What we consider a “problem” or “normal” or supranormal” is just a particular experience in the total range of experiences. Those experiences will change as everything in Life changes albeit, in their own time which is beyond human control, thus destiny.
Destiny is what makes us all ONE.
Let me illustrate an example of the different ranges of human experiences, through the experience of Sexuality: Fear, frigidity, pain, premature ejaculation, dissatisfaction, numbness in the vagina, sexual addiction, lust, spermatophobia, feeling guilty, feeling wasted, pleasure, full body arousals, deep relaxation, energetic boost, feelings of love, blissful ecstasy, union beyond the corporeal…. That is a vague description of diverse ranges of experiences in human sexuality.
A “Black or white” mentally driven society or religion could label sex as “bad, dirty, lowly, sinful;” however, observe that sex is a different experience according to where we ARE in the range of experiences of human sexuality.
Likewise, a business oriented guru may say that “sex should be good, healthy, blissful and holy for all.” If you pay him a “love offering” he may teach you the “secrets” so you too could enjoy the benefits of long, blissful sex.
The issue is that ALL are not at the same point of the range of sexual experiences. Moreover, the teachings will be only techniques and mental information which do not affect or change BEING at all.
As you ARE (BEING,) so your experience of sexuality.
Most everyone wants a fulfilling, loving, blissful and ecstatic sexual experience. That is not possible.
Because everyone is in a different level in the range of experiences. Life is about experiences and those are diverse like human beings. Although, we could be “successful” in other things at the “office world.” 😉
Knowing is BEING and unless we know, we are not living.
To gather information through books, talks, etc. is not KNOWING in Life. KNOWING is BEING it.
That is why, every attempt to clarify “spiritual” (Life) things through holy books or best-sellers will only create confusion, different interpretations.
For example, we hear “ Open your heart.” That is a basic phrase in the “spiritual lingo.”
Actually it only means what you interpret it to be. Moreover, can you explain how to “open your heart”? Are you sure that your experience is fitting those words? Is your experience the only type that could happen to “open your heart”?
Observe how vague a “solution” word could be. How easy it is to throw that word out there to solve other people’s problems, but to practically fail in our own.
“Open your heart” is meaningless, but yet we believe to have the answer to the “problem.”
Observe the changes within you. BE AWARE of the changes.
Life will bring experiences. We bring biased meaning to them. Experiences are like horses in a carrousel (merry-go-round.) There are different colors of horses, different positions or shapes of horses. We will go through all of them. When we put labels or ideas to reject or accept a particular horse, we are creating our own hell, as we have to go through all of them.
BEING is KNOWING, when we are AWARE that we ARE, we KNOW, we ARE living. Without AWARENESS we are “sleeping,” death already without dying; no matter how active our “calendar of activities” is…
“Unless the mind, body, and spirit are equally developed and fully integrated, no spiritual peak or state of enlightenment can be sustained. This is why extremist religions and ideologies do not bear fruit. When the mind and spirit are forced into unnatural austerities or adherence to external dogmas, the body grows sick and weak and becomes a traitor to the whole being. When the body is emphasized to the exclusion of the mind and spirit, they become like trapped snakes: frantic, explosive, and poisonous to one’s person. All such imbalances inevitably lead to exhaustion and expiration of the life force. True self-cultivation involves the holistic integration of mind, body, and spirit. Balancing yin and yang through the various practices of the Integral Way, one achieves complete unity within and without. This manifests in the world as perfect equilibrium, and perfect grace.”
Hua Hu Ching Ch 58
In Spirituality to live a balanced and wholesome life, sooner or later there will be the need to observe sexuality as a part of our human experience.
The mind will usually crave for it. When there is craving there cannot be peace. Without serenity, there cannot be balance.
A human being cannot go without food, water or shelter for too long before dying. Those are basic needs, which will bring balance to our existence.
Sexuality may have to be included in that list for some; according to the state of consciousness of many human beings.
When sexuality is observed and faced by a spiritual aspirant, there are many different views.
We have the 2 extremes: No sexuality at all for it is important for the aspirant to experience that craving to overcome it, OR the view where expressing that sexuality is necessary; thus there is no need to overcome anything but just to let ourselves be driven by our cravings. Of course, anything in between those 2 extremes will be available as well.
According to our state of consciousness, we could view sexuality in a few ways:
1.Sexuality is about pleasure. 2. Sexuality is about power over another. 3. Sexuality is about procreation. 4. Sexuality is about intimacy (emotional, physical closeness.) 5. Sexuality is communion.
Needless to say, very few human beings are able to reach sexuality as “communion.” The first 3 ranges are very common, that is the “normal” range. The 4th range, intimacy; requires a sense of commitment.
Why is it that “communion” is not a “normal” experience?
Simply because the inner work which that demands to reform the self, from its own weaknesses and cravings is tremendous. To have a partner in that same state of consciousness is not common either.
That is not “normal.” 🙂
If we look at the 2 extremes of sexual denial or indulgence, both paths will lead to the individual’s exhaustion unless the craving is over. Unless neediness is no longer there. Unless there is no longer an inner fight.
Every spiritual method; every path taken is meant so we can observe ourselves to understand our shortcomings, to see those things which create psychological suffering and more important, to be able to find that balance which will bring the mind, body and spirit together as a unity.
