When the “I” is hurt through an experience, there could be revenge or there could be surrendering as a reaction. Either way, the “I” cannot let go or move on, for the pain will not allow it.
When a person speaks of the need for emotional or psychological healing, that person is describing a traumatic experience, which wasn’t allowed to dissolve through the full process.
That experience could come from many lives before, but the pain will be triggered through different experiences in our current life.
A person who lacks awareness will only point a finger onto the culprit of his woes, or try to get rid of the “source” of his pain, or even become submissive of a greater force than himself.
All of those reactions are merely there to reject the experience.
To be submissive is to reject our own self worth.
Suzie had issues with her mother from an early age. Her mother was very bossy, thinking that she was right all the time. Suzie couldn’t express herself well. She would keep an experience that she perceived as unjust towards her, in her heart… the “unconscious.”
Suzie developed problems with her digestion which had a psychological origin; however, doctors kept medicating her for a physical problem. Life continued on and those resentments surfaced in Suzie. As the mother became older, she wasn’t the same. Life taught her to tone down, she became almost like a child, but Suzie’s resentment and anger were unleashed towards her mother. “Time to get even,” Suzie thought.
Suzie left the house and she swore never to see her mother again after all the things that she had done to her…
“Time will heal,” we say; but it doesn’t.
Time only covers the wounds.
Those wounds will be open again at some other time.
When the “I” suffers from an experience; there may be a need for “time off.”
That is the time to recuperate and build ourselves up.
General wisdom will advice: “ Move on, forget the past.”
The trauma cannot be forgotten, it will resurface until we realize that we need to face the issue.
“The issues are in the tissues,” and they will resurface as long as fear and our inability to face things is not realized.
Suzie may have the space to recuperate. She may have the space to fill herself with peace, but unless she realizes her attraction towards violence as away to punish herself, she will continually look for violence towards her being: Self-inflicted or not.
Her mother was the trigger and the source to give the opportunity for Suzie to heal.
Why does Suzie punish herself?
There is guilt in her. That guilt needs to be dissolved. The typical word used is “forgiven.”
Suzie may not see it as it is easier to blame the obvious: “Her mother is a witch.” Yes, her mother has her own issues to deal with, but in a household of 3 kids, only one of them was affected as much as Suzie did. In Life, nothing is a random event. The web of interactions is exactly as it needs to be.
We could easily say: “That is Suzie’s karma” but that does not bring any solution to her woes. “You acted wrong in another Life, now you have to pay for it.”
That is a story for little children.
We may need to deal with what is “now” and Life will bring the tools and resources to do it, if we are ready; if the “I” will allow it by not holding onto beliefs, but by having the courage to face the truth as it changes, as it unfolds…
If that emotion is “let go,” then the time to move on has arrived.
The proof that the issue is gone is in Suzie’s interaction with her mother and not in running away and using the “spiritual buzzwords” of “letting go and moving on.”
Therefore, it is in the moment when Suzie faces her mother empty of that guilt, when she will know if she is healed from previous traumatic experiences.
Please keep this in your awareness: Every experience in Life only will show us who we are. Nothing wrong with that. Just become aware of it.
When Suzie is empty of that inner-guilt, there is no outside violence, which will be a magnet for her.
“When do we move on and let go, then?”
When there is no space in us for that type of wound to appear.
When Suzie has dealt with her guilt and she is able to feel appreciation and compassion for her mother, then she could move on and let go of the past and that will be without effort, it will be as natural as watching a rainy day from the comfort of our home.
We could see the beauty, the uniqueness… but we will not get soaking wet.
“Love” will then have a different dimension in Suzie’s heart.
She is healed. 🙂
First I would like to thank you for your sharing of your experiences in life and how to live life with more meaning with freedom and connection:)
I have used your blog to experience for myself and the most useful thing has been about really just re-connected with now, being present and being in the flow of life. It has made me appreciate how narrow minded it seemed I had become whilst living what I thought was the ultimate spiritual life!
I guess I have a few questions for you, which you may like to answer?! I don’t wish to depend on any one individual anymore or anyone for that matter, so I ask you whilst aware of dependency traps!
I have been walking the path of life closely with the Brahma Kumaris for the last 10 years. I felt it was the truth, that this was God, that heaven was my birthright and many other things which are taught by the BKs. I feel now that I am questioning all of what I believed in and finding that if feels like I don’t necassarily find all of the BK teaching to be so much ‘the only path’ now….what concerns me though is that to be open to life and to really make the journey of life my own, opens up a lot of joy and possibilities, whilst also opening up loneliness and uncertainty. I really feel in some ways that I have neglected many things in life over the last 10 years, whilst in the pursuit of purity and peace…whilst I have had many beautiful experiences as a BK, I also feel I have rejected a lot of life and suppressed a lot of feelings/emotions…life isn’t always so easy;-/
I guess I have isolated myself from the bigger picture of life in pursuit of a ‘spiritual lifestyle’. By being more open recently I can see that people in the world are much broader than simply ‘shrudras’ and that there is a lot to be gained and experienced through friendships with people who don’t label themselves as BKs!
