When individuals are trapped in the physicality of sex, the need to get rid of the sexual energy through 5 minutes of pleasure will be prevalent. For many, it is no longer enjoyable, but something that needs to be done to get back to “normal” life.
That “solution” may bring frustration as sexual energy tends to regenerate.
Others, may have a good amount of that sexual energy specially when young, nevertheless; their search for physical pleasure will unavoidably take that person in sexual energy “debt” in their older years. There will be lack of vitality.
Human sexuality as portrayed by pornography, typically shows aggression between partners. It is the frantic search for a solo pleasure even while with a partner. Violence is part of the setup, as it is to hit, grab and use abusive language towards a partner. It is a sweaty fight, where man and woman get out empty handed, for their vitality is lessened. In that consciousness, that performance is usually labeled as “great sex.”
At that level of human sexuality, there is no awareness of the subtle energies which are created during the sexual act.
The excitement of the body/mind is concerned in reaching a peak quickly, which is known as orgasm, without giving the opportunity for the subtle energies to settle their presence, and to become conscious of it.
There is no human behavior that shows best how we truly ARE, as human sexuality. There is no way to fake that, even while using “techniques.”
Even though so called “tantric practices” concentrate on “techniques” for the practitioners, the outcome is usually a phony event. That is no surprise as much “spirituality” is about faking the “now”: The goal is to BECOME in the “future” someone who we ARE not, some IDEAL. No guarantees. A technique will not do the trick.
Showing utmost respect and love of the sacredness of a partner is not something to fake by following the practices of a book, video or “master class.”
To be able to feel totally comfortable with ourselves and with another so the sexual embrace will be a slow dance, united by being overtaken by blissful energies which are building up through utmost relaxation… That is enlivening. That is a way to recuperate vitality.
I want some of that! How do I get it? What do I have to “practice”?
It is the process of refining BEING. It has nothing to do with sexual practices or techniques. Those techniques ARE, for those who ARE not.
Refining BEING from the gross to subtle is Tantra.
Self Love, enjoyment of sensuality, ability to surrender to the moment, awareness of sexual energies building feelings of love… All of that does not come through a book or a class.
Deconditioning of fear based attitudes and mental blockages through beliefs are part of the “work.” AWARENESS of inner feelings over mental conditioning.
Sexuality is only the outcome, the consequence of that “work.”
DOING, acting, performing what we ARE NOT, is the basis of inner dishonesty. Our whole mentality as society is based on that. We have forgotten to acknowledge BEING, but eventually, it catches up with us. That is when a seeker is interested in finding the TRUTH of Life, but unless his own inner dishonesty is faced first, there is no chance.
The TRUTH has been always within us. Human sexuality is only a manifestation of that truth.
Openness means lack of rejections, repressions. To acknowledge the existence of “what is;” because if it is, it has a reason to exist.
Tantra is not for everyone. It typically arrives towards the end of a journey of many lives.
Every suppression, every rejection, every emotional trauma had caused and nourished an entity inside us, which we call ego, the “I.”
That entity is not “bad.” It is the result of living many Lives without awareness. Through Tantra, that emotional energy which is defining our personality, collapses little by little and something new emerges, something which is able to integrate everything that is.
Sexual energy is part of that. Most individuals are only aware of sex as energy for reproduction or for recreational purposes due to the pleasurable sensations. The offset of that, is loss of energy as in Nature there is a subtle balance of dualities. That is known as harmony.
That is why, there is Tantra; to maintain that balance and enjoyment as much as possible.
Thus, this type of sexual energy has a different purpose: To increase vitality in the participants, to re-energize, to bond, to freed.
Because this is a discovery, it cannot be taught; but Life will bring the answers when we are ready for we are one with Life.
Sexual energy is repressed in our society for lack of understanding. One of the greatest gifts that Life has given us, is mostly feared as if it was a nuisance rather than a gift. Emotional traumas are part of most individuals at this time. That is how Tantra acquired a different reputation: Individuals who were not ready for the catharsis that implies self-realization, used Tantra as a “spiritual way,” a method to rationalize the indulgence in sex.
Please consider this: Any method to attain something, only shows that “naturally” we are not ready for it.
