The insanity of expectation
If Life brings lemons, and I dream about strawberries; how can I come at peace with my disappointment?
By forgetting yourself. Going beyond “you” and your problems, your unfulfilled mental dreams, your drama. “Others” exist in integration when we forget ourselves. Before that consciousness, “others” is only separation, a barrier. As Sartre said: “Hell is other people.” So …”Heaven” is only “you.”
Society will teach us to imitate somebody as a role model.
“He lived with lemons. Be like him.”
Imitation brings repression.
Repression is a form of dishonesty.
Every time Life brings what we desire easily; we learn that Life “works for us.” We learn to expect that. Ego increases.
When that which we desire does not appear despite our “efforts,” we become bitter, disappointed, angry, etc. Ego increases as well.
Therefore, whether we get what we desire or not, still ego will grow through our expectations. Growth of ego is part of Life, and paradoxically, that is its natural path for dissolution.
Forget yourself. That is the fast lane. You cannot drive there? Then continue with your expectations. Paradoxically, that is another way to forget yourself. That is the slow lane.
Anything that we desire, may come to fruition at a time when we least expect it.
When there is expectation, we cannot enjoy the experience of living Life as it IS, for our minds are always looking for something which does not exist. That is insane.
Life is unexpected.
The game of Sexual “problems” and “solutions.”
There is no “spirituality” without sexuality, as there is no beach without Ocean.
There is no better indicator to know “where we are” in the “spiritual” game, than to observe the way we approach sexuality.
Some religions satanize sexuality. They are not concerned on self-knowledge of who we ARE now, but only in the “ideal” of what it “should be” in the future. That gap creates all sorts of insanity.
Sex could be from the ranges of no sex whatsoever, to “a lot” if we are looking at numbers; or from unfulfilling to fulfilling, if we are looking at quality. Anything in between is also part of the human experience. Every person in this planet interprets part of that range of experiences, therefore; where is the “problem”?
The “problem” arrives when we think that we have a “problem,” at that point “solutions” are needed.
To look for “solutions” is part of fulfilling our range of experiences.
Sexuality is only an outcome of who we ARE.
Our tendency is to label an experience as good or bad, normal or abnormal; those labels full of duality, are part of playing the “game” in society.
Why sexuality has taken such a great importance for the masses nowadays?
Because it has been repressed for many centuries. Sexuality has been confined through unspoken rules into what is “right and what is wrong.”
Those traumas linger in the human psyche as experiences of many past lives.
Many individuals feel unfulfilled with their sexual lives, thus the “sexual revolution” is marketing “solutions” to improve our sexual fulfillment.
Tantra for the masses is becoming just that, a technique to be learned and practiced to become “better.” That is not Tantra at all, but Spiritual salesmen are “helping” others to achieve great things… And even they pitch about higher consciousness, enhanced awareness, the ability to be in the “now” and of course, … “Enlightenment.” Salesmen know all the “keywords.”
For most individuals, the energy behind sexuality is anger.
Unless a person is ready to go deeper to release that energy, his BEING will be anger and therefore, his sex life will be manifested as anger as well.
This transformation is what Tantra is meant to assist, when the person is ready. The word “ready” doesn’t mean that “I think that I am ready.” It means that this person has gone through the range of experiences already and Life will support that change. Our experiences in Life are not random occurrences but carefully crafted, tailored for our growth.
Sexuality could be a source of frustration and a source of bliss. Sexuality could be a source of degradation and a source of wholesomeness and elevation. That is the range.
Humans keep creating “problems” by making that range dualistic: Frustration is wrong. Bliss is good… without realizing that every experience will change by itself (when the time is appropriate) as to complete the range of experiences.
We were born with certain gifts and certain handicaps; we could understand that. But truly, those are neither gifts nor handicaps but catalysts to experience an ever-dynamic Life.
Sexuality as spirituality, does not start in a Tantra retreat. Tantra is not meant for those who can pay for a class but for those who are “ready.”
Sexuality is “output.” “Input” is what we ARE.
Sexuality under the shadow of guilt
Life is amazing. It provides a rainbow of colors to behold, but human morality is only concerned with identifying a color as the “right” color. All colors in the rainbow make up light, that which allows us to see, and we see to judge based on our moral standards.
