On the duality of tension and relaxation
It was a cloudy, gray and moody day. Most did not want to come out unless they had to. Winter was silently tiptoeing its way into the city as an expert burglar; stealing precious Nature time from unaware citizens. Nevertheless, that was the moment of blossoming of many flowers, a moment to admire that bright shade of green color in Nature and to enjoy that distinct morning grassy smell; while birds were harmoniously singing and chirping for only those who could have ears to listen. Nature has a bright side even in the darkest day.
On another scene, the disciple was in a heated discussion with his neighbor during that cold morning. The disciple was right in his complaint but the neighbor continued with his diatribes. After a few moments which seemed like an eternity, the disciple walked away and went to see his master. The disciple explained that scene and waited for his master’s words.
The master said: “Ego is a coward in disguise. Ego is afraid. Ego will look for an enemy to discuss, to fight because otherwise; it will have so much fear that it will sense its own dissolution. If ego is not utilized, it dies and disappears but not everyone has the courage to break away from that identity of themselves and to realize that as it is outside; it is inside. How did you feel during that battle?”
The disciple responded: “I felt very tense during those minutes, master. Now, I feel depleted.”
The master then replied: “Do you know the difference between sexual orgasm and ejaculation? The difference is Tension. To relax means to open up to life beyond the feeling of annoyance or hassle. Many times we just want to liberate ourselves from a bothersome relation as soon as possible thus, we are in complete tension. When there is this intention of ‘getting rid of’ before meeting that one, then that becomes an ejaculation. Then exhaustion appears, tiredness and a sensation of annoyance almost as if you had a relationship with a girlfriend where you need to ejaculate many times to demonstrate your virility. The end result is an uncomfortable feeling with her smell, her presence, her skin. Thereby; an orgasm means relaxation, to surrender in infinite pleasure. Ego does not like to surrender. It likes to fight, to run high. However, deeply in that personality there is a broken heart. Proud as no other of something which does not have. A complete illusion.”
The disciple understood his master’s words but he wanted to know what he needed to DO in such circumstance. The master responded: “ Only Presence. Thoughtless awareness. Whatever is there it has to be as it is; but if you remain consciously present that which is there in conflict, will dissolve by itself.”
The disciple then said: “Master, that person was acting in a crazy manner. The world is Crazy!”
The master listened, smiled and answered: “To live in a mental hospital has its pleasant side when you know that you are a doctor. But when you begin to fall ill from listening about diseases, when you become afraid of a disease or when you feel bothered by a sick patient; in that moment your vocation to help humanity goes away. Then obligation, a sense of duty comes in to replace vocation. Ego bubbles up as soap in that situation. Ego suffers in that sense of obligation and that will keep it alive. Trapped in that circle of feeling annoyance and hassle, bitterness appears.
Remember: Tension brings rigidity and that will end up breaking down your own body. Thinking about those events after the fact, attracts further tension. Feelings of goodness on the other hand, will evade it and settle into relaxation. Relaxation does not come by thinking about it or by forcing ourselves to be relax. It naturally comes in the awareness of tension.”
To ejaculate or not … into “sacred” sexuality
Most Humans at this time are out of touch with their sense of “self” but paradoxically, there is selfishness without awareness of it.
No wonder, an opinion from someone else, whether from a “teacher,” a “guru,” a “scientist,” a “priest” etc. becomes the yardstick to measure our own “goodness” or “worthiness.” We live through the perceived acceptance of others rather than through our own experience. Why? Because we want to be “right.” It is that fear the one that will not allow us to OBSERVE.
For those “practicing” “sacred” sexuality, not to ejaculate becomes important. Those who do not practice this, are engaged in “mundane” sexuality, that means the opposite extreme.
For the common man, that desire to become “better” brings its own issues. He IS not ready yet but, the IDEAL becomes important in order to be “right.”
READY means that this person is in a process of dissolution of his own “darkness” or “shadows” or “hang ups,” etc. That is a “spiritual” man. As those emotional burdens clear, then all the internal sexual channels will align and energies will flow with ease. Most, are not aware of this. Most believe that their “success or failure” is in the tip of their penises!
For that “spiritual” man, the question of “ejaculation or not” is of no consequence. Naturally, this man will be able to regulate his sexual energy. He does not need to think or “practice” a technique.
In fact, this man could have as much sex as he wants and ejaculate when he wants. That is what for most is labeled as “mastery.”
It is obvious that a “normal” man will only try to imitate something that he IS not READY. That imitation will not be a source of joy but of worry and guilt.
When a man IS in that state of inner work with his own shadows, then sex IS “sacred,” for this man IS “spiritual.” That is how sexuality and spirituality meet.
Observe the emphasis on “techniques” of those who ARE not there. Observe the hypocrisy of those who believe to have “conquered” their own devils. Sex will show where they are, without a doubt.
