On the duality of tension and relaxation
It was a cloudy, gray and moody day. Most did not want to come out unless they had to. Winter was silently tiptoeing its way into the city as an expert burglar; stealing precious Nature time from unaware citizens. Nevertheless, that was the moment of blossoming of many flowers, a moment to admire that bright shade of green color in Nature and to enjoy that distinct morning grassy smell; while birds were harmoniously singing and chirping for only those who could have ears to listen. Nature has a bright side even in the darkest day.
On another scene, the disciple was in a heated discussion with his neighbor during that cold morning. The disciple was right in his complaint but the neighbor continued with his diatribes. After a few moments which seemed like an eternity, the disciple walked away and went to see his master. The disciple explained that scene and waited for his master’s words.
The master said: “Ego is a coward in disguise. Ego is afraid. Ego will look for an enemy to discuss, to fight because otherwise; it will have so much fear that it will sense its own dissolution. If ego is not utilized, it dies and disappears but not everyone has the courage to break away from that identity of themselves and to realize that as it is outside; it is inside. How did you feel during that battle?”
The disciple responded: “I felt very tense during those minutes, master. Now, I feel depleted.”
The master then replied: “Do you know the difference between sexual orgasm and ejaculation? The difference is Tension. To relax means to open up to life beyond the feeling of annoyance or hassle. Many times we just want to liberate ourselves from a bothersome relation as soon as possible thus, we are in complete tension. When there is this intention of ‘getting rid of’ before meeting that one, then that becomes an ejaculation. Then exhaustion appears, tiredness and a sensation of annoyance almost as if you had a relationship with a girlfriend where you need to ejaculate many times to demonstrate your virility. The end result is an uncomfortable feeling with her smell, her presence, her skin. Thereby; an orgasm means relaxation, to surrender in infinite pleasure. Ego does not like to surrender. It likes to fight, to run high. However, deeply in that personality there is a broken heart. Proud as no other of something which does not have. A complete illusion.”
The disciple understood his master’s words but he wanted to know what he needed to DO in such circumstance. The master responded: “ Only Presence. Thoughtless awareness. Whatever is there it has to be as it is; but if you remain consciously present that which is there in conflict, will dissolve by itself.”
The disciple then said: “Master, that person was acting in a crazy manner. The world is Crazy!”
The master listened, smiled and answered: “To live in a mental hospital has its pleasant side when you know that you are a doctor. But when you begin to fall ill from listening about diseases, when you become afraid of a disease or when you feel bothered by a sick patient; in that moment your vocation to help humanity goes away. Then obligation, a sense of duty comes in to replace vocation. Ego bubbles up as soap in that situation. Ego suffers in that sense of obligation and that will keep it alive. Trapped in that circle of feeling annoyance and hassle, bitterness appears.
Remember: Tension brings rigidity and that will end up breaking down your own body. Thinking about those events after the fact, attracts further tension. Feelings of goodness on the other hand, will evade it and settle into relaxation. Relaxation does not come by thinking about it or by forcing ourselves to be relax. It naturally comes in the awareness of tension.”
The spirituality of Sexuality
The way you deal with sexual energy, will show your spiritual evolution.
Sexual energy is a fantastic source of vitality, relaxation and enjoyment. The full body (and ethereal bodies) is rejuvenated through it. However, that is not the experience of many.
For many, it is an itch which is meant to go away through an orgasm. This type of perception will deplete the vitality of a human being.
Through that realization, Tantra as a “technique” was taught to people. It was about avoiding ejaculation/orgasms for the sake of extending it. It was about being conscious of breathing and different techniques, methods to delay orgasms.
I recall reading some techniques from some “spiritual” people:
“Don’t ejaculate no matter what.” That is a “black or white” vision.
The joy of forgetting yourself cannot be there, for it becomes another source of pressure, another “objective” to accomplish in one of the few moments when the “I” could go away.
