Tagged: family
On Family, TV and Violence
The master and his disciple were greatly amazed, observing a formation of new born ducklings following their mother duck, near a lovely lake.
The master said: “Life has a hierarchy. In the human family, parents have their position and it needs to be respected by offspring during their parents lifetime. Respect means acknowledgment. A family decision which does not consider that hierarchy will have consequences which could be even assumed by later generations. Our genealogical family past stays with us. It is the inheritance from our ancestors. In society we have been taught to consider wealth as the only type of inheritance that we could have inherited from our ancestors, but that is only the more superficial layer.
Society in general gives more importance to wealth, power and influence. Television, movies and news are the means used to indoctrinate those values to unaware individuals. It is taught that an individual ought to be successful in society. Success is defined by the amount of wealth a person has obtained; for that person can buy influence over others, power over many and has the ability to dictate what society adopts. The common good is easily forgotten as each individual is out for himself, his beliefs and his success creating conflict with another.”
The disciple said: “ Master, there are spiritual groups suggesting not to watch television at all.”
The master replied: “Television is neither good or bad. Most unaware individuals cannot recognize the messages. They end up adopting what represents economical gain for few and in time that becomes normal, accepted by them, the new normal. Have you observed that?”
The disciple responded: “Yes, master. I recall watching some TV programs from the 70’s and 80’s. It was very unusual to see killings in them in such a graphical way as it is shown today. It appears that the most sanguinary, brutal and hideous a scene of crime is, the better.”
The master replied: “The level of sensibility has been modified, to create a sadistic pleasure where violence is expected. It is like adding one more teaspoon of sugar to a glass of juice every now and then. Eventually a person becomes used to violence and expresses it in every aspect of living. Violence becomes an addiction which is exploited for the sake of profit. Diabetes is one consequence of consuming too much sugar, but the consequence of being fed with violence is oppression, control, unconcern and disconnection with other living beings. That is why, some spiritual groups may suggest that Television is evil, but that is a reaction to try to protect unaware individuals. However, these same individuals will be repressed in following that. Repression eventually will explode and indulgence will be greater than before. The individual needs to become aware by himself. Then, conflict is not.”
The disciple inquired: “What do suggest to do master, to be out of that loop?”
The master said: “Drink juice without sugar for some time or drink water instead. Experiment. Self willingness without external coercion or fear, shows individual readiness for change. It is in that experience how an individual may discover his sensibility through his own experience. That is the adventure which few are willing to take. Most are told what to do and even though they feel to be free to choose they cannot, for their conditioning is very strong and is part of them. A human being is not violent unless he is afraid. Thus, fear is fed in many ways and the ways to solve that, always point to some form of violence. As the individual becomes heartless, the doses of violence is regularly increased to keep the business going. Become AWARE and the solution arrives by itself.”
“I,” “my” genes and “my” family
The “I” may think to be isolated. That perception presents a very narrow “reality.” Every single one of us is carrying the genes of our ancestors. A great part of that “I” is supplied by the past, unrecognized in the present but re-established in the future… unless we are ready and willing to go beyond our own genes.
Your DNA will influence the way you interpret an experience. A belief may tell you otherwise, but your “unconscious” will prevail.
In a society where the color of the skin or birthplace is important, “You” are pre-programmed to fit into a role.
Some of the generational characteristics of your ancestors are already in “you.” Those characteristics will come up in your Life no matter what you “do” to reject them or repress them.
For instance, someone could suffer schizophrenia due to some gene from the ancestors. Someone could be living with a “time bomb” in their heart, as the ancestors had heart attacks at an early age.
Yes….you are still “you,” an individual… but how much of “you” is actually “you”?
For the great majority of individuals, there is no much “you” different than the generational genes.
Observe how collective beliefs will have great importance on the way “you” see the world.
This is another layer of beliefs and collective programing that a “seeker” may want to look into.
You see, many times it is not enough to see that “I” am an angry person, when there is a collective consciousness behind a family tree giving a person that trait.
Observe it in your own family and how those traits that many times we justify or reject are within us. Those traits may resurface easily in family reunions and gatherings.
At the end of the day, that which we call “unconscious” for lack of a better understanding, is what will come up in a person’s behavior, as soon as that person is allowed to behave naturally.