The “normal” man may need to ejaculate every time he has sex to feel fulfilled. The “normal” man may need some sort of regulation so he does not deplete himself from his own vitality. The “normal” man may need “practice,” to emulate what he IS not.
When someone joins a spiritual group and he is forbidden to experience sex or to ejaculate, that is the effort to copy some IDEAL that is not truly REAL. The “normal” man IS not there. “Practice” means to add a layer of repression, self-denial and self-righteousness; that is to increase the “shadows” within. That is not “bad,” as long as we are AWARE of what is happening.
In Life, everyone is different and whenever someone gives a concrete “answer” or a “solution,” that person is only reducing the ample spectrum of possibilities. That question whether to ejaculate or not, shouldn’t burden our minds. Become AWARE of the FEELING. How do you feel in the moment, the “now”?
Be your own teacher by learning to be your own student. Listen. OBSERVE. Become AWARE of your own mental games, needs and wants. Acknowledge CHANGE within, so the “answer” given yesterday could be changed into something new today.
The question whether to ejaculate or not, is a mental problem made by those who are more concerned in being “right,” than to learn about themselves.
For those who are AWARE, “mistakes” are necessary steps to learn. But for those who are not aware, “mistakes” are an enhancement of their own silliness.
Observe that “mistakes” could be “good” or “bad” depending on who you ARE. The same is in sex, in love and in Life.
However, in our society; what we DO is deemed more important than who we ARE. That is how dishonesty increases. That is how we copy the actions of others believing that by DOING those, we become the same. That is an illusion.
Acknowledge who you ARE. Learn from it.
The Tantric misunderstanding
Tantra is not for the masses. A “tantrica” is not born by taking on-line “master classes.” Tantra is not about “better sex” either. Nor a “system” or “philosophy” to expand consciousness. There is this belief on being “liberated” from conditioning, by speaking freely about sexuality in a society that views sex as a taboo.
Tantra “Goddesses” will appear selling different “services.” They become “Tantra teachers” after attending a few classes and paying their fees to be “certified.” There is no much there to show their level of consciousness, but it is thought, that their sexual prowess is the proof of their “mastery.”
We don’t hear too much about “gods” of “tantra.”
It is a steep job description: A man that can have sex as many times as he wishes and ejaculate only when he wants, without using “technology,” “pills”or any “techniques.” That is a “natural.”
Due to that level of “mastery,” we do not hear too much from them. If they sell “techniques,” rest assured they aren’t “naturals.”
The above is pretty much the collective belief about Tantra.
However, for the ones who are ready in consciousness; Tantra is a whole different thing. When a true Tantric couple is united by destiny, Sex has a different meaning: It is the way to discover Love by going beyond the limits of self.
According to my reliable “sources” there was in history an example of such a tantric couple. They are well known, although; the term “Tantra,” probably wasn’t known by them.
Would you like to know who they were? They were well known for their divinity:
Jesus of Nazareth and Mary Magdalene.
It makes perfect sense. Consciousness brings the “Tantra” experience.
I am sharing this knowing that some may be revolted by this “heresy” that goes against established beliefs.
But for those who are open to “do their homework,” this may be “good news.”
Tantra IS in that sort of “divine” consciousness.
When we ARE NOT there, then “techniques,” “methods,” “practices,” “rituals,” etc . are taught. The focus is only sex. Although, pleasure maybe enhanced, there is no “open door” in their consciousness to go beyond self.
A man cannot fully surrender to the sexual experience or Life itself, if he was made a “master” through the use of “techniques.”
Just like “Yoga” is not what is practiced in the gym near you; Tantra is not a new fashionable method to have sex and “improve” consciousness… However, there are individuals claiming benefits from those “practices,” thus, everything is good.
Everyone aligns to a particular thing according to their consciousness. Thus, many times what we think “IS,” it may not be. It is in that experience of recognizing change, and not denying it or defending old beliefs; how change happens, how consciousness “expands.” 🙂
To take a glass of wine or beer once in a while, is not a problem. Someone in that experience will not need to know “Dry January.” Those who are lost in alcohol, will surely experience what “Dry January” is. An extreme brings another.
Same principle applies with sexuality and celibacy.
For most individuals, sex has 2 main functions: Reproduction and fun\pleasure. There are more functions in sexuality, only known/experienced by few.
Most men are unaware that their vitality is embodied in their semen. The importance of this vital energy will be seen as the individual ages.
Most individuals are incapable of regulating their excitement and need to ejaculate. Due to the “macho”/”stud” conditioning, many men are depleted of their sexual energy, then; when they reach their 40-50- 60s they lack vitality.
What was the solution for this problem?
Nowadays, it is a “blue pill” which will take the person into further depletion or in other terms: it will submerge the person into greater vitality debt.
