Tagged: falling in love

Inner Awareness: The easy way to know love

zen

Ananda was troubled. His thoughts were heavy. He had been thinking about this person nonstop for many months now. Ananda was “bewitched” by her sweet ways. The way she expressed herself. Her looks. Her voice. Her sweet inner self. Everything!
A thought came and then a feeling made that thought stronger. It was an emotion.
Ananda felt “alive,” out of the routine.

That emotion became a dependency after a few weeks. Ananda was daydreaming about her. He was making “romantic gateways” in his mind. Ananda was feeling good . He thought that she also liked him. He was waiting for the “right moment,” to let her know; but he was enjoying the sensation now as it was.

A few days later, Ananda found out something about her. Something that he didn’t expect, which changed the impeccable vision he had of her: He thought she was very special! 🙂

Ananda couldn’t believe it. His “castle of thoughts” collapsed. A thought came, then he felt this energy by his heart. It was an emotion wanting to come out. That emotion invaded his being and due to his strong feelings; Ananda started to cry…. Ananda’s day changed from a sunny morning into the darkest horror story.
But then a few hour later, Ananda had more information about this person. It was good news! What he thought before wasn’t 100% accurate. But only 75%! Ananda saw how the night changed into the daylight in his life….one more time, he was a “happy go lucky” guy. The smile was in his lips again, “because of her.”
In the “normal” world that is what is known as “falling in love.”

The above story could be changed in many ways. The main topic to perceive is how we become emotionally dependent on someone or something. We give our happiness into the hands of someone.
As long as we are dependent on something outside ourselves, our well being will fluctuate.
That dependency can manifest itself in many ways; the underlying factor is that our thoughts are “crying” for that “high.”
When our minds dictate our mood, we will be lost in the unsettled world of thought and emotions.

Ananda went to the nearest park early in the morning. That park had a Lake and the Sun was just starting to come out. As Ananda looked at the lake, he perceived that his thoughts and emotions as the ripples in the lake. More emotions, more ripples. With so many ripples going on, Ananda wasn’t able to look at the reflection of himself in that lake. He couldn’t know himself with too much inner turbulence.

To see that reflection in that lake, would have been a pathetic picture of an otherwise decent looking guy, with the saddest expression in his face.
All the trouble was in his own mind. A belief.

Ananda looked at the lake, sitting there without thinking about anything in particular. His mind was taken by just looking at the dance of ripples under the Sunlight of the new day. Then, he perceived a new sensation: The beauty of something inside him like a presence or a “stable being,” not watching anything; just being there. It felt like a strong support coming from inside. As a matter of fact, that “being” was taking over the whole scene of the lake , the sun and Ananda; so there were not 3 things but one going and slowly dissolving into none. Nothing but awareness.

As soon as Ananda realized of this, then his thoughts started to come out again as an everlasting thread of senseless pictures.
Ananda realized that as long as he was aware of this inner being, his thoughts wouldn’t bother him. Greater awareness, less thoughts.
Most important, Ananda was able to feel for the first time the meaning of SERENITY, without going to the dictionary to look up that word and try to act it because of hearing that to “be serene” is “good.”
In that serenity, the ripples of his mind subdue. In that serenity the bothersome pains near his heart which were bottle up emotions, could not be felt.

Ananda realized that his thoughts were not “real.” He was allowing himself to “daydream” about something who had overpowered him due to his need for company and proximity with another person.
Once there is realization, then there is a “cure.”

The important aspect is to realize that without that inner serenity, which some call peace, others call God and yet others call, spirit; without “that” there is no possibility of experiencing self –fulfillment and then, we will always be dependent.
That experience of serenity needs to be constant so there is nothing else that could overtake it, for anything else are just accessories coming from the outside. That is the “work,” the effort.

Love is sharing. That could only appear once this peace is constant. That peace is not dependent on anyone but ourselves.
Once we know that peace, that serenity and make it constant in ourselves, there will be automatic self transformation; then we can share it, give to the world; that is, for the first time we can know what love is. Not before.

When we know inner peace, we know love.

Conquer the mind to conquer love

“Love-looks-not-with-the-eyes-but-with-the-mind.-William-Shakespeare-700x525

The above quote is attributed to Shakespeare. I can see that he didn’t know love from the heart.

A thought comes, then an emotion arises. That emotion changes the way my body feels… I call that feeling; but it is not a “real” feeling from the “being,” but an emotion which has duality in it; that means: today I feel “happy,” tomorrow… “sad.”