Tantra happens when a person has reached a certain degree of spiritual evolution. As long as the mind and emotional traumas are standing in the psyche of an individual, their nadis and chakras will not work properly. As a consequence, that will bring a variety of sexual experiences: From frustration to addiction.
Sexuality is a consequence of the evolution of a person. Sexual energy will bring nourishment when properly channeled.
As you ARE so is what you DO. Thus, the ACTION by itself whether it is to have sex or to repair a car is colored by who you ARE. What you ARE, is basically the addition of all mental constraints, emotional traumas, taboos, hang ups, beliefs which are not allowing someone to be open to the experience of enjoyment.
All of those “constraints” are shaping up the “I.”
That is why, as the “I” goes away, so the obstructions in our nadis and chakras, which will be open to experience what we ARE… bliss, fulfillment, creativity, vitality.
In Sexuality like in any other type of experience, there is a range. In every lifetime, we will experience certain degrees of that range, from none to full. That is why, wherever you ARE, that is OK. It is part of your evolution. As there is openness, then we could move to a different position in the range of experiences.
If we understand the above, there is no way that we could label sex and sexual energy as “bad or good.” However, those who feel comfortable labeling sexuality as good or bad, are exactly where they need to be.
That is the wonder of Life. See the differences, embrace the differences, make those differences one with you…so there are no longer differences.
Then you are ONE with what is. That is integration with Life.
The bitter- sweet relationship with sex
Sex is the energy of creation. That energy is able to create Life and able to regenerate the self. As a matter of fact, it is able to generate a new consciousness, to uplift an individual. At the same time it is the source of degeneration and frustration for many human beings.
It is the “yes” and the “no.”
If Sex becomes a source of only physical/emotional/energetic release, a source of possession of another being, then frustration and lack of satisfaction are guaranteed.
A man could be a 5 minutes wonder with a woman from penetration to “orgasm” (release.) The woman may not be satisfied. The man is done, the woman is not. If the woman wants more, she automatically becomes a 4 letter word in the world of men. Repression is inculcated in the woman’s mind.
Our “morality” is meant for a man to be a “stud” and for a woman, a “hore.” So much for equality.
The “solution” is to ejaculate many times to be the “stud” (through artificial substances) or to become insensitive to pleasure so the man could last longer.
Both “solutions” will bring further frustration and will be toxic to the well being of man.
A woman may need to learn to pamper the ego of a man to survive in this society.
A sex addict is a frustrated individual. His vitality is continuously decreasing. The creative energy of sex is wasted out of frustration.
Even though sex is “accepted” by most modern societies, there is no satisfaction out of it. Why? The mind does not surrender to the moment. The mind controls sex life. Want proof? “According to a 2008 survey of sex therapists, sex is “too short” when it lasts one to two minutes. “Adequate” is three to seven minutes, and “desirable” is seven to 13…” We are being clocked in and clocked out, just like work! That is the mind: Numbers, analysis, division, control.
The label of “desirable” has nothing to do with the “real” experience.
What is the “solution”?
Not to ejaculate.
Then sex is no longer about enjoyment, but another “stressful” job. Watch out for the moment of no return and no matter what… do not ejaculate.
Many “mystical” traditions advise that. This “method” is applied without consideration on the student’s current consciousness. It is a sure road into frustration.
Do not forget about the worries of “pregnancy,” diseases, the use of plastic to “protect” yourself, etc… All of that, makes out of sex, a dangerous activity.
A better solution?
Negate completely what we cannot understand. The extreme.
The above is the bitter aspect of sex.
What is the sweet aspect?
When the sexual energy runs up into your head and the energy expands into the environment, Nature. We are creating new energy.
When time is limitless and the pleasurable sensation remains. When there is neither need to ejaculate nor an effort to stop it.
That is when sex becomes uplifting, for our vitality will be increased.