Before the “blue pill,” there was the natural means: Celibacy.
It was thought that by “not doing it,” a person will lose interest. Religions tried to sublimate the sexual urge by “purifying” a relationship through love of God or condemning sexuality and the “pleasures of the flesh.”
However, there cannot be celibacy when the individual is repressing and denying his own sexuality.
Celibacy is not repression. However, celibacy could be used as medicine to restore the vitality of an individual. When an individual is running in deficit, celibacy is not a repression, but a needed “practice.”
Some individuals believe that celibacy is only to abstain from sexual relationship with another; however, it is as well to abstain sex with yourself.
Nevertheless, the important factor is for the man to maintain its semen as much as possible, and not to abstain from human touch, feelings and pleasure.
It is easier to maintain a “black or white” posture: No sex, no touch, no pleasure and to disseminate the message that this “practice” is “spiritual.” However, most; at least 99% of individuals will repress to comply with this “spirituality.”
Since the above may be too restrictive; sex, touch and pleasure were allowed by some religious/ spiritual systems; but not ejaculation at all.
What was the outcome? Utter pressure. Sex was no longer enjoyable as someone has to “watch” for the moment of “no return.” Then guilt sets in, for that “failure” and the consequences of it.
The “reality” of human sexuality is that we cannot put all human beings in the same basket. We are all different and those differences will change in time: A 60-year-old is very different than a 20-year-old. A society will teach them to comply with some belief or some moral ideal, but the teaching does not cover to be AWARE of ourselves.
If a human was AWARE of himself, he will know to walk the “middle way” and to put himself in that path as Life turns into different streets. That “middle way” is never the same; nevertheless; it is the natural way. Most are prey of social/peer pressure, collective beliefs and nonsensical traditions which endanger their own well-being. That is the path of extremes.
Celibacy is as good and necessary as Sex is. They can complement each other. It all depends in timing, setting and circumstances. The keyword is “Balance.” To “practice celibacy” means for a limited time. Typically, we don’t “practice” sex. Naturally, we ARE sexual beings, but according to who WE ARE, we could manifest love and care through sex, OR lust and violence.
When celibacy is natural, it is no longer celibacy. Anything “practiced” with repression, will NEVER be natural.
Semen is Life. Through that we give Life to another. Your Life, your vitality depends on keeping that energy.
How many times a month shall I ejaculate?
You are missing the point. Discover what works for you. Be sensible, aware of what your body tells you. Change when there is a need. Forget about the “scientific research,” of what should be “normal.” Feel the balance. What is natural does not rely on numbers and formulas.
Sex and celibacy are the complete human sexual experience. They are ONE.
The spirituality of Sexuality
The way you deal with sexual energy, will show your spiritual evolution.
Sexual energy is a fantastic source of vitality, relaxation and enjoyment. The full body (and ethereal bodies) is rejuvenated through it. However, that is not the experience of many.
For many, it is an itch which is meant to go away through an orgasm. This type of perception will deplete the vitality of a human being.
Through that realization, Tantra as a “technique” was taught to people. It was about avoiding ejaculation/orgasms for the sake of extending it. It was about being conscious of breathing and different techniques, methods to delay orgasms.
I recall reading some techniques from some “spiritual” people:
“Don’t ejaculate no matter what.” That is a “black or white” vision.
The joy of forgetting yourself cannot be there, for it becomes another source of pressure, another “objective” to accomplish in one of the few moments when the “I” could go away.
Tantra happens when a person has reached a certain degree of spiritual evolution. As long as the mind and emotional traumas are standing in the psyche of an individual, their nadis and chakras will not work properly. As a consequence, that will bring a variety of sexual experiences: From frustration to addiction.
Sexuality is a consequence of the evolution of a person. Sexual energy will bring nourishment when properly channeled.
As you ARE so is what you DO. Thus, the ACTION by itself whether it is to have sex or to repair a car is colored by who you ARE. What you ARE, is basically the addition of all mental constraints, emotional traumas, taboos, hang ups, beliefs which are not allowing someone to be open to the experience of enjoyment.
All of those “constraints” are shaping up the “I.”
That is why, as the “I” goes away, so the obstructions in our nadis and chakras, which will be open to experience what we ARE… bliss, fulfillment, creativity, vitality.
In Sexuality like in any other type of experience, there is a range. In every lifetime, we will experience certain degrees of that range, from none to full. That is why, wherever you ARE, that is OK. It is part of your evolution. As there is openness, then we could move to a different position in the range of experiences.
If we understand the above, there is no way that we could label sex and sexual energy as “bad or good.” However, those who feel comfortable labeling sexuality as good or bad, are exactly where they need to be.
That is the wonder of Life. See the differences, embrace the differences, make those differences one with you…so there are no longer differences.
Then you are ONE with what is. That is integration with Life.