In search of aloneness
Most dread the thought of being alone. There is fear of loneliness. Their time to look inside, has not arrived yet…Loneliness becomes aloneness. Fulfillment is there
The “normal” basic teaching is the following:
Everything you are looking for is outside of you. Search and get it.
Want happiness? Get it from over there. If that doesn’t work, try something else.
Want love? Get into a relationship with someone. If that doesn’t work, try harder next time…
Want to have insurance for the afterlife? Get to know God. Flavors may vary according to the shop you visit.
Want to hang on to something just for the sake of companionship?
Yes…. all of those things are “outside” of you.
As “seekers” went “outside,” another teaching came up, the “opposite:”
The “experts” conclude: “It makes sense. It is important, etc, etc. “
Let us talk about it. Let us make an intellectual ideal of what is like to “know thyself.” Let us come up with a method to “reach there.”
However, very few are willing to pay the price.
To know thyself, you must experience what is like to be alone…how loneliness changes into aloneness.
Because until and unless you are perfectly comfortable with your own self, without company, without a support group, without someone to lean on… until that point hasn’t been reached, we will dependent on something or someone. It is that dependency the one that will bring suffering when that which has given us support at one point in the past, is gone.
This does not mean that tomorrow I will look for the cave near me and stay there for a month, or that I will reject every individual close to me for they will bring “attachment.” That is a misinterpretation and a compulsive behavior.
It is the price to pay when “doing” before “being.”
The inner lie may go something like this:
“ I stayed alone in a cave for 1 year.” “ I was in complete silence for 365 days.”
Impressive!… and what is what your mind was “doing” during that time?
Crying? Counting the days? Toughen it up? Miserable time, huh?
Yes, it is a great story to impress “others.” Something to put in our resume for “guru-hood,” but nothing else.
As long as there is no natural enjoyment of that experience, we are completely fakes.
Enjoyment is the keyword at every step in Life.
The experience of being alone will come to every single one of us at its own time. The length of time will be different for everyone, but when it comes; if we try to run away, we will be in despair.
For instance, observe a relationship in your Life. What is the “worst” that could happen?
Perhaps that our partner may leave. If you are not comfortable with yourself, you will suffer in a proportional amount of your attachment.
Some religious groups have misinterpreted the above, by supporting a lifestyle of not having human relationships for the sake of being alone, with the “goal” of avoiding suffering, without realizing that to suffer may be part of the necessary process to change our consciousness. Suffering is not “bad,” but many times…necessary.
To learn to respect the process of suffering of the self and others is part of learning in Life.
Life is relationship. But the first and most important relationship is with your own self.
Your body, your self-perception, your mental health, your tranquility… all of those are important to be in balance.
If someone is continually hurting himself by denying or sabotaging himself the gifts of health, serenity and mental stability; how is it possible for that person to love another?
It is impossible, unless we mean by “love” to be jealous, angry, violent and moody with our partner. That is the “normal” stuff.
The “outside” is never to be blamed for the issues that we have “inside,” for the outside is the inside.
To go into the experience of aloneness is not a life style. It is a natural path to inner knowledge, for the one who is ready. For the one who is not ready, it may be a miserable experience.
Life will bring sooner or later that experience to us. There is no need to join a religious group for this, just to be aware that is happening.
Enjoyment of our own company is the most spiritual thing someone could “practice.”
Love what you consider to be yourself. Treat it well. Give it “quality time,” then we could be ready for others in our Life.
Looking for others to fulfill what we lack, is the romantic trap that we have learned.
We can only give to others what we ARE. If we are empty of neediness, we have the whole world to give, there will be fulfillment.
Embrace your aloneness. It is something to cherish, it is the opportunity to be wholesome… One.
To be alone and to be in company are 2 extremes of the same rope. We hold on to one extreme… eventually, we will reach the other. We become attached to one experience, there will be suffering when it is time to let go and reach the other side… 🙂
Your Life is just you.
How do you like your life? Pretty good, huh? 🙂
Do you want to “make a change”?
Who is making the change?
The “I” ?
Based on what?
Your previous experiences, your education, your beliefs, your ideas… your baggage.
Can we call that a change?
