Tagged: friendship
Notes on Quotes: Friendship
“Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” – Khalil Gibran
The word “responsibility” brings some heaviness in the way of explaining a relationship based on care and appreciation of someone uniqueness, thus the word “sweet” is used. However, there is responsibility of not crossing boundaries, if our ideal of friendship is to take advantage of the goodwill of another for our own purposes.
“Friendship is the purest love.” – Osho
Whenever there is care and appreciation of someone’s uniqueness for the sake of it, then without a doubt there is the purest love. As we add conditions and “small letters” to a relation with another then, the magic goes away.
“There are big ships and small ships. But the best ship of all is friendship.” – Unknown
Friendship may be the only ship which is meant to go to unknown, meaningful waters as long as there are no captains navigating the ship.
Friendship
One of Life sweetest pleasures is to share with your friends the immense freedom of being just “you.”
As a seeker, I am discovering the full circle of Life. In my experience, it was about going outside for validation, for love, for acceptance just to come back to myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, in my own company… that “getting used to” could take many years. It is a process.
When we reach the “comfortable” level, that is the time when Life will prompt us to move on, to go “outside the shell” for a “new beginning.” That is the time to integrate with the Totality under a new “me.”
When Life gives us “idle time” with ourselves, it is to recuperate, unwind, gather strength and face what is left, to complete that full circle.
Many times, we will find friendship in some who remind us of ourselves. We could see many characteristics that we have in common. That brings a comfortable, nurturing friendship.
That reminds me of the saying: “Tell me who your friends are and I ‘ll tell you who you are.”
Nevertheless, many times we forget that friends are those who show us who we truly are, and accept us as we are.
Want a teacher?
There you have it, in flesh, near you !
Have you seen Ralph E. Wolf and Sam Sheepdog from “Looney Tunes” cartoons?
They have opposite interests, they will disagree, fight and try to outwit each other while in “office hours,” but once they “punch out” the clock, they are friends again as if nothing happened before.
Most humans keep the past inside them, some as a reminder of a “payback time,” and others as a “danger” signal to reject something or someone, thus; unknowingly allowing for a traumatic experience, which will become a deep emotion in need of healing, later on.
What is that “punch out of the clock” in a friendship?
The ability to say, and feel: “I am sorry.”
It is not just lip service, but the connection with a person will be maintained in the capacity that we have to feel appreciation for that person despite differences.
Is he/she pushing all your buttons? Is he/she “mirroring” you and that is exactly what you do not like about them?
For the aware individual, that is an excellent “teacher”!
If your Life journey is dedicated on knowing yourself, who could be the most adequate person to partner with in Life?
The opposite of yourself, of course.
The sheepdog with the wolf makes a great Life long partnership as long as there is a common time to “punch out” of the clock.
“But why? They will be fighting all along!”
That may be true. That is why it was said, “for those who are in the journey of knowing themselves.”
The opposites are complements.
One with yourself, you could be one with another who is the opposite.
“Wouldn’t that be a great challenge?”
Yes, but it also has a great reward.
“What is that?”
To find love.
Love the ones who are like you but also the ones who are the opposite. Isn’t that a religious teaching? Yes, and without the experience in “real” Life, it is just a meaningless dogma.
Every single relationship, every single friendship has been planned out just for you! Whether a “good” experience or a “bad” experience, it is exactly what you need in your current stage.
We are going in a full circle in Life, so there is no objective to reach, but just to enjoy the unique moment as it is.
Perhaps, do we want an easy “method” to “achieve” friendship?
Here are the “steps:”
1) Listen
2) Show empathy
3) Say I am sorry.
Do you like that? Want to teach that to others?
No rush.The above is completely useless! 🙂
You can only act as you are. To believe that by changing your behavior you will “achieve” something is truly an illusion. Repetition of a script will only dull your feelings.
Nevertheless, to go through that illusion is “good” for it is part of your journey which is pointing to no other place… but yourself.
I have learned in Life that out of all the possible relationships that one could experience, friendship is the most flexible, adaptable and capable of allowing us to be true to ourselves.
Freedom in friendship. The bond of a friendship is what is needed in all other relationships, for even if the other relationships dissolve, friendship will remain.
Friendship is the epitome of a relationship.
If we could only perceive the “other” as a friend…
A sense of belonging is so important for our well being, but there are few things that we could belong to, without being asked for something in return.
