Tagged: self-respect
Intense relationships
“Intense” is the word used to denote the “highs and the lows.”
How do you know that you are in an intense relationship?
Look at the mirror. You may see a shadow of your former self.
Your vibes will be low. Your anxiety high.
The intensity of going from one extreme into another becomes an addiction as when a drug addict has anxiety towards his “fix.” That period of anxiety is the price to pay for getting the “high.”
Is it worth to get that high?
For an addict it is. For a person without the addiction, it will be a moment to enjoy and to let go.
What is the intense relationship setting showing us?
The need to feel loved. Typically someone in an intense relationship has their self-esteem and image depending on what others “make them feel.” They will become trapped in the sensations that will satiate their inner void.
That sensation, they will call love or to fall in love; nevertheless, love is away from them for there is no love in dependency, in need.
A partner acting as a trigger allows for the intensity to outburst. That emotional intensity is inside the person experiencing an intense relationship.
Intense relationships are known for bringing the duality of pleasure and pain to the outmost.
Many emotions will be felt in such a relationship: Fear, control, anxiety, breaking down with impotence of not being able to “fix things.” Likewise; tenderness, pleasure, closeness…but not in day to day living but in moments.
A physical or emotional disease is the outcome.
Intense relationships are not “bad.”
They will show us our limits and our vulnerabilities.
To continue in such a relationship in the name of “love,” is like pulling the trigger of a pistol pointing at our heads, in the name of “peace.”
What is the solution?
It is embodied in a name. It is called “Courage.”
Just like an addict needs courage to step out of the addiction, a person living an intense relationship will need the courage to get out, to cut that thread which is self destructive.
Just look at the mirror.
That takes will power. That takes guts and self-respect.
Life may bring help, but the choice to get out of that situation is completely ours.
Courage is not something that we could ask someone to have for us.
Courage is the energy that needs to flow from our beings and our hearts to step out from the ditch that we have digged with our need to be loved. The lover arrived but the lover wasn’t loving… but we took it anyway.
Self-respect is the first step towards knowing love.
The “tricky” self-respect
Self-respect and self-esteem are “key words” that could be used to refer to the same thing: A sense of being worthy. Although psychologist may disagree; the semantics is irrelevant once we have a point of reference to discover those words in our experience.
In the consciousness of individuality, we have 2 “bi-polar” states: High self-esteem and low self-esteem. Very few could experience a steady balance.
Typically, to be “high” means to have a great ego: That person is the “center” of the world, the most important item after no one, the navel of the Universe, if you would… 🙂
In that state of ego-centrism, there should be a way to bring that ego down to a more manageable level, right?
That has been the task of religions.
“You are an impure, degraded sinner. You should feel ashamed of yourself. Ask for forgiveness, you sinner!” Sounds familiar? 🙂
There is a God who loves us, just as WE ARE. BUT, He wants us to change, to become better…otherwise, we will be punished…. We need to understand the following: To obey God is for our own good. We need to make the “right” choice…otherwise… well… 🙂
The issue is that to “shape up” or change is not a matter of making a “choice” as religions try to put it; but it is a matter of realization, that is consciousness, awareness. When there is realization, there is no need to choose.
Apparently religions went a bit too much in their “sinner” pitch throughout hundreds of years, developing guilt along with a sense of being unworthy in followers and by default, in the human psyche.
Oops! 🙂
In that setting, the concept of “self-respect” appeared as a necessity to “fix” things.
Donald Duck feels like a worthless little duck. BUT once he found out that the multimillionaire, Scrooge McDuck; the richest duck in the world, was his direct relative; then at that point Donald thought of himself as being “someone” worth of respect. After all Donald Duck, belongs to the McDuck clan.
Note that Donald’s “self-respect” is based on the existence of someone else. In another setting:
“You should have self-respect because you know God.”
Q: But what about if Donald Duck had “something” in him. Could that “something” give him self-respect?
A:That will give him more ego.
Q: So, we should have nothing to avoid ego?
A: No. Something does not give you ego unless you think that you are worth “something” because of that.
In the consciousness of individuality, the quality and amount of “self-respect” that an individual may have is in direct proportion of inner knowledge, that is:
“Donald, Do you know yourself?”
Donald: “Yes I do. I am a computer programmer working for one of the finest computer firms in the world. I like chocolate and Lamborghinis… I am a caring, down to earth guy…”
That sort of “knowing yourself” brings a certain consciousness. “Self-respect” for that individual will be totally different than someone who has a deeper insight in the self.
