Understanding male sexuality #3 – Energy
It came to my attention, that there was a sensationalist “news” that a woman “is having sex with ghosts and prefer them than humans.”
Those “news” have been existing for many centuries. “Ghosts” do not have physical sex organs but are able to give a woman a pleasurable time while men get caught up with the size of the penis as a sign of virility.
Those ghosts are called Incubus and Succubus.
Some individuals want to “try” this. These individuals have no idea as to why this happens, but they want some of that, for they are curious or perhaps they have an unfulfilled sex Life. Unable to be fully intimate with a person, a “ghost” will serve conveniently as a pleasurable “sex toy,” although with a hefty price.
When a person suppresses and represses different emotional aspects, that is a sign, that this person does not love himself. Their aura field, displays energy which is attractive to these “ghosts.” Those “ghosts” are not there to get “orgasms” with humans. They are there to feed themselves with the energy of their prey and in the process, change many aspects of the human they are using, including taking away their vitality.
Those “ghosts” are like vultures, scavenging from the sorrowful, repressed energy of some humans. That is their nature, thus those ghosts are not “evil” just like a vulture is not “evil.” In exchange, those individuals will be experiencing high levels of sexual pleasure, but there are some inconvenients:
“Ghosts” come and go as they wish. Typically they will disturb the deep sleep of their victims, that is when the victim is most vulnerable. Typically, victims will be perplexed as everything seems like a dream. As the “ghost” is accepted, then times will vary but the “ghost” is in control.
There will be a high level of addiction. Many will even confuse that with “love.” They even call that a “relationship.” All misleading terminology missing the “big point”:
There is no self-love.
To illustrate, these “ghosts” have visited many religious temples filled with nuns and monks over centuries. Their “holy” repression was an instant attraction for these “ghosts.”
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be celibate all your life. Nothing wrong with believing that this will take you closer to God. However, if we are not honest and we repress, then there will be consequences.
Since the immense majority of these experiences have no evidence for others to confirm, a “holy” temple could also be the biggest brothel, in the name of God.
Our society has another infantile idea: “The more a man ejaculates, the better.” Women may even count the times her man ejaculates. “Let us compare the numbers. Run the stats.” The hidden side of it is a lost vitality. As the man attempts to “impress” a woman (although the woman may not experience sexual fulfillment,) his vitality goes away as well as his interest for that woman. What is the consequence? He will look for another woman, for newness will inspire him to get back to the former “stats,” until one day there is no more “juice” to continue on. Then, a pill from science may do the trick and in the process, take away more energy from an already depleted man.
Sexual energy is the glue for a relationship of love, when there is full emotional involvement. For most, sexual energy is just another form of entertainment, a new way of excitement, something to try when it itches, like watching a renown, expensive play. How many times could you afford to watch an expensive play? How many times per week? We will lose money although we may enjoy ourselves; but in our sexual life, we are losing our energy, our lives.
That is how silliness entered our minds and labeled sex as “bad and dirty.” Some looking for a culprit, wanted to avoid ejaculation at all costs and yet others, wanted to forbid sexual pleasure and replace it with shame and guilt. All of that is in our DNA, for it has been going on for centuries.
As many things in Life, balance is the key, but there cannot be balance when we are addicted, repressed or needy. It is in that realization how we start our journey in Tantra, by healing those traumas first, and not by learning “techniques, methods and secrets.” Those are for childish minds.
The gist of Tantra
In a word Love. In a phrase: Harmony between BEING and non-BEING. In a paragraph: Acceptance, acknowledgement, respect of what you are and what you are not, through the AWARENESS of constant change in LIFE. To love Life in all its manifestations is Tantra.
To “practice” the above means not to understand.
BEING that, is the outcome. Not the goal. Tantra does not have any goal, nothing to achieve. Nothing to become, for if there was the goal above anything else, there will be lack of respect for what we ARE now.
That is why, it has been shared that Tantra is not for the collective consciousness, the masses.
The collective consciousness is heavily conditioned to pursue a goal, an objective. To achieve something in Life.
