Tagged: sexual fantasies

Question: How to eradicate physical attraction?

Can you Please share your view point and a solution to the following spiritual problem:
I want to get rid of physical attraction from its root COMPLETELY. When we get attracted towards a good looking body, we feel full of thoughts like, wow what a good body, I wish I had him/her, I wish i could make him/her mine, followed by some sexual and normal usual fantasies. There is a huge feeling of discontentment with this kind of feeling, because end of the day, you don’t have him/her!!How to get rid of these two things? Physical attraction leading to discontentment!
Can dedicating yourself completely to meditation and the process of awakening/self realization help in this matter!

Thank you for your question.
For centuries, there has been misinformation about what is “spiritual.” The belief that a human being needs to act like a spirit or an angel to be “good” has been turning followers into masochists. This belief is so ingrained, that we will not realize how much harm we are inflicting to ourselves for the sake of following some man made, mind conditioned ideal.

You may think that Yogananda didn’t feel physical attraction or Buddha or Jesus or whoever, therefore “I “must DO it to be as “elevated” as they are.
That way of DOING spirituality is pure self-violence.

There is a process for everything in Life. It may be true, that the above beings did not feel physical attraction at some point in their lives, however; I can assure you that it wasn’t always like that.
Not to feel attraction is the result of allowing the process of feeling attraction.

Your mind and its conditioning believes that once you find the method to eradicate attraction, you will be “better off.”
That is an illusion.

Ahnanda knows that to feel physical attraction, is a gift of living Life through the manifestation of a human experience. OBSERVE what it does to you, how it takes you away from “you.” That magnet is not depending on you and your “choices”. It happens.
Rather than tasting the moment, you want to get rid of it because your mind interferes with the recurrent thought of possessing that which attracts you. As a little baby who cannot have what he wants, the mind will cry: “If I cannot have it, let me destroy what makes me desire another.”
That sort of destructive and violent mind is the one creating that sort of “spirituality.”

You feel attracted towards a good-looking body? Enjoy the experience. You want to possess that body?
Tell that person that. Tell that person that you only want her/his body.
Perhaps your mind may learn that there is more than a body to a person. Can I get the body and not the whole person? Why get the whole cow when I can milk it instead? After all Life is about ME… and that is why LOVE cannot be known at that point of our journeys. 

Many have gone through that “spiritual” route. Our society allows that. Pay for your desires. There are all sorts of bodies to select from.
Do you want to try that? That is the opportunity to satiate your fantasies. One “solution” is there. What is stopping you?

If you really want something, you ought to accept the consequences as well for whatever they are. Are you ready for that? One way or another, you will gain an experience in Life. Remember: Ultimately, WE DO what WE ARE for that brings full satisfaction.

Physical attraction does not lead to discontentment. The possessiveness in your mind does. Do you want the solution for that? Possess as much as you can. There will be learning in that experience.

You ask if dedicating yourself completely to meditation and the process of self-realization will help in this matter.

Definitely No. First go into your demons, into your possessive mind and your idealistic perceptions. Don’t run away into “nice” ideals.
Self-realization happens to you. It is not something that “you” DO or pursue for that to happen.  So, enjoy Life while that happens! 🙂

Oh yes… As we know, Love is the solution…  So you have 2 solutions to your “spiritual” question.  🙂

Question: Depression and Sexual fantasies

Dear Ahnanda
Please share your experience about depression and sexual fantasy. If someone is suffering with depression from long period what is life teaching to that person also if anyone is addicted to sexual fantasy how does it affects other beings and what is the solution to transform this energy for the common good.
Thank you very much

Thank you for your question. I will share from my experience.

In a nutshell, if a chemical imbalance then, medicine will help.
If an attitude due to feeling unfulfilled in Life, then to find a goal in Life may help, through a religion, an ideal or a group. If due to the influence of the environment including spirits, then it may be a necessary experience to go through in order to change. There are some people trained on those arts (spiritists/shamans) who may be able to help. Once the spirit is gone, depression will be gone as well.

As in the teaching of “polarity,” depression is one extreme of the experience. Elation/sexuality is the other. For some, to experience Life is to go through those experiences.

Let us say that someone is practicing Celibacy. The experience of sadness and even depression will help to maintain that practice of Celibacy, for the natural sexual urge (elation) will not be there. Thus, we could say that sadness and depression had a “reason” to be there.
Remember that every experience in Life has meaning. Once we go through the extremes, we may need to transcend that duality by integrating them in Life.
Therefore, if you know someone who is experiencing depression, become aware that this experience as “terrible” as it may seem, is necessary in the Life experience of that person despite the outcome. Also, it is influencing the Life experiences of those around a depressed person.

The other extreme of that experience of depression is the experience of sex in different forms. Someone who has been suffering to the extreme, will experience utmost pleasure and that is typically related with sexual pleasure.

Sexual fantasies are the outcome of an obsessive mind, trapped in the way it directs its focus.
That mind is suffering; then sexuality is that release into the other extreme until it becomes addictive.

Pornography is a type of sexual fantasy. Because men are typically more visual, that is the way the mind will be engaged into sex. “Sex is in the mind,” as preached by our mind addicted society. Similarly women may engage in sexual fantasy as that is the acceptable “outlet.” No one knows what is in your mind, except you.

It is interesting that you have asked a question which deals with 2 extremes of the same issue.
What is the issue?
The mind.

A boyfriend left Janet. She was in love with him. She was in pain. She looked for a close male friend for support. She had sex with him.
What was the issue? Her ego mind couldn’t take the pain.
Sex was used as the painkiller. The obvious “reason” could be “sugar coated” and Janet could explain her experience as “feeling a special bond” at that time with her friend.

In Sexual fantasies, the mind is obsessive with the sensation that sexuality brings to calm our inner suffering. We may not even be aware of it. It is a way of compensation.

Until we become aware of how our mind is taking us to fantasies as a way to escape from some sort of suffering, (which could be lack of sexual satisfaction among other things) then we can only DO things to try to mitigate what makes us feel “bad” about ourselves.
For example, we could join a group who labels sex as “bad.” Then our support group will be within the same extremist belief of our mind. We will feel good for some time… but then, the mind will change into the other extreme.

If we reject our fantasies, then we will make them stronger. The inner fight will only make us tired, without energy.
If we believe that our thoughts are “sinful,” then we will feel guilty.
If we believe that God disapproves of such sexual thoughts, we will feel in shame.

Observe how beliefs are affecting our Life. Sex is not shameful or “bad,” it is just that an out of control mind, will hurt itself through an addiction. The problem is not a sexual fantasy but the obsessive mind.

Others around may be able to feel the “vibes” of an overcharged but repressed sexual energy.

Perhaps some would like me to tell what to DO, right?
Do not repress sexuality.

We may learn that surrendering to pleasure is not a “bad” thing. The “bad” thing is to repress pleasure because our mind and hang ups, beliefs and traditions have taught us “not to lose control.” Sex without mind and thoughts, is a teacher of “No-I.” Sex with mind/fantasies/thoughts is the teacher of lack of satisfaction. Sexual pleasure is not of the mind.
There is more to sex that most people know about. But, we cannot transcend something that deep inside is suppressed and rejected.

Is the above “sinful” for some?
Then guilt, shame and a continuous fight with sexual fantasies will be there for us.
Anything we DO such praying, becoming busy, etc. will only be a distraction for some time until… the sequence repeats again… But stronger, lively… It is not a question of DOING something, but a question of observing and becoming aware of an obsessive mind.

We are not our minds. We could hear it speaking to us, but we do not need to listen… Moreover, it is an “illusion” if I call that mind “Me.”