One of the strongest emotions to feel is “falling in love.” That emotion means to be “overpowered” by something or someone.

That could be beauty, that could be power; that could be intensity.. even for some; violence. As we can see all of that is about how “something makes me feel.”

Because the mind is connected with a strong emotion, our mind will remember that particular incident, that particular individual who brought that sensation in me, that emotion.

As a matter of fact, our mind will be so mesmerized with that “fix,” that we will create thoughts just to sustain that experience. Once we create thoughts, we are making sure that we will remember that person, that incident; that scene. The “vicious” circle is enabled: Thoughts bring emotions, those emotions feelings which in turn creates further thoughts….

As the power of that emotion increases, the need to possess appears. If we have found a “lover,” we have the need to possess. We need to make that source of that emotion, “ours.”

That is how jealousy appears. That is how insecurity appears. That is what we call the “Drama” of love.

When the mind wants to possess something it kills it. That is why, love cannot exist in the mind, for duality is residing there.

“I love you if you are with me. I will hate you if you leave me.”
That love of the mind brings hate. That beautiful experience of feeling love will bring ugliness.

Out of those experiences in life, many move along without hope of finding “true” love. It appears as the problem is with finding the “right person.”

The issue starts with our mind.

As we learn to go “over the mind,” that is; to connect with that “inner being” by becoming centered in anything we do, there is a space created between the actor and the action; because of that space we could discern that whatever goes on in the mind is not really “real,” but just an emotion, a thought which when unchecked is affecting the body, it is affecting the self and its interactions; it is creating a “roller coaster” of emotions which we become addicted to. Some like “drama.” That makes them alive.

Love cannot be in sorrow. It is not a “roller coaster.” That is why, love is the fruit of freedom. That is freedom from the mind.

Finding fullness by discovering the self

Any sort of spiritual knowledge needs to start from the beginning which is the self. From that beginning, we discover the “end,” that is the self as well.

Alpha and Omega.

We can call the self with many names: soul, spirit, being, etc. Discovering the self, takes awareness, consciousness. That is to be “awake.”

The self can be felt in quietness, when movement is minimized. That is why meditation is a tool to feel the self primarily, and through that tool different spiritual experiences could be felt.

When external movement ceases, thoughts are discovered. To discover the movement of thoughts, takes awareness. Being “down,” or “upbeat,” is a matter of thoughts. Those thoughts change our mood and from that, our life.

Even though, we are in the physical world, our life is mental.

When thoughts slow down, we could feel the self-shining. We could feel that energy rising and a sense of fulfillment appears. Thoughts cannot be stopped with violence and “effort,” but there is a “natural” slowing down when our breath is rhythmic and our minds are at ease.

However, a level higher and deeper than thoughts is the realm of feelings. Our feelings change our thoughts and our thoughts, our feelings. It is a cycle.

For instance; If I am watching TV and see a face; that face could be recognized as “beautiful” (that is a thought) but many times, what I fail to recognize is the “feeling” that goes with it.

That is how “falling in love” happens. It doesn’t have to be a face, but there is a thought which is strengthened by a feeling and that feeling creates further thoughts which create a story of desires.

The more we think about it, the more feelings are created to strengthen that experience.
When a feeling is felt strongly, there is the sensation that something is needed. That experience is needed. I become “needy.”

That is why it is mentioned to take someone out of our minds, to free our heart.

Another example is when we think about some episode in our lives which has some emotions. Some frustration at work. Something reminds us of the name of this person who “did” something to me; and all of a sudden the movie starts rolling. It wasn’t just one thought but as long as the feelings appear (known as emotions at this time) that movie will be hard to forget. It will play there. A strong emotion means to be jailed in the movie theater of our minds, playing continuous commercial free dramas. 🙂

Paying attention to my thoughts, is the first step, but also stable feelings are needed.
Because I haven’t recognized the fullness of my own inner feelings and the beauty of the self, when free from thinking waste; there is an emptiness which needs to be fulfilled with something, which we look for in others or in something physical.

To recognize the self, we start by recognizing that our thoughts are not us. Those thoughts are not even a true story. They are a fabrication according to my mood; which in turn is dictated by my feelings.

Stability of feelings is understood when I am self-fulfilled with pure feelings and good wishes, when I am able to see the story of thoughts as watching a movie and putting that aside by simple awareness of the beauty of inner silence.

Here there is no “effort” that I have to make. Just to practice being aware of my own thoughts and my own feelings.