Tantra is not just about sex. It is about Life, and sex is part of Life. Nevertheless, most individuals are only concerned with the “techniques,” the “methods” to excel in sex according to their minds, without realizing that even if the individual is sexually satisfied, he cannot be fulfilled in Life.
The icing of the cake became the greatest thing to eat, but the belly is still hungry.
When emotional traumas, detrimental beliefs, hang ups are dissolved from ourselves, what is “natural” will arrive again. That innocence that many are looking to attain by DOING things, will be there. That peace, calmness, “going with the flow,” will arrive by itself. It is through this new being how sexual energy can flow naturally, as it is meant to be.
Wherever you are in Life is “good.” It is an unique experience of the range of experiences in Life. That experience will change and move on. It is never static.
Observe that the waters of the Ocean of Life are moving continuously, it is in that awareness how the realization of the uniqueness of the moment arises. That is all there is.
Anything the mind “thinks about” is just a cloud moving in the sky, taking your attention out of the Ocean. That cloud changes its form in your mind: It could be a position, power, riches, etc. all of those things valued in our conditioned mind… yet the Ocean is missed, living in the “now” is missed.
You can touch the Ocean, swim in it… but with a cloud, you can only do that with your mind.
Most humans at this time are caught with the cloud and even calling it: “My cloud.”
Tantra is awareness, for in awareness we are living life; appreciating this unique moment, tasting it.
The mind is concerned with a purpose, a reason, a goal for existing… That is the cloud. Ideals bring methods, laws, commandments, techniques to “achieve” the cloud.
That is the human condition: To live in the cloud of the mind, without a chance to taste the feelings of the Ocean of Life.
What is the “spiritual”change needed? To look at the Ocean and feel it with all your being. 🙂
“Avyakt 7, for the non intellectuals like me can u please elaborate on transformation of energy, how it can be done , how to develop the feminine side. I am also in the similar state and guilt is killing me. Please help.”
Dear reader, (question related to: http://avyakt7.com/2013/10/26/question-on-masturbation/) Transforming sexual energy into feelings Is not something that can be explained in a “1,2,3 steps.” It is a journey which varies according to the individual.
Same thing with becoming acquainted with your female side. Please note that avyakt7 is referring to universal feminine energies. This is not about acting like a female if you are a male. We are referring about energies here.
This is interesting to note for humans have interpreted spirituality as being related with the physical dimension. If a quick decision was needed, if strength was needed, then a male was used to represent that rather than “male” energy. Likewise, for spirituality; the passivity side of female energy is needed to become acquainted with feelings.
However, many have interpreted that to portray women as being more spiritual than men. It is in this duality of separation through physical characteristics where we can only go through extremes; that is at one time a male is the figure of spirituality whereas at other times, it may be a female. In reality there are women with more male energy than female energy. This can be easily observed in places where males are rejected.
Nevertheless as explained before, the main issue is to learn to feel. Let me give an example that hopefully you could relate with.
For example, many individuals believe that they “fall in love” with someone through “chemistry,” that is sexual attraction. If you have ever experienced that sensation, there cannot be a possible space for tenderness and generosity (feelings) when there is a need to release sexual tension due to sexual attraction. Songs have been written about this “love.” “I need you. I got to have it. You spark love in me..etc.” 🙂
Love is gentle, slow and complete, tender, harmonious. It is not just about sexual organs but it is about the whole being, a totality. If you have ever had that experience with someone, you know that sexual impulses are not the first thing to “take care of,” but there is more to it. There is enjoyment in the company. Enjoyment in sharing. Enjoyment in communicating. It is a different level of intimacy.
The reason why I am describing the above is so you could understand what I mean by feelings.
If there is no such a person in your experience, some may find those feelings with God according to their experiences or beliefs; while others with Nature.
The point is to feel beyond the pull of sexual attraction. That is accomplished when we are sensitive to beauty beyond the physical realm. This is the only task.
Not knowing your beliefs or setting in life, Avyakt7 would recommend Nature as that source of love that could teach you to feel with intensity again. Nature is always there and its beauty is Universal, beyond form. Be part of it. Merge with it. That is learn to love it.
