Throughout these sharings, we have been seeing the importance of observing the self, that means to understand the self.
Because if we are “normal” individuals; then we could find that our “self” is fragmented. That means, we have different “selves” inside ourselves. 🙂
There is the voice of the body. The voice of the past with its own suffering. The voice of hope in the anxious future, the voice of the ego, the voice of boredom etc.
Every voice inside of us has a distinct, unique personality.
Do we recognize those voices inside us? That is what is meant by a fragmented self.
Our consciousness of individuality has taken us to the experience of a fragmented personality. Every voice will take the “lead” at different times. When that happens our personality will change accordingly.
“He does not know who I am. I will show him.”
“Why does she act in that way? She does not love me….but I love her so much… She makes me suffer.”
“I must achieve the illuminated stage. I want to be a pure, illuminated being.”
“I am tired of this. I want something different. When I move out to a different place, everything will change and I will be happy.”
The above, are examples of those inner voices. Every voice brings its own mood, its own colorful theme! 🙂
The task of any spiritual walker is to unify those fragments into something cohesive, so it can be integrated into the Totality.
In brief, that is what spirituality is all about: Integration into the Totality by diluting the ego (or any of the other “voices” inside us.)
The above is not related with “Paradise,” “salvation for all” or the “holy gospel” or some devotional practice to “purify” yourself.
This is about self observation.
We cannot “conquer ego” because there is nothing to conquer.
Who is conquering what?
The observer is being separated from that which is observed. Then, only thoughts will be in between. That separative thinking only preserves ego.
We can dilute ego, because under the light of awareness; ego cannot remain and that is the opportunity to go deeper into its understanding, for the dilution to last. Otherwise, ego will survive and grow stronger like an obstinate weed.
The dilution of ego means greater integration into the Totality. That is what the word “yoga” or “union” means. It is union with everything, not just with someone special or specific.
Yoga is the experience of Totality.
To integrate the “self” into that Totality means to go back into the formless.
Form and formless is a duality, which trap many individuals. Ego loves form, for that is a way to identify itself. The formless is frightful.
An integrated, sane, healthy human being should be capable of dwelling into those 2 kinds of consciousness (Individuality and Totality.)
There is no need to choose as to which one is “better” or which is “good” or “bad.”
The wind blows in different directions according to the need of time, and so we can.
There is a door in the room of life. Many are only located on one side of that door. That feels safe, that side brings company and comfort but not happiness. Those who dare to know what is on the other side of the door, will be the ones who know both sides. To cross that door means to leave that comfort zone and the fear of losing what we already know.
That is the complete experience.
A fragmented personality
Ananda sat by the Bay. He was looking at the Ocean and the Sunrise, Ananda was immersed in “being” that.
All of the sudden he was surprised by the appearance of “something” swimming underneath his feet.
For 2 seconds that something was “newness,” until Ananda recognized that familiar figure to be a dolphin.
Ananda was able to catch the way his mind worked: “Ahh! Nothing new, just a dolphin…” At that moment the newness of the moment vanished.
The above is the description of how we bring our past to meet the present. Nothing wrong with that for we need that information sometimes. The issue is when we rely on that for everything.
For example if we meet an “old” friend who we have not seen for months; memory is necessary to recognize that person. However, it will be an erroneous assumption to believe that this person is the same one that we met back then. There is change in both sides. All that is bringing us together are “dead” memories.
Nevertheless, there is “recognition” beyond memory. That is when we meet someone who we know, we have met “before.”
That knowing is beyond memory. That knowing allow us to acknowledge the present despite the feeling of “this is not the first time.”
That knowing is not truly about a “before,” but it is about a “new” story now. To be continued … 🙂
Sometimes that memory could be the source of addictions.
For example some experience may bring something pleasurable. The mind wants to repeat that experience.
In that repetition there will be comparison. When we compare we are not acting “freely” in the “now” but we are setting “standards.”
A second time repeat of something could be “better” than, “worse” than or “the same as.”
It is in that comparison where we do not allow “what is” to be. Therefore, any action through comparison is never complete, never total.
When something is not complete, there is a space, which will prompt us to “want more,” to “repeat the same.”
This is the trap of the mind. When we eat something that we like, that pleasure of taste will tempt us to eat more, even though satisfied. Why is that? Our mind wants to repeat that experience even though physically there is no sense of hunger anymore.
When eating has totality, that enjoyment of eating goes along with feeling physically satisfied. We are a complete unit not 2 different things: The mind wanting something while the body does not.
This “normal” phenomenon is known as “being fragmented.” A fragmented person has no experience of totality, completeness, and wholesomeness in his life. There is always something missing, something around the corner to pursue, something promising fulfillment…
Ananda walked down the side walk to return home. On his way he saw a dolphin swimming by him again; looking at him, they met with the eyes. Ananda felt with his heart the appreciation of that encounter, that experience of being “there,” and only “being.” That was a complete , unique moment which did not need any further repetition.