That is why, any spirituality concerned in segregating something out of the human experience is not interested in the person, but only with reaching an ideal.
Guilt arose due to the “failure” of humans to become that ideal.
Humans cannot be humans to be “good.” We have to be something else, something “better.” It doesn’t matter where a particular human being is in his development; he must DO as told. He must become what he is not. He must be the dream.
Picture this: Peter feels a pleasurable sensation in his first chakra (sexual organs.) After sometime, that sensation becomes bothersome, it feels as if something needs to come out. That sensation changes Peter’s mood. His relationship with others become agitated due to this sensation. Then the label: ” Bad itch” appears.
Eventually, Peter must get rid of that “itch.” He ejaculates. Perhaps a “wet dream.”
A “holy book” may say that masturbation is a sin and so most monotheistic religions. Next time, Peter tries with a prostitute.But that is “immoral” in our society. Next time, Peter finds a girlfriend. “Love” is the keyword to talk about so his sexual outlet becomes acceptable. Peter may be pressured into “tying the knot” in the name of “love.” It is the “right thing to do.” All of that because of an itch in the first chakra.
Pleasure is incredible. The itch is out of Peter’s control.
Peter may find an outlet which is not accepted by “moral standards.” Peter may decide to go all out in a frenetic attempt to experience the utmost pleasure and to fill the empty spaces in his Life, with this new source of “happiness.”
Nevertheless, Peter feels depleted. His energy is gone. Frailty sets in.
Life could be ironic: A very pleasurable itch which can also empty your vitality! Sex is the “black widow” and we are the prey.
What is the solution?
For many, to get rid of the itch, through many beliefs and practices. Being “itch free” is believed to be the ideal of “purity” like a child before sexuality sets in.
For others, it is to do it with “moderation.” The definition of that will change. “Moderation” has always been a nice keyword to say, when covering up our hidden darker instincts.
Every society has created its own way to deal with that “itch.”
“Only do it to have kids.”” Only do it with your wife.” Although there may be differences which will create fights: Different moods, different libido, different stamina, different hang ups, taboos, beliefs, etc. “Starfish sex” may be the outcome.
Then the “reactionary movement” comes around. Everyone is a “flower child.” Everyone should be “free” to DO it with whoever. The word “whoever” means same gender, animals, objects, spirits, etc. Some diseases and unwanted pregnancies may appear.
Add to the mix, the mind and emotional repertoire of repressions unleashed: Fetishes, sadism, masochism, bondage, dominance … and all of those mental games which makes sex a “mental” thing… Yeah, “sex is mental” right?
That which is the source of utmost pleasure in the physical world, is also the source of suffering.
That is how sex was condemned. That is how our society became mentally ill and repressed through the unspoken condemnation of expressing pleasure, which is an integral part of BEING.
The problem is not sex, but the misunderstanding of what sexual energy is, of what it represents and our inability to deal with the gift that this precious energy is capable of giving.
That is how “Tantra” appeared in the world many centuries ago. However, this path of self-discovery has been distorted (one more time) to accommodate the hunger of the masses to express their repressed sexuality, without going through the process of inner work: Catharsis. Yeah, Money talks…Time to write a “bestseller.” 🙂 (To be continued.)
Out of your control
“Situations outside are uncertain. If we make our state of mind dependent on them, then also our reactions become uncertain.”
Life is uncertainty. This is something that a neophyte in inner search may be afraid of. Thus, most teachings in that consciousness are about control.
Control yourself. Control your thoughts. Control your environment. Control your feelings. Control your reactions.
There is this division of the “evil” half and the “godly” half inside us. The “godly” half must win. It must control the “evil” half.
Western morality is based on that principle of “good and bad.” Therefore, our gods and devils are shaped accordingly.
Our state of mind is one thing. The environment is another thing. What do I do? “I” control my mind so my state of mind can be whatever “I want.” (What I want is what should be “good” according to someone.)
It is all about control. No wonder many individuals in this particular state of consciousness can become control “freaks,” not only of themselves but also of their relationships.
Without a doubt the above teaching of “controlling my mind,” is an ego builder. Why?
Because the separation, the division between “I” and everything else is supported. As a matter of fact, “I” must be prevalent over everything else.