This is the process of Raja Yoga meditation as well.
There is a thought: The Supreme soul. There is a feeling: love. That connection creates a story. That story permeates my life, for what I am thinking and feeling, is who I am.

Question: Please may I clarify if the words karmic “bondage” and karmic “Relationship” are synonymous? How to turn a karmic bondage into pure friendship using Gyan, Yoga. If this attraction happens between a Brahma Kumar/Kumari teacher and his/her student, how can they turn this attraction into a pure friendship? Can just one party make effort i.e. Gyan, Yoga (Maryadas) or should both make the effort? If only one party is making the effort will this attraction wear off over a period of time?

Karmic bondage and Karmic relationships are not synonymous. I had friendships and even relationships which have helped me to look into spirituality closer. Even though, there may have been a “mixture” of both. Those were “inspiring karmic accounts” to me.

A “bondage” is more like a “weight to carry with you. “To be constrained. I had some accounts like that for a period of time, but definitely do not fit into the first category.
Your question is interesting. The short answer according to my experience is that it depends on the individuals involved.

If those individuals are “Golden aged souls” they will realize the sense of time and will definitely behave among each other with mutual respect. However, there has to be that communication among them to express their feelings openly. If this is a mutual feeling, they will need to be honest with themselves and see where they want to take this. Gyan teaches that an “attraction” is just a karmic account which needs to be settled at this time. How they settle that account is up to their roles. Obviously if they are gyani souls, they will acknowledge that attraction and realize that it is not the “real thing” and could work this either alone or both together. Honesty is the best policy, even if it hurts.

In my experience, the way to “dissolve” this attraction is by working on your yoga and at the same time not giving life to any thoughts of “hope” as far as any “romantic escapades” coming to the mind. The mind will create those thoughts and we will think things to reinforce that feeling of attraction, thus making the sanskar stronger. We will suffer because our thoughts will not fit reality.

Many times attractions come when someone fits our idea of beauty, generosity, sweetness, spirituality, etc. In my experience, when you get to know that person closely, those ideas will be dissolved “naturally,” for no one can fit an “ideal” especially at this time. This is why usually “marriage” cures the illusion of attraction.. 🙂

Therefore, while this process of “un-attraction” is happening it is important to follow the code of conduct to “speed things up.” It is just an illusion.

Being a “BK teacher” make things more “black and white” for that person may need to consider if that is a good example for others to see.

If that feeling of attraction is unilateral only, there is no question about it. It is a karmic bondage. That person needs to accept that, heal the heart and move on with a big smile….Sometimes, this takes time to realize, but if this soul is “Golden aged” he will hang on with the code of conduct no matter what… 🙂

Best wishes!

Being attracted by attractions is a distraction

Perhaps only for a few, being attracted is an issue to “conquer.”
For a “normal” individual it is “good” and desirable to feel attraction for things and individuals. It is part of the “culture.”
Mary met Bob because, They felt and overwhelming attraction. Funny, how that intensity did not survived with all the years that they stayed together. That “thing” became stale. It died.

Ralph felt attracted towards his current “new” car. He bought it without thinking how to pay it. The attraction was unstoppable. He thinks that he looks good in that car and that his peers will think more of him because of a car. 🙂
He drove it for a couple of months. He became tired of it. He wants to change it.

Both examples gives an account of what is an attraction and how sporadic it could be. Very unreliable to make a long-lasting deal. A relationship based on that alone will not last.

Through knowledge we know that attractions are basically “karmic accounts.” There is a “something” which pulls the mind of a particular individual but not another. It is like a “trap” that will force us to experience something which otherwise we wouldn’t.

Karen is 38 y/o. Mike is 22 y/o. Mike gave Karen a massage. Both “felt in love” due to the overwhelming, out of this world energy coming from both. They thought they were “soul-mates.” They lived together and that is when the dream shattered. Washing dishes and working for a living can be “overwhelming” to maintain an “attraction.”

Different personalities, different traditions, different age, different life stage got in the way of the romantic moment. Suffering came all of a sudden knocking at their door.
This is what BK knowledge calls “duality.”

Attractions are there to show us our weaknesses. Basically, it will show us why we are not complete. Wholesome human beings will not be looking for feeling “complete” through another being or object.

