Tagged: relationship
When losing a loved one is unbearable
Autumn arrived. It is the balancing act of Nature. High Summer activity will enter gradually into a period of rest. Some will feel happy because the heat of Summer is over. Others, will remember with nostalgia the great Summer time they had, hoping for that experience to come back again, some day. Summer will be back again. It is certain, just like the cycle of Life and Death.
The disciple was sad. A loving relative passed away. It was unexpected. It was in the midst of Summer. The disciple couldn’t shake that feeling of sadness from his heart. He went to his master and asked:
“Master, why is it so difficult to go over that feeling of sadness? Why does it persist? It is as if my mind brings piles of thoughts which end up in a feeling of despair.”
The master allowed the disciple to weep and when he was ready, the master replied: “ Losing someone we love is another experience in the vastness of Life. There are those who love things after they’ve lost them, and there are those who squeeze things hard so they do not lose them. Observe this: When we live in the mind, it will take us to the past which is gone or to the future which may not arrive. We don’t live in the reality of now, where Life unfolds, where love truly is.”
The disciple was disconcerted. He was waiting for some words to mitigate his pain. He asked: “ Do you think that my sorrow is in vain? I have the right to feel this way.”
The master understood his pain and lovingly said: “I feel your sorrow. Observe that all relationships have value, but when we value one relationship more than another, we set ourselves up for sorrow as all relationships sooner all later will disappear.”
The disciple responded: “Then, it is better not have relationships, for pain will be felt at the end.”
The master remained in silence for some time and then he added: “ Observe that many times we take Life experiences as traumatic experiences. We want to protect our self and by doing that we punish ourselves from the opportunity to forge new relationships. Life is relationship.”
The disciple had enough and he said: “What is the answer then ?”
The master replied: “ That is for you to find out. In a hot and humid Summer day, the wind will blow and clouds will appear turning the sky into a dark, gloomy day. Then, when darkness cannot be anymore, rain and thunder will arrive and lightning may show its anger by hitting things, but then soon it will be over and a rainbow will appear. Like Nature, express at once without holding back and move on into the rainbow for there is much more in Life than lightning and a dark sky. Everything has its own time. All experiences are fleeting. Enjoy an experience while it lasts. Not as a memory but as a heart felt experience while it is happening in the now. That will nourish that self that we try endlessly to protect. Remember that even lightning has its own beauty and that death is not the end but a passage. Summer which is gone now, will certainly return again. Spring time is its own colorful passage. In Life, what goes away comes back and once it is here, it goes away again. It is the circle of duality. That is the game we are offered to play and enjoy or to reject and traumatize.”
Mental images and neediness.
We are never the same. There is no static moment, no past where we could look back and believe to be completely unchanged since then.
I observed some family members visiting us. They live in another country. The last family gathering was about 20 years ago. Now, they ARE different from what I knew before. It is not just looks. That is the most superficial aspect of change. They are different, “I” am different.
I had an image of them in my mind. That image created an expectation, which resulted in illusion.
The only thing without a change that I knew from before, was their names. The same outcome occurs when we are living closely with others, although we may not realize the changes.
As we grow in relationship with others, we change. An individual is affected by company. Most are aware of that.
Most are oblivious that as we grow older, our own changes will create an inner resistance, when we are aware of them. There is an image, a still picture of the “perfect” self, which we would like to keep.
That “poster” is living in the mind. As any poster, it is static, completely unchanged. It is not real.
Nevertheless, that is our point of inner comparison. Comparison is the mother of unhappiness, at any level.
Practically, we live to keep an image and we relate with our own images of others.
“Pat” has an image of “Carl.” There is “Carl’s image” as perceived by Carl himself.
Carl would like to be treated according to the image that he has of himself. Anything lower than that, is considered an insult. Pat will mingle with Carl, by using the image that she has of Carl. Those are the untold boundaries.
Typically, when we meet someone for the first time, we spend that meeting in creating an image of that person. If we like that person, then the image grows in accolades, until one day we may “realize” and say to her: “You have changed since I first met you.”