To realize the connection of your ancestors and “you” is not “bad.” It is a source of understanding and liberation for the whole family as well.
Paul kept getting angry with people, no matter what method he followed. His father was a very angry man as well. Paul believed that anger was “bad,” in despair he said: “If it wasn’t for my father who taught me about anger, I wouldn’t be this angry!” Paul didn’t realize that his father wasn’t the source of that anger, but it came from his father’s family and so on…
What could Paul “do” to get rid of that anger?
Nothing. It is not a matter of “doing” anything unless all we want is to repress it. The one who is willing to understand his own anger cannot start by rejecting it, labeling it as “bad” or being ashamed of it, because some moral standard has dictated that anger is undesirable.
It is a journey to understand something in us. All we may want to be aware of, is that it is there and that we are willing to understand it, to accept it and to nurture it as a part of “I.” Let the journey start…
“Nurture your anger? Give me a break!”
It is “You” AT THIS TIME, don’t you see that?
Any “formula” or magic pill could do the trick for a brief time, but… the “thing” will come back, then you could feel like a loser, guilty, ashamed, etc. and will look for another “magic pill” to repress what you are not willing to understand.
“That is not true! I used “Xyz” method to get rid of my anger and it worked! so there…”
🙂 That “method” was merely the finishing touch of a long process which started once you realized about that anger. It wasn’t the “solution,” for there was a life process behind it. That “method” wouldn’t work unless you were ready for it, but many times we are so caught up in finding a “savior” that we do not see the big picture.
Let us say that Paul has a drinking problem. His journey will start when he is out of control. Then, he will realize that it is hurting him and maybe others. At that point, Paul may want to stop it. Paul may repress it, he may come up with “will power” tricks to avoid drinking… until he gives up and his personal “Satan” gets unleashed after a prolonged repression… Do we see the journey?
Paul will need to see that “drinking” is not the issue but there are other things underneath. First, he will need to look into his family, and how certain past behaviors were able to affect him. He may want to see if there is an issue with drinking in his family, he may want to find out how drinking started in his Life… Is drinking something that he enjoyed for the sake of it or a trigger from something else?
This is the journey to untie our own knots. In that journey we may need our own support, our own acceptance, that in itself is the key to look at things without guilt, without shame, without feeling “less than…”
It is a journey. It could last a few days, months, years, a Life time. One thing is guaranteed. There will be lots of learning in that journey which can only be stopped if there is resentment, shame, guilt, rejection, “black or white” beliefs which will hinder our looking inwards, our acceptance, our nurturing attitude towards finding an unexpected “I.”
Unfortunately that process of self-discovery is usually stopped by the “quick-fix” mentality, unable to perceive suffering as part of the process to heal, to be whole again….
Are you in a hurry to “fix” yourself?
Please know that you cannot do that. The “I” cannot fix himself.
“Why?”
Because “you” are not separated from Life. There are many episodes, many chapters which will need to be unfolded for that change to be natural. If it is artificial change, it is not change at all but plain inner dishonesty.
All you can “do” is to put a bandage, change your behavior and make everyone and yourself believe that “you” have changed.
Going through the process that Life will unfold is the cause and the solution of the “problem.”
Be willing to walk the path… and while doing that, treat yourself well; with love for everything will change sooner or later… as Life changes are guaranteed.
The influence of ancestors and family members
The family unity is the root feeding the experience of every leaf, every family member.
It is not just the feeling that we are “One,” but rather it goes back to our own roots and the relationship of those roots with the whole.
The family that we currently are in, is part of this conscious experience. There is a plan, which wasn’t planned. It is just the way it is.
Destiny.
Basically, every family member is there to “learn” from each other and to “work things out” in the development of every member. The stories may be different, the degree of relationship different, the level of intensity may vary, but each member brings in their own contribution to the family tree.
For the individual who is aware, that is a great opportunity to learn about himself.
Is there something, which you can see in your sibling or parents, which you do not like? ☺
You have that characteristic as well.
Is there a “virtue” which you like about a family member?
It is yours as well.
The degree of those characteristics may change; the stage in our life when that particular characteristic becomes visible to us may have different timing, but it is there, latent, ready to be expressed at some time.
Therefore, an easy way to learn about ourselves is in the relationship with our family members. There is no one else who could be able to bring the “best of us” and because of that, the “worst.”
