Being is hidden behind words. The mind will not allow a strong ego to show himself as he is. To “save face” is important to maintain the integrity of the ego driven mind.
Words can be used skillfully and that skill is confusing. Out of that confusion, ego has the perfect scenario to continue his work behind the curtains.
Ahnanda says that love is when you are not. Someone else may quote that “love is to put yourself into someone else’s shoes to know his needs.” Yet another will quote their guru and say “love is empathy.” Then comes the Buddhist mind who does not use the word “love” but “compassion.”
Who is right?
The analytical mind may express that the “definition” that Ahnanda has given is worthless, if you compare that with well known Gurus who have written many books in spirituality. The analytical mind may say that the Buddhist tradition has existed for many centuries already and it must be right…
That is how a seeker confuses himself. That is how a word, the definition, to be “right” becomes more important than the experience behind the word. That is how “second class knowledge” becomes the source of authority.
That is how self-delusion starts and dishonesty will remain in the seeker’s path.
Which definition is the right one? I want to “practice” the “right one,” so I can be “right.”
That is ego in is utmost realm.
What is the difference between compassion and love?
What is the difference between love an empathy?
Trapped in words, we don’t see the reality of BEING.
Practice of any definition will not make you the definition.
Observe who you ARE. Observe what you feel.
The dishonesty of trying to live the definition of a word or a phrase is not love. Your mind is just trying to understand a word and that is the issue, the problem…
Do you understand what “you are not”?
When you “are not,” then you can be in “someone else’s shoes.” Not before.
When you “are not,” empathy flows because you are not just “you.”
When you are not, “compassion” is there for those who ARE something. You understand, you have empathy, you can put yourself into their shoes because you have been there, but now that you ARE not… you are love.
Otherwise, you are pity, you are “helping others,” you are “practice” of compassion or empathy, and that cannot be love.
Everyone is “right and wrong” at the same time. Seekers decide who is “right” or who is “wrong” and they have the reference of their own conditioning, their own pre-conceptions, their own beliefs… That is why there are many Gurus, many Gods, many “right” paths… offering different flavors according to the taste/consciousness of every seeker. 🙂
Many may ask: What is that state of “no-I” that you talk about? How do you become egoless?
Many want an explanation and a method to practice.
Few will realize after all these articles shared here, that before being egoless, we need to experience the utmost ego that we are capable of experiencing.
That is the principle of polarity in action. Your Ego has to be mature, ready to die. Without that requisite there is no surrender.
In other words, until you have not reached the point of saturation of ego in your Life, to be ego-less is out of the question.
As a matter of fact, any method that we may practice in the meantime, is meant to increase the size of the ego.
For instance, if you join a religion as a method to become free from ego, that in itself is building your ego. That is not “bad” at all. By being in that religion we may feel to be “special,” a “chosen one,” that is enhancing our previous ego. That is wonderful! 🙂
Many do not realize what is actually happening until the polarity changes.
When the ego has inflated itself to the utmost, it will explode like a balloon, then through that explosion; the ego will dissolve little by little. That is a process as well.
That process of inflating the ego, is painful. It brings suffering to our ego, until we give up.
That giving up, giving into something new is the meaning of surrendering.
What do you give up?
Yourself. That ego which believes to be you.
That surrendering could be to a Guru, a God, a loved one, etc. What is important is the process of surrendering not to who you surrender to. It is through that surrendering how something new, a new Life could be experienced.
Our ego will delay that experience of fully surrendering until the ego is fat enough to explode. Therefore, only those who have reached the pinnacle of suffering due to their ego are the only ones who could be ready to surrender and become empty of themselves.
For the rest, any path they may take, whether a Godly or a Devilish path… all of those paths are just methods to increase the size of their own egos.
That is why, there is not a “bad” path.
When you surrender, someone else takes control of your Life. You are not in charge anymore. It is through that experience how someone else, can appear in you instead of the same old ego.
To surrender the ego is an act of love, manifested through the death of that one who was there before.
That is how Love comes out of Death, just to manifest in Life. Life and Death are together.