The collective consciousness is obsessed with BEING someone “special” in Life. Everything they pursue whether worldly or “spiritual” has to give something in return to be worth: Enlightenment, fame, money, prestige, eternal salvation, etc.
With that general consciousness, to distort the spirt of Tantra is unavoidable.
We can only understand based on the type of consciousness that we experience now.
Tantra will happen to you when your consciousness is ready.
Our society has equated Tantra with sex, for Tantra acknowledges the complete human experience, including sex; while most religious systems simply ignore or deny sexuality.
For a sexually repressed society as ours, that was the attraction of Tantra.
Ahnanda shares about sexuality and Tantra; not because he has read about it or because he is certified or had extensive studies in “spirituality” or “Tantra.” Ahnanda is not a teacher. He does not share information.
Ahnanda shares his experiences, because in this Life time, he is experiencing the complete range of that particular experience.
That “knowing” had a price that money cannot buy.
In my experience, things will occur according to the readiness of our consciousness. Therefore, the beginning phase into Tantra is to acknowledge who we ARE now.
That means to OBSERVE, become AWARE of our mental conditioning, our beliefs, our emotional traumas. Those are the blockages for opening up in consciousness.
The outcome of that inner work will be to let go of our anger and violence which are the main energies, supporting everything we DO in Life, including sex. Thus, as we ARE sex will be. Anger and violence are defense mechanisms of the “I. “
Without this previous work, we could only enhance our sexual pleasure through techniques and methods; but rest assured that, that is not Tantra.
In Tantra, the temple is Nature. The “teachers” are the different beings: The Sun, the Ocean, animals, plants, etc. All of them have something for us to learn. That is openness to Life, acknowledgement of what IS. Those teachers, will help us into our de-conditioning.
BE there, to feel their presence. BE there so that will BE part of you.
Allow for Life to show you your particular path, be open to it unconditionally. There is nothing to achieve. No goals. Just BE what you are meant to BE… Life is change and so are you.
This may be known as the “TAO,” or “TANTRA.” Just words to express our inner discovery in this journey known as LIFE.
Love Life from the heart. That is the essence.
The Tantric misunderstanding
Tantra is not for the masses. A “tantrica” is not born by taking on-line “master classes.” Tantra is not about “better sex” either. Nor a “system” or “philosophy” to expand consciousness. There is this belief on being “liberated” from conditioning, by speaking freely about sexuality in a society that views sex as a taboo.
Tantra “Goddesses” will appear selling different “services.” They become “Tantra teachers” after attending a few classes and paying their fees to be “certified.” There is no much there to show their level of consciousness, but it is thought, that their sexual prowess is the proof of their “mastery.”
We don’t hear too much about “gods” of “tantra.”
It is a steep job description: A man that can have sex as many times as he wishes and ejaculate only when he wants, without using “technology,” “pills”or any “techniques.” That is a “natural.”
Due to that level of “mastery,” we do not hear too much from them. If they sell “techniques,” rest assured they aren’t “naturals.”
The above is pretty much the collective belief about Tantra.
However, for the ones who are ready in consciousness; Tantra is a whole different thing. When a true Tantric couple is united by destiny, Sex has a different meaning: It is the way to discover Love by going beyond the limits of self.
According to my reliable “sources” there was in history an example of such a tantric couple. They are well known, although; the term “Tantra,” probably wasn’t known by them.
Would you like to know who they were? They were well known for their divinity:
Jesus of Nazareth and Mary Magdalene.
It makes perfect sense. Consciousness brings the “Tantra” experience.
I am sharing this knowing that some may be revolted by this “heresy” that goes against established beliefs.
But for those who are open to “do their homework,” this may be “good news.”
Tantra IS in that sort of “divine” consciousness.
When we ARE NOT there, then “techniques,” “methods,” “practices,” “rituals,” etc . are taught. The focus is only sex. Although, pleasure maybe enhanced, there is no “open door” in their consciousness to go beyond self.
A man cannot fully surrender to the sexual experience or Life itself, if he was made a “master” through the use of “techniques.”