Because we have been programmed, conditioned with so many ideas and “moral” standards, our sexuality has suffered to the point where our minds do not allow enjoyment and the sensation of surrendering to the sexual experience.
In “mystical” terms, our “nadis” are not connecting our energetic centers. There are blockages stopping what otherwise is a natural flow.
Most individuals are unable to feel the inner energy, which is moving through sex. They are unaware.
The process of repairing our damaged sexuality is part of the “seeker’s” path.
Facing beliefs, healing emotions and erasing previous conditioning will need to be part of the job. We will need to learn to be free from the mind to truly enjoy.
In a few words, inner work is necessary. Without that inner work, anything we use as a “technique” or “method” to enjoy sex, to “enhance it” or to make it last longer, will not be natural for us.
After all, sexuality is not separated from ourselves. If we are harmonious, vital… Then our sexuality cannot be otherwise.
True celibacy comes after that point of being vital and harmonious. It cannot be before that, for then; it is only forced repression of something, which we do not know about.
Because we fear it, we reject it… because we are not willing to understand it, we will hurt ourselves.
Sex could be a slow, rhythmical dance of the senses, but for most; it is the race to the big “O.” It is about filling up the belly and not tasting the meal.
Goodness of feelings to go beyond duality
There was a discussion between Orkus the bird, and Ananda about the importance of celibacy in a spiritual life.
Orkus maintained that to reproduce and to enjoy sexuality was part of his nature. Orkus mentioned that he has never seen a conflict in sexuality and he cannot understand how human beings make sexuality such an issue.
Ananda on the other hand mentioned that celibacy was a tool to allow him to know himself, for otherwise, he would have to assume many unwanted consequences. At this time it is like playing the “Russian roulette” with someone, he said. Ananda mentioned that there are very few people nowadays who see sexuality beyond pleasure and relief only, but as a way to integrate beings, to enhance their existence and relationship.
Ananda: There are people who believe that heaven is to have a good orgasm! That is ridiculous… and then he started laughing.
Orkus: For them, that becomes a positive experience in their minds. You seem to be rejecting their experience.
Mathias, the wise tree heard the conversation and added:
Orkus’ point is on one side. Ananda is on the other side… that is to feel uncomfortable or to reject.
Ananda then said: Friend, I am not rejecting… I am just making a little fun of that childish idea…
Mathias: You are rejecting friend …and when you reject, that will attract you.
Ananda: I want to conquer sexuality…
Mathias: How can you conquer something that you reject?
Perhaps the day when you hear about that without that affecting you. Perhaps the day when there is an emotional emptiness in you as when someone talks about drinking 5 cans of sodas rather than just one… but of right now, that topic moves you. It works you up.
Orkus: All of those debates about perceived opposite viewpoints, are all intellectual games… without openness from any position.
Mathias: In feelings there is openness, openness means to respect free will and to respect everyone’s processes and to look at them as something natural in them. You do not compare that with you, but only observe it and appreciate it.
Something that is happening there and also is happening in you, and with greater intensity as you put information in your mind.
To call something spiritual and something else not spiritual is to separate.
The spiritual path is truly just a word, when in reality someone “is.”
There is the story of 3 monks who were walking down the river. Then they saw a prostitute there. For them “spiritually” speaking, to help her cross the river was something negative because she was a prostitute. One of them felt compassion and helped her and the other monks judged him.
-How is it possible for you to touch a prostitute? They said.
The monk responded: “I have only helped her to cross the river but, you continue to carry her in your mind.”
What is Spirituality, my friend? It doesn’t deal with touching or not touching but to maintain some information for a long time in your mind, which will then be introduced in your own body.
The one who touched with feelings of goodness, is liberated. Those who did not touch but rather judged with their minds, compared and rejected; those are trapped.
What is freedom then? To understand the totality.
Totality means that which happens in others will occur in you as well as long as you do not respect the harmony of the natural movement of the time periods in the physical plane. In this is included your own physical body which will be affected.