Without the experience of having surrendered completely to become one with someone, there cannot be love between humans, for there will be only 2 fighting egos trying to possess or to boss around the other.
Eventually it becomes the relationship of the master and the slave. There is a dependency between both roles, there is a hierarchy.
The possibilities in a relationship with someone are as follows:
One ego plus another ego equals the duality of love and hate. That is the typical relationship nowadays. It is about having “security” and that kills love.
One ego plus a surrendered individual means the possibility for 2 to be one.
However, the remaining ego will give the tune to the relationship. This is the model of relationship of the 1800’s when the woman surrendered to her husband.
The surrendered person will lose her ego, her previous Life. The one who did not, will be reflected through her. Lesser ego means to be closer to a “0” a “nothing” so, 0+0 will be nothing, “0.”
That is love. That is freedom. That is death.
Love is no longer a duality, but something to be discovered at every second.
Because you can only give who you ARE, unless you ARE love, there is no love to give.
We are taught to believe that we can give love without BEING it, as when we can give money to someone when we “get it.”
We cannot “get” love to give, unless we ARE.
Any “effort” on BEING loving is self-deception.
We are taught to be desire-less to be happy. However, what is the anxious need to go to “Paradise,” to reach illumination, to please God, to become “soul” conscious”? Those things are desires just like any other “mundane” desire.
We are taught to “help others in a self-less” way; Nevertheless, we cannot BE self-less by separating “I” from the “others.” As a matter of fact, to “help others” is just a catchy phrase. By helping others, we only help ourselves. Do we get this riddle? We are not separated.
We are taught to take Life seriously, whether in the mundane business world or in the Godly world: Time is money- Become someone, save yourself from hell; hurry up! This is your only chance, if you miss this chance you will be doomed forever…
We cannot enjoy life when there is pressure to attain something, when our process is not being respected. Then we are willing to “sacrifice” our lives now for the promise to “enjoy” something in the future. That is a wonderful “method” but nothing else.
That promise of a “better” future is empty, as the “I” as it is now, cannot be the “I” in the future.
Our desire for a “better future” will only make us reject the “now.”
Once we realize the depth of all of those beliefs in our minds; then we are ready to put aside all of those teachings, to unlearn all of those things which keep the “rat-race” going in our minds as well as the division, of the mundane and the divine.
We could be aware of our own fear to continue in Life without those “training wheels,” those half-truths which we believed to be the “holy truth.” Ego needs the security of being part of a “selected” group, the mainstream, the Godly family, the familiar faces…
The above realization is the first step of our catharsis as seekers.
Before that, being a seeker is just another fashion, another way for the ego to believe in himself as “virtuous,” another way to socialize and to show how many spiritual books we can read and how many authors we could quote. That is a source for fattening our needy ego, for we could obtain the label of “knowledgeable” among our peers.
A catharsis then, is a process of unlearning and with that, a process of unleashing our repressed behaviors.
We could understand that some beliefs are just equal to the belief in Santa Claus, a technique meant to teach a self-centered person, the “joy” of giving a gift to another… but the belief in Santa Claus will be deep down in our unconscious no matter how much we could reason and understand in the surface of the conscious mind. Its depth in the unconscious is proportional to the amount of time we have spent drilling down such beliefs in our conscious mind.
For that reason, we shall deal with emotions, the “programming” of our unconscious.
Many individuals who have not experienced the process of a catharsis are caught up in blaming a society, a religion, a practice… unable to see that every experience is invaluable in our development.
What is important is to know when those “tools” need to be discarded, so we could embrace something new.
For instance, ego is a “tool.” It is not a “bad” thing, a vice. It is a mechanism of “self-defense,” something that will allow a person to survive in this society. However, it comes to a point, when that grown up ego, is an obstacle to flourish by connecting with others… then ego must go away through a process of catharsis.
The “programming” is erased. Some religions pretend to have “the method” to erase the emotions stored deep in our unconscious. However, everyone is not the same. A “method” may work for some but no others. Life will bring the right conditions at the right time. Different Life experiences are tailored to our particular needs. We are not alone.
Through that catharsis, you are empty and open for newness. It is in that emptiness how Love IS.