It could be many years before we awaken from the dream.
Similarly if we dislike a person. Our image about that person can only go down, as we strive for consistency. “We cannot be wrong.” Observe the inner game of placing images into simple containers of likes and dislikes and to consider those as the standards of accuracy, reality, etc.
Could we relate without images?
That may require great awareness of the tricks of our own minds.
To meet someone without “pictures and posters” in our minds, will allow that other person to BE, for there is no inner need for the other to comply with our own picture of expectations, requirements and ideals.
For that we need to be free from psychological neediness, at any level in regards to the other. If there is a need, there will be a picture and our desire to maintain that picture as the ideal. Consciously or unconsciously, we will manipulate “reality” to look like that picture.
Psychological neediness does not allow for a “true,” open, caring relationship; for we are concerned in keeping the validity of personal images, rather than becoming aware of and accepting unconditionally “what is.”
Will be taking a break until October 31st. Enjoy yourself! 🙂
Relationships in Life
When we become trapped in labels and traditions from society, we may not be able to listen to our inner voice based on an indisputable feeling, which will let us know the way we should act in life.
Ananda does not feel the same feelings for his family members as his sister Raysha does.
Even though Ananda had mostly a good relationship with his parents; the feeling is not as strong as it could be for Raysha.
Ananda asked Mathias, the wise tree about that.
Mathias responded: “Raysha is related with both family trees; your father and your mother.
You Ananda… you are related through them indirectly, through Raysha.”
Ananda then asked: “Which one is my direct family link?”
Mathias responded: “The Universe.” 🙂
Obviously, there is information that has value at a particular point in time. Knowing what is Ananda’s direct family link will be only intellectual information at this point. That is of no consequence.
Mathias also added: “Raysha will have feelings of motherhood towards her father who is almost ready to depart into another experience. Raysha had been her mother in another life.”
Then, Mr. Intellectual and Mrs. Devotional come into the picture:
“ But … that is not logical… That is nonsense.
If you are the daughter how could you be the mother at the same time? “
“My belief is that this is the only lifetime and then you either go to hell or heaven. There is only one life according to the Holy book written by God.”
Feelings don’t lie.
As we learn to observe all the labels that we use to categorize people into brothers, sisters, aunts, etc. Those categories already define the type of relationship that we are allowed to have now.
That is neither “good nor bad.” Our feelings and not our thoughts are the catalyst for action or reaction, that is why it becomes important to know ourselves by acknowledging our emotions first, to find our feelings.
Sometimes, we may meet someone that we would like to get to know better in a relationship, just to find out that “she feels like a daughter.” What do you do?
Do you rationalize that experience as: “ That is nonsense. She is not your daughter.”
The feeling will not go away, could you get married with your daughter? 🙂
Honesty is not just a word.
Life has many “spider webs” which will connect us in different ways and at different times. That is, what you feel very strong about today may not be later on; (that is why dogmas are necessary to keep the same thing in our awareness) the interesting challenge is to learn to act according to the present time, by respecting the whole experience, the circumstances, the individuals involved and our feelings as well.
That comes with growth in life.
Life is truly a teacher.
The “morality” of ego
When “I” started to have problems within, that was the time when those problems manifested “out there” as “I” will relate with “others” all the time.
Dealing with “others” is what we call to have a relationship.
Nowadays, it is an ego-based relationship.
The most external view of a relationship is observed on how “Jack deals with Jill” everyday.
Jack is like this. Jill is like that. Obviously issues will come up between them.
Could we fix those issues?
Maybe. 🙂
We could create a “code of conduct.” Something delineated so Jack could know that he is “going over the border” and Jill could feel safe from a harsh interaction.
Moreover, we could make that code of conduct into a moral standard and just to add holiness into it, we could say that those are God’s “rules.”
Jack: “You have parked in my parking spot.”
Jill: “ That is not my car.”
Jack: “ Do you know who that may be then?”
Jill: “It is not my problem.”
How could Jack react to “win the fight”? What he could say?
