Tagged: insecurity

Dependency

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When there is some sort of insecurity or the perception of not being enough, there is dependency for that perceived security.

A child will depend on his father to fulfill his basic needs. That child may be dependent all of his life for different reasons, or he may “grow up” and become self-reliant. Nevertheless, many times there is a symbiosis going on where a father may depend on the child through emotional support.

Human beings tend to develop a dependency on something considered “greater” or “helpful.” Dependency is how our consciousness of “individuality” may be challenged, nevertheless; the reason underneath is convenience.

It is convenient that someone else will take care of “me.” 🙂

That perception of being “taking care of” tends to be demanding over time. The sense of “ownership” arises on one side while dependency increases on the other.

In a human relationship, that setting could be called “love” but it is only dependency.

In the realm of spirituality there is the same type of dependency.
Some may consider someone to be enlightened and then, they will blindly follow everything that “guru” says, writes or communicates through his\her followers.

That dependency occurs because of the inability of some to “walk their own walk.” It is safe to follow others who we may consider to be enlightened. It is safe to follow an organized path where things are pretty much established.

Not being able to live with uncertainty will make someone compliant to anything perceived to be greater than themselves.

That is how religions have exploited the idea of God.
It is true that some may have had a divine experience with what was perceived to be God at the time, but that experience does not come with a belief in it, with a philosophy, with an idea to follow “someone.”

That is human interpretation.

Dependency arises when there is a lack of self-worth. It is the ego who wants to be
“saved” through belonging to someone or somebody.

It is more “convenient” that way.

The path of the spiritual walker is not something that is made in a “cookie cutter” machine.
It is a unique path where our realizations become our door to further understanding. Those realizations are specifically about inner discovery and integration with all, Totality; that is the 2 sides of the same coin of “Being.”

That is why reading books, attending religious ceremonies, listening to “spiritual talk” could be helpful as long as those things become ingredients for that inner observation.
It is about discovering our own potential.

Someone who is truly interested in humanity; someone who truly loves another will not be interested in creating dependency.

If someone feels dependent on God, on a religion on a system, on a guru, etc. That person is still a child by “convenience.”

A symbiosis may appear that we could call “love” or another “nice” accepted word; but not the opportunity to develop and to know what freedom is, beyond the meaning of the dictionary.

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Jealous about jealousy

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A reader asked about an “elaboration” on jealousy: How it generates, how it works and how to get rid of it.

The sharing offered comes out of observing that emotion in motion…

Why do I feel jealous?
Because there is a separation between me and another.

That separation brings a feeling of “competing” with another, rivalry to a person or a need to posses a person. The need to dominate.

You cannot be jealous of things.

When we feel that someone is not part of our “group” or does not belong to our “circle” and we consider that person a rival, then there is jealousy when something “good” has happened to the perceived “rival.”

Observe how you separate from a person. Observe the feeling of competition coming in you. Observe how that rivalry takes over which will not allow you to enjoy their advancements.

For this type of jealousy to occur, there has to be comparison going on in our minds. That comparison brings the feeling that we need to “keep up,” that we need to be “better,” we need to “dominate.”

This type of jealousy is observed everywhere: at work, in the religious group, among relatives, friends, etc.

Ralph is a computer geek. He boasts about his computer knowledge with everyone and that is how he maintains a “status” as an “expert” at work. Ralph challenges his supervisor constantly. Ralph is jealous because Ralph believes that his supervisor does not have the knowledge that he has, but yet he is supervising him. Ralph is not willing to follow his supervisor’s directions and becomes confrontational.

Eve and Joyce belong to a religious group. Eve has always admired Joyce’s way of speaking and addressing the public in her religious talks. Eve wants to be as popular as Joyce, but her gift of public speaking is not as efficient. Eve feels jealous every time someone from the public congratulates Joyce.

The teacher said in the classroom. “I want to congratulate Carl, today. He is the only one who has scored 100 in the test. The rest of you have the possibility to become like him. Just study harder to keep up with him.”

The teacher unwillingly has set up the right environment for jealousy if Carl has any “competitors” there.

This type of jealousy can advance into cowardice. Once a jealous individual acknowledges that he/she cannot keep up with his/her rival, then “back stabbing” will be used as a way of dealing with his own jealousy.

