What do you tell someone who is suffering emotional pain?
Someone may be pleading for a way out of her insurmountable pain.
Pain has the characteristic of making someone focus, concentrate, or unwillingly give its full attention to suffering.
As pain increases, so is the strong desire to be spared of pain.
For most, that is the first episode in their lives; when vulnerability is felt. The “I” is incapable of escaping at will. There could be amelioration of physical pain through medicine, but emotional pain can only be postponed: We could become drunk to numb ourselves; but that pain will return; the complications will increase and hope of being “better” as time passes by, could be the only comfort at sight.
Yes, everything passes by. As it came, it will go away.
Have you ever experienced a broken relationship?
The death of a loving relative?
A deep disappointment in Life?
The pounding feeling, the relentless revival of the experience, the endless taste of guilt mixed with despair, anguish…
All of that will pass. It will go away.
The size of your “I” will decide how long that experience stays.
Many times, we make yet another trauma of those painful experiences, but I assure you; those are not there to feed the “Poor I, Poor me,” pose, which only adds ego.
Those are there, to show you what your “I” is made of. Be aware of that, for nothing else will be able to make you aware of what you are made of.
See it. Acknowledge it. Accept it.
Instead, we defend “ourselves,” we create a story where “I” need to save face despite what Life is showing me.
The “I” don’t want to see that, arrives… but in time it will open her eyes.
Life experiences are able to change someone. Nothing else will do.
When suffering is there, you may wish that you did not exist, just so the “I” could run away from the pain.
Many times we have been able to do that, but there are other times; when it is impossible.
Want to try suicide, perhaps?
That only postpones and amplifies the experience of pain. As long as the “I” escapes, there cannot be change, and Life… is change.
It is in that impossibility where the “I” will die, to be someone else.
Newness comes after death of the “I.” It has always been like that. 🙂
Living in the now
Since we live in the mind, our connection with the Universe is based on it.
For example, we see the Sun.
Rather than appreciating it, feeling it, enjoying it, letting ourselves be melt in pleasure by sensing the nurturing heat, the caressing light… we ask questions.
How far is the Sun from us? How big it is? How long it will last? Is it good or bad? Is it true that it causes cancer?
Those questions will have answers, which we may believe to be true or false.
At the end of the day, our answers do not matter at all, they are dry information.
You may suffer from prostate problems. You want to “fix it.” Trying all the drugs available and “breakthrough” therapies may not solve the problem, if it has an emotional cause. What kind of emotions?
Stress and fear. Those emotions will have an effect on your suprarenal glands which in turn will create a prostate inflammation.
Because we are not AWARE of the stress and inner fears, we believe those to be “normal.” Our minds are used to that “normal” state and cannot catch the relationship of emotions with bodily sensations.
A belief system. It is all conceptual. It is about the future, not now. It is using fear as motivation to DO something “now,” but not to BE in the “now.”
A law is another example. It is conceptual “black or white.”
All of those concepts and mind things are “reality” for most of us. But those things are not allowing us to perceive the reality of feeling, of enjoying, of becoming open to new experiences and to let go of the “same old thing,” when it is no longer necessary.
The mind cannot live in the “now.” It will not let us. It will always move to the past or the future, never allowing us to be in the “now.”
“Living in the now,” is a cute catchy phrase for those who are only capable of living in the mind.
No-mind is the “now.” That is a Life without concepts, philosophy, analysis, comparative charts and beliefs, second hand information, “knowledge.” Our connection to the Universe is through feelings, through our senses whether physical or beyond.
Sooner or later, a seeker will move away from the mind, for that is the sure way to get into the heart; which means fulfillment, contentment, joy. The mind may search for it, but those things are not of the mind.
That is why “No-mind” is to taste Life in the “now.”
“What do I have to DO to become a better human being?”
DOING does not get you there. Any doing will not allow you to see what you ARE now. Without acknowledging “now” there is only meaningless DOING.
Doing “nothing” is not as easy as we may think, when we have been conditioned to DO something.
Are you saying that I should become lazy then?
Observe how your mind is only capable of going through the extremes. If you cannot DO things, then you go to the other extreme, laziness.
That is how the mind works.
For example, if we talk about last year’s weather temperature, your mind will more likely remember 2 states: Cold or Hot. Nothing in between.
