When the “I” is hurt through an experience, there could be revenge or there could be surrendering as a reaction. Either way, the “I” cannot let go or move on, for the pain will not allow it.
When a person speaks of the need for emotional or psychological healing, that person is describing a traumatic experience, which wasn’t allowed to dissolve through the full process.
That experience could come from many lives before, but the pain will be triggered through different experiences in our current life.
A person who lacks awareness will only point a finger onto the culprit of his woes, or try to get rid of the “source” of his pain, or even become submissive of a greater force than himself.
All of those reactions are merely there to reject the experience.
To be submissive is to reject our own self worth.
Suzie had issues with her mother from an early age. Her mother was very bossy, thinking that she was right all the time. Suzie couldn’t express herself well. She would keep an experience that she perceived as unjust towards her, in her heart… the “unconscious.”
Suzie developed problems with her digestion which had a psychological origin; however, doctors kept medicating her for a physical problem. Life continued on and those resentments surfaced in Suzie. As the mother became older, she wasn’t the same. Life taught her to tone down, she became almost like a child, but Suzie’s resentment and anger were unleashed towards her mother. “Time to get even,” Suzie thought.
Suzie left the house and she swore never to see her mother again after all the things that she had done to her…
“Time will heal,” we say; but it doesn’t.
Time only covers the wounds.
Those wounds will be open again at some other time.
When the “I” suffers from an experience; there may be a need for “time off.”
That is the time to recuperate and build ourselves up.
General wisdom will advice: “ Move on, forget the past.”
The trauma cannot be forgotten, it will resurface until we realize that we need to face the issue.
“The issues are in the tissues,” and they will resurface as long as fear and our inability to face things is not realized.
Suzie may have the space to recuperate. She may have the space to fill herself with peace, but unless she realizes her attraction towards violence as away to punish herself, she will continually look for violence towards her being: Self-inflicted or not.
Her mother was the trigger and the source to give the opportunity for Suzie to heal.
Why does Suzie punish herself?
There is guilt in her. That guilt needs to be dissolved. The typical word used is “forgiven.”
Suzie may not see it as it is easier to blame the obvious: “Her mother is a witch.” Yes, her mother has her own issues to deal with, but in a household of 3 kids, only one of them was affected as much as Suzie did. In Life, nothing is a random event. The web of interactions is exactly as it needs to be.
We could easily say: “That is Suzie’s karma” but that does not bring any solution to her woes. “You acted wrong in another Life, now you have to pay for it.”
That is a story for little children.
We may need to deal with what is “now” and Life will bring the tools and resources to do it, if we are ready; if the “I” will allow it by not holding onto beliefs, but by having the courage to face the truth as it changes, as it unfolds…
If that emotion is “let go,” then the time to move on has arrived.
The proof that the issue is gone is in Suzie’s interaction with her mother and not in running away and using the “spiritual buzzwords” of “letting go and moving on.”
Therefore, it is in the moment when Suzie faces her mother empty of that guilt, when she will know if she is healed from previous traumatic experiences.
Please keep this in your awareness: Every experience in Life only will show us who we are. Nothing wrong with that. Just become aware of it.
When Suzie is empty of that inner-guilt, there is no outside violence, which will be a magnet for her.
“When do we move on and let go, then?”
When there is no space in us for that type of wound to appear.
When Suzie has dealt with her guilt and she is able to feel appreciation and compassion for her mother, then she could move on and let go of the past and that will be without effort, it will be as natural as watching a rainy day from the comfort of our home.
We could see the beauty, the uniqueness… but we will not get soaking wet.
“Love” will then have a different dimension in Suzie’s heart.
She is healed. 🙂
If I could get you out of my mind, I will be happy…
While most will spend their time and resources forgetting the past through getting busy, drinking, meditating, pretending to be joyful, etc. in time; they will forget.
Because we are never the same.
General wisdom will tell us “Time heals the wounds of the heart.”
It should say: “The baby-ish mind will stop crying, when peace is brought by a pacifier in its mouth.”
I guess it is not as poetic as the former, but awareness has its own language.
The mind likes static pictures. The mind will literally cry if those pictures change.
The mind cries, complaints, makes tantrums, assumes, judges and the poor “I” believes it all.
Letting go is always about the past. It could be a family situation, a relationship, a circumstance which shouldn’t…but it was…
The mind does not want to forget for there is a “something” which is meaningful, something which supports its own idea of self.
The mind will cry: “The way that one made me feel.” “I did not feel like this before.” “I don’t think I can go on without that one.”
The mind sets the source to be “him or her” or whoever. When that one is gone; the mind will cry and then, emotions will solidify the experience of suffering by following the tears of the mind so deeply, that the heart will feel wounded.
One more time, we have succeeded in hurting ourselves. 😦
Want to repeat the drill?