Without any “moral codes,” Jack could insult Jill or even do more than that… Jack could unleash his own “Satan” from deep inside.. 🙂
But, with a “moral code,” Jack will think twice before he reacts harshly.
Jack thought within a second: “Uhhm… I feel like beating her up. No one dares to talk to “me” like that! I just asked her a simple question! But, I was taught to love my neighbor and to give “the other cheek” in cases like this for if “I” do something wrong, “I” may get punished by God. I could be damned forever…If i give the other cheek, I may earn Paradise…What a test paper!”
Jack learns to repress. Nevertheless, Jack could use that incident as an example of how wonderfully he is “transforming.”
He is giving the other cheek. Jack has remained “silent” even though he was verbally attacked…. Hallelujah!
In another consciousness, all issues start with oneself and finish right there.
Jack to cashier at store: “ You must be new here…”
Cashier: “No I have been here for 2 years.”
Jack: “ I don’t recall seeing you before…”
Cashier (getting a little upset): “Either I am not here when you come here or you don’t pay attention when you come.”
Jack (feeling the “ego” distress from the cashier): Yeah, that must be it. I typically don’t pay attention…
Cashier: 🙂 smile…
Jack: Have a great day!
Jack didn’t react. Jack didn’t think about “becoming good.” Jack didn’t follow any code of conduct.
Jack was empty of “self.”
The cashier smiled. She was happy. Jack was smiling. The “ego” door was open. Everything went through it.
Walking around with a defined personality does not allow someone to blend according to the circumstances. That “blending” does not require thinking. It just requires intuition.
A “moral” person is truly someone without ego. Otherwise, the “moral codes” surrounding an ego-driven personality will only enhance and protect ego.
That “morality” becomes a serious “immorality” in the long run.
On Love in Valentine’s day!
We are love undisguised as a feeling of openness to life. As human beings, we could manifest this feeling to all creation as well as to particular individuals. There is no limit but the one imposed by our own minds.
In every human being there is the dichotomy of individuality with belonging to the totality of life.
Thus, love could manifest in both ways.
There is love to individuals, which is known by most people. In that, love is about a particular relationship with that “special” one.
In life, there is “uniqueness,” but to be “special” means to bring the knife which separates that “special” one from those who are not.
That “special” one could have many names. Some even use the name of God.
To experience “uniqueness,” brings the door of openness to life,
that is not to be attached to a particular knife!
In a loving relationship, we could learn about the game of “yin and yang.”
When we learn about duality, we could learn about life.
Male and Female are different polarities which are meant to complement each other.
To complement is to love.
That is a hard lesson to learn!
For most, a relationship with someone means to dominate, to possess, even to compromise.
Little is known that our mental separation of “you” and “me” gets in between.
Then, the feeling and the expression of that feeling becomes incomplete, unfulfilling.
Even love between individuals is meant to be the One!
“It takes 2 to tango.” We learn about a dance… by dancing.
That is the journey, the path… to find out that 2 dancers could become one!
This mental ideal, “utopia” may be hard to find, for to give love means to experience that which we are!
We could only give what we have.
We could only have what we are. 🙂
Love life, express those feelings.
Give, that is share yourself, don’t be afraid!
God is with you, when you are with Him.
That is, when you are love within!
Cleaning our Aura and Chakras
The other day, Avyakt7 spoke with a friend about chakras, auras and cleaning them. Perhaps it is a good time to share this in the blog.
In the world of Spirituality there is inner transformation. That comes about through different paths of self-purification, that is a catharsis. That transformation is always in relationship with everything. It cannot be a secluded event.
Because we are part of the environment, we belong to it (Totality) whatever is going on outside will be “ingested” by us by default. Many times what you feel as coming from you (a mood, a bothersome something) is not “you” but what you have “ingested” through living life.
A child needs to play. Playing means to get dirty in the mud sometimes. For many, the answer to that issue is “never play outside so you don’t get dirty.” For the spiritual walker, once there is the experience of being clean; then it is easy to recognize once there is “dirt” around our aura.
