Tagged: Love
Emotional dependency
To fall in Love is very easy. To love, is something that very few are able to know. Love cannot be learned.
Love appears when we are able to appreciate and give.
Appreciate the moment. Give yourself. This is not a “practice,” this is BEING those things without trying.
How can I “achieve” those things then?
By being completely AWARE of who you ARE now and allowing for the inner barriers to fall.
Otherwise, we bring the past to the “now,” we try to control outcomes and expect to receive what we desire, what we think is “fair.” For most, that is their version of love.
To bring the past means to feed grudges. To point out “mistakes.” To believe that someone cannot change. Control brings jealousy, the need to possess. Because there is this psychological separation, there is always the “Me “and “you” that cannot fuse into “us.” Thus, to give yourself under those terms, is only another pretty idea.
Everything in Life is meant to change. When we live through the identity of another, we will suffer when the other is gone.
Many will avoid becoming closer to another, for the fear of being hurt; but yet miss an opportunity for growth and enjoyment. They are not AWARE that inner fears do not allow someone to experience the way Life IS. With fear there cannot be love.
That emotional dependency of illusory security, does not go away when we protect ourselves from others, but when we are wide open, vulnerable, alive.
Some relationships are meant to last 1 day. Others a lifetime. Truly, there is no difference for the one who is open to Life.
The moment, the “now,” that is all that matters. Once it is gone, a new door will open if we do not bring the past with us. A new adventure will arrive if we do not try to control the surroundings. If we give ourselves to Life at every moment, we may find what Love IS.
We find by letting go.
Betterment without practice
Mary told John: “You need to become compassionate.”
John looked up the word compassionate in the dictionary.
It said: “Feeling or showing sympathy and concern for others.” John wasn’t quite sure what compassionate meant through that definition for he always thought that he felt concerned for others, so he looked for another definition: “A feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.”
John understood the meaning of compassion better through the second definition. Then, he decided that from now on, he will “practice” that compassion.
Mary had a severe cold. John could see that Mary was suffering. John “practiced” feeling sympathy for Mary. He also followed up with a “desire to alleviate” her cold. “Can I hand you some tissue?” He asked.
Mary saw “improvement” in John. She said “Thank you for asking.”
That created the necessary rapport for John to practice that “compassion.”
He thought he was being compassionate now… He was “improving.” 🙂
Reality is that John wasn’t compassionate even after “practicing” for many months. For instance, he wasn’t able to feel empathy for suffering animals. That wasn’t part of his “practice” of “compassion.”
John was merely conditioned to practice his improved “good manners” in front of people.
This little example, shows how our “spirituality of practice” have been shaping individuals into fake ones.
There are things which need “practice” to become more proficient at, but values are not part of that.
So what do we DO to become “better”?
Nothing at all. The thing is not to BECOME something which we don’t even know what IS, what is the extent of it.
“Love your neighbor as yourself” sounds good to “practice,” but apparently that doesn’t work in a war… or even as close as the “office world.”
The thing is to OBSERVE to BE AWARE of what IS… what we ARE.
WHAT IS, is not necessarily the way we ACT: I can pet the neighbor’s dog and look “loving and concerned,” while inside me a thought could be saying: “Nasty mutt.”
If we are AWARE of that inner conflict, that is where “betterment” starts…. But we have been trained to suppress that thought with a “loving” one: “ You are such a precious dog.”
That is the greatest lie.
We have been trained to add words as “objective to achieve,” as in: “I need to be more caring with animals and people.” This mitigates our sense of guilt, whenever we see that our attempt to BECOME some moral value, does not work.
All we need is a little AWARENESS of the NOW.
Forget the nice words: Love, compassion, gentleness, peace, etc. and the opposite words as well. Those words don’t help at all. Those are only words.
Awareness of what we feel. Awareness of our own relaxed presence or lack of. Awareness of the stream of thoughts and words. That is all.
One day, we may even question ourselves after our observation: Is that ME?
That is a sign that betterment is on the way, without “practice.”
The problem of “Reality.”
Our mindset pursues what it believes to be the “truth,” what is “real” according to conditioning.
Some type of human consciousness are self-righteous and have narrow perceptions, which they call “truth,” reality: “what is real is what exists, what exists is what I can perceive with my 5 senses.” Easy enough to make that “truth” into a commandment.
Our society and collective consciousness are in agreement with that, for the majority of people have 5 senses working somewhat in a similar way.