There is jealousy in “loving” relationships as well.

Sandra is “in love” with Mark. One day, Tracy comes in and Mark makes a comment about her beautiful watch. Sandra is present and she starts feeling jealous. Sandra has not gotten such a compliment from him. The word “beautiful” towards another woman, even though it was about a watch, is something that Sandra cannot take very well.

Sandra cannot stand the thought that Mark could express something nice about another woman. Sandra has to be his “everything.”

When there is no complete possession, because of a rival, there is jealousy.

Thus, how do we get rid of that jealousy?
Simply by recognizing that it is there when it appears. Simply by recognizing that “rivalry” has arrived.

When we are aware of its presence and just observe it; that sensation will go away by itself. Normally, what we do is we react immediately with pain and suffering or we think about it and give “life” to that sensation. “How is it possible for Mark to say that about Tracy? I feel disappointed. Mark is not loyal with me… etc.” Greater quantity of thoughts means grater fire to ignite dormant emotions.

Thus, the main problem is not feeling jealous, but the sense of insecurity, lack of self-esteem, self-worth which is expressed every time we compare to another.

Once those hidden emotions are understood through looking in our lives those episodes where those emotions were triggered, then we are making the necessary steps to understand the self.

For example, the sense of insecurity may have come to Sandra when she was left by her father, when Sandra was a 7-year-old kid. Sandra felt that she could not rely on people anymore. Therefore, when Sandra finds someone like Mark and feels that now Mark is all for “her,” Sandra is covering that insecurity with someone. When that someone does not meet her “criteria,” then Sandra feels disappointed, then that evolves into anger for she feels betrayed even though it is an insignificant thing for a grown up… however for Sandra’s inner child, it is not. 🙂

The above is just an example of the type of work that we need to be willing to do to understand ourselves.

Once we recognize that the source of jealousy is not really jealousy in itself caused by “others,” we can see that we need to find out the cause of that jealousy in ourselves.

“We” are the problem and the solution.

Fear to advance in the Path – By Mathias

When there is a numerous amount of people united at the same time, using their internal power; there can be a fantastic impact over matter.
The way to stop this wonder is when we act in egotistical ways and by having fears.

Those are the fears arising from internal insecurity.
Those fears make those who are meant to advance; to stop.
Those fears not only make the individual to stop but to fall down several times. Then, this individual will hurt his already damaged self-esteem.

In this way a severe chronic damage will be created; which only through intense pain; those memories could be erased or aggravated.

Finally, “sound” depends on 3 factors: Location, intensity and form: the birds know this very well.
Intensity depends on your auto-realization as individual.
Form, is that which is obtained through your auto-image, that is thoughts.
Location depends on your experiences.

I want to finish by saying that the best moment to initiate any type of awakening is NOW.
It is after awakening that we can continue to advance in this path of light, sounds, stillness and silence.

* About Mathias: A wise being of light.

Question: how to overcome submissiveness? Is it a negative energy? How to do the ground work?

Great question! Thank you.
Submissiveness has many meanings to different individuals.
In a spiritual gathering, in a religion; it could be considered a symbol for “egoless.” As a matter of fact, when someone is submissive is considered to be “good.” In the real world, to be submissive means lack of “drive,” lack of self respect.
We can act in life. We can be submissive at work while we are surrounded by our bossess. It is that respect for hierarchy which could turn into devotion. To know that our jobs are necessary to survive could bring that.
At a spiritual gathering we may not be submissive, because no one there controls our salary, our way of living.

Therefore, to be submissive is not necessarily a “bad” trait. Your dog will be submissive to you, because the dog knows that you will feed him. With others, the same dog will not stand a flea nearby.
The issue comes when we realize that we are not honestly expressing ourselves. Here is when the thought of being submissive is bothersome. The dog doesn’t think about it. The dog knows about his own survival and comfort. A spiritual human being will observe this characteristic of submisiveness in himself and will be turned off by it. That is the time to change.

There is fear in submisivness. There is fear of being left out, of not being part of the “gang.” When that fear goes away, submissiveness goes with it.
In life we learn, neither to be submissive nor to be an arrogant bossy flea…Any extremes lack balance and when there is no balance, there is no song to sing. 🙂
All the best.