You feel you need something. The mind remembers that one or that situation which gave life to that “self” who is no longer there.
The mind will cry. Emotions of sadness will follow. The feeling of suffering arrives, deeply felt by the heart.
“But… What is the solution?”
It is not in the mind. It is the strength of the heart.
Let me put it in another way: “Love is the solution.”
Too cloying and cliché for your taste?
Let me put it in another way: Less I-ness.
When the heart is healed, it is always open, there is a capacity for love.
A wounded heart will go through the process of diminishing the size of the “I,” through suffering. A wounded heart will close itself to opportunities to feel, due to fear.
Resistance will be there until the “I” gets tired…
Eventually all the “efforts” from the “I” to avoid being hurt again, (Thanks to the advice of the mind) will suffocate that “I” to the point, where survival will call for a sudden change of plans.
Love can flow again. 🙂
The mind creates its own demons and protectors. To face that creation is part of growing in Life.
Do we see why all experiences that we go through are important and necessary?
When we become aware of that “I” and the ways that Life has to slim it down, then we no longer need to believe in “holy” diets and food repression.
Life is about experiences. When we are aware of them, by looking at how the self is changed into no-self, we will understand the ways and means of Life and how our perception of being separated from “what is” brings that suffering, which most are reluctant to experience.
Do you know why “letting go” is called in that way?
Because there is someone, the “I” through the mind, who is stopping something from the past to go by, to dilute itself along with the old “I.”
The “I” is hurt through beliefs of the mind. It is self-inflicted pain.
When we are aware of the mind’s tricks, we are free. No need to repress, suppress or avoid. Just conscious awareness, observation, witnessing, spectating, watching…
Who is watching?
If it is the “I” we are tricking ourselves.
A room full of things is like a person full of “I.”
Those things, boxes, plastic bags, etc. get accumulated through time.
Not every thing in the room has the same value for that “I.”
Some things have greater priority. According to that, a personality will be built.
The “I” is trying to keep everything under its 4 walls. Failing to see that those things that make up a full room now, got there not by the powers of the “I” but by coincidences, “random events,” situations, circumstances, which are the settings beyond the 4 walls of the room.
Those things got into the room through “others.” To see this is to understand inter-beingness.
Every box in the room has collaborated to make a person known as “me.”
Who made it?
Most think that the “I” will make himself through “choices,” but the choices that arrive are not dependent on that “I.”
Your “choice” is either red or blue. A person who does not know about yellow, green, magenta, etc. will believe of making a “choice” out of only 2 colors appearing in his Life, red or blue.
“I picked my husband.” Meaning, your choice was red or blue. Those are the colors that appeared in your experience of Life. To say “I picked” is not completely true. Your choices were limited. Your timing did not depend on the “I.”
“That blue box over there, is something which I like a lot. I will not allow it to go.”
However, it will go away. It is just a matter of time.
While the box is being moved out of the room, there will be drama, struggle, fight, animosity, fear, anger, etc. After all the “blue box” is going away!
After awhile, the “blue box” is no longer there, but in that empty space now, there is an emotion holding the phantom of the loss of the “blue box.”
Even though Life is cleaning the space of that full room for newness to appear, the “I” is struggling to keep things static “forever.” 🙂
The “I” may hear many talks about how “good” is to be detached from all of those boxes but once Life takes away another box from that room, the “I” will cry in despair.
The box is gone! …But an emotion takes its place.
As the room becomes empty of things, it does not matter how religious or how saintly someone may believe to be. The room may be empty of things, as many saints may claim: “ I do not have anything. I am not attached to no one.” However, the ghosts of emotions are taking the place of those objects.
That room is not empty yet. It is full of ghosts. Self-deception is one of them.
As Life removes things from the room, we may replace those objects with different ones; we may decorate that room with newness, with creativity… but we don’t.
We cling to the old stuff.
That is how to flush the emotions is truly necessary in the process of becoming a new person in Life.
Emotions are like the odor left by the previous tenants of an apartment. That odor will spread through all new objects in the room.
To be born again is to be empty, completely healed. Ready for newness.
“All that you are is the result of all that you have thought,” I hear.
That is not true. All that you are depends on the identification with the elements coming into that empty room.
Identifying with one, surely creates a “recurrent energy,” a recurrent thought.
“But… where do you read this? Who gives you this knowledge?”
Life itself. We are not separated from it.
We’re being asked..Can you let go?
Go with the flow? Be out of control?
Can you enjoy these moments and be free?
Be who your meant to be and always were?
Suffering comes from resistance, persistence and force…
Take a pledge to not negate the beauty that has to emerge
Let go of familiar ways of being that keep you afraid and alone
Because you alone are the one who can break the chains of the old
Nobody else can do that for you, only you can realize yourself
I Trust that you also feel Unlimited Healing Revealing itself