The Traumas of the Past
“You” or “I” is a water pipe. The experiences of Life will go through the pipe, through us. As time goes by, some experiences may have “dirt” in it. That is a traumatic experience. That episode accumulates as energy, clogging up the pipe.
Because the pipe is unaware of what is going on, the pipe will “forget about it.”
“Yeah, that happened to “me” but I forgave “them” and “me.” I have to be positive. I have to look at the brighter side. Life works for “me,” so I am cool now.”
Those are the lying words that we are taught to say to ourselves. The words to meditate on, to condition our minds through some sort of “mantra.”
“Reality” is that the trauma is energy, it is not a rational element, a concept to change; thus, our little pep talk will not work at a deeper level, the level of change. It may work at the superficial level, that is behavior.
As the “dirt” accumulates over time the pipe acquires solidity. It filters the waters of Life experiences by using labels such as “good and bad.” “Good” means that it will be accepted for it is something known. “Bad” means danger, unknown, it could start another trauma. The pipe does not realize that filtering is done under conditioning. The pipe is no longer open to experience Life and thus, enjoyment diminishes. Extreme safety in all aspects becomes the concern, to preserve the “I” which is only accumulation of dirt. That is what we call ego. Thus, ego is a byproduct of living Life.
A time will arrive, when water will not be able to flow. The “I” is stuck with its own past experiences unable to let them go so water cannot flow again.
That is the time, when surrendering arrives. Life is no longer bearable as the pressure of the pipe increases with many emotional episodes.
Emotions are energies trapped which will express through the body. Because energies cannot be destroyed, these emotions will appear in different life times.
That is the time when we may learn about releasing energies or transforming them. That is the way to open up the pipe again.
In my experience, a point where Life is unbearable will need to be experienced (surrendering) before Life itself will show us the way out. It is a process. It doesn’t happen magically all at once. If it was all at once, it will be extremely painful as we couldn’t hold on to the armors that gave us a personality.
Since we are dealing with energy and not with concepts, different types of energy work may be needed. In my case, I am in tune with sound. Tibetan singing bowls have been very helpful. There are some practitioners who are working with ethereal beings/energies, many times unknowingly. They have been “chosen.” Through those individuals is how healing may happen at some level. Their mission in Life, is to provide emotional healing to those who are ready.
Hypnosis could be helpful as well, to remove some traumatic experiences from childhood. There are many non-traditional ways. Experiment. Be aware.
“Releasing” occurs in many ways. Sometimes is through crying. Sometimes screaming, sometimes through a sharp feeling that something came out. Other times, is subtle, as we resume Life, those things which used to be triggers will not be felt like that anymore.
It is important to keep the rational mind away, for we will not be open to express. The conditioning of “A man does not cry or a woman should be always a lady” will be there unless we allow ourselves to express raw, and be Ok with whatever is being felt.
Rationality and rational “solutions” or any sort of “numbing” will not go to the root.
The “methods” that Life uses to remove the dirt from the pipe are always unique. Openness is necessary for if we use our judgment, it is truly conditioned.
Feel from your gut, if it is “right” for you and allow it to happen. Trust Life… 🙂
Facing to heal
When the “I” is hurt through an experience, there could be revenge or there could be surrendering as a reaction. Either way, the “I” cannot let go or move on, for the pain will not allow it.
When a person speaks of the need for emotional or psychological healing, that person is describing a traumatic experience, which wasn’t allowed to dissolve through the full process.
That experience could come from many lives before, but the pain will be triggered through different experiences in our current life.
A person who lacks awareness will only point a finger onto the culprit of his woes, or try to get rid of the “source” of his pain, or even become submissive of a greater force than himself.
All of those reactions are merely there to reject the experience.
To be submissive is to reject our own self worth.
Suzie had issues with her mother from an early age. Her mother was very bossy, thinking that she was right all the time. Suzie couldn’t express herself well. She would keep an experience that she perceived as unjust towards her, in her heart… the “unconscious.”
Suzie developed problems with her digestion which had a psychological origin; however, doctors kept medicating her for a physical problem. Life continued on and those resentments surfaced in Suzie. As the mother became older, she wasn’t the same. Life taught her to tone down, she became almost like a child, but Suzie’s resentment and anger were unleashed towards her mother. “Time to get even,” Suzie thought.
Suzie left the house and she swore never to see her mother again after all the things that she had done to her…
“Time will heal,” we say; but it doesn’t.
Time only covers the wounds.
