Tagged: expectations
Feeling beyond thinking
Living life to the fullest means the capacity to enjoy every moment of it for “what it is.”
Perceptions of reality are there all the time.
What do we do with them?
Do we create a philosophy or a religion out of “our” perception? Or do we want to spend our time, searching for the “truth”?
Those perceptions are there to be enjoyed while they last. There is no “purpose” other than our own, so why not enjoy it?
When we label those perceptions and compare them with our own expectations, then that perception becomes a belief and that belief will be part of our personality. We are building the “Self.”
Expectations become beliefs.
A life, which is full of thinking and thoughts, is ready-made to support the existence of the thinker, the “self.”
“I think, therefore; I am.”
That phrase by Rene Descartes has become the basis of Western mentality. The “I” exists because the “I” is the thinker.
Doesn’t it seem logical? 🙂
However, that “I” is living miserably because of its “own” thinking which cannot be stopped.
A child does not have that “problem.” His thinking is minimal. His innocence is there to protect him.
An adult who was indoctrinated into the belief of the existence of the “I” as the only “reality,” has lost the zest for living.
That is the modern man searching for security and comfort. Searching for pleasure and power, searching for immortality and looking to possess someone who he believes to be the ultimate “boss” in the Universe, God… for in that way, “He is alright,” saved, redeemed, etc.
That thinking is dualistic. That man will be trapped with his own expectations and beliefs. Isn’t that obvious?
What is the solution?
Shall we “think” about a solution?
Feel life. Feel your own being without the enclosure of the word “I.”
Be natural, in Nature… get acquainted with “it” again.
Joy resides in feelings not in thinking. As our feelings increase our thinking will diminish. Balance will come back again to our lives.
This feeling is not something that we could artificially focus on something or someone. It comes naturally, for life itself, for the Totality.
The separation of Godly and Evil exists only in our minds.
Nature, the Universe does not operate through that “black or white” morality.
A “free man” is the one who can enjoy without the mental blockages of beliefs, fear and ego driven traumas, someone who has the innocence of that child, to live life spontaneously without hurting the “others;” for he is in tune with life itself…while at the same time, having the courage to conquer his inner dragons… one by one, through carefully looking at the mirror of relationships.
“I feel, therefore I enjoy Life.”
The experience of Joy in life
Everyone will agree about the importance of living with Joy… There is no problem in that…however, not everyone will understand joy in the same way.
For some Joy is “not bothering about anything” 🙂 Believe it or not, that is the meaning that some may have in their heads about Joy. To be joyful is to be careless… or with a pretty word: “care-free…”
For others it is about “entertainment.” To get our minds busy in something that will make us laugh and smile.
For others it is about getting into activities that will bring pleasure and elation.
The mind is always in between.
The mind interprets. Joy is not an interpretation.
The mind gets stuck into “right or wrong” actions due to that interpretation. The mind is looking to become something important, something special in the future.
That could be called ego and that is in the mind.
For some, the greatest pleasure or high is found in sex. For these individuals “Sex is mental.” 🙂
The mind worries, the mind assumes, the mind interprets, the mind longs for something, the mind is busy….
The mind could hurt us physically and emotionally. We typically do that unconsciously. A thought appears. The mind interprets. The mind sees the difference. The mind wants to obtain.
Some may hurt themselves trying to obtain a flawless body.
Some may hurt themselves by feeling guilt and shame when the result of their expectations is not obtained.
Paul: “But we have to do something in this life, we cannot just enjoy it…”
Do something. Achieve something. Once you do that, do it again… just change the flavor, would you?
That is the trance of a repetitive mind. That is the mind who is always looking for fulfillment and cannot obtain it.
“Doing” is part of living. “Doing” with an expectation is a disease.
Paul: ” Do you want to go to heaven?”
These are the “good” things that you have to do to get there….
“Just doing it” is to miss the seed of an action, that is our intention.
Paul could become an ascetic and “do everything for others” but, if Paul’s mind is expecting something in return that is the greatest way to build up his ego….his mind.
Paul is expecting for a thank you. Paul is expecting for recognition. Paul is expecting to go to heaven… Same thing.