Do you feel lonely?
That is your Life.
That is you. No difference.
Do you want to change that?
Do “something,” right? Join this group, call that other group, talk to your buddies, be social etc.
Observe that to “feel alone” hasn’t been changed at all.
All the “doing” has only dissipated the feeling of loneliness.
All the “doing” is “good,” but it should reflect a change in “BEING” to be true.
Are you worried?
Change your thoughts! Right? That is what “spirituality” recommends… Change yourself, just “do it.”
No, my friends. That is a dishonest game.
“I” think this thought, but let me suppress that and put this other “good” thought instead.
“I” am changing… 🙂
When we discover the wall of pain sitting in our hearts, which is not allowing for the air of Life to arrive and nourish our cells, at that point; in that awareness, we may stop “doing things” and allowing for that wall to be taken down little by little through the cleansing waters of our own tears coming from the heart.
We built the wall without help, without “doing” things. Similarly, is the process of disintegration.
Do you believe that this wall is protecting you?
Let go of that belief.
Do you believe that Life is harsh?
Look at your own harsh feelings.
Life is not only a mirror but it is “you.”
“You” can change that “you,” but that wouldn’t be called change.
Let it happen.
Religious teachings are practically unaware of the world of duality. For those teachings to choose one side and to reject the other side of duality, is considered to be “good, godly, etc.”
A human being has a duality within. That is the male/female energy, which is manifested through a body.
When we identify with the form, we call ourselves “male or female.” Nevertheless, our psyche has to agree with that denomination as well. If it doesn’t then we have the other shades of colors besides the “black and white,” male-female type of standard.
To be aware of our own eternity is to recognize that we had the experience of being a male and a female. To be aware of our own energies is to balance and harmonize male and female. There is no one who is a “pure female” or a “pure male” energy. A “macho guy” represses his femininity to the point where he will be in extreme need of female energy. At that point that neediness has been labeled as “love.”
When someone embraces the path of a seeker, sooner or later loneliness will be faced. That loneliness increases for the need of finding a complementary energy will be always there. It is part of Nature.
Inside ourselves, there is the “inner kid” which most psychologists now agree “exists.” However, there is a “full-family” inside every individual. There is the male- female and kid energies.
To balance those energies is of utmost importance to find that wholeness inside without neediness.
Once that wholeness is found, then to integrate that oneness with “others” is the next step.
“Loving yourself” is more than a “nice spiritual phrase.” It is to recognize our value, worthiness and respect for being. We could start with self caressing ourselves, pamper ourselves, to use this body to manifest that which we would like in a partner.
Obviously the above may not be accepted for there is a strong taboo against touching our own bodies or allowing complementary, natural energies within to manifest.
All of those beliefs are detrimental in harmonizing our energies. We have learned to repress and to live by stereotypes which have given us the notions of what is “good and what is bad.”
Unless we learn to balance our own energies, to live by yourself harmoniously may not be possible. Everyone will go by in our lives. We need to learn to live in balance with ourselves.
By identifying ourselves with a particular “role model” or stereotype, we deny our own manifestation. The “black and white “ belief that a “man” has to be this way and not that way, or “this is the way a woman should act..” is nothing but a belief and as such it is worth only as long as someone gives value to it.
Therefore, to integrate the “family” within is of great value to experience that oneness which is needed to embrace a greater oneness with all.
We cannot pretend to be One when we are needy. We cannot pretend to live harmoniously in a relationship with another person, when we look for our needs to be satisfied by another.
Coffee and milk get together to bring their own flavor into the mix to create something different with their own oneness.
Epilogue: Death is a window until the door is shown
Life presents different perspectives from different people who are under the same situation.
A friend mentioned: “I know what is like to lose a father.”
We can only know about our own experience. Let us not generalize. If a particular experience was full of sorrow, pain and uncertainty; then the expectation is that everyone should experience the same thing.
That belief, does not allow for openness in our consciousness for the “I” becomes the center of the Universe.
“I feel this way, therefore; everyone else must.”
Ananda’s sister; Raysha, is gifted with a high sensitivity.