Certainly love has nothing to do with an “overwhelming attraction.” It is not a romantic serenade at midnight. 🙂
Love is sharing our own completeness. Our own being throughout life. That sharing renews at every moment because, we change. Love is understanding of that change and the freedom to let be. Love goes beyond the “living together,” for it is not bound by physicality. Love is spiritual in its essence. Only known by those who have found themselves in wholesomeness.
To know love is way more than to “fall in love.” An attraction is a mirage. A karmic bondage. That illusion could be “dressed up” with nice words and feelings. Because it is an illusion it will no last.

Attractions are like transactions. They will show you a fraction so you feel satisfaction…but that is just a faction. The infraction will come as a subtraction. That is why a distraction, will bring this chain reaction…. and you will feel the contraction… 🙂

Reader remarks: On finding love: Go straight, make a right and turn around …

Reader’s comments in bold type.

I had difficulty in reading
the part in which you exercise with the thoughts the sister
presented, some of the lines are the following, but maybe I did
understand it after all:

From article:
Even though the thought of replacing everything with Baba sounds like
a good thought, in reality; the “I” (ego) will not allow me to be
there.
Do you mean that if you try ego will pull you back to the
former “object”? see my practical example underneath .

Avyakt7 answers:
In the comments on the Sakar Murli of today (7-6-12) it was stated that ego means division. If there is Baba and Me as separated entities, “replacing” will not cure “my neediness.” It is palliative. Somehow we need to see that we are not separated entities, that is why Baba talks about “being combined.” Then, I am not replacing, but I am “it.”

From article:
Moreover, I don’t need to do that. How is that?
Baba is allowing me to be my true self, to realize my true self,
which is a soul; just like Him.

Yes and here is something that is on my mind for some time now:
I really think that there is very, very little difference between Baba the
soul and I the soul. He has his
part and I have mine. And in mine a lot of the time I have to deal
with the world of action, which has its consequences. And Baba never
has to, which has its consequences too. I try to figure out the
difference in “the soul world” between Baba and all the other pure
souls, it seems like there cannot be much of a difference…. Some
say: look how humble Baba is, he says I just play my part but isn’t
he just doing that, just like you and me? It is a super unique part,
and in this short period he must be very very busy 🙂 but still …

Also all those meditation commentaries about lights and colors and
persons walking or flying, prince-like godly beings, to me it feels
like nonsense but then they say it is extremely important to
visualize things to be able to protect yourself from the horrors of
the final scenes etc. Most of the time in my meditation I just “am’,
knowing that this cage of a body will fall off one day!

Don’t take me wrong; I am so unworldly happy with the knowledge and
the presence of a Baba, Baba giving it to us in his/its unique and
humoristic way, it is the only thing that makes sense and i could
never have dreamt that i would find this.

Avyakt7 answers:
🙂 As you mentioned, there is no difference between you and God in qualities, we are just like Him. However, we do not perceive that because we are engrossed in the physical world and we need to experience duality through rebirth. To experience is something that us souls can “experience.” God is beyond experience.
Every part is important in the Drama. God’s part is to make us remember who we are.
As far as “visualizing” in meditation; I have no issues with that, as long as I am not told that “I must do it.” I know of some souls who thrive with visualizations, so there is definitely benefit in it. Personally, I do not make any effort to visualize anything and like you, in the experience of feeling “I” the soul, there is fulfillment. In the experience of connecting with the Supreme soul, there is healing. To each its own.

From article:
The realization was that this sister, is basically describing how
something in her life was stronger (love for Baba for instance) and
that allowed her to overcome another pull. That is her experience
which of course is valid and true for her. 🙂

Yes, I recognize this, and I tried to do this in the case of a short
relationship many years ago that suddenly wanted to come alive
again: the other person presented himself, I was very surprised and
then started thinking how to handle this, applying the knowledge and
not running away from the situation. But one could see this as a
solution: just sorry and close the door. Not too difficult.
In the beginning I tried the trick of thinking of Baba (replacing),
churning knowledge but there also is the pull of acting, the part.
Closing the door felt like an act of incapability to function in this
world living my BK principles. Schizophrenic.

Avyakt7 responds:
Those are the tests. In BK life, we need to see through gyan that we are settling karmic accounts. If you close “doors.” They will be open sooner or later… the harder you try to close them, the most forcefully the doors will remain open. 🙂 Some think that you need to be tough, suck it up and see how your happiness disappear from your face and your health deteriorates. then we call that:”having karmic accounts with the body.” Denying emotions will do that. then it is just a matter of sustaining an “image” rather than living life.