The mind keeps its longing for presence, that is to be “someone” to affirm its importance, its value.
That is the mirage.
Joy cannot happen when the mind is busy, becoming something, fighting for something, expecting something to happen or when having fear that something will not happen.
If God does not accept you for the way you are and has the aim to “make you better” that will create an expectation and fear in us, undoubtedly.
Fear of not being good enough. Fear of not reaching the expectation.
While living in that fear, there cannot be love to God or to anyone.
Any type of fear takes away our joy.
Being in Joy is a state when there is acceptance of life.
Paul: “But you need to improve. You need to become better…”
Here we go again… “Being” does not require improvement. We just need to let it happen… to let it be.
A child enjoys life until he learns about “improving” himself. That joy goes away.
Let that “improvement” come automatically as a growth in consciousness by acceptance of life but not as “having to do something.”
That is openness.
That type of “improvement” does not come by “doing something.”
The mind needs to be clear, pristine…. Pure.
Purity is not attained by “not doing” something. Purity is in being what we already are… but we cannot let that happen… because we are afraid. Then the mind will be in between.
As long as there is fear of any kind, there cannot be purity.
To clear our minds from beliefs, hang ups, taboos, constraints and expectations is to dissolve that mind which interferes by interpreting life rather than by allowing a complete and direct experience.
Are we afraid of that?
Then we cannot know what joy is.
Expectations
Kathy was looking to get a different job. She was certain that she will be getting a new one in no time.
Kathy expected to be called to interview, but nothing was happening. That created an unknowingly irritation in her mood. The consequence of this was an inflammation in her body.
Although Kathy did not perceive the relationship, she was quick in label that incident as “bad luck,” and this pessimistic frame of mind, created a vicious cycle…
Expectations are a subtle way of a controlling personality. That person will not be able to enjoy life until a situation occurs.
We could expect a person to behave in a particular way. We could expect for some event to occur in the future. We could expect to be treated in a certain way.
All those expectations are a sure way of creating suffering.
Why?
Because things do not occur as “we” wish for them to happen UNLESS that is the way they should happen. thus, why put yourself on the spot? 🙂
In our society, we have created an idea to solidify that egocentric behavior: “I” am in control.
Certainly, there is no one in control once we understand the principle of cause and effect.
There is no one in control, once we understand that this life is an eternal movie.
However, even though some of us could have “knowledge” to understand these things, at the same time, our vision is taken to strengthen that ego.
“I am” the star of this eternal movie. “I” control things. “I” will become an enlightened being, etc.
All of these expectations are bombs waiting to explode. We will feel the repercussions.
A person who realizes about how an expectation could be detrimental to his health, will try to do something about it.
The typical “spiritual” answer to his search will be: “Do not have expectations.” 🙂
That is the beginning of having a repressed personality.
It goes something like this:
Buddha says: ”Desires are the cause of suffering.”
Mr. Follower Tothedot will say: “I should not have desires. Desires are bad.”
Mr. Tothedot does not realize that negating something in him does not mean to solve something.
Unfortunately that understanding of Mr. Tothedot, has been what “easy religious spirituality” has brought to human kind: The idea that a repressed personality is “good.”
The expectation to get rid of desires in ourselves is a gross misunderstanding, which happens because there is no experience of the discovery on how a desire occurs and what that entails, for that discovery is truly a personal journey.
-Q: Who has the desire?
A: Well.. it is “I”
-Q:Get rid of that “I” then.
That is the teaching, the path, the journey, the discovery.
Observe those desires. Observe those expectations. As long as there is “someone” such as an “I” observing, there could be rationalization, which is thinking, which is separation, which means to deepen the sense of isolation, the sense of “I.”
Is there a way to observe without having an “I” involved in the process?
Ah! That is for every one of us to discover, that is if this thing called “inner discovery” truly matters to “you.”
If it doesn’t matter, then an answer is all you will be looking for. 🙂 🙂
The bottom line
We can believe in whatever we want. That does not mean that it is the “truth.”
It may be “our” truth, but please realize that it could change at any time. We could be stubborn, but that is our issue. We have the right to be stubborn… and the consequences as well.