Taking benefit of the healing rays of the Sun is another example. There are times and occasions when this will be very helpful. Our cell pores will open up and our being will “ingest” that energy. Nevertheless, there are some other times when the atmosphere is charged with toxics, or the timing is not the right one and it is very hot or very cold. Obviously that could only hurt us. Here is when wisdom to choose comes.
“Never get a Sun-tan” is not the answer. 🙂
Similarly with our subtle body or aura or whatever label you care to call it.
The chakras are points where we have energetic openings, that is when the “inside” is in relationship with the “outside.” That is why, it is pointless to just talk about our own individuality when there is a continuous relationship with everything.
When those energetic openings are obstructed due to an emotional issue or due to the toxic surroundings, that will affect our bodies and will manifest as a disease.
For example, the throat chakra is related with the second chakra (emotions) someone who represses a particular emotion related with the second chakra, will feel a problem with the corresponding organ in that location or even with the throat.
Similarly the heart chakra is related with the third chakra (stomach.)
Thus the answer is not to “avoid doing things” but to be conscious of our interactions with everything and “clean ourselves.”
Cleaning the chakras could be accomplished in many ways and it is an individual option as to what works for you.
For some it may be to take a shower with marine salt added.
For others it is the Ocean. Going for a swim…. Or the sand…. to bury your belly in the sand … for others it will be to use rocks or gems which will have a cleaning outcome, “alignment” etc. As you can see, it is about keeping in contact with Nature and the elements, that is with the totality of life.
This “subtle energetic shower” which will keep us clean from the outside “dirt” is necessary to be able to have our energetic openings healthy and in that way our mood will improve.
There is so much that Nature could offer us to heal ourselves! I would invite you to explore this.
Now that we are aware that we are continually in relationship with everything around us, we could “choose” according to what we see will fit us best.
The above is not a religion or a “New age” practice. It is part of being aware beyond our own individuality. It is the practical aspect of spirituality.
I want someone like ME
A Spiritual aware individual will take the opportunity to experience a relationship as a way to know himself.
Life is a relationship. That relationship could be viewed in different ways, as plentiful as the people on Earth. Only our beliefs will put an end to that diversity.
When a relationship is taken to the personal level, the opportunity to see those unknown “issues” in us popping out like hot pop corn, is there.
Unfortunately, for most it is not about seeing ourselves through the reflection of others, but is the game on how to change someone else, how to manipulate someone else to fit our standards; that is how to make someone an extension of “me.”
“I want someone who has the same qualities as me…how lucky they are!”
The game is about becoming like the other. Whoever is dominant, wins.
This game creates expectations, which will backfire the “players.” Those expectations are translated into feeling hurt, feeling deceived, feeling betrayed.
As long as our emotional health depends on another to give our life some sort of meaning, we cannot be free to enjoy life. There cannot be enjoyment but dependency.
It is the game of the “master and slave.” The pleasure of the master resides on the existence of a slave. A slave, wishing to be free, will suffer until he gets out completely from the claws of the master. Wishing, longing to be free is just part of the game of still being a slave. Part of the emotional drama, which makes some individuals alive…even when experiencing suffering.
A relationship of that kind could be labeled as “love.” But it is far from that. It is called a symbiosis.
Symbiosis is what many relationships are nowadays. Nothing wrong with that, for it is in “fashion…”!
Once we realize about that symbiosis, we may want to change it…. that is when “problems” start…
The expectations to demand attention, the rules, the regulations spoken or not; and the game of blaming the “other” is then played. The “winner” is the one who collects more “evidence.” 🙂
Some like flattery, praise, and adulation. They will readily take it and believe it. It is about building up an image. Nevertheless, belittlement, condemnation, insult and offense will not be far behind, the opposites are always shadowing each other.
It is fascinating to watch what comes out of us when in relationship with others. If we like what comes out, we found a trigger which has the same potential to bring rejection in us.
Like it or not, is the same thing… Please explore this sentence.
We can learn many things about ourselves by being with people who are not like us.
For the “normal” individual looking for “ another Me,” that is something unheard of.
For an aware individual, it is the golden chance to learn… and go beyond “me.”
Exploring the Depth of Living 