“When I observe myself I feel more comfortable when I cry a lot by recalling bad events happened to me in the past and present. Sometimes I feel like crying loudly. I don’t know what is happening inside. I live alone and always wanted to stay alone without any friends and family relatives. Also I am suffering from an inferiority complex over my physical appearance. Any solution?”
Thank you for your question.
The world of emotions is incredibly deep. Logic, reason and analysis are useless when dealing with emotions.
When you remember your past or current “bad” events, you mind is involved. It is like forcing someone to watch a sad movie for the heck of it. Many times we do that to ourselves. It is as if something is bothering our ego and the movie comes up to tell us what it “is.”
That is the rational mind. There is nothing there for us to look at for we can only interpret things, rationalize things and decide to act in one way or another to protect our ego.
Sit down comfortably. Put on some tranquil, peaceful music. Observe how the mind goes into a dream state by playing anther “movie.” We are dreaming although supposedly, awake. Music could be a trigger to release your emotions.
Cry all you want within the space of compassion. It is needed, necessary and good.
You don’t need to know what is happening inside. Remember, that need to “know” is the mind. What your being needs is to heal.
Healing emotions is a process. We cannot pick what we want to heal. “Today I want to heal my inferiority complex…here is the method.” No! It does not work like that. What you are able to release, will be released. It does not depend on you.
Emotions are unprocessed energy stuck in our beings.
In my experience, holistic healers could be of great help. Sound or hypnosis may work for you, but that is up to you to try. That depends on you. Life will offer the “solution” at the right time. See what is available for you at this time.
To live alone is beneficial in many aspects. However, when we use that lifestyle to protect ourselves, out of fear, or to fulfill some “spiritual” ideal; our Life could be hellish.
Physical appearance is important, but more important is the acceptance of yourself.
By all means, DO something to improve your physical appearance if possible, according to your means, your time and how bad you want it, while in that process acceptance of “you” as “you” becomes the most important item in your list.
This is not related on how others perceive you based on some collective conditioning, but in how you perceive yourself. Do you like yourself? Do you feel at ease with yourself?
You have identified an inferiority complex. Now is the time to act.
Allow for Life to show you different avenues. Keep an open mind. Your Life may change at any time.
Openness in all aspects is the key to understand spirituality beyond infantile ideas.
What is that openness?
If you feel like crying, then cry.
If you feel like living alone, then do it.
If you want to remember “bad” events, remember them.
If you want to physically compare yourself with others, then compare yourself.
Just be AWARE of their consequences and repercussions. Forget about judgments.
Note how much of that which is happening to us, we DO it to ourselves unknowingly, then ACCEPT that all of that can change at any time… for it will change.
For some this is the belief about “hope in the future”.
For me, this is just a fact of Life.
The very best to you! 🙂
A reader asked to go into this topic.
First, for most people “love” is the duality between hate and love.
For most people, you “love” what you possess and you hate it, if you cannot.
For most people, you suffer if you don’t love, and if you do; you still suffer for there is fear of abandonment. You want security.
For most people, “love” is a problem.
In a “romantic” relationship as long as someone is not psychologically independent, self-sufficient, there will be neediness. How do you “fix” this?
By loving yourself first. By being at ease with your own company.
Love to the self is not an idea. By caressing yourself, touching your hand with love, taking care of your body and your overall wellness, by enjoying your own presence alone… we will learn to feel love for our presence, to pamper ourselves. Crazy?
That is what we have learned in our society. You DO those things to another, but never to yourself… That is sickening… Well, if you want to go somewhere as as a seeker, you must start with acceptance of “you.” That acceptance means to understand that in “You,” the 2 poles of masculine and feminine are present.
If you are not ready for this, then you will look for another to “love” as a hungry man looks for food, for his belly has a need that must be satisfied.
That is why, LOVE is the natural consequence of BEING at PEACE with yourself.
Before that, we cannot speak about love, but about the duality of hate/love- Infatuation.
Thus, according to our consciousness, we will respond to a not corresponded romantic love.
In the most common type of consciousness, it will be about feeling anger, hate to protect our ego. When the ego is traumatized, even some “romantics” could take their life away. For them, Life has ended.
