Tagged: family constellations

“I,” “my” genes and “my” family

The “I” may think to be isolated. That perception presents a very narrow “reality.” Every single one of us is carrying the genes of our ancestors. A great part of that “I” is supplied by the past, unrecognized in the present but re-established in the future… unless we are ready and willing to go beyond our own genes.

Your DNA will influence the way you interpret an experience. A belief may tell you otherwise, but your “unconscious” will prevail.
In a society where the color of the skin or birthplace is important, “You” are pre-programmed to fit into a role.

Some of the generational characteristics of your ancestors are already in “you.” Those characteristics will come up in your Life no matter what you “do” to reject them or repress them.

For instance, someone could suffer schizophrenia due to some gene from the ancestors. Someone could be living with a “time bomb” in their heart, as the ancestors had heart attacks at an early age.

Yes….you are still “you,” an individual… but how much of “you” is actually “you”?
For the great majority of individuals, there is no much “you” different than the generational genes.

Observe how collective beliefs will have great importance on the way “you” see the world.

This is another layer of beliefs and collective programing that a “seeker” may want to look into.

You see, many times it is not enough to see that “I” am an angry person, when there is a collective consciousness behind a family tree giving a person that trait.
Observe it in your own family and how those traits that many times we justify or reject are within us. Those traits may resurface easily in family reunions and gatherings.

At the end of the day, that which we call “unconscious” for lack of a better understanding, is what will come up in a person’s behavior, as soon as that person is allowed to behave naturally.

To realize the connection of your ancestors and “you” is not “bad.” It is a source of understanding and liberation for the whole family as well.

Paul kept getting angry with people, no matter what method he followed. His father was a very angry man as well. Paul believed that anger was “bad,” in despair he said: “If it wasn’t for my father who taught me about anger, I wouldn’t be this angry!” Paul didn’t realize that his father wasn’t the source of that anger, but it came from his father’s family and so on…

What could Paul “do” to get rid of that anger?
Nothing. It is not a matter of “doing” anything unless all we want is to repress it. The one who is willing to understand his own anger cannot start by rejecting it, labeling it as “bad” or being ashamed of it, because some moral standard has dictated that anger is undesirable.

It is a journey to understand something in us. All we may want to be aware of, is that it is there and that we are willing to understand it, to accept it and to nurture it as a part of “I.” Let the journey start…

“Nurture your anger? Give me a break!”

It is “You” AT THIS TIME, don’t you see that?
Any “formula” or magic pill could do the trick for a brief time, but… the “thing” will come back, then you could feel like a loser, guilty, ashamed, etc. and will look for another “magic pill” to repress what you are not willing to understand.

“That is not true! I used “Xyz” method to get rid of my anger and it worked! so there…”

🙂 That “method” was merely the finishing touch of a long process which started once you realized about that anger. It wasn’t the “solution,” for there was a life process behind it. That “method” wouldn’t work unless you were ready for it, but many times we are so caught up in finding a “savior” that we do not see the big picture.

Let us say that Paul has a drinking problem. His journey will start when he is out of control. Then, he will realize that it is hurting him and maybe others. At that point, Paul may want to stop it. Paul may repress it, he may come up with “will power” tricks to avoid drinking… until he gives up and his personal “Satan” gets unleashed after a prolonged repression… Do we see the journey?

Paul will need to see that “drinking” is not the issue but there are other things underneath. First, he will need to look into his family, and how certain past behaviors were able to affect him. He may want to see if there is an issue with drinking in his family, he may want to find out how drinking started in his Life… Is drinking something that he enjoyed for the sake of it or a trigger from something else?

This is the journey to untie our own knots. In that journey we may need our own support, our own acceptance, that in itself is the key to look at things without guilt, without shame, without feeling “less than…”

It is a journey. It could last a few days, months, years, a Life time. One thing is guaranteed. There will be lots of learning in that journey which can only be stopped if there is resentment, shame, guilt, rejection, “black or white” beliefs which will hinder our looking inwards, our acceptance, our nurturing attitude towards finding an unexpected “I.”
Unfortunately that process of self-discovery is usually stopped by the “quick-fix” mentality, unable to perceive suffering as part of the process to heal, to be whole again….

Are you in a hurry to “fix” yourself?
Please know that you cannot do that. The “I” cannot fix himself.
Because “you” are not separated from Life. There are many episodes, many chapters which will need to be unfolded for that change to be natural. If it is artificial change, it is not change at all but plain inner dishonesty.

All you can “do” is to put a bandage, change your behavior and make everyone and yourself believe that “you” have changed.
Going through the process that Life will unfold is the cause and the solution of the “problem.”
Be willing to walk the path… and while doing that, treat yourself well; with love for everything will change sooner or later… as Life changes are guaranteed.