Nature has both types of energies, male and female. Male is the Sun, the mountains. Female is the Ocean, the Moon.
Stop the thinking and let yourself be driven by that experience. Feel the water in your skin. Appreciate the Moon in the night.
Feet are the representation of the female energy in the body. Walk by the beach barefooted, the grass.
Be in touch with your body by practicing exercises which develop that female energy such as flexibility and harmonious movements. For example, hatha yoga (recommend yin yoga for it is gentle and very meditative) or Tai chi.
It is important to embrace female energy because that is where feelings are, which will balance the “male” side of things: The Sun, thinking, strength, action etc. Our society mostly embraces “male energy” creating an unbalanced personality in both man and woman.
As you “practice” you will discover new things.
Sexual energy sometimes builds up through self imposed violence towards the body. Please refer to the writing on “Sexual alchemy” (Under the “Awakening by Mathias” tab)
Life may give you other options to develop your sincere desire to overcome sex lust. In Avyakt7’s path, massage therapy was that option which appeared when Avyakt7 was ready.
Massage therapy is one of the most tender ways to relate with someone. It could be also used in the opposite way as to arouse sex lust as well. That is the challenge.
Dear reader, all there is to it is to feel deeply, to be in love with life and to wish to share the best in you with others. Let life show you the way, be open to it and become aware of yourself at every moment. Learn from your internal and external reactions.
You could meet someone’s energy with male or female energy: passive or active. You could learn to balance those energies in you.
In the Indian tradition, that being who has balanced those 2 polarities of energies is known as “Vishnu.”
Observe yourself in every interaction. Someone who is learning to ride a bike does not feel guilty when he falls down because he knows that he will learn to ride the bike sooner or later. To fall down is part of the process as long as it is a “genuine fall.” That guilty energy is detrimental, when what is required is to learn from the experience, to experiment, to try new things with sincerity and to live the moment with consciousness.
“I’m in knowledge about 16years, reading murli and doing yoga everyday, of course taking pure veg which cooked myself, doing amrit vela regularly, but still cannot control the lust, will masturbate to release the pressure, I know its bad, but I just couldn’t overcome it. Please give ideas, TQ”
Thank you for your honest question. The topic of masturbation has been dealt with in several writings in this blog and in the “healthy celibacy” blog as well.
First, let us not label masturbation as “good,” or “bad.” It is an action to obtain pleasure/release which comes with the loss of semen, which is raw energy capable of giving life.
Every action has a reaction. That loss will add up as the number of episodes increase and weaken you, physically, emotionally and psychologically.
The above is “normal,” in our society. Sexual energy is not known as energy but as something to give us pleasure…. Pleasure little treasure…
If you cannot “control” sexual energy obviously that energy will be stuck and will manifest somehow. By masturbating, you are merely getting rid of it, throwing it away; the key is to transform it.
That transformation happens through sensibility and openness of feelings. That is what yoga is for. Yoga is meant to develop your feelings. But is not the only way. Being in Nature and acquainted with the elements of Nature will bring that sensibility as well. As a male you need to develop your “ying” side your “female” side, that means the acceptance and discovery of that female side in you.
There is a mental component which you have not disclosed. There is something which triggers lust in you. Relate with that with feelings from the heart. Become acquainted in relating with feelings rather than thoughts.
Thinking about things, about images, about situations which bring that state of lust, need to be transformed into feelings and obviously those feelings have to be strong, “pure feelings.”
Note that we are not rejecting anything. We are not calling anything as “bad,” or “good.” Feeling guilty is a waste of time when we realize that everything is cause and effect.
We are just learning to transform the energy of lust into pure feelings from the heart, and that will happen when you have developed certain sensibility.
Feelings are the transformation needed for lust to be “controlled.”
Dear reader is your task to find the “how and what.”
Last suggestion: Allow yourself a healthy interaction with females (if that is the gender which attracts you) and learn to appreciate them and express that appreciation through feelings only. No need to talk. No need to think. No need to label anything… Just let those feelings out, let them expand, let them be you, in that way the energy of lust could be used in a more beneficial way.
Become a transformer of energies. Transform lust. Please do not reject it.