As we reach internal maturity, when we ARE love; Love still will exist, although the original person may not be there to share it with. That experience is welcomed for that is how we learn to remain vulnerable and open despite emotional pain. To learn to deal with that emotional anguish is certainly a proof of maturity.
Hope is over. It is time to move on. Moving on means to be open for another experience without the burden of the past.
What we see as attractive in another is not our choice. The way we feel for another, we did not choose. Do we see that?
The experience of not being corresponded only increases the size of our heart through assimilated pain when the ego does not make it into a traumatic experience. Life is a game! Our openness to love shall remain to grow. When you close yourself, Life is over. You may have security, but your mental jail cannot be called Life or to be free.
Paradoxically, emotional pain is what allows the expansion of our consciousness when accepted.
If we see the “educational” side of that experience, there will growth. If we focus on the trauma, there will be pain, bitterness, hate and insecurity… More ego.
That same emotional experience can have 2 different effects to different type of consciousness.
Therefore, every situation depends on who you ARE at that time.
When sharing about consciousness, the main requisite to “understand” it is not to use our logical minds to “make sense of it.” It is not through rationality how we could grasp consciousness.
For example if we say: “Our consciousness is according to our consciousness.”
That is a logical phrase. Very rational but brings nothing to the experience.
So let us explore some examples:
Ralph had a belief that to be around smokers was going to affect his health. Thus, Ralph rejected all smokers. Whenever he was close to one, there was a feeling inside him that prompted him to move away from that “unhealthy presence.”
Some may call that “impure presence.” 🙂
Whether Ralph’s belief is “right or wrong” is not the point when it comes to consciousness and life.
It is about rejection.
Ralph moved to an apartment complex. Everything was “good” until his non-smokers neighbors decided to move out. Life put there heavy smokers around Ralph.
This does not mean that Ralph has to mingle with all smokers from now on and get his shirt impregnated with the aroma of tobacco. It just means that this feeling of rejection inside him needs to be dissolved by understanding the oneness of all. We are all connected.
Life showed that lesson; however,it wasn’t the time for Ralph to “wake up.” His consciousness remained the same.
Ralph had a belief that homosexual individuals were a “disease” to society. This rejection towards people perceived as different from him, prompted life to teach him another lesson about acceptance. Ralph’s daughter was gay. Not only that, his brother “came out of the closet” after many years of hiding his sexual preference to the whole family.
If Ralph does not learn from those lessons, there will be more to come.
Ralph was suffering as his beliefs were shattered.
For many, suffering is the key to open the door of consciousness.
Life does not work to support our beliefs. Life only looks at our lack of openness towards life itself.
There is no such a thing as “higher consciousness” or “lower consciousness.” That is discriminatory. Nevertheless many times there is a need to use those words to explain to a determined audience who are living a “white or black” mentality and are unable to “see” something different…yet. 🙂
Pretty soon we could discover that what is known as “karma” (to bring an esoteric/religious/ “spiritual” label ) is nothing else but our rejections in the experience of life.
That is why, as our consciousness opens up in acceptance, there is automatic unity with all…
And that has been the teachings of many saints, prophets, Gods, gurus, illuminated ones, etc, etc.
Consciousness is awareness. If we are aware we could “see” that most of the time our thoughts do not come from our own volition. They just come.
Avyakt7 could create a “belief system” to explain this phenomena; whether I call that “scientific research” or not, it does not matter.
The fact is that if we are not aware of those thoughts as they come… what are we aware of?
It is not a matter of “rejecting” those thoughts by changing them into an artificially created “positive thought.” It is just a matter of seeing that “I” have not created those thoughts.
To be aware means to catch that in the moment. Right when it is happening.
To finish the examples, let us take a look at things that we could reject unknowingly:
Someone who professes a different view, belief, idea.
A situation that is happening in our lives.
A person who does not “meet our standards.”
An idea, a being, a philosophy, a way of thinking…
The list could go on.
Consciousness is like a door. When the door is shut, there is a personality created which needs to be maintained. It is a prototype which demands to continue “unchanged” and that ego would like for “others” to fit their expectations and demands.
Life will bring the necessary experiences for that door to start “opening up.”
Because when that door is wide open, there is nothing that could “hurt it.”