A family has a Life span. Every member will bring unity with that whole just to separate at different times.
There is a time for dissolution of the family, just like everything else in Life. That time is misunderstood by most individuals influenced by collective beliefs.
For instance, Gabriela was a very famous woman. She married a popular man as well. It was a Cinderella story where eternal Love was promised. The couple had children. This family was the “great example” for others to follow. The belief of only one marriage in Life, which should last “forever,” is a common desirable belief worldwide.
This famous couple separated after a few years. That was painful for Gabriela and her now, ex-husband.
Gabriela’s sister was unknown to the public, but she married another unknown man and their marriage lasted “forever.”
Even though Gabriela re-married and was able to observe how much she had learned through the experiences of that previous marriage, she couldn’t help but to compare with the “lucky” destiny of her sister.
The social stigma of having a “failed marriage” was hunting her down, even though she was enjoying life. Gabriella felt like a failure to her children.
As most people age, their faces and body will show the pain and anguish of not fulfilling their ideas of a “perfect Life.”
Gabriella’s children may feel the discomfort and trauma of not being “normal.”
Some individuals may not know who their “biological parents” are.
What is their root, then?
The whole, the Universe. Those individuals are meant to learn about themselves as a reflection of the World.
Many cultures give a very special deference to the ancestors, the roots.
Every family has a particular characteristic, which could be perceived by others.
That particular characteristic may be the one to be aware of.
That is the gift if a virtue, or the material to create the gift…work in progress.
Our relationship with family members could bring us a sense of balance and closure in Life: Attachment while in unity will bring suffering when dissolution arrives. Detachment when it is the time for unity, will bring a wasted opportunity for knowing ourselves through the mirror of that relationship.
Timing is the most important aspect in any relationship.
When a person is going through an emotional healing experience; sooner or later, the family members will need to be involved in that healing.
A family is like the Rubik’s cube. If only one face of the cube is complete, there are 5 sides, which are “out of balance.” The whole cube is dependent on the completion of every face of the cube.
When the whole cube is displaying a solid color in each face, there is completeness, there has been healing.
If one a member of a family advances in consciousness, automatically everyone else in that family will move a step forward as well.
Why?
Because we are One.
Relationships in Life
When we become trapped in labels and traditions from society, we may not be able to listen to our inner voice based on an indisputable feeling, which will let us know the way we should act in life.
Ananda does not feel the same feelings for his family members as his sister Raysha does.
Even though Ananda had mostly a good relationship with his parents; the feeling is not as strong as it could be for Raysha.
Ananda asked Mathias, the wise tree about that.
Mathias responded: “Raysha is related with both family trees; your father and your mother.
You Ananda… you are related through them indirectly, through Raysha.”
Ananda then asked: “Which one is my direct family link?”
Mathias responded: “The Universe.” 🙂
Obviously, there is information that has value at a particular point in time. Knowing what is Ananda’s direct family link will be only intellectual information at this point. That is of no consequence.
Mathias also added: “Raysha will have feelings of motherhood towards her father who is almost ready to depart into another experience. Raysha had been her mother in another life.”
Then, Mr. Intellectual and Mrs. Devotional come into the picture:
“ But … that is not logical… That is nonsense.
If you are the daughter how could you be the mother at the same time? “
“My belief is that this is the only lifetime and then you either go to hell or heaven. There is only one life according to the Holy book written by God.”
Feelings don’t lie.
As we learn to observe all the labels that we use to categorize people into brothers, sisters, aunts, etc. Those categories already define the type of relationship that we are allowed to have now.
That is neither “good nor bad.” Our feelings and not our thoughts are the catalyst for action or reaction, that is why it becomes important to know ourselves by acknowledging our emotions first, to find our feelings.
Sometimes, we may meet someone that we would like to get to know better in a relationship, just to find out that “she feels like a daughter.” What do you do?
Do you rationalize that experience as: “ That is nonsense. She is not your daughter.”
The feeling will not go away, could you get married with your daughter? 🙂
Honesty is not just a word.
Life has many “spider webs” which will connect us in different ways and at different times. That is, what you feel very strong about today may not be later on; (that is why dogmas are necessary to keep the same thing in our awareness) the interesting challenge is to learn to act according to the present time, by respecting the whole experience, the circumstances, the individuals involved and our feelings as well.