Before that catharsis, love may be pretty talk, romantic “get aways,” and fairy tales.
One of Life sweetest pleasures is to share with your friends the immense freedom of being just “you.”
As a seeker, I am discovering the full circle of Life. In my experience, it was about going outside for validation, for love, for acceptance just to come back to myself, to feel comfortable in my own skin, in my own company… that “getting used to” could take many years. It is a process.
When we reach the “comfortable” level, that is the time when Life will prompt us to move on, to go “outside the shell” for a “new beginning.” That is the time to integrate with the Totality under a new “me.”
When Life gives us “idle time” with ourselves, it is to recuperate, unwind, gather strength and face what is left, to complete that full circle.
Many times, we will find friendship in some who remind us of ourselves. We could see many characteristics that we have in common. That brings a comfortable, nurturing friendship.
That reminds me of the saying: “Tell me who your friends are and I ‘ll tell you who you are.”
Nevertheless, many times we forget that friends are those who show us who we truly are, and accept us as we are.
Want a teacher?
There you have it, in flesh, near you !
Have you seen Ralph E. Wolf and Sam Sheepdog from “Looney Tunes” cartoons?
They have opposite interests, they will disagree, fight and try to outwit each other while in “office hours,” but once they “punch out” the clock, they are friends again as if nothing happened before.
Most humans keep the past inside them, some as a reminder of a “payback time,” and others as a “danger” signal to reject something or someone, thus; unknowingly allowing for a traumatic experience, which will become a deep emotion in need of healing, later on.
What is that “punch out of the clock” in a friendship?
The ability to say, and feel: “I am sorry.”
It is not just lip service, but the connection with a person will be maintained in the capacity that we have to feel appreciation for that person despite differences.
Is he/she pushing all your buttons? Is he/she “mirroring” you and that is exactly what you do not like about them?
For the aware individual, that is an excellent “teacher”!
If your Life journey is dedicated on knowing yourself, who could be the most adequate person to partner with in Life?
The opposite of yourself, of course.
The sheepdog with the wolf makes a great Life long partnership as long as there is a common time to “punch out” of the clock.
“But why? They will be fighting all along!”
That may be true. That is why it was said, “for those who are in the journey of knowing themselves.”
The opposites are complements.
One with yourself, you could be one with another who is the opposite.
“Wouldn’t that be a great challenge?”
Yes, but it also has a great reward.
“What is that?”
To find love.
Love the ones who are like you but also the ones who are the opposite. Isn’t that a religious teaching? Yes, and without the experience in “real” Life, it is just a meaningless dogma.
Every single relationship, every single friendship has been planned out just for you! Whether a “good” experience or a “bad” experience, it is exactly what you need in your current stage.
We are going in a full circle in Life, so there is no objective to reach, but just to enjoy the unique moment as it is.
Perhaps, do we want an easy “method” to “achieve” friendship?
Here are the “steps:”
2) Show empathy
3) Say I am sorry.
Do you like that? Want to teach that to others?
No rush.The above is completely useless! 🙂
You can only act as you are. To believe that by changing your behavior you will “achieve” something is truly an illusion. Repetition of a script will only dull your feelings.
Nevertheless, to go through that illusion is “good” for it is part of your journey which is pointing to no other place… but yourself.
I have learned in Life that out of all the possible relationships that one could experience, friendship is the most flexible, adaptable and capable of allowing us to be true to ourselves.
Freedom in friendship. The bond of a friendship is what is needed in all other relationships, for even if the other relationships dissolve, friendship will remain.
Friendship is the epitome of a relationship.
If we could only perceive the “other” as a friend…
A sense of belonging is so important for our well being, but there are few things that we could belong to, without being asked for something in return.
When you find friends that accept you without conditions, without rules and restrictions… value that time, be grateful to Life because you found an invaluable treasure … 🙂
In the “office world” to reinvent the wheel is inefficient effort.
In Life, to reinvent the wheel is necessary to grow.
From the last article, we could observe the duality of the “believer” and the “non-believer.” Both are experiencing their childhood state of consciousness.