Those wounds will be open again at some other time.
When the “I” suffers from an experience; there may be a need for “time off.”
That is the time to recuperate and build ourselves up.
General wisdom will advice: “ Move on, forget the past.”
The trauma cannot be forgotten, it will resurface until we realize that we need to face the issue.
“The issues are in the tissues,” and they will resurface as long as fear and our inability to face things is not realized.
Suzie may have the space to recuperate. She may have the space to fill herself with peace, but unless she realizes her attraction towards violence as away to punish herself, she will continually look for violence towards her being: Self-inflicted or not.
Her mother was the trigger and the source to give the opportunity for Suzie to heal.
Why does Suzie punish herself?
There is guilt in her. That guilt needs to be dissolved. The typical word used is “forgiven.”
Suzie may not see it as it is easier to blame the obvious: “Her mother is a witch.” Yes, her mother has her own issues to deal with, but in a household of 3 kids, only one of them was affected as much as Suzie did. In Life, nothing is a random event. The web of interactions is exactly as it needs to be.
We could easily say: “That is Suzie’s karma” but that does not bring any solution to her woes. “You acted wrong in another Life, now you have to pay for it.”
That is a story for little children.
We may need to deal with what is “now” and Life will bring the tools and resources to do it, if we are ready; if the “I” will allow it by not holding onto beliefs, but by having the courage to face the truth as it changes, as it unfolds…
If that emotion is “let go,” then the time to move on has arrived.
The proof that the issue is gone is in Suzie’s interaction with her mother and not in running away and using the “spiritual buzzwords” of “letting go and moving on.”
Therefore, it is in the moment when Suzie faces her mother empty of that guilt, when she will know if she is healed from previous traumatic experiences.
Please keep this in your awareness: Every experience in Life only will show us who we are. Nothing wrong with that. Just become aware of it.
When Suzie is empty of that inner-guilt, there is no outside violence, which will be a magnet for her.
“When do we move on and let go, then?”
When there is no space in us for that type of wound to appear.
When Suzie has dealt with her guilt and she is able to feel appreciation and compassion for her mother, then she could move on and let go of the past and that will be without effort, it will be as natural as watching a rainy day from the comfort of our home.
We could see the beauty, the uniqueness… but we will not get soaking wet.
“Love” will then have a different dimension in Suzie’s heart.
She is healed. 🙂
Understanding the process of healing in Life
The observation of the process on how a fruit matures in a tree, may be one of the greatest teachings in Life.
Intelligence, wits, understanding, knowledge… Those traits could be defined, confined and imitated.
Nevertheless, once a lifetime ends, then all of the above will end as well.
Insight is what remains in the journey of Lifetimes.
Insight will develop through the assimilation of those experiences in Life.
Wisdom is not something learned. It is not something acquired by reading, by getting a degree or by becoming “old.”
Wisdom is the natural unknowingly, unrehearsed, application of that insight in Life.
That is what some people may refer as the trait of “old souls.”
That terminology is not accurate, for there is no such a thing as an “old soul” but just range of experienced experiences.
Some individuals may stay awake 22 hours to experience most waking moments offered by the day. Others, will sleep 8 hours and stay awake for 16. Some will label the one who was awake longer as an “old soul,” but the range of experiences in both cases is different.
“Who is better? Who is worse?”
Those are not valid questions to ask. It is just different for everyone. Sleeping is not better than being awake. Both are necessary, complements of each other.
It is in that range of experiences in Life how insight is developed through many Lifetimes.
There is a process behind that insight. Continuous change, continuous becoming, which is BEING at the same time.
When I was 8, I thought and felt like an 8 year old kid.
When I was 30, I thought and felt like a 30 year old man.
Am I the same person?
Yes and No.
Despite that contradictory answer, what matters is to observe the process of change.
Can you teach a 2 year old how to solve a differential equation?
Why not? He will be the same person 30 years later! Why wait until then?
Simply because the 2 year old “now” is not ready. There is a process to go through, which is beyond the hands of any human to decide.
The same is with insight.
Living Life is the process to it. Experiencing Life to the fullest is the catalyst to that insight.
There is no religion that could teach insight. There is no book or university able to confer a degree in that. There is no human being who could develop his insight by “making effort.”
Because we are ONE with Life. Not separated.
Insight is the fruit of living Life with “open hands.” The minute those hands are closed, the minute we think that we “have it,” we have “arrived,” that is the self-placed limit to that potential growth of insight.