Do we see the historical game of increasing/decreasing ego? It is the game of going from one extreme to the other. A “Bi-polar” game. 🙂
How is “self-respect” viewed from the consciousness of Totality?
That word does not exist, for the greatness of discovering our own “nothingness” is that “everything” is all that exists and “we” are part of that.
Thus, we could hear some “irrational” words such as: “By being nothing, we gain everything.”
Because there is “no-self,” there is automatically, respect, esteem, etc.
Our consciousness will dictate our experience.
Questions chosen to be answered for May 20,2013
Questions for May 20,2013
Om Shanti Bhaiya/Behen, I am 2 year old of Baba’s child. I am learning to churn the knowledge and I usually come up with many questions. One of the Bk brother suggested me this blog, and hence I am writing to you. Few of my questions are: 1. When the sanskars are recorded in the atma, why should we be soul conscious? Irrespective of soul conscious or body conscious, it is the sanskars that we enact. All that we do is based on these sanskars only. Then why should we be soul conscious and what is the importance of this? 2. How does the action be always right when we are soul conscious? 3. What Is the difference between being soul conscious and Swaman? 4. Is swaman necessary, even when we are in soul consciousness? Which practice becomes more important as the first thing in the early morning? Practice of different swaman’s or the soul consciousness? 5. How do I start looking life as a drama? i would also like to know, where can I find the replies – will they be published in the same blog or mailed? Thanks for the replies in anticipation.. From Baba’s child, Anupama
Dear soul,
Thank you for your very good questions! You will find that many of the questions that you may have; already have been answered in the blog. All you need to do is search them by typing a keyword in the “search articles by keyword” box.
Yes, churning brings many questions; thus, you are churning; but also churning brings the answers as well for many of those questions as we go deeper.
On your first question:
1. When the sanskars are recorded in the atma, why should we be soul conscious? Irrespective of soul conscious or body conscious, it is the sanskars that we enact. All that we do is based on these sanskars only. Then why should we be soul conscious and what is the importance of this?
Answer: Are you a soul or a human being? 🙂 Both. Right? For if you say that you are a soul, then I would say; great… you don’t need to eat anymore. In this knowledge you will find that as we go deeper there is no just ONE answer but it all depends in our state of consciousness.
As you said, We don’t need to be soul conscious, there is no one forcing us to do so…it will happen anyway but not “now” for most. If it is in your fortune, you will become soul conscious “now” as the “sanskara” plays (as you mentioned.) Because we know about the law of karma, unless you “do” something, to get you out of “entropy” (coming down) then, things will keep on going down. No constant soul consciousness will happen by just sitting around. Your “doing “ becomes your future even though it is predestined as such. So, you “do” but it is predestined. This is called a “paradox.” Gyan is full of paradoxes.
According to Gyan, the time for soul consciousness is arriving. If you are aware of the “call of time,” then you will do the needful; otherwise; you will not; which is alright as well. The only difference is that the Drama is having “auditions” for soul conscious actors for the next 2500 years. If you are interested, you can “try.” If you don’t, you can be comfortably sitting in the soul world for those 2500 years where there is no experience of time. (That means that you will not experience that as a “long time.”) The “good news” is that you will experience soul consciousness in your first birth anyway, but then, entropy will quickly change that stage.
As you can see, there is no such a thing as “we should” be soul conscious. Everything is easy. Make your “choice.” 🙂 The importance of soul consciousness is in your awareness of experiencing a state of non-duality “now” rather than “later.”
2. How does the action be always right when we are soul conscious?
Answer: Because in soul consciousness there is no duality, the word “right” is not used. Words such as “right or wrong” are useless in soul consciousness. In soul consciousness you will flow with the Drama as a leaf floats in a river and you will be OK with your destination. There is nothing to fight against but just to enjoy the ride. Because you are flowing, your activities will be according to the call of time and according to your nature. Soul consciousness means egoless, and when there is no ego, activities will be egoless as well. That is what we call “right.”
3. What Is the difference between being soul conscious and Swaman?
Answer: Swaman (self-respect) is soul consciousness.
4. Is swaman necessary, even when we are in soul consciousness? Which practice becomes more important as the first thing in the early morning? Practice of different swaman’s or the soul consciousness?
Answer: They are both the same. It is an experience not a practice. We could practice things to experience; but “practice” by itself does not bring the experience.