Just like “Yoga” is not what is practiced in the gym near you; Tantra is not a new fashionable method to have sex and “improve” consciousness… However, there are individuals claiming benefits from those “practices,” thus, everything is good.
Everyone aligns to a particular thing according to their consciousness. Thus, many times what we think “IS,” it may not be. It is in that experience of recognizing change, and not denying it or defending old beliefs; how change happens, how consciousness “expands.” 🙂
To take a glass of wine or beer once in a while, is not a problem. Someone in that experience will not need to know “Dry January.” Those who are lost in alcohol, will surely experience what “Dry January” is. An extreme brings another.
Same principle applies with sexuality and celibacy.
For most individuals, sex has 2 main functions: Reproduction and fun\pleasure. There are more functions in sexuality, only known/experienced by few.
Most men are unaware that their vitality is embodied in their semen. The importance of this vital energy will be seen as the individual ages.
Most individuals are incapable of regulating their excitement and need to ejaculate. Due to the “macho”/”stud” conditioning, many men are depleted of their sexual energy, then; when they reach their 40-50- 60s they lack vitality.
What was the solution for this problem?
Nowadays, it is a “blue pill” which will take the person into further depletion or in other terms: it will submerge the person into greater vitality debt.
Before the “blue pill,” there was the natural means: Celibacy.
It was thought that by “not doing it,” a person will lose interest. Religions tried to sublimate the sexual urge by “purifying” a relationship through love of God or condemning sexuality and the “pleasures of the flesh.”
However, there cannot be celibacy when the individual is repressing and denying his own sexuality.
Celibacy is not repression. However, celibacy could be used as medicine to restore the vitality of an individual. When an individual is running in deficit, celibacy is not a repression, but a needed “practice.”
Some individuals believe that celibacy is only to abstain from sexual relationship with another; however, it is as well to abstain sex with yourself.
Nevertheless, the important factor is for the man to maintain its semen as much as possible, and not to abstain from human touch, feelings and pleasure.
It is easier to maintain a “black or white” posture: No sex, no touch, no pleasure and to disseminate the message that this “practice” is “spiritual.” However, most; at least 99% of individuals will repress to comply with this “spirituality.”
Since the above may be too restrictive; sex, touch and pleasure were allowed by some religious/ spiritual systems; but not ejaculation at all.
What was the outcome? Utter pressure. Sex was no longer enjoyable as someone has to “watch” for the moment of “no return.” Then guilt sets in, for that “failure” and the consequences of it.
The “reality” of human sexuality is that we cannot put all human beings in the same basket. We are all different and those differences will change in time: A 60-year-old is very different than a 20-year-old. A society will teach them to comply with some belief or some moral ideal, but the teaching does not cover to be AWARE of ourselves.
If a human was AWARE of himself, he will know to walk the “middle way” and to put himself in that path as Life turns into different streets. That “middle way” is never the same; nevertheless; it is the natural way. Most are prey of social/peer pressure, collective beliefs and nonsensical traditions which endanger their own well-being. That is the path of extremes.
Celibacy is as good and necessary as Sex is. They can complement each other. It all depends in timing, setting and circumstances. The keyword is “Balance.” To “practice celibacy” means for a limited time. Typically, we don’t “practice” sex. Naturally, we ARE sexual beings, but according to who WE ARE, we could manifest love and care through sex, OR lust and violence.
When celibacy is natural, it is no longer celibacy. Anything “practiced” with repression, will NEVER be natural.
Semen is Life. Through that we give Life to another. Your Life, your vitality depends on keeping that energy.
How many times a month shall I ejaculate?
You are missing the point. Discover what works for you. Be sensible, aware of what your body tells you. Change when there is a need. Forget about the “scientific research,” of what should be “normal.” Feel the balance. What is natural does not rely on numbers and formulas.
Sex and celibacy are the complete human sexual experience. They are ONE.
Fight to survive
Our society is built upon the idea of separation. There has to be a nemesis to make our Life interesting, to have a purpose.
Humans have developed their little colorful country flags, their little national anthems and the idea that they are “representing” something “special” over everyone else. That sense of identification is misguided through chauvinism.