3 years ago Ron said that sex was “bad.” The day before today, Ron said that sex is “good.”
That is the range of experiences. The process, the journey to be walked to know. That cannot be gathered by intellectual reasoning. You have to live it to know.
An outsider may say: “You are contradicting yourself. You are a traitor to your former cause.”
Human moral standards of “righteousness” do not understand the walk, the journey, the process.
Open your hands. Keep them open.
What is the teaching? we may ask.
Embrace all. Integrate all.
You can only know when it is your experience and not the product of intellectual minds.
But…By keeping your hands open, you will know that “your experience” at one point in time, will not be the same always.
Never ate strawberries before?
Here is one for you.
That was a sour strawberry for you?
Here… take another.
No? You remember the bitter taste of it. It created a trauma in “you”? Do you want to generalize, now?
Open your hands. Keep them open.
There is a difference between trust in Life and making the same mistake.
Your own “walk” in Life will give the answer to that.
Insight perhaps will tell you that a mistake… is not a mistake after all. 🙂
When the “I” is hurt and wants healing, there is something important to understand:
Healing is not to forbid, but to trust.
The issue is “Me.”
Once we start our “spiritual” search, the “I” is a pretty strong fellow.
The “I” is always innocent. The problem is with the “others.”
Blame to “others” will arrive as events are not happening the way we want it, or the way they “should.”
After some experience of suffering, we may be willing to see Life from a different perspective; then our search for answers may take us to the opposite view:
The problem is with “Me.”
Welcome to your new “spirituality.”
What a shift, huh?
In awareness, we could observe how we go from one extreme into another. Yes, it is the “Black or White” mentality.
What makes that change?
Again, typically is the experience of unbearable pain, sorrow.
The greater is the extent of that “I,” the greatest suffering will be experienced to break that “I” apart.
For example, jumping from one relationship into another due to the feeling of pain, we may search for the psychologist, the priest, the holy one as a desperate attempt to find “answers,” just to hear the same song: “The problem is you.”
At that point we may shift the blame game and we become the victim and the perpetrator at the same time.
We need “healing.”
Do we see the game?
If we understand this Guilt/Blame game and we could see how guilt arrives, then could we say that feeling guilty is “real”?
Yes and No.
Yes, we can feel it even though it is a ghost.
We created that phantom based in our upbringing while being surrounded by players of the “blame game.”
The blame/guilt game is continually reinforced in our society, our beliefs and values. We may become paranoid of doing some action as that may bring guilt/blame.
Perhaps the above is crystal clear for some. Even though it may be understood intellectually; when the time comes and Life throws a particular experience at us, we will not remember what we theoretically “know.”
Moreover, even if we read this article 1000 times; it will not help us to deal with the surprising “test” from Life.
Because our emotions are the ones affected and our emotions are not interested in intellectual stuff.
Do we see that?
What is the solution?
Become aware of the emotion and release it. Let it go.
How that happens?
That is our personal path.
Releasing a particular emotional energy at one time such as feeling guilty, does not mean that the guilt/blame game will not recur again in a different form, a different way. That is known as a “recurrent energy.”
We may need to observe what is happening in ourselves and allow for those emotions to dissolve by itself through our own feeling of openness to “others.” It is in our relationship with “others” how we know if a recurrent energy is affecting us or not. If it has been healed or not.
Observe how the emotion of anger or fear comes in. Feel how those energies will be used against ourselves, in our every day activities, which in turn will sabotage what we truly want for ourselves in Life.
We will become our own enemy, not the “other.”
Allow yourself to be vulnerable and not defensive. Observe the process and be mindful of the time needed for healing to occur by itself. If you close doors that come to help you, suffering will be extended.
Life has different ways to extend that help. Take it and do not judge it.
Openness is the key for our perception of reality to change.
That is known as forgiveness.
To forgive yourself and to forgive others, is perceived as 2 different things in the “normal,” spiritual/religious use of the word.
In reality, it is only a childish lesson to strengthen the existence of the “I.”
“I am so good. I am forgiving you.” Observe how insane is for you to divide yourself into 2 so you can forgive yourself.
Allow for a different perception of Life to sink in. That is all. Forgiveness is to allow for a different perception to appear in your consciousness.
Openness happens when there is an empty space in us available for newness to arrive.
We need that emptiness. We are emptiness.
That “seat” becomes empty, because an emotion /belief was released.
That may be the whole magic behind the word “healing.” It is the process to emptiness.