Anytime we go to extremes, we are running away from what is, from what we ARE.
You are overeating, then DO fasting.
You are a slob, couch potato; then DO exhaust yourself through exercises to lose weight.
You are a lusty, a DO sex human being; then DO practice celibacy.
You are DOING sins, then become a DOING saint.
See the game? That is the game of the mind. It is about running away from what we ARE, going from one extreme to the other searching for “happiness.”
A mind lost in that duality, divides itself into the “good guy” and the “bad guy.” That is the game of our human morality. It is about extremes, the Do’s and the Do nots.
That is why any DOING is incomplete, for NOT DOING will need to be experienced as well. That is the complete experience. Life is both, contradictory, paradoxical… That is any belief system which only chooses one side of the experience and label that “good” is truly not reflecting what Life is.
Life is like a pendulum. Any extreme we choose to go, is only the predecessor of the opposite extreme.
Our minds are taught to choose one extreme and avoid the other, even though the other extreme will be experienced.
That is how guilt appears, forgiveness arises, the sinner mentality creates a divided neurotic personality.
“But… what is the way out?”
Obviously is not in DOING.
AWARENESS is the key. To be AWAKE.
When you are awake, there is observation of that which we call “I.” The mind is the first candidate for that observation. Ego resides in that mind/body identification.
AWARENESS is not DOING, it is not a “practice.”
“Why do I need to observe?”
Because you may need to understand what is going on and not make a judgment value based on a morality which only knows about extremes, duality.
Be aware of thinking. Be aware of feeling. Be aware on how those 2 things start and finish, become conscious on how the “external” influences the internal and also the opposite… Become aware that the internal is the external, and the external… the internal.
Become aware that there is a moment when there are no thoughts, when the “I” is not… Do not verbalize it, do not put it in words, for otherwise that experience will be tinted with duality and any word you use to express it, will be far from “what is.”
Want to explain what is the experience of silence?
Say it! Whatever you say, it will be far from “what is.”
Perhaps, “lack of noise”? you have gone to the extreme in your explanation and you haven’t said anything of value for someone else who does not have the experience, to know silence.
That is the value of words. That is why the “truth,” BEING cannot be expressed in words.
Therefore, anything you say will not help you become a “better” human being, neither anything you DO… what matters is what you ARE and what you ARE is expressed in how you FEEL.
You are not rich or poor, handsome or ugly, educated or non-educated… those are only extreme, labels created by a mind who is not aware of the middle, the way out of the swinging of that pendulum of the mind.
That middle has the potential to be either extreme, and to BE there, in the middle… is to BE out of the duality of the mind.
That is the place to BE when you ARE.
How do you get there?
You just feel it. Feel to Be better. 🙂
Broken to be Whole
Into how many pieces, could your heart be broken before you die?
The number of pieces does not matter. What matters is to be able to pick your pieces up with gratitude.
That “death” will bring an extraordinary resurrection, for sure.
Brain said to Heart: “I have never had my heart broken”
Heart responded: “I have never had a headache.”
Brain said: “You are so lucky!”
Heart responded:” So are you!”
Pain in Brain or in Heart may be different but … the same pain.
If you are all heart, you could only have your heart broken. For you, Life will be the experience of a whole heart which then becomes broken.
What is wrong with that picture?
Do you want to always have a whole heart? 🙂
That could be like eating mashed potatoes every day. Yes, you may like potatoes but then after a while… you will not.
See the trend? It is called Life changes.
Observe how Life will take you to different experiences of the heart. The heart will be broken little by little or it may be a huge rupture. It is that uncertainty what makes Life worthwhile. What does destiny have for you?
Whatever it may be, one thing is certain: You are ready for it.
Do you like that experience of pain?
That will be the incentive to appreciate a whole heart.
How could you appreciate it, if you always had a whole heart? How could you appreciate the heart, if you are a Brain?
The Brain will allow you to be outside, in the peripheral part of things, analyzing, defining, comparing, assuming… but never daring to experience “it” for it may hurt.
Be reasonable. Be logical. Be smart.
Pain chisels the heart, but pain makes it whole again.
“How is that possible?”
If Brain is the one asking that question, the answer could be: “You will never know.”
“But… I am smart. I am a quick learner. Explain that to me!” Brain replied.