It is team A against team B. It is “Me” and what I am identified with, against everything else.
To separate, we could use jerseys of different colors, the color of our skin, or ideas. Anything helps to make a separation.
That idea of separation is in our core. When “I” am not representing “my” country, “I” am representing my town, my church, my political party, my “ism,” my race, my social status, my education, my age group, my sexual identity….
It is that idea the one that needs to be flushed out from our system for the repercussions are tremendous. This is a matter of consciousness.
I can litter the streets because those are not “mine.” It is “my” country but my separation mode is different now. Among same countrymen, the streets, the Ocean, the air are not “mine.” Those are “mine” only when someone from another country, someone “different” wants something with them.
That is the stupid idea deeply ingrained which books do not talk about, nor the priest, the religion or the politician.
Those only “talk about” peace, unity, love… Cheap talk.
When we ARE separation, how could we be united? By DOING something?
That conditioning of “survival of the fittest” is flawed as most humans believe it is.
“I” cannot survive without the other things around for the “other” things are truly part of “I.”
Pollute the air, pollute the Ocean, displace animals from their habitat… What happens then?
In our society, economic interests are first. We live in this human made realm to compete. That is our fight to survive.
That is the extension of the conditioning.
With the above in mind, how a man will act with a woman when united in sexual intercourse?
Deep down it is a fight. A competition. A struggle to subdue the other. It comes natural! Although we may label that as “love” or “making love,” or use another “nice” label. We cannot hide who we ARE.
Anything a “modern” conditioned man DOES will only reflect who he IS.
So, am “I” preaching to “change,” to be someone else by “practicing” some idea? NO. I am merely stating my perception. It is just a perception.
Change does not happen when I try to DO the opposite of what “I” understand to be “wrong” to make it “right.” That is infantile.
Change happens when I can clearly see who “I” AM without any additional emotions to defend or condemn myself. Just SEE it completely.
For as long as we do not SEE it, we will only believe it or we will not.
We will add yet another belief in our deep and huge bag of beliefs, that sooner or later will be lost in forgetfulness. All we will have left then, is another “nice” talk about Love, Peace, Compassion, Unity, etc.
The mind can live with the ideal, but “reality” cannot.
Tantra certification anyone?
That is an invention of our business oriented society. “Certifications” in “spirituality” are completely meaningless.
Tantra is not a bunch of information and “techniques” to “improve” sex. That idea could be sold to the masses as certification, but it is meaningless, as far as BEING Tantra.
Tantra is not for the masses, for the collective consciousness. Tantra is not something that we learn through books or classes. Tantra is a discovery as our awareness moves to a different space of consciousness. It is the reward of having lived through the polarity of experiences of many life times. It is not something to accomplish by paying a fee for a webinar or by joining an ashram.
Picture this: We sign up for a class and watch a video of the instructor having sex. What is the teaching? THIS is how you have sex! All you have to DO now is follow the instructor. That is how it works in our society: Follow the “expert.” In religions, “follow the guru.” There is an issue with that: Who you ARE is not acknowledged. What matters is to BE like someone else.
To be a fake, a knock-off is the teaching.
Someone IS anger and lust, but is taught that if he follows the “technique” correctly, he could be a “good” lover.
Someone IS cruel and violent, but we want for him to follow the compassion of Buddha.
That will not happen. BEING compassionate or loving is not a DOING. It is not a rehearsed “practice,” it is not an imitation.
Through Tantra, we let go of the mind. Without this requisite, our capacity for pleasure is limited. If our pleasure is limited, there is no fulfillment.
Of what good a technique is, when our capacity to feel pleasure is hindered?
Our capacity for pleasure does not depend on a particular activity. It is a way of BEING away from the mind, but in balance… Open to feel.
Sex is not the first thing to “talk” about in Tantra. It may be the last thing in the “subject” of Tantra, and that comes naturally and not by using techniques of any kind. It is a process like anything natural in Life.
Tantra is about BEING and NON-BEING and that cannot be given to someone through words.
Most of the articles written by Ahnanda in this blog, are about Tantra; but these are not on “how to have sex” or “how to last longer,” or “how to be a good lover.” These sharings, are not teachings.