A wide open door is what is known as being “egoless.”
That is the time when we will have recovered our innocence.
Spiffy and Spike were inquiring about the meaning of being in life. They decided to use the comparison of being like a door, to keep things simple in their sharing and avoid getting lost in language and ideas.
In Spirituality, to use analogies is a great way to enhance our understanding without giving pointless definitions and concepts.
Spiffy: The door has a purpose. But what is the door? Is it that rectangular shape piece of wood or metal with a knob?
Spike: Yes, of course.
Spiffy: But… isn’t its nature or purpose to “be” and “not to be”? 🙂
That is where the “mission” of that door resides.
Spike: “To be or not to be,” what is the meaning of that?
Spiffy: Those are the lines from Shakespeare. “To be or not to be, that is the question!” 🙂
Spike: The answer is that “we are and we are not” at the same time.
All the teachings in Spirituality are pointing to just that: “To be or not to be.”
When you are a door, you are “something.” When you are “something,” you are separated, a closed door. That door at this point will feel what “others” (other closed doors) could do.
“He insulted me.”
The door was closed.
“30 years ago she lied to me.”
The door never opened in 30 years.
“He will find out who I am. You’ll see”
A very stubborn closed-door.
When we are a closed-door, we are in the consciousness of individuality.
When that door is open, we have entered in the consciousness of Totality.
At that point there is “no door.” There is emptiness, void, space, nothingness, etc.
When the door is open, there is no one to feel insulted. No one to feel that lie of 30 years ago. No one who feels that need to show something to “others.”
When a door is closed, then religions and philosophies who are typically located in the consciousness of individuality, will teach about “virtues.”
When the door is open, there is no one who needs to know about virtues. His life is virtue itself. Naturally.
Tolerance, detachment, love, gentleness, are valued teachings when the door is closed, but those teachings are “pretty words” until the door opens….
When the door is open all those pretty virtuous words are practical. There is no need to “practice” or “work on” anything.
To go into the depth of “To be or not to be” may bring us to the realization on learning to open and to close the door.
Many of us are very good about keeping the door closed… Perhaps it is the time to learn to open it… again.:-)
Mathias; the wise tree, was “humanly happy” to see his friend Ananda open to life and enjoying the experience of living. Life is a precious experience to share with “everything” and “everyone,” from dawn to sunset and beyond… From listening to the morning orchestra of birds, to hearing the human sounds and voices throughout the day….
Life is consciousness. Everything is consciousness, although there are different degrees of it.
Mathias: Once your consciousness is open to life, there is joy, enjoyment. Nevertheless, there is still a division. There is “you” and everything else.
The next step is integration with the Totality. This is what some refer to experiencing “nothingness.”
Ananda: Friend is voidness or emptiness necessary for that integration?
Mathias: That is right.
Ananda: I will definitely be open to that experience. The paradox could be “Oneness through nothingness.” Nevertheless, I could not pinpoint how that openness comes. What is the point when someone experiences this openness?
Mathias: As you remember, Mathias mentioned at one time that growth happens through suffering. Mathias could give you a different answer. Mathias could tell you that this happens because of a particular practice or a particular clothing that you wear; but no….
Ananda: But… many people experience great suffering and still there is no openness in them…what I could see is bitterness instead. Why is that?
Mathias: Because those individuals rather live with their fears. They have a terrible toothache. They are aware of the pain and they want for the pain to go away. They sit in dentist chair, they are afraid of the dentist, afraid of the noises that his equipment makes, afraid of the whole experience… These individuals will decide to live with that pain. They will get up and run from the dentist’s office even if the tooth gets rotten…
Ananda: I can see that integration with the totality could bring fear in some. It sounds like losing the sense of “I.”
Mathias: In that state there is no desire. What are you going to desire if you are everything at the same time?
Greater openness to life happens according to your consciousness and… according to time.
Ananda: Perhaps this integration with the Totality is what some religions call as” Being one with the Father” or “merged with God.” Their consciousness may be unable to see that God is part of that Totality as well, but they are only able to see separation: “Me and God alone,” as if the rest was something different, something foreigner… when “God consciousness” is perhaps the greatest integration there is.
Mathias: Friend, are you ready for integration?