That comes with growth in life.
Life is truly a teacher.
Consciousness, God, religions, children and G.I Joe :-)
There is a child inside every one of us. Even when we “grow up” and become serious about “winning or making money,” the child still remains there but somehow repressed.
There is a part of us yearning to let that child express itself again. The world of “serious business” may not be that appealing after all, and the wish to go back to that innocence of childhood remains latent in our souls.
Believe it or not, a great set up to direct the child in us to a fantastic world of “good things,” has been claimed by all religions. That is why all the elements of a “normal” childhood are there:
A “father,” who represents the “head of the world household,” which many times will be followed by a “mother” and then us… the kids.
In this family, we go back to being told what to do, what to dress, what to eat, etc. If you do those things, you will get a prize. That is called heaven. Otherwise, you will be punished, that is hell.
A great family for the “inner child” inside! 🙂
When we explore consciousness, we will find out many of the answers that we were looking for about life. Those answer are never intellectual. You cannot think about them. You just realize them and that realization cannot be communicated. Only those who are in similar consciousness will be able to “see” what you see.
As your consciousness, so your life.
When we find many individuals in the world with such variety of consciousness, then we could observe that “reality” is not one thing or another, but it is what we are capable of seeing.
A perception.
A child can only see what is going on in “his family.” That is his world. His point of reference.
It is in that child’s mind when “G.I Joe” the fantastic toy; becomes anything that you may want him to be.
G.I Joe can fly. He can appear in another planet. He can save humanity from the evil “Cobra Command.” 🙂
Even though there is one “G.I Joe,” the “reality” is that there are many. 🙂
Every child who knows about the prowess of “G.I Joe” will have one. That child will become an automatic believer.
That particular “G.I Joe” may have different powers, different stories and adventures…. Different experiences.
In the mind of the child there is no such a question as to who “has the true G.I Joe ” among his friends (That is a grown up question.)
For the child what matters is to enjoy, to play. To have a good time!
The same idea could be related with our notion/experience of God.
According to our consciousness, we will have a different take on God.
When that individual experience becomes a collective possession, then a dogmatic view is created and with that a structured religion is born.
A “new” family for “new” kids. 🙂
To have different beliefs is not “bad.”
Different children will have different adventures with G.I Joe. 🙂
Beliefs are just an important part of expressing the feelings of that caged child, who lost his charm and innocence just to be “successful” in life, in his search to be “someone” in life.
That experience of believing in the comfort that God brings, is meant to teach us something in life.
The issue to keep in mind, is when someone wants to generalize his experience and make it the “truth” or when that belief constricts the horizons for growth of that child.
That is when the child goes back into the “successful” adult mentality who is interested in “proving” himself to be “right.” A source of egocentric mind.
In my experience, there are beings of light at this time who are helping humanity to move into a different consciousness. If there is a human being who is a believer of heaven, then that consciousness will be used to give support, assurance and benefit to those individuals experiencing that consciousness. That is how people from different walks of life have different “divine” experiences according to their beliefs or according to what these individuals need to experience.
For example, you can see this in this movie trailer (This movie is being played at a theater near you…) “Heaven is for real.”
The movie clearly gives hope and happiness to believers. If we understand consciousness, we will see how positive this assurance will be for those believers in that state of consciousness.
Nevertheless, this does not mean that this particular belief is “the holy truth.”
The point in spirituality is not to define and spell out what is the “truth” (for the understanding of it depends on the location of our consciousness;) but to “open” our consciousness.
Now, someone who professes atheism will believe that he does not have a belief.
He does. Not believing in a belief is another belief. 🙂
Please see that “reality” depends exclusively in the location of our consciousness. ( As explained in other articles)
If hard-core scientists tell me that science is “real,” then I could easily point to them about quantum physics “reality.” There is nothing that could be called “real” there, unless we use a point of reference. Our senses will perceive what they are “designed” to perceive. That is not “reality” but a perception of it.
The interesting aspect is that many human beings according to their consciousness have gotten trapped into their own “Godly” experiences. Something like :”I have seen God” or “I have gone to heaven,” or “ I had an experience with God or Jesus, etc.”
Those are great experiences! However, those experiences do not mean automatic change in consciousness.
Please see this, for without a change in consciousness we will be psychologically, the same individuals with the same fears and the same hopes and the same attachments, etc. no matter what we practice or believe in.