The above teaching is concerned with “reactions.” Our reactions must follow a determined moral code, a particular behavior given by someone. DOING that means to override through repression what we really ARE. That is the key element to understand.
Nevertheless, to experience repression and to be aware of it, is a step forward into gaining greater consciousness.
That is why the teaching of “controlling everything” is not a “bad” teaching, but it must change as our AWARENESS develops.
The “truth” depends on your state of consciousness. The “truth” cannot be expressed in words, for words are dualistic and unable to express the “reality” of the Totality. However, there are facts. Facts are not “truth.” Carl insulted Bob. That is a fact. The truth may be that Carl was in a drug trip due to some inner insecurity. That insecurity triggered everything else. That is why, there cannot be a “God” for everyone as consciousness will differ among individuals.
BEING is “truth.” We will discover that “truth” as our consciousness develops.
Some may say “I am a soul.” But in “truth” they are not. They ARE bodies lying to themselves through words, making themselves believe something that they ARE not.
The “truth” cannot be spoken. You ARE that truth, when that truth of BEING is repressed; we have the teaching of “control.”
Then, the mind is important, for the mind will remember the teaching. The intellectual teaching becomes important and not the individual, BEING.
In a different consciousness, an uncertain response or reaction, is a sign of truth. BEING is allowed to BE. That can only happen once we have developed some awareness, before that; when we have no awareness whatsoever, repression will be the “right” teaching.
Therefore, if someone asks: “Is repression good or bad?”
That questions reveals a neophyte state of consciousness. Repression is neither good nor bad. It is beyond that. Repression has utility at a certain point of our Life experience but then it becomes an obstacle to thrive.
When do we know that we are ready to change from repression into freedom?
If you realize that much of your suffering is due to a controlling personality, then that openness will bring different Life experiences. If you allow for those experiences to take you by dropping your controlling nature, then the “magic” could happen.
You just need to give up… surrender that “I” just to be someone else… someone out of “your” control. 🙂
Because you can only give who you ARE, unless you ARE love, there is no love to give.
We are taught to believe that we can give love without BEING it, as when we can give money to someone when we “get it.”
We cannot “get” love to give, unless we ARE.
Any “effort” on BEING loving is self-deception.
We are taught to be desire-less to be happy. However, what is the anxious need to go to “Paradise,” to reach illumination, to please God, to become “soul” conscious”? Those things are desires just like any other “mundane” desire.
We are taught to “help others in a self-less” way; Nevertheless, we cannot BE self-less by separating “I” from the “others.” As a matter of fact, to “help others” is just a catchy phrase. By helping others, we only help ourselves. Do we get this riddle? We are not separated.
We are taught to take Life seriously, whether in the mundane business world or in the Godly world: Time is money- Become someone, save yourself from hell; hurry up! This is your only chance, if you miss this chance you will be doomed forever…
We cannot enjoy life when there is pressure to attain something, when our process is not being respected. Then we are willing to “sacrifice” our lives now for the promise to “enjoy” something in the future. That is a wonderful “method” but nothing else.
That promise of a “better” future is empty, as the “I” as it is now, cannot be the “I” in the future.
Our desire for a “better future” will only make us reject the “now.”
Once we realize the depth of all of those beliefs in our minds; then we are ready to put aside all of those teachings, to unlearn all of those things which keep the “rat-race” going in our minds as well as the division, of the mundane and the divine.
We could be aware of our own fear to continue in Life without those “training wheels,” those half-truths which we believed to be the “holy truth.” Ego needs the security of being part of a “selected” group, the mainstream, the Godly family, the familiar faces…
The above realization is the first step of our catharsis as seekers.
Before that, being a seeker is just another fashion, another way for the ego to believe in himself as “virtuous,” another way to socialize and to show how many spiritual books we can read and how many authors we could quote. That is a source for fattening our needy ego, for we could obtain the label of “knowledgeable” among our peers.
A catharsis then, is a process of unlearning and with that, a process of unleashing our repressed behaviors.
We could understand that some beliefs are just equal to the belief in Santa Claus, a technique meant to teach a self-centered person, the “joy” of giving a gift to another… but the belief in Santa Claus will be deep down in our unconscious no matter how much we could reason and understand in the surface of the conscious mind. Its depth in the unconscious is proportional to the amount of time we have spent drilling down such beliefs in our conscious mind.