How do you know if you are no longer there?
When you are not conscious of that duality, of course.
For the most part, our “journey” will take us to both sides equally and with the same intensity, that is we could be a believer or non-believer turned into its opposite.
That “journey” will take us to the full range of experiences and will give us naturally, a deep insight away from the simplistic labeling of something as “good” or “bad.”
That labeling is a child-like consciousness.
Ingrained in that childhood state, it is the belief that we could “become better” by following some thought out method, by practicing certain actions considered to be “good.”
“Practice compassion if you want to be compassionate.”
“You should choose what you want to create and then, take the steps towards that direction to “achieve” it.”
Sounds good? Respectable? Reasonable?
Perhaps, but let me assure something. Unless you are “compassionate” already, there is no way to “practice” compassion. If you practice something that you call or think as compassion, that is not compassion but just a thought, a belief, a mask that we wear for a determined occasion.
You see, Life will present different scenes, which will shatter all of our “thought out” ideas about compassion.
BEING compassion will result in acting compassionate.
The practice of something, which we are not; will merely change our behavior and that behavior will reverse as soon as the practice is stopped. Consciousness will remain the same.
That is the issue that all religions cannot resolve. They are about “practice.”
“Practice” will solidify DOING. Repetition will create a habit, but none of that is related with change of consciousness.
If you are a seeker, please consider the above; for it may be helpful.
Internally, we believe that “spirituality” is another subject, another discipline to “practice.”
Most seekers do not realize that “spirituality” cannot be separated from living Life itself.
It is that same frame of mind, the one looking for a method to obtain “compassion” after putting the “effort to achieve it.”
It is that same frame of mind, the one which will inculcate “steps” to reach the goal.
Please see that all of those “steps” are only made to hide who you really ARE.
BEING is a process. Every Human being is in a different location in that process.
BEING changes by living Life, in the assimilation of experiences.
Did you realize that you don’t have compassion in your heart and now, you want to change that?
Become aware of those traits that are in what you call “you.” Life will bring the right scenarios for that to change into greater openness, that is compassion.
Life for you, is a different experience than Life for me. Therefore, how is it possible to generalize a method, to reach a collective ideal?
Did you hear about Mother Theresa?
Do you believe that she was compassionate?
Want to be like her?
Then, imitation is all you will have. Imitation is not BEING compassionate but just to copy someone’s demeanor, activity, behavior.
The “I” cannot change anything about itself. The “I” can only change behavior, externalities but never the core, the heart.
The “I” is a separation from Life, an entity living his own world in self-absorption.
That “I” is the one who needs a God to “change.”
That “I” is the one who needs to “practice” things to make himself believe that is becoming “better” now.
That “I” is the one in need of Paradise as a reward for postponing the “practice” of his “real” nature now.
That “I” is the one selecting pain and suffering and denying pleasure as a way to “purify” himself.
That “I” is the one making up beliefs, dogmas when there is the experience of Life and our ability to enjoy that experience.
BEING in AWARENESS of continuous change will take away the static beliefs and dogmatic truths that will not allow us to flow with the wind of destiny.
That freedom to BE implies a journey to unmask the “I.”
The “I” is not “bad” nor “good.”
The “I” is part of our own growth in the journey, from “self” into “no-self,” from “form” into “no-form,” from “being” into “non-being.” 🙂
There are no methods. 🙂 End of report.
Every human being is a manifestation of the Totality of life. Every human being is a singularity with different experiences, beliefs and emotional culture.
Thus, there cannot be a method for everyone to follow.
The idea of a “method” is coming from that consciousness of individuality. In other words, someone who may perceive himself as “having arrived.” (where?) or “illuminated” may try to describe his experience by compiling those life experiences into a method for “others” to follow.
Please see that we can only follow behavior but we cannot follow a different consciousness.
Religions, intellectuals, scientists, philosophers are keen protectors of the “methodology.”
It cannot be otherwise, when there is the idea of “massification,” that is to “make everyone the same.”
That is how our educational system works and once we go through it, a “new” consciousness is developed out of the experience of going through it and not because there was a particular element, a particular method which is the cause of change.