Raysha saw her father sitting by a lake in a region of white light. He looked much younger and his body was of white light. They spoke to each other. Raysha noticed that his father did not have any emotions in him.
Ananda asked Mathias, the wise tree about this episode.
Mathias responded: “ When you get re-set, you do not have any experiences in you. ”
Ananda: “Re-set?…But if my father was “re-set,” what is the benefit of going through the previous experiences if he will be in “zero” mode?”
Mathias: “ He will take with him what he needs for his next life experience.”
Ananda thought: “ But…who gets to give him what he needs for his next experience?”
Mathias said: “ The Totality.”
Ananda smiled: “ I understand now, Mathias… Thank you.”
Our minds are framed in the belief of being separated. It is that “I” with is own stubbornness and pride who fights to continue on. That belief is so enrooted in our bodies and mind which only allow us to perceive this individuality, separation. That is the cause of suffering and it is suffering the one who will burn that “I” until it gives up, surrenders, bows down, let go, etc. Use the word you wish, but we get the idea.
When that happens, a new experience awaits.
That “burning” can take many years of suffering or just a month of “intense fire” like in Ananda’s father’s case.
Then, according to what is needed in the Totality, the Universe, life, etc; the drop of water will be ready to appear in another place, another time, another circumstance to perform a particular task needed for self-preservation of that Totality.
That is the moment when the “I” will be born again.
Observe that I could label any of the words above with religious terms.
I could call the “Totality” as “God.” I could name the region of white light as “the subtle region.”
I could call that experience of “purging the I” as purgatory, hell, punishment, etc.
I could call Ananda’s father as an “angel.”
Forget the labels.
What you interpret, dear reader; out of all the experiences that I have shared with you up to this point, is your interpretation. That could range from “nonsense, false, true, the holy truth, etc.”
It does not matter to Ananda the way the above is interpreted. Ananda only shares his experiences here, for the common good.
What is the epilogue of the characters of this story of life?
For Raysha, it is to know that his Father is doing alright. A sense of closure. To know that Life does not end when the body perishes. That is no longer a belief. That experience of dealing with his father’s passing was a source of internal growth, the kind which no book, lesson or “spiritual teaching” could ever give.
For Ananda it is the trigger to recognize that “I.”
To dissolve all his previous religious beliefs and to “re-set” his mind into the wonderful and amazing experience of living life with joy. The teacher and the student are the same. However, life is the teacher… and there are friends to listen to in life. 🙂
For Ananda’s mother is the time to deal with herself. That is to experience loneliness and attachment. She has lived for 50 years with her husband.
Some may say: Is to have a relationship “bad”?
Not at all. She grew with the support of that relationship, now the opposite must be experienced. That is the world of duality. If there was no “I” in her, how could she experience loneliness or attachment?
Some religions or beliefs will state that it is best “not to open karmic accounts.”
That “black or white” belief, does not take into account that every experience in life is an opportunity for growth. It is not the action in itself but the state of consciousness. It is not the time that we spend being “spiritual” but our readiness through life experiences.
If we don’t experience, we do not learn. If we don’t suffer, we do not grow. If we don’t know our limits, we cannot go over them.
For Ananda’s little brother, the time has arrived to walk his own path into life, for if he remains in dependency; he will miss the experience of life through his own lenses.
Ananda’s father got liberated from his decaying physical body and in the process; he has obtained a new consciousness.
Therefore, everyone gets benefit.
To live life is an awesome experience, thus; to be amazed by it, to be in gratitude to it; to completely appreciate it as it presents itself… that is to be in love with it…is the greatest experience.
Loneliness to awaken the reality of the self
To remain undivided in life means to stop analyzing, dividing things, separating things with our minds.
That oneness is very simple. Nevertheless, that “oneness” as just an idea becomes an intellectual theory without insight. That “ intellectual oneness” has been marketed as another belief, another idea, another philosophy, another religion.
For any “learned individual” all is about gaining information. “Information is power,” they may say. In the spiritual realm, “information” is meaningless to experience a different realm of consciousness.
Without a “different” consciousness; our ability to see and experience becomes trapped in the setting of the “average guy.”