For that reason, we shall deal with emotions, the “programming” of our unconscious.
Many individuals who have not experienced the process of a catharsis are caught up in blaming a society, a religion, a practice… unable to see that every experience is invaluable in our development.
What is important is to know when those “tools” need to be discarded, so we could embrace something new.
For instance, ego is a “tool.” It is not a “bad” thing, a vice. It is a mechanism of “self-defense,” something that will allow a person to survive in this society. However, it comes to a point, when that grown up ego, is an obstacle to flourish by connecting with others… then ego must go away through a process of catharsis.
The “programming” is erased. Some religions pretend to have “the method” to erase the emotions stored deep in our unconscious. However, everyone is not the same. A “method” may work for some but no others. Life will bring the right conditions at the right time. Different Life experiences are tailored to our particular needs. We are not alone.
Through that catharsis, you are empty and open for newness. It is in that emptiness how Love IS.
Before that catharsis, love may be pretty talk, romantic “get aways,” and fairy tales.
Vices will bring virtues … and virtues? vices.
In the surface, the “vices” are ways of bringing humanity down. A way for perdition.
Nevertheless in the world of duality the experience of one extreme means the necessary experience of the other side. How could you know “day” if you have not experienced “night”? In Life, knowing is experience. Without experience there is no “true” change.
That is the journey.
I am not saying that vices are “good.” I am saying they are necessary in the journey of Life as the experience of them will allow us to know, to experience and to transform.
Greed is one extreme. Generosity is another. Our potential to be giving is equal to our potential for greed.
We get confused and biased by the labels we use to describe a human character, but we are only looking at one point, one day of the whole journey. We get caught up with our experience with one person, limiting him to that experience. We don’t see that change is part of it.
For example, if Bruce Wayne (Batman) “developed” anger and guilt through one experience in Life, there is a process to come out of that and transform within himself those energies.
Without that anger and that feeling of guilt, Batman would have never been born. Do we see that? Can we say that anger and guilt are “bad” then?
What would have happened if Bruce Wayne had learned when he was a little boy: “Anger is bad. You must get rid of it”?
Bruce Wayne would have learned to repress anger to conform with a moral code, a perception… but anger would be there.
What would have happened if Bruce Wayne would have been told: “ You must make effort to conquer anger”?
He could have believed that it is in “his” hands ( the “I”) to change BEING at will.
Who is the one making effort? The “I.”
What is anger if is not a supporting energy for that “I”?
How is it possible for the “I” to get rid of a supporting energy, which makes up himself?
That is the deception. Nevertheless, the above is “spirituality” for most; as the time to find about that “I” hasn’t arrived to their journey yet.
Bruce Wayne was meant to be Batman. That was his destiny. In his path, “he found” a teacher when he was ready to transform that anger. Life brought the teacher when the student was ready (as we know) but that teacher was not really a friend for he was helping with an ulterior motive, later on he became Bruce’s enemy.
Shall we judge Life’s method to transform Bruce’s anger?
Why Life didn’t give Bruce an angel to “help” him? Or a saint? Or an “illuminated” one?
Because Bruce Wayne didn’t need that. He was to become Batman.
Bruce Wayne healed his anger and guilt through Batman.
Religious beliefs and moral codes have a “black or white” vision of the different energies that a human could come across, without considering the process of a particular human being.
To label “Lust” as ugly, bad, evil, etc. does not consider the process that every human being will go through. What could be the teaching of experiencing lust?
That love and lust are like water and oil. They don’t mix, they don’t become one.
The typical “medicine” will be to drill in his mind: “sex (or whatever the trigger is) is bad. Don’t do it.”
We may only control our actions, but we cannot control what is natural in a human being. We could repress ourselves by not acting, but without understanding of the circumstances, the setting and the time, that repression will cause damage to ourselves.
Repression is neither “good” nor “bad.” There are times when it is useful and times when it is not. To be able to recognize timing, is part of the inner wisdom which appears as we experience Life in its different facets.
That insight is not learned through holy books or holy teachers. It is the consequence of all experiences that we have had in many Life times. Openness by acknowledging all of those different perspectives of Life, is what minimizes the size of the “I.”
Accumulation of “vices” will make someone a vicious man, but that is the “natural” path as well, for being vice less. It is just a matter of time. Paradoxical!