How could someone in society, who is heavily conditioned; could experience the depth of human sexuality? That individual may need to discover and acknowledge who he IS “now,” rather than to follow some ideal of how he SHOULD BE. That person may need to be aware in such a way, as to see for himself all the beliefs, hang-ups, ideals and conditionings surrounding that which we call “I.” That liberation from that mind-driven “I” will give the empty space for pleasure and enjoyment to emerge naturally in Life, which otherwise is restrained by a conditioned mind.
Tantra is not to be taught through words, but shared through presence. It is a path for self-realization when the person is “ready” and that means, that it may not happen when “I” want it.
De-conditioning in Sexuality
As we may be aware, our society is the greatest source of conditioning. All of us have made that society throughout time. Our rules, regulations, laws, moral standards help us survive as a group, but at the same time; they could hinder us individually, in inner growth.
I am not saying that society’s conditioning is “bad.” This conditioning is necessary up to a point. Once we become aware of it, our path for de-conditioning will start. This path does not deny and reject our previous conditioned self. This path integrates all experiences: I wouldn’t be able to BE who I am now, without the experiences of who I was before. This openness, will allow us to perceive continuous newness in Life through change.
In “Tantra for the masses” as taught by “certified” individuals, the emphasis is on sex. They have “tips,” methods, practices to “improve the sexual Life of the client.”
Observe that all of that information, is put on top of a conditioned person. De-conditioning is not to “know information.” It begins in an inner realization. That is why sexual fulfillment goes hand in hand with self-realization, as it is an immediate consequence of opening the “I” from its own web of attachments (ideals, beliefs, traumas, hang ups.) Sexual fulfillment is not necessarily in having sex, but it is never in denying it.
Our capacity for enjoyment of sexuality as a sacred time, starts in the enjoyment of our own bodies. Yes, our bodies will allow us to DO things and accomplish things but, the enjoyment of it is the necessary counterpart to live a balanced Life.
Every person has a different capacity to enjoy sexuality, a different perspective of it based on their own experience. That is what we need to acknowledge. The polarity of the range of experiences is always there, to be expressed by different people.
That is why, in sexuality as in Life; we may need to learn to acknowledge who we ARE. Observe our limitations. Observe how much our beliefs stop us from exploring our pleasure. Pay attention to that. Here is where sexual de-conditioning starts.
Pornography only shows the collective consciousness. It is not “bad” nor “good.” It is a mirror expressed by actors.
There is more to sexuality than using it to express aggressiveness, anger and lust. For most sexuality is only about pleasure, but in that there cannot be fulfillment.
Fulfillment is in the union of body-mind, spirit, the whole human being. Sensations of pleasure may be enough for most, but Sexuality is one of the paths to know Love. That is to go beyond “I.”
In another realm of sexuality, to abandon yourself without using the mind to “practice it,” but as a natural consequence of the experience; is a way to get out of our mind.
The ego-mind will keep us chained into our beliefs and standards. Openness, is to let go of what we believe to be ourselves.
Sexuality offers that experience.
Sexuality has many levels according to who we ARE. While we have been conditioned to find the “right way” to enjoy sex, we never stop and see who we ARE.
As we become aware of all of our “stop” signs from enjoyment of ourselves, we could observe that without this capacity for self-appreciation in all of our physicality (body-mind,) we could not be fully ready to love another human being.
We will add more “stop” signs to their experiences than “yield” signs. It is this lack of balance the one that will bring many issues in relationships.
Life will bring opportunities to go beyond our own definitions/standards. Those opportunities are the ones equipped to shape us into our next change, our next impersonation or role in Life.
As we cling to the “old,” we will cling to our mental unchanging definitions of ourselves. We are stuck.
Sexuality and “spirituality” are about allowing the Life energy within us to move on, to cycle through, as this has a regenerative effect, a healing effect. The size of the “I” will be the obstacle. To be AWARE of that, is openness.
Inside, we may allow ourselves not to be defined, despite the outside world of definitions. That is the harmonious “act.” 🙂