That is the guy surviving on TV; movies; his “own” business, the “news,” books, Cds, the internet, the latest research, the talk by Mr. politician; the class by Dr. Ph.D. ; M.D or the priest … That is the guy who only absorbs and “regurgitates” information he heard/read someplace; that person is there to “take from the outside and repeat it,” that is the person who is truly sleeping even though moving and breathing in the world; that sort of consciousness is easy to manipulate and “brain wash” with the “latest” information.
None of the above is “bad.” However, a person totally immersed in the above characteristics does not have inside him the “guts” to undergo a total change in personality.
Because that person is “sleeping.” That person does not have the capacity to look at himself and the things he does everyday automatically, without noticing. That person has no developed inner observation.
Please see that this is not a religious belief.
That person could be a great critic or commentator of “outside” reality. That person could write or talk with great ease, by using logic and reasoning…. But that person does not have the capacity to look inside; where there is no fluency in language or “powerful” writing that could help.
If someone asks me what is the single most important experience to start transforming the self; my answer without a doubt is the feeling of being alone.
This is the time when we could face ourselves as we truly are without any of the distractions that we are accustomed to.
Alone. By yourself. No family, No friends. No religious group to support you. Nothing.
That could be a good setting to start, if we can handle it.
If we survive the experience, then we will recognize what ego is all about at different levels. That “self” looking for different ways to survive or to live through others; looking to please others just to be accepted. That ego/sense of self begging for some sort of company to be busy with; something or someone to posses, something to call “ours,” something to fill the void, the empty sensation of existing with nothing permanent, but worries about ceasing to exist.
Here is when the “I” will look for certainty, for security in the afterlife, with God; “His protection” with a religious group; with someone as long as that pain of inner emptiness is mitigated.
A hopeless day yells
for a bright sunny sky,
this loneliness is dry
turning my heaven into hell
After that hell; the light… then the discovery that no one is ever alone appears in the experience of your own company. Then, a bright sunny sky comes in your life despite the ups and downs of the weather of life.
Everything was just a bunch of thoughts, and those moments of feeling loneliness only brought the key to experience the inner self.
Many throw that key away as soon as possible. Few, will use that key to open the door into themselves.
That is where everything starts. 🙂
Alone from thoughts – Adyashanti
“Being alone, by myself
A company of my own
My business is loneliness
And my song, to be alone”
Avyakt7 was able to hear about 50 minutes of this talk, and highly recommends it for those who are looking for a different perspective of the “truth” without beliefs. 🙂
Adyashanti has a Zen Buddhist background; however, with the cultural understanding of someone coming from a “modern” society.
Harmonious movement: Take your time. Smile. Breath in. Clear your thoughts. That is it.
When you become acquainted with solitude, in that silence of being just with yourself, when the inner chattering disappears; that is the time when serenity arrives.
To maintain that state of being is a matter of becoming more and more acquainted with that solitude.
There is nothing to “do.”
Thoughts will be moving slowly, in such a way that we can perceive them passing by and to catch the dreamer, dreaming again without effort.
If we have the chance to sit by a park and just look at a tree; Is it possible to look at that scene without thinking about it? Can we stop counting the number of branches or the birds passing by? Can’t we stop thinking about anything else?
If we become acquainted with this state of consciousness of just looking, we will be able to perceive that all of that rush, all of that “being late,” all of that “having so many things to do and so little time,” all of that will vanish; because in the experience of that state of serenity there is peace, there is fulfillment.
We truly want that.
Then, this will become our priority without “effort.”
In that experience, we will automatically look for it and we will realize that there is no place to go, no belief to believe in, but just to be there, observing, feeling, smiling, moving in harmony, taking our time….
Just living life in calmness.
Early in the morning, when we wake up; we could sit, breathe in and out and acknowledge the little movie going on in our minds.
The minute we realize that “show time” is on again; that is the moment when the movie will finish. If we place our attention to that sacred moment when all inner chattering is gone; we are in a good position to discover more about ourselves.
It is in that calmness, in that serenity when our consciousness could open to experience something more.
It is in that space of solitude when deep changes occur.
Becoming acquainted with that solitude and that silence will turn little by little in a very fulfilling company.
We will no longer feel alone.