It will happen as the size of the “I” diminishes. This is not a mental, intellectual exercise, but it is openness of the heart.
Every man is in a different stage of his journey. There is no goal in that journey, all there is; is the journey itself. The words “goal,” “destination,” “objective,” “perfection,” are all beliefs of an intellectual mind when related to Life itself. Those words have the power to make the life of many a very dissatisfied one.
Who is Batman?
Anger, compassion, guilt, forgiveness, millionaire, who experienced in his own skin what is to be poor, a playboy, a faithful man to a woman, a philanthropist who builds weapons; loneliness, aloneness, intelligence, stupidity, ironical sense of humor, seriousness… it is that type of integration, that type of openness and acceptance of the different roles and experiences in his lifetime which will give him the insight to know. It is not about rejection of one side of the coin and acceptance of the other. It is about integration, for in that integration there is healing, acceptance and the opportunity to change, to grow.
To understand that there is more than our own selves, is to understand that as we take the steps to integrate into the totality; there will be the experience of being born again into something greater than our previous small selves. When the “i” becomes smaller, we could see the immensity and beauty of all …
There is no angel who hasn’t been a “sinner.” 🙂
Healing through Observation
If we observe how conditioned we are by our beliefs, moral codes and emotions, we will begin to understand what is going on with that complex being called “I” or “me.”
Let us say that “Oggie” your fluffy little dog, was run over by your neighbor’s car.
Observe what goes on in “you” in the different circumstances that Life could offer.
You may have been the witness, you may have known “the facts” from someone else.
Sadness will be experienced as “Oggie” was such as cutie. Longing into Oggie’s destiny will extend the emotion of sadness. That emotion of sadness is not bad. It does not need to be rejected. Feel it. Allow yourself to be that sadness and let it go. That timing for letting go is what makes the difference in every individual. The longer it stays, the longer you will feel sad. Observe your closeness to “Oggie.” Observe how “Oggie” gave you some satisfaction, which in turn; you wanted to hold on to it, to become attached to that sensation.
Observe that “Oggie” is not the cause of your attachment, but it merely triggers it.
That means that your attachment has always been there.
How do you feel towards your neighbor?
Even if the situation happened without a willingness to hurt “Oggie,” still there will be some resentment. Observe that.
Your neighbor only triggers that resentment already existing in you.
Is resentment “bad”? Do I need to do something to get rid of it?
No. Feel it. Let it go.
Observe that every sensation will invade “you.” Allow it to be … and let it go.
All of the above is observed without a “moral” standard in our minds, without a belief; because otherwise, you will repress it, reject it.
When we observe, we do not react, take action. Yes… the thing happened but let me see how is that affecting “me.” Just observe. Become aware. Take things slow.
“I feel like killing my neighbor.”
Allow that feeling to be. Discover who you are at that time. It will go away, if you ALLOW it.
Who is holding on to that emotion?
The sense of “I.” The “I” will feel diminished. The “I” needs to “get even.”
Allow that emotion to be there. Let it go. If you hold on to it, you will be nurturing it.
Any healing requires observation. Why?
Because unless we are looking at Life, at the event, from a different perspective in a non-emotional way, we will be stuck in one particular way, “My” way, my perception.
What is a non-emotional way?
It will be the one of the pizza delivery guy, who was there seeing when “Oggie” was hit by the car.
Why his sadness does not build up as much as yours?
Because his “I” is not as involved with Oggie’s life.
The pizza delivery guy did not get “things” from Oggie that you did.
Ultimately, what you will miss are those moments that “Oggie” was able to fulfill.
It is your own neediness what is being discovered.
A “black or white” person will say: “It is not good to have pets because when they die, we suffer.”
That type of mentality is a religion in itself.
NO! It is not about denying things but in being able to discover that “I” who is “needy,” in need of different things. The “I” who has a “right” to control Life and not allowing it to be.
That discovery is “You.”
Who am I?
A soul, a body. A spirit?
The events of Life will allow you to see who you really are, if you observe them.
Healing of emotions occur at that level. We may discover that our emotions are being triggered by different events in Life. What comes out, is “Me” at that point in time. No way to hide it.
Do you want to get “better”? What would you like to repress today?
Observe. Find out. It is all in “you.”