As a matter of fact, as our consciousness changes, so our understanding will change.
We are never the same. Ever. We are always changing, always evolving, always becoming….Propelled by the quality of our feelings, which in turn become our actions.
If we change our actions but we do not change our feelings, we will be acting as repressed individual.
We could look “honorable” under the eyes of others, but we will be burning inside. Ready to explode at any time.
There is no activity, which is “pure or impure” in the “movie of life.” Unless we believe otherwise.
It is just the feelings that we have about that activity which makes things ugly or beautiful.
Love between human beings is beautiful but not so much when our feelings are “ugly,” when that “love” is based on neediness, when it is just about expectations.
A greedy person cannot know what love is.
That greed is not just about money or power, but there is greed in our ideas about becoming someone “special,” an angel or a saint or a deity. That is, our life will be focused on “achieving something” in the future based on an ideal, forgetting about living life in the present, where our feelings reside. The now.
Let things happen uncalled, as they have to happen without trying to control the outcome. That ego driven self who thinks that spirituality is like going to school and earning a grade when you “study more,” is a self-deception. There is no homework to achieve. It happens… all by itself, when you relax, enjoy and allow your “pure” feelings to blossom.
Empty yourself so there is no “self” to adore or to support, so you can surrender to life, be part of that totality without trying to become “someone.”
That “trying” is just the game of an egotistical mind. We will change by itself… We just need to look at our feelings so they direct the changes in us. It is cause and effect. It is not something that appears from just this life. We are eternal.
If we believe in God. That is great! We are never alone. We live in relationship. If you believe that God will help you just because you joined a religion, you are deceiving yourself. In life, you can only get what you deserve. You earn that help. How?
Through your “pure” feelings, which became actions at one point. Those activities became the “law of karma.” The origin is in your feelings.
You may misunderstand my words. Beware of that.
That is because unless you have experienced what I am trying to convey through limited words, you will not understand. That is, you will interpret these things according to what you know. According to your consciousness. That is how nothing written or spoken could contain truth. It is just a perception, adulterated by language and limited consciousness.
That is why Avyakt7 does not teach anything. He only shares his experiences, realizations and such in this blog.
You are free to read them or not. Free to interpret them as you wish.
There is no expectation in this “game.”
Hopefully you will enjoy this “game.”! 🙂
The moving ball of expectations
When there is expectation in life, when there is something that we want to accomplish and we set the “ball in motion,” there will be some heaviness to carry with us.
When our minds are set up to only see the “fruit,” the “outcome,” the “end result,” the “achieved goal,” then it truly matters how much strength we use to put the “ball in motion.”
It is not by becoming the squeaky wheel, how things could get accomplished; but there is a “form” to “make things happen.”
That “form” comes with experience. It comes when there is consciousness of our own activities well beyond the pursue of the “end goal.” It comes when there is the understanding that the “means” we use is what will take us to a goal without sending an egotistical message to the world.
A change does not come about by pushing things. Any sort of violence to get into some change, means that the goal is more important than the means, however; the goal is merely an instant, which will change into something else… as soon as accomplished.
Nothing remains the same… not even our expectations!
Mary Anne is learning how to dance “salsa.” She has been taking “salsa” lessons for 5 months now. She is dedicated. She wants to learn how to dance but…. Her mind gets “blank,” she says. She forgets the steps. When you see her dancing, there is no sense of rhythm in her steps. There is no joy in her dancing. For her it is all about remembering the steps. Dance is no longer about enjoying a good time, but it is the pressure to achieve something.
Mary Anne is not taking lessons because of her desire to learn how to dance. She is there because her boyfriend, Enrique is a “great” salsa dancer. Enrique is a perfectionist. Enrique wants to see Mary Anne converted into an outstanding “salsa” dancer… after all, Enrique is the “greatest dancer.” 🙂
Mary Anne is in love with Enrique, but she does not love herself. Enrique is only in love with himself. Mary Anne is viewed as an extension of him.