The first practice that becomes important early in the morning as well as late at night is soul consciousness. Self awareness.
5. How do I start looking life as a drama?
Answer: By changing your vision, which comes automatically as you experience the self, soul consciousness.
Dear soul, in this knowledge; the experience of the self or soul consciousness is the single most important aspect. From that, we will understand everything else.
Best wishes!
Question: Dear Brother, How to remain tension-free/relax while taking responsibility?
Thank you for your great question!
Dear soul,
Serenity is a stage of consciousness which comes from the experience of the self on a regular basis. From that experience, anything else is colored by that serenity. You are not “taking responsibility,” you are playing…It is a game to be enjoyed with serenity.
Best wishes!
I found this question/churning on the internet while looking something, which I thought will be good to share…
1) The final stage of Remembrance
Baba says Nirandar – always remember me. And at the same time Baba says be in your Self Respect – Swaman Always.
Are these two sentences not contradicting?
If I remember Baba, My Intellect is involved in remembrance and when I am in swaman, my Intellect is aware of my original nature….
What does really Baba mean by the above two sentences?
Does it mean that when we are in remembrance, we are in swaman or when we are in our swaman, we are in remembrance of Baba?
When we remember Baba and surrender every fikr – worries, thoughts (when I surrender everything to God including mind, how can I have thoughts on my own), then we become Befikr – worriless keeping our Intellect free, by which I am able to stabilize in my Self respect – swaman giving sakash to the whole world, being in my original form, being a Narayan…..
So it is like, Based on our remembrance of Baba we achieve Swaman. Like when the child knows that his parents (Baba) are there with him, he is able to carry out his studies (being in swaman) without any botheration for food, money, shelter. The remembrance of Parents are merged in Child’s mind that because of that remembrance the child is able to concentrate himself on his studies.The remembrance is Natural.
The conclusion may be , We can achieve Swaman only if we remember Baba and have full confidence – Nischay in Baba and His Powers (Baba says He even changes the Karmic sins-accounts for the ones He is responsible because He knows the secret of Karma). And when we are in Swaman , it is only due to awareness of Baba and His actions.
Your clarifications please……………….
Avyakt7 responds:
Aha! Great churning by that soul…
The experience of soul consciousness is to remember the Father as many times have been expressed.
The answer is not one or the other, (remembrance of Baba or being Swaman) but both at the same time which become one.
In soul consciousness there is that Oneness.
Question: How do I create my self respect? Some people make fun of me and don’t like me and I feel like I’m not very good.
Thank you for your question!
Dear soul,
You didn’t share as to why people make “fun of you.” but if you find the reason why, “look beyond the surface,” that which you find common between you and others, that is what you need to experience to create that self respect that you are looking for. “Be nothing and you will be everything.” That is be empty, feel the void of your true nature, the soul; and there is nothing that others could make fun of.
Below some articles that you may find interesting about self-respect.
Best wishes!
Question: Could you please explain the difference between Respect Vs Fear for elder/superior/boss? Since, many times I may mix up these emotion and may not develop good relationship with elder/superior/boss?
Thank you for your great question.
We are so used to giving the definition of those 2 words and analyzing them so we can compare them and then come up with an answer based on the game of “words.”
When there is fear there is no love. If there is no love, you cannot respect anyone.
Therefore, respect will emerge automatically once fear is gone.
Fear will be gone in your case, when you do not see people as your “boss/elder/superior,” etc.
They may have those roles, but love is between soul to soul, not role to role.
Fear from losing a job, from being screamed at, from being treated “disrespectfully,” are the issues. We are still looking for “self-respect” on others approval. That takes away our freedom to be.
These are the issues that I would like to suggest to consider.
Thank you.
Best wishes!
Is about me or about you?
When we decide to become “good” and call ourselves “spiritual” we start our study by realizing that there are 2 individuals: “Me” and “you.”
In that realization we come up with rules, guidelines and traffic laws to respect each other, to acknowledge each other with hope that we may have a healthy relationship. However, the division has been made: There is “you” and there is “me.” Let us compromise so we can live together. That is spirituality 101.
As we “grow” we realize that every person acts as a mirror. Therefore, it is “me” surrounded by many mirrors. I am only able to recognize something as “good” or “bad” in others, because I have experienced that same trait in myself. As long as I am thinking ” she shouldn’t do that” we are still in the “you” and “me” syndrome of neat laws and magical compromises; but when all I see is myself being reflected by others, then the realization is obvious.