To reach this state of consciousness requires a great dedication to understand the workings of sexuality in ourselves.
It is easy to say “don’t do it.” It is way easier to say: “do it.”
It requires intelligence to understand the inner fight or the overwhelming neediness. To be in harmonious balance.
When a human being acquires that sensibility to be able to observe the self, to become aware of our own needs and tendencies, then that human being will recognize the responsibility of attaining such a state.
Every state forward in consciousness, comes with greater responsibility towards humanity.
In that consciousness, sexuality will no longer be a problem to indulge in or to suppress. The understanding and openness to acknowledge a variety of human beings and approaches to life will be there.
The only thing that will matter in that consciousness, will be our own recognition of where do we belong in that variety, so we could embrace that path and live life with greatest honesty. That is, there will not be a difference between what we say, what we do and what we think. We will be aligned, in balance.
That inner work to unite the fragments of our own personality, is the work of spirituality. Through that sincerity is how life will no longer be separated from us, but life will be “part of us” and those experiences in life will only bring greater clarity about ourselves.
It is in that understanding where our dilemmas in life, will have an answer which cannot be written in a piece of paper, but that could be clearly understood in the clarity of awareness. 🙂
Ananda went to visit the dentist. He selected that dentist because the price was very reasonable. In his perception, that dentist was a “smooth talker.” The dentist worked on Ananda’s teeth cavities. When Ananda went home; one of the tooth fillings came out.
All of the sudden, Ananda’s suspicions gathered unusual strength: “That dentist is a fake.” He said. “He just wants money from me.” Ananda created additional thoughts as to how to “prove” the dentist to be wrong. Ananda did not feel sure about getting “good work” in his teeth. Ananda woke up with these feelings of suspicion and of being taken advantage of. Ananda created suffering in his mind.
When he went to the dentist, he had his tooth redone. The dentist explained about all his work to Ananda, so Ananda felt satisfied.
Was Ananda right on his appreciation?
It doesn’t matter. The issue is to stick to the facts. Ananda created unnecessary suffering to himself due to his own beliefs, although they seemed “right.”
Ananda left that faraway place after a week. He was just visiting and taking advantage of the occasion to get dental work done at very reasonable prices. When Ananda arrived to his place of residence… that tooth filling came off again! 🙂
That is what is known as a karmic account which needed to be settled.
In this little story we can recognize what is factual, but at the same time how Karma works and the importance of maintaining equanimity and not “jump at the gun.”
Let the actors fully act and then be ready to act when it is the time to do it. Ananda wasn’t wrong, but neither right. His creations of thoughts and emotions were all in his mind. Not real… but real to him.
Ananda was happily talking in a reunion with family members. All of the sudden Ananda said something unwillingly which wasn’t taken “right” by someone in the reunion. Ananda was reminded by his sister about it, afterwards. ‘
Ananda “swore to God” that he didn’t say that. That was his sister’s invention. Ananda wasn’t lying. In his mind; he never uttered those words. However, “reality” was that he actually said those things.
Is the reality of Ananda “messed up”? Is Ananda crazy? No.
Ananda learned that our physical senses are unreliable. Many times we do not realize what we do or say. We are “unconscious.” The reality for others, wasn’t real for Ananda. Although he agreed to that reality when someone else agreed with his sister. Reality by “consensus.”
There are many “killers” who have denied committing the crimes that they are prosecuted for. Many of them are not lying in his views, even though it does not match “reality.” They are simply unaware of what has happened and under extreme anger performed their actions, which clouded their perception of “reality.”
Finally, let us consider the example of Meera. She is the devotee who fell in love with Krishna. For Meera, Krishna was “real.” He was so real that Meera was ready to leave everything for him. No one else could experience that experience. Was Meera out of “reality”?
No. Krishna was real for her. However, there is a fine line in the reality game. That line is not what we perceive and experience but what we learn from it, what it makes us realize, how it makes us grow. That is what differentiates a person with “sanity” and others without it.
Every realization is a step forward into greater consciousness once we are engaged in spirituality, without that “time off” to observe what is going on with us and digest the teachings of life, we will be living life just like a “normal” person.
What is the trademark of a “normal” person? Unconsciousness. Oops! I forgot. That is a common excuse understood by others. I forgot to feed the dog, I forgot to fulfill my duties; that is OK. It happens to everyone. Sorry. That is the greatest acceptable excuse.
It is fine if no one else sees Krishna, but how is that experience changing Meera’s life? Is she aware of that?
To recognize that our physical senses could fail in perceiving what is known as “reality” is to grow in wisdom. The issue is not to be “right,” but to grow wiser. Life is made by experiences an everyone will have a different take on them. With this new wisdom, we could treat a human being not as if we have the “truth” and the facts, but with the healthy knowledge that we could perceive a different “reality.”
What we “perceive is what we are.” Life will just make that obvious through “mirrors” (people, circumstances, etc.) When that which we “are” changes at one point in time, our perceptions will change.
In short, reality cannot be perceived as such. It is a perception. Because the “majority” agrees that something is real; it does not mean that “it is real.” Ask Galileo.
We are always dealing with perceptions of reality, which obviously differs according to our level of awareness.