Ananda: Yes, my friend… although I have no idea how this could be.
Mathias: Do you remember the ball bearings in a roller skate?
One ball bearing cannot find its true purpose until that ball bearing realizes that there are more ball bearings needed to move a wheel in the roller skate… Once that ball bearing realizes about being part of the roller skate, then we could say that the consciousness of that ball bearing has opened… but oh!! All of the sudden the ball bearing realizes that there is a foot in top of the roller skate and with that obviously there is a different consciousness…greater opening my friend, new realizations!
Ananda went to the Ocean after this conversation. As he was looking at the dance performed by the waves of the Ocean, the coming and going accompanied by the soothing sound of the water hitting the shore and the nearby rocks and shells; there was a profound relaxation felt when there was no thought about “me” remaining.
Ananda realized at that moment about the immensity of the “roller skate” and allowed for that moment to “be” while his mind was empty of thoughts… 🙂
At that moment, he “understood” what is meditation beyond a discipline or a ” 20 minutes practice,” and he “understood” what is peace without thinking about it.
An empty self can contain the whole while being empty.
In Spirituality the whole contains the part, but the part is also the whole… 🙂
Intelligence is related with Consciousness.
But it is not the intelligence that it is known in the world of “business.”
We cannot define intelligence as the dictionary tells us: “The ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills,” for intelligence is not something that could be “acquired” by someone nor “knowledge” is static or dogmatic.
It is evolving with our experiences.
In our society we have the common understanding that someone “intelligent” is someone who has lots of information, able to use language in a sophisticated manner and who can solve “problems” by applying that theoretical “know-how.” 🙂
The above is what a computer can do. That is not intelligence. It is a mechanical use of information.
Intelligence has nothing to do with acquiring information. Someone who is intelligent is someone who is able to see things “out of the box.”
That vision “out of the box” means greater consciousness. “Out of the box” means to go beyond the framework of beliefs, traditions and common understanding. All of those cultural limits are observed but not rejected. Those limits have the potential to move, to open up according to the circumstances.
When there is lack of “openness,” someone who may be able to look at things from a different perspective; may feel affected if he is not understood. His reaction will be to reject other positions. To be “closed” to them.
Timing is a very important variable in intelligence for everything has its “right time.”
When there is no sense of timing, a great idea maybe a “bad” one when the time is not ripe enough. A fruit tastes delicious at a particular time.
Spirituality beyond religious dogmas, opens our intuition and sensibility to “tune in,” to know without keeping “knowledge” in our minds.
That is for sure a non-definable intelligence. Something that could not be taught in our educational system when what is important, is to teach students “how to think.”
Intelligence is beyond thinking. It is “pure” consciousness. In that consciousness there is acceptance of everything without rejection by always seeing possibilities.
For example, we have been told that light exists. We believe that. We say that we “see light” therefore, it exists. There is no need for “proof.”
Scientists use measurements based on the “speed of light.” – “That galaxy is 200 light years from us…” That sounds pretty “intelligent.” 🙂
Light does not exist.
That is a crazy thought!
Our eyes have the ability to “see” light, that is to interpret “something” as light, but that does not mean that light is a “reality.”
Here a couple of links for the explanation of the above.
“Light absolutely does not exist”
Someone who had an “investment” in the idea that “light exists” may reject the above. His consciousness will be closed to any other idea, opinion or view.
His brain/ computer has the “wrong” knowledge!
To accept that his “knowledge” was “wrong” becomes an existential issue. A matter of pride rather than amusement.
Now…going into more “spiritual” themes… 😉
Sometimes “smart people” can ask the wrong questions.
“What is the exact mechanism for the working of the law of karma?” 🙂
These individuals believe that life is analysis. Their consciousness believe that the “law of karma” could be divided into “parts” and every “part” dissected like the parts of a watch.
Their consciousness is engaged in the world of logic and analysis.
Nevertheless, something referred to as the “law of karma” does not exist under a different consciousness.
“Karma” as action, just means experiences.
Those experiences are neither “good” nor “bad” for a different consciousness who is able to perceive his own eternity. When our consciousness is limited by prejudices, beliefs and concepts; then it is easy to apply the words “good,” and “bad” to make differences, to accept and to reject.