Paradoxically, both paths (closing doors and opening doors) will bring benefit as long as we are acting with an honest heart. Is God what you want? Is closing doors what you feel is right? Then become a nun or a monk. Nothing wrong with it. As long as we follow our heart.

Settling an account is about changing our vision and feelings and to be aware that love has nothing to do with “magic feelings” or “blissful energies which are irresistible.”
Love is known in a relationship when things are worked out so, 2 become one. Just like being combined with Baba. It is the paradox of being one but 2 at the same time, complementing each other. In a human setting love could be known when there are “dishes to wash and bills to pay.” It takes time to know someone. Even with God.

As far as I am concerned, love is not something “exclusive” – just Baba and I in a romantic setting… Love is inclusive and there is a lot to learn from a human relationship as well as to learn when there is none and we are by ourselves. Both experiences have benefits.

Life will give us the experiences that we need to go through. Each one is different, but maintaining our BK code of conduct at all times is of paramount importance if spirituality is our priority in life. That will allow us to “experience” without falling, so we can see the “reality” rather than another illusion.

Well, thank you for reading this and might you have the feeling of
commenting on it I will be very interested in reading it, I welcome
everything that makes me understand and function better.

Falling in love: Ok as long as it is with Baba?

I was reviewing some of my “old” writings, when younger, daring and all of that… Found this one, which I still believe has its own “ground.” Bear with me… 🙂

Falling in love… sounds very romantic… and it is. A brother should not fall in love with a sister neither a sister fall in love with a brother… but according to the Drama, things happen and minds become agitated within the BK family or even with “lokiks.” We call that “karmic accounts.”
However,it is accepted for a sister to “fall in love” with Baba. I recall one avyakt Murli when Baba expressed that “He gives additional love to sisters, so they don’t become enticed by the outside world.”
But, is “falling in love” a virtue? Is it the same as just love? Have you ever wondered if Deities “fall in love”?
In my experience, “falling in love” is sort of like the “flu.” A temporary disease which enhances the image/qualities and personality of another being which is felt as needed. It is sort of an uncontrolled admiration which absorbs the complete thoughts and attention of someone due to obtaining some sort of fulfillment. As the dictionary puts it in a dry way, “an intense liking.”

Falling in love is one of those tests which BKs have to go through. I feel most everyone have gone through it or experienced it. Falling in love is a western type of “disease” which has been recently exported to India through movies. It is hard to imagine the romantic “falling in love” when your parents and the planets have already decided with who you are going to spend the rest of your days…

Falling in love could be the “preamble” of sex lust or of emotional pseudo-fulfillment. But, this same “disease” could be used as a source of improvement of the self by understanding the calling of time and “renouncing” (East)/ understanding (West) that which you feel you love for the sake of a higher goal, spirituality.

Spiritually speaking, gender is irrelevant. A man could live with a woman for all I am concerned and live a “pure” life… but not everyone is at that stage.
For someone who does not live in a center, things could be tough specially as you age. Baba has spoken about “pure marriages” at that point.

The “yagya stories” of how some women were looking to get divorced to be “with God” had its time. Many women are married and fulfilling their duties and still have love for God and the BK family. Things are not “black or white.” This “truth” is something that many fail to see.

I found this writing by Mikhael Omraam Aïvanhov to be very important:
“The secret of self-control is in a very simple rule: Do not allow certain thoughts and certain emotions to be set on your head and your heart because then it will be too late to prevent their effects.”

Bks are good about “positive thoughts” but we forget about emotions and feelings. Any relationship brings thoughts, emotions and feelings. Most people are unaware that our emotions and feelings are at stake if we allow certain energies to stay inside us and to entertain them with our thoughts. This is one of the reasons for continuous remembrance. If we observe ourselves, we will find out about our fantasy world of thoughts which brings emotions and feelings which we become addicted to. Once we are aware of this, physical separation will be used as if we were in the path of bhakti, where we see everything as physical: “I must be away from that sister…” or we could feel that we can play out what we feel, meaning “being closer to the one we like,” without realizing that our emotions are running the show and out of control and we are playing dices with “detrimental consequences.”
We take any energy coming our way. We don’t know how to transform that yet.

Loving Baba is one thing, but “falling in love with Baba” as another object of “extreme liking” sounds quite entertaining when many times those “get pulled” by worldly “love.”
Anyone could fall in love, but to feel constant love is the trick. That only comes in time with a relationship.

A Deity does not fall in love. A Deity is love… Let us get those sanskaras straight. 😉