In any spiritual path there comes a point when “going back” to our old ways may seem imminent.
In the BK path, it is not only sex-lust. Before that there is the sense of isolation and loneliness.
Isolation is that sense of not “belonging” to a common goal, institution or ideal. In isolation there is a difference between “me” and the rest of “you.” Ego isolates. Anything could trigger isolation but nevertheless, to feel isolated is to suffer because “normally” we live as a group, the family “path.” Isolation is a bridge which cannot be crossed.
That sense of isolation or being isolated is one of the first tests that any spiritual seeker will encounter. If you are BK, it is the isolation of the “pure” vs. the “impure.” The isolation of being a “brother in a sisterhood,” the isolation of being “different” despite a set of rules and regulations.
That isolation rejects something which is not perceived as good. That isolation brings differences. Ego.
To go beyond isolation is a requisite to sustain ourselves in the BK path. We cannot rely on others to sustain us, to give us a sense of support. We need to belong to a family, to an institution perhaps but at the same time, to be ourselves. This paradox of belonging to “one and many at the same time,” has to be experienced, for this is not a question of choosing “this or that” but to embrace both. No more choosing.
Loneliness is that sense of no being able to live “alone.” This is another common argument used by those who have left the BK path and other deep spiritual paths. Loneliness means that “I cannot stand to live with my own self.” I need others to feel complete. I need company to feel wholesome. I need another being with me. In BK gyan the concept / experience of “Baba is always with you” have been used to deal with this; however, the problem of not being able to be alone is still there. “You do not need anyone else, because you have Baba.” That is to transfer that loneliness to Baba. Loneliness is still there because I need God.
Paradoxically, the feeling of loneliness is necessary to “improve” in this spiritual path. Not everyone is up to that task. Not everyone has that capacity, but sooner or later the experience of loneliness has to happen.
Baba gives us good “yuktis” to overcome loneliness by being concentrated in “service.” “Have your mind busy in service” it is said. However, please see that we have not conquered loneliness, we have just avoided it with something else, even though “service” is good; loneliness is still there.
Without “conquering” loneliness, there is no possibility of going into “solitude.” Because solitude is being without further noises, further thoughts, further distractions. It is emptiness. It is silence of the mind. In that emptiness is where “God works through you.”
The experience of solitude is healing and fulfilling. It is restful for the self is no longer struggling to become, to be, to follow. It is just what it is and it is beautiful. The paradoxical aspect of solitude is that to experience it, isolation and loneliness have to be “conquered,” but once in solitude we can go back with the noise and the multitudes and being in company of one or many; but at the same time being in solitude.
This is the spiritual journey. To go away just to come back. To lose yourself just so you cannot be lost again. These are the paradoxes of spirituality which reason and logic are unable to understand.