All is “good” until scientists “discover” that what we perceive is not necessarily what is “real.”
At that point, we may ask ourselves, what is “reality”? 🙂
That question in fact, synthesizes the main problem with our vision and understanding of Life.
The issue is not to concentrate our efforts in discovering what is “real” out there. The main issue is to understand ourselves and the way we perceive Life. Our perception of it.
In short, Life can be perceived in many different ways according to our consciousness.
For example, imagine that all people in the world were born blind. They never perceived light through their eyes. Certainly, we could have built a “normal” society made for blind people. Other senses rather than vision could have taken precedence.
To speak about colors, rainbows, clouds, etc. in that world of blindness, will not make any sense. If someone speaks about being able to see light, that one could be crucified or labeled as “crazy.” That gift of vision may be a curse in disguise, for “normal” people will not be able to understand.
Thus, greater ability to perceive means an expanded vision of reality.
Our “standard” is the way of perception of the collective consciousness in society, but that perception is far from what could be labeled as “real.”
When we place our energy in understanding our own perceptions, rather than in using the convenient labels of “right, wrong, true, false, bad and good,” then any sort of judgment is out. Certainly we may need to act as our society dictates.
If someone harms another, there are laws. There are consequences, but judgment is a human invention that we have added into the personality of our beloved Gods.
Compassion arrives when we understand that there are many ways to perceive/experience Life. A particular way followed by someone may be condemned by the laws of our society and labeled as “bad,” but we know it is only a perception. That openness will free us with further understanding which will reflect in a peaceful disposition.
Moral talk says: “We must be peaceful, loving, etc.” but as our barriers of perceptions open up allowing us to have a greater vision of the valley of Life; that moral wishy, washy talk; will not be needed.
BEING peaceful is not morality. It is not to obey a law or a commandment. Those DOINGS are fake behaviors.
The “reality” of compassion and love is in extent of the openness of our consciousness, and not the openness of our mouths.
The Spirituality of Human Sexuality
When individuals are trapped in the physicality of sex, the need to get rid of the sexual energy through 5 minutes of pleasure will be prevalent. For many, it is no longer enjoyable, but something that needs to be done to get back to “normal” life.
That “solution” may bring frustration as sexual energy tends to regenerate.
Others, may have a good amount of that sexual energy specially when young, nevertheless; their search for physical pleasure will unavoidably take that person in sexual energy “debt” in their older years. There will be lack of vitality.
Human sexuality as portrayed by pornography, typically shows aggression between partners. It is the frantic search for a solo pleasure even while with a partner. Violence is part of the setup, as it is to hit, grab and use abusive language towards a partner. It is a sweaty fight, where man and woman get out empty handed, for their vitality is lessened. In that consciousness, that performance is usually labeled as “great sex.”
At that level of human sexuality, there is no awareness of the subtle energies which are created during the sexual act.
The excitement of the body/mind is concerned in reaching a peak quickly, which is known as orgasm, without giving the opportunity for the subtle energies to settle their presence, and to become conscious of it.
There is no human behavior that shows best how we truly ARE, as human sexuality. There is no way to fake that, even while using “techniques.”
Even though so called “tantric practices” concentrate on “techniques” for the practitioners, the outcome is usually a phony event. That is no surprise as much “spirituality” is about faking the “now”: The goal is to BECOME in the “future” someone who we ARE not, some IDEAL. No guarantees. A technique will not do the trick.
Showing utmost respect and love of the sacredness of a partner is not something to fake by following the practices of a book, video or “master class.”
To be able to feel totally comfortable with ourselves and with another so the sexual embrace will be a slow dance, united by being overtaken by blissful energies which are building up through utmost relaxation… That is enlivening. That is a way to recuperate vitality.
I want some of that! How do I get it? What do I have to “practice”?
It is the process of refining BEING. It has nothing to do with sexual practices or techniques. Those techniques ARE, for those who ARE not.
Refining BEING from the gross to subtle is Tantra.
Self Love, enjoyment of sensuality, ability to surrender to the moment, awareness of sexual energies building feelings of love… All of that does not come through a book or a class.
Deconditioning of fear based attitudes and mental blockages through beliefs are part of the “work.” AWARENESS of inner feelings over mental conditioning.
Sexuality is only the outcome, the consequence of that “work.”