In life, we could act like Mary Anne. We could “sacrifice” ourselves to do different things because we love someone. That could be the guy/girl next door or even God, nevertheless; whatever we attempt to do for “him/her” will not have zest, life unless we feel that we are doing that for ourselves, that we want that for ourselves… and in life, to discover that honesty is what sometimes takes time. That is why to do something out of love cannot happen when there is “two” different individuals, but “one.” Ego gets in the way of that oneness.
This wanting for “ourselves” is not a mental thing or an ideal. It is to discover our circumstances at a particular point in time, embrace that and move forward. To discover “ourselves” is the first step to uncover it. We cannot pretend here.
In life, we may act like Enrique as well. Our life is meant to support our ego. Everyone else should support our egotistical ways. We use people and abuse them. People are just the means to our goal.
Mary Anne pretends not to be egoless. Enrique does not pretend, but at the end and in both cases, is just ego in between them.
Mary Anne may be a great dancer. She may have a great potential, but under the circumstances that she is in, Mary Anne will not be able to learn to dance “salsa.” As a matter of fact, if she does; she will not enjoy it.
Enrique puts in motion the “ball of expectation” with such strength, that it could only bounce back into his face.
If Enrique pursues his egotistical ways, Mary Anne could hate “salsa” altogether… Her “love” for him will turn little by little into hate…
Once the ball of expectation is set in motion, we need to wait and see. Take a look. Observe. That is how we could recognize the damage of that ball when set in motion.
The above is the issue with expectations. It is not just about our desires, but how those are perceived by others around us. Once the ball gets moving ….there is no way to stop it.
Awakening the Dreamer
Living “reality” as it is entails that all labeling, all type of reaction towards what is “there” are unnecessary.
If we label something, that becomes a preconception. The extent of that “habit” could be very damaging.
Many innocent people have gone to jail because of that.
“I” am sure that I “saw” something, which never happened. “I” am sure that “I” heard something, which never was said. “I” understood something coming from another in a distorted way, which is all in my head. “I” experience things, which “I” label as “true” which are the working of my own mind.
Those are dreams of a dreamer in the present, based on “habits” from the past.
Re-living the past in our minds is like playing an “old” movie, over and over. We even spend the time to change that movie in different scenarios, the “what if” scenarios, without realizing that this past movie is over. Why re-arrange it?
All of that will not allow us to clear our minds.
Please see that none of this is a belief or a religious story. It is something that we need to be aware of if a higher consciousness is to be experienced. It is inner work based on our own observation.
A religion will say: “Be good. Think good things. Think about God.” Please note that we are not escaping into more ideas, (the idea of being good, thinking good or an idea of my thinking on God) but merely confronting what it is “now” through observation.
This is not an “inner fight,” but just to be clear on what is going on with our own minds.
We have the futuristic dreams as well. These types of dreams are supported by our society. Everyone has a dream about his or her future. “I want to be this and do that 5 years from now.”
Avyakt7 is not saying that to do that is “good or bad,” avyakt7 is merely pointing out what is going on.
Once we “set up” our lives in our minds in that way, we will “approve” of certain things, which are OK to happen to us. Other things will be rejected.
Marriage is a good example. Many have in their head an “ideal” partner in an “ideal” circumstance, in an “ideal” time, etc.
Many times an opportunity is missed because it does not fit what we have in our heads. We forget the heart and more important, we forget to be honest with ourselves, that is to find our “truth” at every moment.
Life moves. To take a side in something means the possibility to acknowledge the validity of the opposite side of things as well.
“First, I will do this and then that and it has to be in that order because I want this thing out of life.”
We call that a goal. Life has its own movement, which may not be the fixation that we have in our minds. “My dream.”
The interesting thing is that there is no mundane “goal” in life that will bring any lasting fulfillment and thus, no goal which is “higher” than anything else.
On the other hand, when we are talking about spirituality and “higher consciousness” as a goal, it is not related with any circumstances around us. Marriage, jobs, duties, social status, economical status are of no consequence when the “goal “is to be aware, conscious or ourselves and what is going on in our minds, to make sense of our lives.
Certainly; tranquility, serenity, calmness will give the appropriate environment for this awareness to take place, but we need to grow into giving “value” to those “commodities” which are important in life so we can see life under a different perspective, with greater consciousness.
