Rishie realized that when he was in his low 20’s he used to like certain type of girls. When Rishie became older, in his mid 40’s he wasn’t aware that his “preference” had changed. He no longer pursued girls in their low 20’s anymore for what he considered to be desirable at one point in his life, all of the sudden… wasn’t.
In a “normal” awareness, we call that “getting old,” but “getting old” should not change someone’s taste of what it is considered “desirable” or “beautiful.”
How is it possible for that change to take place without Rishie’s awareness?
Rishie may have realized that “his preference had changed” but he would never think about the possibility that “he” had changed as well. That “he” is actually, Rishie’s consciousness.
That is the “proof” of consciousness changing all by itself. It does not depend on Rishie’s willful desire to change.
To make things easy to grasp, here an easy example.
Rishie’s father was a black man and his mother a Spanish lady. Rishie had a natural preference for black girls. That is what “he liked.” Rishie’s parents divorced when Rishie was 18. Note that Rishie’s liking is already “built-in.”
Let us say that Rishie became indoctrinated by his mother who urged Rishie to find a brown eyed, brown haired Spanish woman; because that is “correct” and “right” in their social circles, their traditions.
Rishie had a special connection with his mother and wanted to please her. Rishie made “efforts” to change his “preference.” He fought with his “inner devils” and finally decided to have a relationship with someone who pleased his mother.
That was the story of Rishie, the “effort maker,” the one who does everything to please his mother, the one who would like to be labeled as a “good son,” as an “example” for others.
The price that Rishie paid to obtain those nice labels from his mother was pretty steep.
It is the same when we force our “change” into whatever belief system we believe in.
Beliefs are not “bad.” However, there is a time limit that every single belief is attached to. What is that time limit?
When consciousness changes, of course.
To go beyond that limit is what allows someone to open up to a different consciousness.
Perhaps Rishie could have ended up marrying a woman as her Mother’s likes… Perhaps.
Perhaps Rishie could have ended up with another woman from another race after he realized through his own experience that the paper wrapping of a candy bar is not the candy bar.
There are many possibilities that life could bring when there is no active participation to change things according to someone else’s wishes.
Those possibilities are in itself the “Guru,” the “life teacher,” “the hand of God,” for those who can see that consciousness changes according to what it “has to be.”
But of course, Rishie’s mother was full of expectations and her beliefs are overwhelming to the point of being self-righteous about what she knew to be “right.”
Rishie’s mother wanted to be “happy” at the expense of her son. That will have a consequence. There is a lesson that Rishie’s mother will need to learn.
We could call the above scene of life, with different labels. “God has punished Rishie. That is why he was unhappy.” “God has punished Rishie’s mother, that is why she is suffering for the wrong she did to her son.”
Or…”That is Rishie’s karma,” or “If you don’t obey your mother, then there are serious consequences. That is the law.”
Labels are not important. What is important to perceive is that Life has a flowing thread. To go along with it, is to be in harmony with “what is.” That harmony has no way to be put into labels or codes or commandments. If consciousness is not allowed to change by itself, (that is through assimilation of life experiences) then we create an inner conflict.
The “I” against Life.
The word “Detachment” is used in Spirituality as the ability to become a “witness,” that is a “trustee” in all the different life situations.
Through “detachment,” “Me” becomes another actor in the “movie” of life (my part) and as such “Me” is the “observer,” the one sitting comfortably in a seat in the first row of the movie theater of life, just to watch the show… which includes “my” part.
That detachment in only possible when there are no desires.
That is one way to check if our so called “detachment” is “true,” for if there is any sort of desires about a particular outcome, we cannot be “detached observers.”
Not to have desires is one of the first practices that any spiritual teachings will teach. Desires are the “doors to suffering,” we are told. Nevertheless, our minds are usually full with desires.
That is why, it becomes important to check our thoughts, to watch the mind and its emotions, as a “detached observer.”
Thus, to be a “detached observer,” a “trustee” in the movie of life, we need to check our own mind first.
A desire will come to the mind and our thoughts will create a story. That story brings emotions and those emotions have the control over us to “make us feel” sad, happy or neutral.
Detachment does not mean to “negate” life, but to enjoy it without “attachment” to it. That “attachment” is also at the level of our minds. It is the mind who is attached to, who does not want to let go. The thoughts in the mind are obstacles to feelings in the heart.
In “detachment” there will be preferences many times. That is life will offer different experiences that we could be open to. As mentioned before, rejection is a sure way to suffer. Many may see rejection of life as detachment from it. That is a separation, that is asking for suffering through the “desire” of being detached.
Life may open the door with possibilities. Which one to take? That is a preference. That is a “choice.” In Detachment there could be a “preference,” but even within that preference, there is no expectation of an outcome, that is a desire on that preference is not materialized.
However, at the most “elevated” level of the self, that is when the “self” is self-less, that is when “preferences” are not even part of the equation, for there is acceptance of that which appears, in that; there is freedom from the movie of life.
In that freedom there is love.
That is how being detached and being loving are related.