without the other things around for the “other” things are truly part of “I.”
Pollute the air, pollute the Ocean, displace animals from their habitat… What happens then?
In our society, economic interests are first. We live in this human made realm to compete. That is our fight to survive.
That is the extension of the conditioning.
With the above in mind, how a man will act with a woman when united in sexual intercourse?
Deep down it is a fight. A competition. A struggle to subdue the other. It comes natural! Although we may label that as “love” or “making love,” or use another “nice” label. We cannot hide who we ARE.
Anything a “modern” conditioned man DOES will only reflect who he IS.
So, am “I” preaching to “change,” to be someone else by “practicing” some idea? NO. I am merely stating my perception. It is just a perception.
Change does not happen when I try to DO the opposite of what “I” understand to be “wrong” to make it “right.” That is infantile.
Change happens when I can clearly see who “I” AM without any additional emotions to defend or condemn myself. Just SEE it completely.
For as long as we do not SEE it, we will only believe it or we will not.
We will add yet another belief in our deep and huge bag of beliefs, that sooner or later will be lost in forgetfulness. All we will have left then, is another “nice” talk about Love, Peace, Compassion, Unity, etc.
The mind can live with the ideal, but “reality” cannot.
It was mid morning in a warm and sunny day by a park near downtown.
Ananda was observing how a coach was teaching 3 kids, ages 5,6 and 7 approximately, to hit a tennis ball with a racket.
This is Tennis 101.
“Watch the ball and hit it” were the instructions, as the coach was throwing the ball to the kids, one at the time; while the ball bounced on the ground at a slow speed.
The younger kid couldn’t hit the ball no matter how persistent the coach was. At the end, the coach sent him to sit down by a bench once he got tired of repeating the drill fruitlessly.
The other kids were getting “Great shot!” kudos, in the meantime.
The younger kid felt upset. He thought he was being punished. He couldn’t understand why he was sent to sit down rather than continue playing at “hitting the ball.”
The kid’s mind was focused on fun, entertainment. The coach’s mind was set on performance.
Two different consciousness.
Similarly is with grown ups when experiencing life.
For some there are actions labeled as “good and bad.” For these individuals, life is about being “good” and not “bad.” Very simple.
Hit the ball. If you don’t, then you will get punished.
The almighty coach will send you to sit down, far away in darkness. Until the game finishes… or you could be there forever. That is up to your belief 🙂
In that consciousness, actions (performance) are the only thing that matters. Life is very straight forward. We must live in fear of not following the instructions of the coach. We must sacrifice our “fun” for “performance.” That is all that matters.
This consciousness is not “bad.” It is necessary. Many will stay there… All their lives.
In another type of consciousness, a realization arises when we perceive that hitting the ball is not truly what this game is about. How we hit it, is very important. It is in that realization when the commandment: “Watch the ball and hit it” is no longer useful.
“What goes around comes around” becomes the motto… karma 🙂 If you hit the ball with certain spin, it will be difficult for the “other” to hit the ball back. After all, this game is about playing with “others” and not playing with the coach.
In this consciousness, there is not punishment but it is just the way how we hit the ball how events will follow. We learn to be crafty…
It is not just about an action , but the intensity of it.
There is another type of consciousness, when individuals realize that having a good time is the “purpose” behind hitting the ball. It is not longer about “You vs. I” but “me and the other” are necessary for this “fun” to arrive. Then it is about “us.”
Toys R Us! 🙂
We went from hitting the ball, to the intensity and the way we hit the ball… to recognizing the players, the Totality of the game.
Of course, we could create an artificial set up about hitting the ball. We could call that competition. We could train many hours in pain and agony to learn to hit the ball in different ways to “beat” the other and win “money, fame and name.” 🙂 We could call that to “have accomplished something in life.” 🙂
No enjoyment. No life.
Then, we could create a quote such as, ” Winning is Enjoyment.” 🙂
Sorry, buddy. In enjoyment there is no winning nor losing. Enjoyment is beyond duality… of course, in a different consciousness.