Healing through Observation
If we observe how conditioned we are by our beliefs, moral codes and emotions, we will begin to understand what is going on with that complex being called “I” or “me.”
Let us say that “Oggie” your fluffy little dog, was run over by your neighbor’s car.
Observe what goes on in “you” in the different circumstances that Life could offer.
You may have been the witness, you may have known “the facts” from someone else.
Sadness will be experienced as “Oggie” was such as cutie. Longing into Oggie’s destiny will extend the emotion of sadness. That emotion of sadness is not bad. It does not need to be rejected. Feel it. Allow yourself to be that sadness and let it go. That timing for letting go is what makes the difference in every individual. The longer it stays, the longer you will feel sad. Observe your closeness to “Oggie.” Observe how “Oggie” gave you some satisfaction, which in turn; you wanted to hold on to it, to become attached to that sensation.
Observe that “Oggie” is not the cause of your attachment, but it merely triggers it.
That means that your attachment has always been there.
How do you feel towards your neighbor?
Even if the situation happened without a willingness to hurt “Oggie,” still there will be some resentment. Observe that.
Your neighbor only triggers that resentment already existing in you.
Is resentment “bad”? Do I need to do something to get rid of it?
No. Feel it. Let it go.
Observe that every sensation will invade “you.” Allow it to be … and let it go.
All of the above is observed without a “moral” standard in our minds, without a belief; because otherwise, you will repress it, reject it.
When we observe, we do not react, take action. Yes… the thing happened but let me see how is that affecting “me.” Just observe. Become aware. Take things slow.
“I feel like killing my neighbor.”
Allow that feeling to be. Discover who you are at that time. It will go away, if you ALLOW it.
Who is holding on to that emotion?
The sense of “I.” The “I” will feel diminished. The “I” needs to “get even.”
Allow that emotion to be there. Let it go. If you hold on to it, you will be nurturing it.
Any healing requires observation. Why?
Because unless we are looking at Life, at the event, from a different perspective in a non-emotional way, we will be stuck in one particular way, “My” way, my perception.
What is a non-emotional way?
It will be the one of the pizza delivery guy, who was there seeing when “Oggie” was hit by the car.
Why his sadness does not build up as much as yours?
Because his “I” is not as involved with Oggie’s life.
The pizza delivery guy did not get “things” from Oggie that you did.
Ultimately, what you will miss are those moments that “Oggie” was able to fulfill.
It is your own neediness what is being discovered.
A “black or white” person will say: “It is not good to have pets because when they die, we suffer.”
That type of mentality is a religion in itself.
NO! It is not about denying things but in being able to discover that “I” who is “needy,” in need of different things. The “I” who has a “right” to control Life and not allowing it to be.
That discovery is “You.”
Who am I?
A soul, a body. A spirit?
The events of Life will allow you to see who you really are, if you observe them.
Healing of emotions occur at that level. We may discover that our emotions are being triggered by different events in Life. What comes out, is “Me” at that point in time. No way to hide it.
Do you want to get “better”? What would you like to repress today?
Observe. Find out. It is all in “you.”
The “truth” may be falsehood
Do you know the meaning of “truth”?
It is a concept. Something for the “I” to feel good about. A word that implies “righteousness.”
“ I am telling you the truth.” Rather than, “I am telling you what I perceive to be factual.”
“Christopher Columbus discovered America in 1492.” That is a historical fact. It is in every book. It is the “truth.”
The “fact” may be; Christopher Columbus did not “discover” anything. Many “Americans” living in America knew America at that time. Moreover, they did not call it America.
Christopher Columbus “discovered” America for “Europeans” (Notice how “I” artificially divide people) who did not know about America. We do not know if Columbus was in fact, the first one in the “new world;” but the “truth” can be manipulated in many ways.
Be aware of anyone who claims to have “the truth.”
A religious “leader” had an experience. His consciousness changed. Followers appeared because they wanted the same for them. Therefore, the answer must be, in following him.
That is the assumption.
Forget that everyone has different experiences.
Forget that consciousness is beyond the handling of an “I.”
The “I” trying to change itself to have the same qualities as the religious leader, is the fake trip of a second class actor who is unwilling to look at himself.
Following is the opposite of self-realization. Nevertheless, the paradox is that following may be necessary as a “tool” to experience for yourself . Therefore, to follow is not “bad.” Consciousness will change to another experience, by itself. Consciousness does not change through intellectual speculation.