Why do I react? Did I feel insulted? Did I feel proud? All reactions which have the ability to make me feel “good” or “bad.”
At this point, we can see that “giving respect to others” is in the realm of Spirituality 101.
It is all about Self-respect and not being manipulated like a puppet by pride and defamation; the forces of duality. This is spirituality 201. All that exists is “me” and my own mirrors.
Then comes Spirituality 301, when we realize that “me” is an illusion. It is not longer “me” and my mirrors, but “us.” We are all together in this. That togetherness is just separated by my illusion of “me” being distinct and different from anyone else. We are the same but with different roles to play. 🙂
“Me” brings fear. “Me” brings ego. “You” is another ego booster. Between 2 egos, only war can happen.
When finally “me” is gone, there is peace. There is no one to fight. 🙂
Perhaps we can accomplish that without “killing” ourselves…
It takes an “angel” to understand the “devil.”
Points in Depth: Love and more LoVe…
10. On Love, “real” love and the “Beloved.”
“Love is everything.”
To share experiences in the spiritual path has tremendous value to figure out the “ big puzzle.”
We have experiences and knowledge gives us the “map.” Many times we do not follow the map, but we are in agreement with the map after having walked the “destination” of the experience.
This awkward way has benefit, for it supports the validity of spiritual knowledge.
Here we start:
Thanks to the experiences of a friend of mine ( an exquisitely, generous warm heart-ed being of light) had the following realizations.
When we say that God “purify” us through yoga or transform us through a “connection,” we may describe what we perceive however, the actual “happening” may not be correct.
God respects every being. That respect is based on allowing a particular being to be as it is meant to be.
When we say that God is “changing” me, that is inaccurate. God couldn’t do that because that goes against respecting the current state of spiritual development and experience of a being. God business is not to “change” people. That is why we have society for.
God doesn’t knock doors. He is just waiting there, outside. Not only that but, God cannot change someone according to what HE is…that is lack of respect as well.
Puzzled?
Then, how that “inner transformation” happens?
God is like a big reflective mirror. God enhances those qualities which we already have. That is Raja Yoga.
When I connect with Baba, what is in my heart, in my being will be enhanced as I receive that energy back in that communication, soul to soul. God is not adding anything to it or subtracting it, putting His “own things.” Those things which are soulful, those virtues, that love is what we ARE. It is just enhanced on the “way back” so we can recognize who we ARE. 🙂
What is the proof of that?
When we had a blissful, fulfilling experience in yoga, we feel happy, elated, we try to remember it, but …. we forget.
On the other hand, have you ever experienced the feeling of “meeting” your soul-mate? I mean, that person who alters all your hormones and make you feel “good,” elated, alive, etc?
This is what is known as “falling in love.”
You really fall. It becomes neediness.
Have you experienced the pain of not being close to that “loved one”? Have you experienced how your heart feels? Have you felt the pain?
Have you ever been able to forget that person? 🙂
Even though we are in pain through “falling in love,” we have not been able to forget that person.
Therefore, How can we forget BABA? How can we forget God if we had such a good yoga experience?
That is because Baba only shows you who you are.
And… we forget who we are…. 😉
Remember me alone, so you can remember yourself.
This is not about being dependent on God and “singing His praise.”
God is showing you who you are. Think about it.
Your “soul-mate” on the other hand; is showing you what you lack, what you need and … is fulfilling that and taking it away from you at any time… That is why, there is suffering and then craving, and then we cannot forget. We remember that which we need to feel complete.
The Drama is good:
Be thankful that someone is showing you what you need. Be determined to “be” that which you found is lacking in you. This is the meaning of learning through an experience in life.
Love to God Transforms. It is “self transformation” through “magnification.” God is complete. Therefore a “mirror.”
Love to others, “regenerate.” It allows us to feel life and feel fulfillment through love. The issue is that many feel that love is a transaction. Love is something to trade, to give but expecting something back, in return. Love is to possess, to expect, to use…. That idea, that attitude kills love. Degenerates it. To avoid consequences on this aspect so we do not “shut our heart down,” there is love to the self, that is “self-respect.”
To know love starts with self respect. Just like to know God, we need to know the self.
Everything starts in the self. Life is just a mirror to show us who we are at every second, at every moment, half a moment, etc. Life is constantly showing us who we are.
You’ve got to love that!
Exploring the Depth of Living 