It will not matter how many times we could repeat ourselves… it will not sink in, Brain. It is beyond your range of experience.
But if the heart is asking that question… well, that is not a “true” Heart…
In Life we will know many Brains and many Hearts. We will know many “half and half” and many “have-nots” of people.
Appreciate every one of them, for you have been/are/will be/ them…
“Oh! I get it.. Life is about appreciation! “
No, Brain… it is not a word, a definition. It is BEING that without trying to BE. Allowing it to happen.
That appreciation of variety is extraordinary, divine, inspiring…
Observe, appreciate, enjoy and… smile 🙂 for all is good… exactly as it has to be!
Recognizing the emotion and the feeling
Full of emotions, he wasn’t able to be himself.
Caught up in words and definitions, a difference between emotions and feelings could be made.
Some talk about “positive and negative” emotions when making a distinction as to what is “good” and what is “bad.” A feeling then, becomes some sort of “good” emotion…
Mary’s husband, John; had an affair. As he shared that episode of his Life to his friend Tracy , who was a potential lover once the marriage got dissolved; the label “cheater” was used by Tracy to “classify,” John’s action in the past.
In John’s mind, he didn’t have any other viable option according to the circumstances, although; he suffered the consequences through his own guilt.
When John and Tracy got together, John’s guilt resurfaced as an emotion which disabled John completely from loving Tracy.
That blockage is an emotion. That emotion is neither positive nor negative, for that depends on the circumstances and our viewpoint. Emotions tend to manifest in our bodies and influence it.
John could have been angry with Tracy and used that anger as a sexual energy towards Tracy.
That anger was another emotion. According to Tracy’s sensibility; she could have translated a sexual encounter with the energy of anger as “great” or “bad,” which in turn will set another emotion from Tracy towards John.
A manifested emotion will trigger different emotions on another invididual as long as there is receptivity.
Guilt, shame, anger and fear are emotions for they will manifest in our bodies to disable or enable some functions at a particular time. The “I” is at stake.
A feeling is the source without that “I” which will be “transformed” into an emotion due to an “I.”
For example, love is a feeling. When filtered through the experience of the “I” it becomes an emotion, such as attraction, lust, attachment, jealousy, even anger.
We could catalog “lust” as a “positive” or “negative” emotion according to a moral standard, but the label only inflicts acceptance or rejection which will create further emotions in us, which will not allow us to see things with clarity but clouded with guilt, shame, self-righteousness, etc.
Therefore, what is important is not label our emotions, but merely to be aware of them, without any judgment, but to be aware of what is continually being emitted by us.
For example, to qualify the label “lust,” as “good” or “bad” does not do anything to the fact of its existence. To become aware of it, is the key to go into its source and to find out about the “I” and his own experiences of filtering a feeling into emotions.
Many times we could perceive emotions from others and the environment.
For instance, Heather may feel grief in her heart. That grief could be perceived by Ron who is standing by.
According to Ron’s awareness, he may say: “I feel grief,” or he may be able to pinpoint the source: “It is Heather’s grief.”
However, the point is not to be caught up with pointing a finger at “me” or someone else, but rather to see that unless I have space in my heart for a particular emotion, that emotion has no way to stick with me.
Ron was able to perceive the grief, for there is grief in his heart.
The world is a mirror, manifested through relationships. The one who is aware will be able to perceive that what is outside is truly inside.
When we realize this, we could observe that “fixing the world” or changing someone may be just an egotistical activity, when we could be still in peace as the surface of a lake, without emotional ripples, so others could see themselves.
To be peaceful is to be empty of emotional ripples.
When we find the feeling of peace, we find the feeling of love.
Ending the guilt-blame game
Life is not our adversary. We are Life itself.
If we try to define who “we are,” we will only restrict the beauty of “what is.”
A tree is meaningless without the earth, the sky, the birds; it is all togetherness.
Therefore, if we blame others; we blame ourselves.
What you give out, you will collect.
Some call that “karma,” but it is not. We cannot try to deceive Life through “good actions” when our feelings do not correspond with the “holiness” of our actions.
Therefore, what we give out through our feelings (intention) is what we shall receive.
That is no longer “karma” (action.)
That is how we arrive at the importance of emotions and feelings and perhaps we leave the realm of thinking, analysis and logic as useless tools for inner observation.