When you find friends that accept you without conditions, without rules and restrictions… value that time, be grateful to Life because you found an invaluable treasure … 🙂
Question: Dear BK, please help me to understand the following points:- 1. “Using peer pressure and position to make someone feel sorry”. Is this expected from a pure soul? 2. Why do some people adopt “please all attitude”? Is it good to be so? 3. How I should respond in a situation where my “once close friend” entertains herself and others by indulging in my badmouthing and backbiting? Thank you.
Thank you for your question!
Dear soul, points #1 is an expectation. Expect the unexpected and you will be unaffected. Point #2: We are all different. We cannot worry about what others “adopt.” Point $3: That is a good question.
It just depends on your level of spirituality. 1) You may retaliate and be fully aware of consequences. 2) You may forget about it and continue on with life 3) You may thank your “once close friend” for showing you her true colors, wish her well and depart from her life. 4) You may let your “once close friend” know that you do not appreciate her friendship anymore and close the chapter… 5) You may try to resolve the issue with her because you care to continue with that friendship. Many choices which depends on your awareness to act according to the situation. Just remember that even the most “evil” soul in the whole world; has a “good reason” to do what he is doing in his mind. Everything is a matter of perception.
Dear soul, I can see that you are hurt. That wound will not go away by fighting back. Heal the wound by forgiving and forgetting and move on; that is; if you feel that this is appropriate for you.
Best wishes!
Question: Please may I clarify if the words karmic “bondage” and karmic “Relationship” are synonymous? How to turn a karmic bondage into pure friendship using Gyan, Yoga. If this attraction happens between a Brahma Kumar/Kumari teacher and his/her student, how can they turn this attraction into a pure friendship? Can just one party make effort i.e. Gyan, Yoga (Maryadas) or should both make the effort? If only one party is making the effort will this attraction wear off over a period of time?
Karmic bondage and Karmic relationships are not synonymous. I had friendships and even relationships which have helped me to look into spirituality closer. Even though, there may have been a “mixture” of both. Those were “inspiring karmic accounts” to me.
A “bondage” is more like a “weight to carry with you. “To be constrained. I had some accounts like that for a period of time, but definitely do not fit into the first category.
Your question is interesting. The short answer according to my experience is that it depends on the individuals involved.
If those individuals are “Golden aged souls” they will realize the sense of time and will definitely behave among each other with mutual respect. However, there has to be that communication among them to express their feelings openly. If this is a mutual feeling, they will need to be honest with themselves and see where they want to take this. Gyan teaches that an “attraction” is just a karmic account which needs to be settled at this time. How they settle that account is up to their roles. Obviously if they are gyani souls, they will acknowledge that attraction and realize that it is not the “real thing” and could work this either alone or both together. Honesty is the best policy, even if it hurts.
In my experience, the way to “dissolve” this attraction is by working on your yoga and at the same time not giving life to any thoughts of “hope” as far as any “romantic escapades” coming to the mind. The mind will create those thoughts and we will think things to reinforce that feeling of attraction, thus making the sanskar stronger. We will suffer because our thoughts will not fit reality.
Many times attractions come when someone fits our idea of beauty, generosity, sweetness, spirituality, etc. In my experience, when you get to know that person closely, those ideas will be dissolved “naturally,” for no one can fit an “ideal” especially at this time. This is why usually “marriage” cures the illusion of attraction.. 🙂
Therefore, while this process of “un-attraction” is happening it is important to follow the code of conduct to “speed things up.” It is just an illusion.
Being a “BK teacher” make things more “black and white” for that person may need to consider if that is a good example for others to see.
If that feeling of attraction is unilateral only, there is no question about it. It is a karmic bondage. That person needs to accept that, heal the heart and move on with a big smile….Sometimes, this takes time to realize, but if this soul is “Golden aged” he will hang on with the code of conduct no matter what… 🙂
Best wishes!
Question: Om Shanti Om, my very close friend whom I trust a lot, have wrong perceptions about me and she misunderstood me many times. I know I am right. How can I be at peace with myself so that I can save our 11 years old friendship?
Great question. Thank you for sharing.
First let us be aware that “no one is right.” For that reason, “no one is wrong.” We are dealing with perceptions of reality only. However it is entirely your call if you would like to continue with that friendship/relationship, etc.
For that, this role wrote this sometime ago: https://acrobat.com/app.html#d=svwImLtKxkMzTYYTqzaxkg
Please read pages 28-29.”The Right Action.” It is about decisions where a friendship is at stake.
Minimize your loses. If that friendship is valuable to you, your decision will consider that. Your degree of wisdom may be higher than your friend’s. That may be your advantage. True friendship goes beyond misunderstandings and perceptions. Feel your friend’s heart… and follow yours, that is how you will be at peace with yourself.
Exploring the Depth of Living 