Going through the whole experience could be considered the method. 🙂
Lucy shared: “ My son (Billy) adopted Buddhism and he became a vegetarian and stopped smoking. He was very happy with that change, but then he met his old girlfriend again; who was a smoker and meat eater. My son went back into smoking and eating meat.”
For most, the culprit is the girlfriend. She is a “bad” influence. Nevertheless, once Billy abandoned the “Buddhist method,” he went back into his old ways, which made him unhappy; but at the same time, he was helpless to change.
That is how we arrive at another spiritual premise: If you really want to know if your “change” is just behavioral or a conscious change, then abandon the method and you will find out.
If Billy liked to eat meat and to smoke, then the method was merely a temporary “fix” which was causing repression in him. His girlfriend was the right excuse to go back into his “old” ways.
That consciousness will take Billy into a set of actions, which will have a consequence in his life. Those consequences may trigger a change in consciousness. Nevertheless, those consequences in life are not part of a “method” created by a human being.
As we peel off the layers of beliefs, dogma and emotional culture in us, then we could discover another “reality” which is fresh and pristine, “pure” from mental conditioning.
That experience may change our consciousness. However, that is not a method. 🙂
It is a consequence to be experienced by those who are ready to wake up from their long sleep. Those who have already slept enough and are ready to get up from their cushy beds and comfortable beliefs.
If you try to wake up others who are sleeping deeply, they will fight with you. They will hurt you, for their consciousness is in a different location.
Neither “good” nor “bad,” but just a different location.
“There are no “bad” questions; only “bad” answers. “ We hear that cliché all the time, which is meant to encourage the shy ones to ask a question…
Let us take a look at this heart-felt quote:
“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
A question will set up the answer. GIGO : “Garbage in, garbage out.”
In the realm of spirituality, in the realm of life; there are no “why’s.” Things happen “because” that is the way it should happen. No need to discover the “cause,” when the consequence is the child of that cause. “As the father, so the son..” 🙂
In the realm of the intellectual mind a “why” is very important, when in life; it is meaningless.
A “why” does not deal with what it is “now.”
Someone may say: “But to know why something happens; will allow us to understand how that came into the picture…”
Intellectually perhaps, it adds information to our minds, but nothing else.
Life has many interconnected variables. There is not a single answer that could fit all of them… although that is what the mind wants. That is how a “black or white” view of life came into existence.
“She treated me badly because…..” fill in the blank with something. It does not matter what it is.
Another question frequently asked is “how.”
“But, how do I do that… What is the method to get to that?” Experience, play with it. Please read the quote above.
A method means a recipe. Spirituality is not something that we cook with many ingredients. This is not a formula to make Coca Cola. 🙂 There is variety, every human being is different although the same 🙂
Here are more questions to “think about.” 🙂
1) What is the beginning of time? That question assumes that time is something with a beginning. The answer is already set up by the question.
2) Does God exist? That question has not been lived, experienced. It is just a bunch of: “Yes, because ….or No, because…” then we add stuff to support our thinking…no experience. If there is experience, that question wouldn’t be asked.
3) What is the purpose of life? It is assumed that life has a “purpose.” In the experience of life, the answer will appear.
4) Does my religion hold the truth? It is assumed that the truth is something to keep or hold… It is assumed that words, a dogma are the “truth.”
Mathias was sharing with Ananda about the “questions of life…”
Mathias: Friend, now you are a little growing shrub. Many animals will try to make a prey out of you…
Mathias: There is no “why” in life; my friend. Flying birds are out there, they will feed on the best food that they can obtain. Being a little shrub is related with birds.
Why a big fish eats a small fish? 🙂
Because they are small….because they are fish… because someone is hungry… because it is lunch time… because it is 1 pm…. Because … because… because…
As we learn to free up our minds from the intellectual clutter, we shall see the answer in our experience… and then we shall wait for someone else to experience that similar experience so they can understand us, and save us from saying so many words and giving so many explanations … which could be so easily misunderstood by those who have not experienced the experience.
So “the answer” is : Wait and see… It will happen… if it has to… 🙂