Changing our consciousness is not related with giving hope or assurance to our beliefs. Changing our consciousness is a new way of looking at life so the perception of misery and suffering is constantly reduced, but not out of a belief or a thought, but just out of our own day-to-day experience in openness and trust to life.
Greater consciousness means greater reduction of that perception of suffering, which in turn means greater enjoyment.
Greater joy. 🙂
Life is a marvelous experience once we truly see our own “interrelated” eternity. (Totality) We are tourists in life. Every passage in this life is there to be experienced. Once we are able to perceive that the answers in life are not “black or white,” then our consciousness has increased, it has opened up!
We experience “death,” but we are eternal. Thus, there is only life.
God is a belief for some, a reality for some; but nevertheless a “gift” for all the grown up “children at heart.”
What is that gift?
The adventure of living and discovering life, with playfulness.
Life is a game. 🙂
Purity, Family and the World
There was a reader who asked about following “purity” while living in a family setting and how “all actions of those who are worldly (lokik) rather than spiritual are wrong because at this time solutions are made using wrong means.”
It is important to see how those “black or white” understandings, those “all or nothing” viewpoints are not necessarily a match of what is happening in “real life.”
Dear reader, BE PURITY. That is it. The rest around you are just who they are. No labels to define them. No need for that. Actions are merely a reflection of our consciousness.
Laughing is an activity. Is it “good or bad”? It depends on your consciousness, which is in a setting a circumstance, a time, a place.
Please read the article “On Purity” (http://avyakt7.com/2013/07/28/on-purity/)
Purity is way more than celibacy alone. Celibacy alone does not mean “purity.” Take care of your mind, take care of your feelings, those are very important in following purity.
One of the things that we found in this blog is that actions by itself do not have a “moral” value. It is our state of CONSCIOUSNESS, what dictates the consequence of our activities.
The above is very important to realize by experience, because everyone is in a different situation.
Let us say that you have a husband and 3 small children. Your husband is a decent man and he is used to being intimate with you. There are no issues in your marriage; but you understood that “celibacy” is your next step in your spiritual life.
What would you “do”? Would you leave everyone? That has a consequence. Leaving everyone is not necessarily the answer. Circumstance, setting, place, time…No “black or white” answer.
Your husband may change, but you cannot count on that. Your consciousness is what will make a difference.
BE purity. Be that loving being who is beyond the physical, offer yourself to life and love your husband without resentment in your heart. If you have this “test” in life, it means that you have the capacity to go through it. Work on that purity of feelings and purity of the mind. That is plenty. To be truthful, many practicing celibacy lack purity of mind and feelings. That wholesomeness is lacking.
Please do not allow “black and white” concepts to dictate your life. God is not reflecting “black or white” understandings for there are many situations in life (reality) where we need to observe and BE that which we are looking for without the support of the ones surrounding us.
That takes a special soul. That takes one with greater capacity to adapt and to accept things according to the situation without forgetting your spiritual objective in life.
Life changes all the time. To be trapped in concepts and understandings of “what should be,” is to put yourself in the road of suffering, repression and a peace-less mind.
Obstacles in life are like tall Ocean waves. If you feel that swimming underneath the wave is not “royal,” or “good,” then try walking straight through the Ocean and you will experience where your “concepts” take you. That is how many people have been hurt in life due to being trapped in concepts without looking at life. The Ocean changes. Today is a high tide with tall waves, tomorrow it is not. If you maintain your “black or white” concept with you no matter what, then you are approaching life without being sensible to those changes. Part of wisdom is to adapt according to situations.
Purity is not related with rituals or religious practices. It is a state of consciousness. Know “purity” in yourself, in your mind and your heart so your actions will reflect that purity.
Situations will change. That is life. When we “push” for things when the world is not ready yet, we will only damage things. To learn to wait and consider others is also part of purity.
The above is written for those whose life is experienced in unusual situations and are searching to make their lives “pure,” that is wholesome.
Many religions have the dogmatic idea that everyone has to fit in their “cookie cutter” ways. That only shows lack of understanding about “variety of people.”
It is true that a religious path has the aim for the most part, of reforming a human being’s state of consciousness, by giving the option of a more virtuous way of living; however, those are options not “laws.” Everyone will fit into those options in a “numberwise” manner. There are not 2 alike.