DOING, acting, performing what we ARE NOT, is the basis of inner dishonesty. Our whole mentality as society is based on that. We have forgotten to acknowledge BEING, but eventually, it catches up with us. That is when a seeker is interested in finding the TRUTH of Life, but unless his own inner dishonesty is faced first, there is no chance.
The TRUTH has been always within us. Human sexuality is only a manifestation of that truth.
Fight to survive
Our society is built upon the idea of separation. There has to be a nemesis to make our Life interesting, to have a purpose.
Humans have developed their little colorful country flags, their little national anthems and the idea that they are “representing” something “special” over everyone else. That sense of identification is misguided through chauvinism.
It is team A against team B. It is “Me” and what I am identified with, against everything else.
To separate, we could use jerseys of different colors, the color of our skin, or ideas. Anything helps to make a separation.
That idea of separation is in our core. When “I” am not representing “my” country, “I” am representing my town, my church, my political party, my “ism,” my race, my social status, my education, my age group, my sexual identity….
It is that idea the one that needs to be flushed out from our system for the repercussions are tremendous. This is a matter of consciousness.
I can litter the streets because those are not “mine.” It is “my” country but my separation mode is different now. Among same countrymen, the streets, the Ocean, the air are not “mine.” Those are “mine” only when someone from another country, someone “different” wants something with them.
That is the stupid idea deeply ingrained which books do not talk about, nor the priest, the religion or the politician.
Those only “talk about” peace, unity, love… Cheap talk.
When we ARE separation, how could we be united? By DOING something?
That conditioning of “survival of the fittest” is flawed as most humans believe it is.
“I” cannot survive without the other things around for the “other” things are truly part of “I.”
Pollute the air, pollute the Ocean, displace animals from their habitat… What happens then?
In our society, economic interests are first. We live in this human made realm to compete. That is our fight to survive.
That is the extension of the conditioning.
With the above in mind, how a man will act with a woman when united in sexual intercourse?
In separation.
Deep down it is a fight. A competition. A struggle to subdue the other. It comes natural! Although we may label that as “love” or “making love,” or use another “nice” label. We cannot hide who we ARE.
Anything a “modern” conditioned man DOES will only reflect who he IS.
So, am “I” preaching to “change,” to be someone else by “practicing” some idea? NO. I am merely stating my perception. It is just a perception.
Change does not happen when I try to DO the opposite of what “I” understand to be “wrong” to make it “right.” That is infantile.
Change happens when I can clearly see who “I” AM without any additional emotions to defend or condemn myself. Just SEE it completely.
For as long as we do not SEE it, we will only believe it or we will not.
We will add yet another belief in our deep and huge bag of beliefs, that sooner or later will be lost in forgetfulness. All we will have left then, is another “nice” talk about Love, Peace, Compassion, Unity, etc.
The mind can live with the ideal, but “reality” cannot.
Question: How to eradicate physical attraction?
Can you Please share your view point and a solution to the following spiritual problem:
I want to get rid of physical attraction from its root COMPLETELY. When we get attracted towards a good looking body, we feel full of thoughts like, wow what a good body, I wish I had him/her, I wish i could make him/her mine, followed by some sexual and normal usual fantasies. There is a huge feeling of discontentment with this kind of feeling, because end of the day, you don’t have him/her!!How to get rid of these two things? Physical attraction leading to discontentment!
Can dedicating yourself completely to meditation and the process of awakening/self realization help in this matter!
Thank you for your question.
For centuries, there has been misinformation about what is “spiritual.” The belief that a human being needs to act like a spirit or an angel to be “good” has been turning followers into masochists. This belief is so ingrained, that we will not realize how much harm we are inflicting to ourselves for the sake of following some man made, mind conditioned ideal.
You may think that Yogananda didn’t feel physical attraction or Buddha or Jesus or whoever, therefore “I “must DO it to be as “elevated” as they are.
That way of DOING spirituality is pure self-violence.
There is a process for everything in Life. It may be true, that the above beings did not feel physical attraction at some point in their lives, however; I can assure you that it wasn’t always like that.
Not to feel attraction is the result of allowing the process of feeling attraction.
Your mind and its conditioning believes that once you find the method to eradicate attraction, you will be “better off.”
That is an illusion.
Ahnanda knows that to feel physical attraction, is a gift of living Life through the manifestation of a human experience. OBSERVE what it does to you, how it takes you away from “you.” That magnet is not depending on you and your “choices”. It happens.