In going with the flow and as you shared recently about flowing with the wind, I can see when I allow this, it is a beautiful experience. I have a concern though!-0…If (hypothetical question) I am in a relationship and with children who depend on me and if in going with the flow, I find I connect with someone else who I’d like to spend more time with than my partner and children, then is this still going with the flow?! Sometimes, it seems desires can drive us more than our deeper purpose and the ‘damage’ caused could be greater….of course, suppression of lust, desire, needs for companionship wouldn’t be helpful either….
Last comment/question (honest) as otherwise I am going on too much! It feels like the last 10 years has been a lot about battling with lust and suppressing many interests in life, including being close to people, in particular females. I used to have the best (and worst!) time with girlfriends in the past. Somehow, I feel that I have been suppressing my desires, emotions and that nothing has really gone away…now I’m confused. Do I want a pure lifestyle? Would I rather be close to another person again? In being close to another, would I open up to being extreme in lust again?!
Right! That’s it! Muchas gracias mi amigo
Thank you for your honest question. Last year I decided not to answer questions any more… So I am “lying” now, because I plan to fully answer your question.
Is Ananda a liar? Is that bad?
“Avyakt7” is the one who made that statement not Ananda but paradoxically, it is the same guy but not the same. 🙂
Things change. Life changes and our consciousness will change as well. It is the way of life. There is no “I” statically living life, but we are life itself with those changes.
I recall one time that I was speaking with a dear Brahma Kumaris friend of mine. She has been a friend of many lives (even though she does not realize it yet) about the intricacies of “Good and Bad.”
She said to me: “ For me there is a clear line between good and bad.”
I listened to her and didn’t say a word for there was nothing else to say.
A couple of years later, she said to me: “I don’t have a clear line between good and bad now” I said to her: “Good.” She just smiled.
What changed her perception?
It was an experience that she was going through at that time. That experience represented the very thing that she was repressing in her life.
Life experiences will make the changes in our lives, not intellectual understanding.
Repression is not the answer when trying to “conquer a vice.” Don’t separate yourself from what is. Don’t consider that to be “you.” Just observe, accept and transform that energy which we label as “lust” into good wishes from the heart. Feel. Don’t label as “good or bad.” It is important to “learn” to feel again.
A religious practice based on beliefs is able to put layers of things in top of our “vices,” but a dependency on a system is unavoidable. We are not free. We become dependent.
Ananda is very thankful of the experience that he had in the Brahma Kumaris.
Without that experience, he wouldn’t be able to understand (not intellectually) many things that he does now.
Let me share some of those realizations.
We are caught up with this thing, which we call morality, the “good and bad.” That is a belief that we have acquired in this world. Many of us, need to experience that belief to the utmost.
That is the role of the Brahma Kumaris in my view. It is a path of reformation by changing our minds to be conscious of that duality which otherwise, we wouldn’t be aware that even existed practically, not just intellectually.
“God says that broccoli is good. Ice cream is bad. Ice cream and sweets will make you suffer by taking you to the dentist office or even worse, the doctor. You must eat all your broccoli if you want to be good and then, God will be happy with you. “
Then, God will change his words when the kids are becoming “smarter” according to time and he will say something like: “OK. If you eat all your vegetables and broccoli, then at the end of the day, you will have a piece of dessert.”
When the time comes, the kid cannot eat dessert because his stomach is full of vegetables and so he claims that “God has cheated on him.” Then other kids will find out that “God gave ice cream to so and so when he preaches that ice cream is bad.” God is liar, they will say.
What is God’s task? To keep the kids fed with “good” vegetables as much as possible, for when someone’s mentality is fixed in “good or bad,” they do not have the ability to see something else. “Black or White” are not the only colors, but how could that be taught when someone does not want to see other colors?
That kid mentality does not allow someone to look at the bigger picture.
The path of asceticism will take our experience to one extreme. Buddha was an example. He went to that extreme and then he was left alone by his “friends” and disciples when he no longer wanted to do that practice because of a realization. That is how the path of the “middle way “ started. Many followers will say: “I will follow the middle way only. I will not go into extremes. Everything in moderation.”
In life unless you experience things in your own skin, you will not know. Intellectual understanding is completely and utterly useless. (Although “good” at the office world.)
We may need to experience that extreme in us.