If you win. It is sure that you will lose.
If you enjoy both, then there is no winning nor losing… just enjoyment.
Another paradox. 🙂
A reader asked about an “elaboration” on jealousy: How it generates, how it works and how to get rid of it.
The sharing offered comes out of observing that emotion in motion…
Why do I feel jealous?
Because there is a separation between me and another.
That separation brings a feeling of “competing” with another, rivalry to a person or a need to posses a person. The need to dominate.
You cannot be jealous of things.
When we feel that someone is not part of our “group” or does not belong to our “circle” and we consider that person a rival, then there is jealousy when something “good” has happened to the perceived “rival.”
Observe how you separate from a person. Observe the feeling of competition coming in you. Observe how that rivalry takes over which will not allow you to enjoy their advancements.
For this type of jealousy to occur, there has to be comparison going on in our minds. That comparison brings the feeling that we need to “keep up,” that we need to be “better,” we need to “dominate.”
This type of jealousy is observed everywhere: at work, in the religious group, among relatives, friends, etc.
Ralph is a computer geek. He boasts about his computer knowledge with everyone and that is how he maintains a “status” as an “expert” at work. Ralph challenges his supervisor constantly. Ralph is jealous because Ralph believes that his supervisor does not have the knowledge that he has, but yet he is supervising him. Ralph is not willing to follow his supervisor’s directions and becomes confrontational.
Eve and Joyce belong to a religious group. Eve has always admired Joyce’s way of speaking and addressing the public in her religious talks. Eve wants to be as popular as Joyce, but her gift of public speaking is not as efficient. Eve feels jealous every time someone from the public congratulates Joyce.
The teacher said in the classroom. “I want to congratulate Carl, today. He is the only one who has scored 100 in the test. The rest of you have the possibility to become like him. Just study harder to keep up with him.”
The teacher unwillingly has set up the right environment for jealousy if Carl has any “competitors” there.
This type of jealousy can advance into cowardice. Once a jealous individual acknowledges that he/she cannot keep up with his/her rival, then “back stabbing” will be used as a way of dealing with his own jealousy.
There is jealousy in “loving” relationships as well.
Sandra is “in love” with Mark. One day, Tracy comes in and Mark makes a comment about her beautiful watch. Sandra is present and she starts feeling jealous. Sandra has not gotten such a compliment from him. The word “beautiful” towards another woman, even though it was about a watch, is something that Sandra cannot take very well.
Sandra cannot stand the thought that Mark could express something nice about another woman. Sandra has to be his “everything.”
When there is no complete possession, because of a rival, there is jealousy.
Thus, how do we get rid of that jealousy?
Simply by recognizing that it is there when it appears. Simply by recognizing that “rivalry” has arrived.
When we are aware of its presence and just observe it; that sensation will go away by itself. Normally, what we do is we react immediately with pain and suffering or we think about it and give “life” to that sensation. “How is it possible for Mark to say that about Tracy? I feel disappointed. Mark is not loyal with me… etc.” Greater quantity of thoughts means grater fire to ignite dormant emotions.
Thus, the main problem is not feeling jealous, but the sense of insecurity, lack of self-esteem, self-worth which is expressed every time we compare to another.
Once those hidden emotions are understood through looking in our lives those episodes where those emotions were triggered, then we are making the necessary steps to understand the self.
For example, the sense of insecurity may have come to Sandra when she was left by her father, when Sandra was a 7-year-old kid. Sandra felt that she could not rely on people anymore. Therefore, when Sandra finds someone like Mark and feels that now Mark is all for “her,” Sandra is covering that insecurity with someone. When that someone does not meet her “criteria,” then Sandra feels disappointed, then that evolves into anger for she feels betrayed even though it is an insignificant thing for a grown up… however for Sandra’s inner child, it is not. 🙂
The above is just an example of the type of work that we need to be willing to do to understand ourselves.
Once we recognize that the source of jealousy is not really jealousy in itself caused by “others,” we can see that we need to find out the cause of that jealousy in ourselves.
“We” are the problem and the solution.