Take the time to smell the roses. Take the time to watch the sunset. Take the time to appreciate the moon in a deep night.
Take the time to salute the Sun. Take the time to perceive life, its harmony in the nurturing environment of serenity, before life, the “moment,” moves away.
Observing the inner drama of the mind
Ananda was wondering about the words of Mathias; the wise tree, about getting rid of the “Me.”
In theory it sounds good, but how do you do that practically?
By simply not being attached to anything we think or perceive. Simple but not so. Paradox. 🙂
Ananda had the ritual of watching the waters of the bay every morning. Ananda does not feel compelled to do this as “mandatory,” but it is a natural fulfilling experience for him, as if he was seeing a friend.
When Ananda observed the waters of the bay without emitting any judgment in his mind, something occurred: Some sort of understanding appeared by just looking at the world of the Ocean and their participants: The seagulls flying, the fish swimming in formations just like the birds, the dolphins arriving from afar to be seen, the wind blowing and the sunshine reflecting on the waters of the bay, which created a calming sound when hitting smoothly the walls of the bay. All of that made a symphony, harmonious music with the theme of celebrating a new day.
Ananda was getting ready to go for a trip far away to a land filled with buildings, cement and noise, also known as “progress.”
Ananda knew that his morning ritual of “self purification” will be stopped for a while. He had developed love for Nature, specially the Ocean.
Then a thought arrived. He thought: “I will really miss you.”
Ananda was working on observing his mind, thus; Ananda caught that little phrase when he was about to build the “feely” emotion of “I miss you.”
Ananda realized that he was comparing. Anada realized that he was anticipating the future based on his experience of the past. He was attached to the thought of “having the waters of the bay,” in his mind.
From there, everything was about the game of comparing: the new place versus the old one. The likes and dislikes, the “how miserable I feel now and I wish things were like they used to be.” All of that, is plain rejection of what is.
Ananda realized that whenever he compared, he will be choosing one thing rather than another. That choice meant his automatic emotional dependency on something. That “me” selecting things to depend on which by nature are transitory.
As Ananda discovered these things while observing his mind, deeper emotions came up.
Ananda thought of that moment when he fell deeply in love with some one. That person did not reciprocate his feelings; but that experience didn’t allow Ananda to “move on” in life. Every woman that he met from that point on, was compared against a fictional “blueprint” of perfection, an emotion which depicted perfection and no woman could be closer to that.
Ananda was trapped in that emotional drama, which truly showed him the issues of being trapped in idealism and daydreaming, on playing your own movie in your mind.
Ananda then remembered the time that a dog bit him. His ego made a trauma out of that experience and his mind confabulated to create fear every time Ananda was close to a dog.
“All dogs are like that. Don’t get near to them,” advised the “little voice” inside his mind, the “Me.”
Ananda perceived how accumulating psychological information in his mind, which is known as memory; was the cause of not living the now, for those experiences had greater value than the current present.
Ananda realized that this memory of an experience in life, became permanent every time his ego felt hurt, neglected, lacking respect; that is every time an experience came below “his” expectations.
Ananda realized that the source of all of that was this center who he called “I.” That center is psychological, it doesn’t exist but his mind make that “center” alive. That center even has his own little voice talking to Ananda all the time, to prove its existence.
Finally, it “clicked for Ananda,” when he remembered what Mathias; the wise tree, mentioned about being empty and getting rid of the “me.”
There is “pure” observation without comments, that is, the “Me,” is not there. It is like a 3 year old baby looking at the environment attentively, learning new things. People would infer that these babies are “thinking,” but that is not there yet. As a matter of fact, most of our thinking comes out of learning our language, then the concept of “me” is learned very well and from that “separation” arrives.
It is just conceptual separation made real in our mind.
Religions and philosophies have used different methods to deal with the mind. One of them is to busy the mind. Remember this or that instead. Fantasize with this or that, keep the mind busy. That is a method relying on something else to keep that peace “of mind.”
Nevertheless, to observe our own mind without being the observer is a step further, a step beyond dependencies. It is the art of figuring things out for yourself and by yourself.
You become your own teacher.
Exploring the Depth of Living 