When we forget about concepts such as searching for the “truth,” we may actually experience something useful without using a label to describe it, to tell others “I found it.”
Observe how existence is not depending on anyone. It “is.” However, when the “I” asks: “How did I get here?” The “I” is unable to see that it is separating from everything else at that moment, and by “creating” that separation, it needs to find a way to preserve itself for “everlasting life…”
“How did I get here?” just shows the type of consciousness someone has.
No “practice” of a particular action could change someone’s consciousness to make someone “better.”
What is “better”?
What “you” think it should be? What “others” have told you about? What you have learned in society?
Observe how we create the problem and the solution. Both are coming from the same consciousness.
If you are aware of your addiction, on how your addiction adds suffering to your life, at that point we could go deeper into discovering how that “I” comes into being. Observe it in action without adding any “moral” statements. Become aware of how your mind changes “its mood,” on how the “I” is looking for satisfaction because something else is lacking in your Life. That is the point: To discover.
Then you will realize about what is throwing you out of balance. At that point, healing happens. The sources to heal will appear. You have gone through the full path, the experience.
Without observation it may go something like this: “That addiction is bad. You will go to hell if you keep on doing it. You are bad. God will punish you. Ask for forgiveness. Whenever you feel the temptation to “do it,” fight against that. Don’t let the devil win. Look for support, people to help you. Ask the experts. Get some medicine. Do something….”
Guilt and shame will be added every time you “fail.” Worthlessness will be felt every time you are compared against a “success” story.
Observation. It is so “natural,” so “intuitive” but our beliefs, traditions, moral standards, etc. are “against that.”
We must learn what “teachers” tell us. We must “do” what is known to be traditional.
We must bear the weight of not being a “cookie cutter” entity.
Shall we react? Shall we get together and fight it? 🙂
No action is necessary. It is not about “doing.”
Observe, become aware, accept what for others is “normal,” appreciate it, open your consciousness to the enjoyment of being alive.
It is a game. Play it. Don’t take it seriously. Assimilated it. Smile, don’t hold on to the past so you are ready for the next experience…fresh, anew as if you just awaken from a long and deep sleep…
Healing into contentment
When we learn to trust life, we could truly observe without coming from a particular point of view.
If we just sit down to “meditate” or observe, we may need to be aware of the thoughts arising. Those thoughts have a story which are glued to our inner feelings, those thoughts will maintain the sense of self. We become self-absorbed.
If we are sitting in front of Nature, those thoughts will not allow us to enjoy “what is.”
This enjoyment is not a “Look, how beautiful!” wordy remark; the little thoughtful voice speaking to us.
There is no voice there, but the sense of appreciation and gratefulness arrives, as we are part of that scene in the “now.” It is a feeling.
It is the strength of this feeling, which will take us away from the cage of the belief of being just an “I.”
What Ananda is trying to transmit is this: There is absolutely nothing intellectual, no beliefs, no words or labeling in the moment of appreciation and gratefulness.
To appreciate the “now “ for “what is” means to go away from every expectation.
When we learn to connect to Life as an empty space, with the inner door wide open, then a smile comes out. There is nothing that “I” expect. Nothing to be afraid.
What is happening is all right.
This has been labeled as “contentment.” However, observe that this contentment is not born out of a method or a “realization” that “I need to be content.” This “contentment” is not faked.
Observe that contentment is a feeling, just like happiness.
Observe that contentment arises when the sense of “I” diminishes.
Observe that to get to that “I” to open up by itself, to diminish that sensation, we may need to take away the layers of “stuff” that are bunching up and clogging up that natural state of openness.
Observe that to realize what is clogging up, we just need to observe and become aware of that “I.”
At that point the “job starts.” This is the point when a “seeker” is born. Before that moment, it is just playing about being “spiritual” and socializing.
How does the job start?
It is known as healing “yourself.” Catharsis.
Emotions and beliefs… fears acquired through many journeys. All of that is the “stuff.” To heal “yourself” becomes your own path, your own journey because until that “stuff” is not healed, there cannot be “contentment.”
Contentment is appreciation and gratefulness. When you are that state of being, it does not matter what we “think” we are. It does not matter what belief system someone embraces. It does not matter if the world disappears the next day. It does not matter if we found God or not. It does not matter… we are OK with “what is,” we are one with everything.
We are one with thoughts and beliefs, we are one with the world… we are one with God.
Then consciousness will change without “effort”… by itself, for there is no one there (the “I”) trying to prevent that change.