They are completely useless.
To acquire intellectual knowledge is good but when we deal with our feelings/emotions, that knowledge is useless. It will take us into lying to ourselves just to fit what we think is “right,” “holy” or “pure.”
Things happen , there are consequences. Whether we feel guilty or not, the consequences will be felt based on the intention.
That is what we call “Life lessons.” Living Life. Live and learn.
“But the fact is that he cheated on me.”
Yes, that is the fact. Observe how you FEEL about that.
FEELING lousy is the way not to forget. A trauma is made. A new distressing emotion built.
Would you keep that poison inside?
Some will. Nothing wrong with that for eventually suffering will make us awake.
Perhaps we may lose some valuable time in that process?
That is known as “paying the price” of the free lesson.
In the “Office world” we play with paper money and give that paper utmost value. In Life, we pay the price through spending our valuable time, our Life.
True “Spirituality” is not learned through books, religions or holy ones. It is learned every day in Life as we become aware of this game of existence, but when we are not aware, we may need the above.
“Spirituality” is living Life itself. There is no difference.
Some may awaken with a gentle whisper. Others, may require cold water to be thrown at their faces to wake up.
The “other” could do that favor to you. The “other” will be the trigger.
Wouldn’t you be grateful of the “other” then? To do that means to change our perspective, our awareness, our consciousness.
Blame and Guilt dissolve by acknowledging the experience of the self -created ghost.
Things do not happen because we want them to happen but rather because they are meant to happen. We are not separated from Life.
Thus, Blame and Guilt exist as deep and unforgettable as we want them. That ghost is our own creation…. just like paper money in the “Office World.”
We shall not repress but transform
As more individuals are waking up to the effects of a “black or white” mentality of “good and bad,” then the observation that every process happening in our self needs to be observed without using our reason, but by going deep in our feelings to find the issue.
The ‘truth’ is not an intellectual game of words when we understand how paradoxical life is. The ‘truth’ cannot be a concept or some commandment or some philosophy for whatever is written is static and even though may be logically grounded, it is not necessarily the way life itself operates.
Life is fully paradoxical.
A paradox is to be realized but it cannot be fully explained for it escapes the way our language and mindset has been conditioned to “think” as being “true.”
Truth is then to have the capability to go deep in our feelings by putting the mind-games aside along with all beliefs and to look at what our core being is letting us know.
That which we hear is not the “truth” to be put into a commandment but it is the “truth,” “my truth” of the time, which will change, which will evolve as we evolve with life.
To be that “truthful” is not as easy as it sounds. It requires our willingness to be completely alone, completely left aside in a society where the “majority wins” and the “truth” becomes just a paragraph to cite.
Whenever we learn to repress, we have learned to rationalize and to comply with the perception of the “majority” for the sake of belonging.
The energy of anger is neither “good nor bad.” It is not a matter to catalogue it into a convenient box.
If we find that it is “bad,” we will try to repress something, which will be experienced regardless of our philosophical or political mind game of the day, then we could feel guilty, bad, in need to ask for forgiveness, etc. which are nothing else but the consequences of the way we believe the world to be. Full of “black or white” duality.
That energy of anger could be “good” if it is transformed into strength. The Mom who witnessed her kid trapped under a car, had no problems lifting it to save her kid. These cases of “hysterical strength” are increasing in number. Sports are another outlet for anger. When that energy is focused, humans could do wonders.
Nevertheless, when that energy of anger is not properly channeled it becomes suicide for the one experiencing it.
Every human energy that we could feel is there just because it has a reason to exist and it depends on how we transform it to be able to live in harmony with it.
That could be the teaching to embrace and not to repress it because it is “bad.”
The same goes with lust, with fear and with rage.
To observe how those energies come up and to be able to use them when it is proper, becomes the art of managing our own energies. It is not a matter of “reacting” like a small kid who could not contain himself before getting to the bathroom.
It is in this way of looking at things without judgmental labels but by honoring what goes on in observation, how inner mastery is a possibility.
Enjoyment of life does not reside in repression, but in expressing at the adequate time with the right energy.
That is the reason why discipline exists, (teaching the kid to use the toilet) so it will allow us to enjoy life to the fullest rather than repress our existence.