Rather than tasting the moment, you want to get rid of it because your mind interferes with the recurrent thought of possessing that which attracts you. As a little baby who cannot have what he wants, the mind will cry: “If I cannot have it, let me destroy what makes me desire another.”
That sort of destructive and violent mind is the one creating that sort of “spirituality.”
You feel attracted towards a good-looking body? Enjoy the experience. You want to possess that body?
Tell that person that. Tell that person that you only want her/his body.
Perhaps your mind may learn that there is more than a body to a person. Can I get the body and not the whole person? Why get the whole cow when I can milk it instead? After all Life is about ME… and that is why LOVE cannot be known at that point of our journeys.
Many have gone through that “spiritual” route. Our society allows that. Pay for your desires. There are all sorts of bodies to select from.
Do you want to try that? That is the opportunity to satiate your fantasies. One “solution” is there. What is stopping you?
If you really want something, you ought to accept the consequences as well for whatever they are. Are you ready for that? One way or another, you will gain an experience in Life. Remember: Ultimately, WE DO what WE ARE for that brings full satisfaction.
Physical attraction does not lead to discontentment. The possessiveness in your mind does. Do you want the solution for that? Possess as much as you can. There will be learning in that experience.
You ask if dedicating yourself completely to meditation and the process of self-realization will help in this matter.
Definitely No. First go into your demons, into your possessive mind and your idealistic perceptions. Don’t run away into “nice” ideals.
Self-realization happens to you. It is not something that “you” DO or pursue for that to happen. So, enjoy Life while that happens! 🙂
Oh yes… As we know, Love is the solution… So you have 2 solutions to your “spiritual” question. 🙂
Nothing to teach
I used to gather every weekend with a group of “seekers.” We were just like friends, sharing different things about “spirituality.” Few liked Ahnanda’s insight. Others did not. Some even despised it. Nothing new! It was another opportunity to argue, to prove who was “right” and who was “wrong.” Ego driven “spirituality.”
Ahnanda is just like them… another view point. There is no way they could ever know/believe that Ahnanda is going through a process of self-realization. Is that something making me “special”? My experience is my experience. It is not the “only truth.” It is not the “only path.” There is no such a thing as “the true path.” That much, I know. Perhaps that is enough. 🙂
Ahnanda does not perform miracles. He does not perform any healing or fortune telling. He does not have promises of salvation. He is not being endorsed by influential people. He is a nobody, where to be “somebody” is important.
Typically, things that he expresses will get distorted: “what you mean is this, right?” and after a few minutes those “important” things, will get completely forgotten… 🙂
Benefit for a seeker is encountered when they can IDENTIFY with what is being shared through their own experience. Otherwise, it does not make any sense. That is why there are so many “teachings” for so many types of consciousness. The ones geared for the collective consciousness are the “best seller” material, the “democratic truth;” the ones who are not, are for fewer. At the end, No teachings here but only recognition of an experience through the words of another. That is how a “follower” is born.
“Spiritual gurus” (whether self-realized or not) emphasize the need of their disciples to blindly follow what they “teach” so the disciples in time, could get the “vibe” and that will become part of them. A disciple with an argumentative mind, will not fit this set up. That is the theory.
However, I can now see that if there is no love from the disciple, there will not be openness to listen beyond words, to assimilate beyond dogmas and to mesh like a sponge does with water.
That sort of love is not necessarily romantic. That path is meant for those who have the capacity to open up and be as accepting as water.
In that sort of relationship, there are no teachings. It is a oneness. How could you teach yourself? This is not book learning, this is assimilation of Life experiences together.
Ahnanda only shares his experiences. AWARENESS is the big “keyword” here, but it is not just a word. The meaning is beyond the word. Love and trust to Life, are closely hidden behind awareness.
In my experience, the true measure of a man is found when you have too much free time on your hands: You could be unemployed, you could be bedridden through sickness or old age, you could be in jail or any other situation with lots of time in your hands. Most individuals will destroy themselves. Others will try to get busy and lost into “achievements” by making themselves into “something” in Life. Very few, will enjoy their own company and allow Life to open them up until there is nothing to call “I” but for namesake only.
There is nothing to teach, for you ARE and others could only recognize that, if it is meant to be. You ARE “something” but that is not to “be something in Life” as society teaches. That “something” that you ARE through self-realization, is very close to “nothing” and for that, even closer to “everything.” Of course, Love is everything.
Does it make sense?
No “best seller” material. 🙂
Exploring the Depth of Living 