Many religions talk about a “doomsday” or “destruction.” Their followers may be scared to death by listening to that. The consciousness of those followers is limited by their beliefs and fears. Someone who has experienced his own eternity cannot be scared by those words.
Eternity is not an idea. It is being….
Being in a different consciousness, a different intelligence.
The world of words and concepts are not the real thing, just like a name or label is not the “thing.”
Nevertheless, when we rely heavily in our minds, thoughts and ideas; the world of concepts, definitions and labels become our only “reality.”
That is the illusion.
Explaining the word consciousness is an impossible venture. It is in our experiences but we do not recognize it many times…. Perhaps because we are unconscious… 🙂
The dictionary will define consciousness as: “The state of being awake and aware of one’s surrounding.” Get it? 🙂
Now every one of us will interpret that definition. Some will venture into becoming gurus and explaining their own take on that. They will have followers who will merely repeat the “concept” and if they stick around long enough, then they will become the next guru in the “lineage,” full of dogmatic concepts to repeat to potential followers.
“We have the truth,” they say. In truth, just a bunch of concepts, definitions and so on.
Their task now is to fit the perception of “reality” into their dogmatic views. Quite a task.
And that is how we “think” that spirituality is another “concept” gathering deal.
You got to know the keywords: “ Consciousness, live in the moment, soul, God, eternity, etc.”
Do we remember the time when we played with dolls?
I mean, most girls have played with them. Also boys: The popular “G.I Joe.” The exclusive image of a super macho guy with his impeccable wardrobe to fight evil through muscles and guns. The “fun” was to change his clothes according to the appropriate circumstances, according to the “adventure.”
Do you remember the time when you decided to stop playing with dolls?
Most probably not. There wasn’t a single moment which indicated that change of…. consciousness.
Granted. If your “Grandpa” caught you playing with your G.I Joe doll, he may have said something to you, like: “Boys do not play with dolls” and just to make sure that you got his message, he may have added a group of things that “boys are supposed to do.” That probably stayed in your memory banks, so you could repeat that to your grandkids. 🙂
Then, at that point; even though we may want to play with our G.I Joe exclusive edition, we were repressed thanks to Grandpa. Our consciousness did not change, but our behavior did through a “commandment.”
See where am getting at?
Let us say that Annie was a meat eater. She decided to become a vegetarian because she wanted to “eat healthy.” According to her views, to eat healthy is equivalent to be a vegetarian.
That means that whenever she is not feeling like “being healthy,” she could go back into her old self.
Her consciousness has not changed.
What about if Paul is told by “eminent, respected individuals” about how animals are mistreated, even as pets when he attended a talk given by XYZ organization. Paul felt that he had to do something about it. He joined the organization….”I am for fair treatment of animals,” nevertheless, he could not stop eating a “big mac” on a daily basis. His consciousness couldn’t see the relationship between his “ideal” and his behavior.
Petra joined a religious group. She had an “experience” in that group. She believed that to be a Godly experience.
Petra couldn’t understand how her folks were against her joining that “cult.” (The label given by those who do not like a religious group.)
Obviously 2 different state of consciousness.
Petra found some “support” from others which had similar consciousness. Their main task was to stay in that consciousness without further change.
They felt that they “have arrived.” They felt that their consciousness was the “highest.”
That is how there are many religions. Those only pinpoint the difference in consciousness.
Nevertheless, ego could be so great and then the point becomes in believing that “my consciousness” or “our consciousness” is the greatest. The truth… and “I am part of it.”
Notwithstanding, that type of consciousness may become a “life style” rather than a necessary experience in our paths to open up our consciousness even further.
That opening comes “naturally” when we are not entangled with beliefs, just like when we stopped playing with that G.I Joe doll…. It just came the day when we decided to stop being part of his awesome adventures… 🙂
Everyone of us, is a “work in progress.” There is no “arrival.” The issue is when we see something, when we realize something and we are unable to live according to that realization due to different fears.
Moreover, there are some who believe that the “time when we played with a G.I Joe doll was a waste of time.”
Obviously those individuals do not realize that everything has its own timing in life…. And for everyone that timing is different… all according to their own state of consciousness.