The Brahma Kumaris offers that valuable opportunity for those who need that in their life experience. Ananda understands that there are many who still may need to experience that path. They have the right to experience that path themselves without “my” input. My experience is just my experience.
For the serious seeker, to be alone, to feel alone is part of the ride. That is the chance to become one with yourself, but that is not the end of the road, for we live in relationship and that oneness that we have realized, needs to be observed under the mirror of relationships.
Let me add another thing.
Brahma Baba is truly a being of light. However, he is not the only one. Brahma Baba’s path is not the “only one” although his follower may think that to be the case.
Every being has a role, which is not depending in our petty morality or how well it fits it, but in the common good.
Life my friend, is not concerned with our beliefs or moral standards; however, there is a consequence for every action as we know.
Flowing in life is to take away the baggage, the weight of the “I.”
In your hypothetical question, when we learn to feel that who we need to be in that occasion, that is when we are honest with ourselves, we will know that we have acted, as we should. That action does not need for people to applaud us or to say “Good boy, you did good.”
We need to learn to discern our emotions and desires from that calling of life. One thing is to realize something and a different thing is to put that realization in action.
When your feeling is honest, then it is honest also to accept the consequences of that honesty and to move on in life.
Note that Ananda is not giving formulas of “good or bad” for life changes at every moment, every time and to flow with life is to appreciate that change, to ride with the wind while it lasts.
We are eternal. Enjoy the ride of experiences, amigo… 🙂
To know those things in life which will be detrimental to spiritual growth is part of the training in the childhood stage of spirituality.
Most religions will put it simply as knowing what is good and what is evil. Nevertheless, according to the path that one follows, there will be discrepancies even into what is “good,” that is simply because there are different paths for different individuals. We are not equal in our capacity, understanding and life experiences. We are numberwise.
This obviously creates something beyond the first stage of spirituality, something beyond the limited understanding of “good and bad.”
The image that comes to mind is the TV program “Kung Fu.” (one of the most inspiring TV programs ever created from my view.) It was a series originally created in the 1970’s relating the life story and adventures of Kwai Chang Caine, a half American, half Chinese Taoist monk, who later became a Shaolin priest.
While living in the Shaolin temple, Kwai Chang learned and acquired different spiritual abilities. Later, he went through his “test,” to graduate as a master. After successfully completing this test, it was expected that the “new” master will leave the Shaolin temple and live as a Shaolin priest among the regular people. Here is where the bulk of his adventures will take place as he remembered the teachings that his masters back in the Shaolin temple taught him.
Leaving the temple and being by ourselves is part of the growth process in spiritual life. Here is the “field” where the game takes place. Nevertheless, this is not for everyone. Not everyone becomes a Shaolin master. The connection between being a monk and then a shaolin master hasn’t been disrupted when leaving the temple, but rather it is the “next step.”
“To live life is to prepare to die,” mentioned Socrates. In spirituality, there is death at every moment, for change is unavoidable. The issue is when we want to hold on to our “old” self rather than embracing and accepting the “new.”
All religions will speak about this “final moment,” the way every religion deals with this will be different: Some will ask you to pray to God, others will merely ask you to believe in Jesus and to repent at the end; while others will speak about shedding your body as a “snake does with its old skin,” in the final moments. That is, to be able to feel at ease with the new body-less experience.
Evidently this task, takes more work than just a belief in salvation at the last moment. However, a due respect for all beliefs is in place.
Let me recall one of the most important teachings taught to me by BapDada ( A.M 3/16/86) “The paper of the final result will be only a few seconds or a few minutes. However, you will receive a number on the basis of your remaining unshakable in an atmosphere of upheaval over a long time, then what will be the result at the end? Therefore, practice the exercise of spiritual drill. You should be able to stabilize your mind wherever you want for as long as you want. The final paper is very easy. And you have been told in advance what paper you are going to get, but the number will be given in a very short space of time. Your stage should also be powerful.”
That is it. Stability of the mind while in an atmosphere of upheaval over a long period of time. That is a “powerful” stage.
It isn’t about living in the monastery where there is peace already, but to be where there is not. To be there in the “real world,” but with a new attitude and conscience brought through the childhood stage of spirituality. Again, this is not for everyone, unless ready.
Zen Buddhism and other religious practices will go into the importance of the stability of the mind. That is their teaching.
To be “absorbed in the love of the Father ,” is a method to maintain the mind stable and many other religions such as Sufism will teach this. That is what they practice to get to the same goal.
However, once the experience is there, the method must be abandoned for newness to appear. To have this openness, this faith in our own acquired skills to face life and live harmoniously in it, is part of the stage beyond childhood; where the doors are wide open and life is there to be experienced under a new vision.