At the end, it is the individual with his own consciousness alone. No one knows his own story better than himself.
A wholesome human being , has the wisdom to conduct their own life without being dependent on anyone. Nevertheless, this is also accomplished in a “numberwise” way.
A good father is there to take care of the child while he grows up, knowing that his child will become an adult to take care of himself one day. At that moment. he still will be his child but not a child anymore. That is the paradox of life.
Our consciousness will dictate if we are children or adults. There is a time for everything. This is true in spiritual knowledge as well.
Question: A practical situation on watching loved ones suffering
Q: “Brother, thank you ever so much, so very grateful to you for all the help that you are offering. There is a practical situation that I am facing in my current stage. Clearly, not unique something which everyone has to cross numberwise. So would truly appreciate some guidance. At my current stage, I understand and realize “That roles are already in the soul playing through us, we cannot infer that the actor is “bad.””. However, I also realize that I live with souls having different realization (numberwise) and I am also playing various ‘labels’ as part of my role in this world drama and I must face all situations with awareness. Now certain members of the ‘immediate family’ would not yet be able to make a distinction between the soul/role yet and hence, “suffer”. Now being with them you try and see the scenario through another’s perspective and explain. But everyone’s understanding is according to their capacity, seeing them affected, affects ‘me’ even though “I” can see the bigger picture. This effect doesn’t last long but it does as you can see your folks being affected and also that the others role is doing hurtful things even if not them. Even though I have good wishes for the other souls. My role is not able to go beyond. How to cross the line of attachment/loyalty to your “immediate” ones without “hurting” them and at the same time not have separation with “the extended family/friends”. Or is this just my ego interfering trying to be magnanimous and all accepting. As ‘separation’ exists in physical world and that is ok as part of my role and I just have good wishes for them and whenever you meet them not to consciously do anything to ‘hurt’ them. As I cannot pretend to accept their roles activity and that it doesn’t affect me as it does.”
Dear soul,
Thank you for your kind words. I just want to clarify, that we are “just sharing” here and the options and “soul-utions” will come up as we share. We will be able to see “new” things as long as we are willing to “see.” 🙂
As you realize, one thing is to “know information” about knowledge and a different story is to “be” Gyan, knowledge. That is the reason on the emphasis that we need to experience the “true self” not to “fake” a behavior by a mental concept. In that experience of the self there is knowledge itself.
However, while we are “getting there” there are many options that I could share based on my own experience.
1. Suffering is not “bad.” It is part of the process of purification of a soul when there is no “understanding.” On this, understanding is not the same as rejection, but acceptance of what is happening and “moving on,” with that and not against it.
2. “Moving on” means different things. The actors must act. Your “part” maybe to recognize the situation and to share your perception with them in the right way at the right time. Once you have done that, your part is over unless, you are asked to do something else.
3. If that situation keeps “unchanged” and that situation is affecting you, it is safe to “retire.” That means, “move out,” “avoid further connection,” or anything which will take you to a space where your recognition of “insanity” in others has the potential to affect you. It is your right to step out. Loyalty does not mean to suffer with others due to their choices in life. That is masochism.
4. Your decision may be be done through a “nice talk” where you explain your issues and your decision as long as that is only affecting your life. If there are others involved, then compromising is necessary. Expose your matters with detachment and to the point. Inform your decision but at the same time leave room for a relationship if it arises. Doors cannot be completely shutdown to anyone for everybody changes in life.
5. If none of the above applies to you and you are in a situation where you have to be there, then dear soul; accept suffering as it is, do not reject it; then look for ways where your spirituality could be enhanced and your time used in that avenue. Any “investment” that you may do in “spirituality” at that time, will “double” in rewards once things go back to “normal” and even during the issue. “Everything will be gone.” It is just a matter of time.
During that period, you could develop several of the “powers.” Perhaps the “power to withdraw” may come in handy. Every challenge in life brings the possibility to develop a resource in us to overcome it. It is in that “suffering” when many have “found God” beyond their mental concepts.
Finally, if you are going through this test, it is without doubt because you have the capacity to go through it. That is what the understanding of Karma and soul’s capacity tells us. Therefore, it is your time to become “strong” and “gentle.” 🙂
Best wishes!
Exploring the Depth of Living 