I’m 20 years of age. I’ve have been trying to control my sexual desires and follow celibacy. But,sometimes I get infatuated or attracted to girls. The worst part is I get wet dreams once or twice in two months. I feel guilty of it and I hate it. I don’t indulge in any sexual acts(like masturbation or watching porn) like my friends. But, wet dreams is one thing which I couldn’t control.I usually sleep at 11 or 12 and wake up only after 7. I’ve tried waking up at dawn, but in vain. Even if I go to bed early and wake up at dawn, I feel very sleepy and drowsy for the entire day. So, I prefer going to bed at 11 and waking at 7. Can give me any suggestions on controlling wet dreams and preventing infatuation?Any tips for waking up at dawn without feeling sleepy for the entire day?
Thank you for your honest question.
You do not mention why you are “trying” to follow celibacy. That is an important aspect.
It is that a life style based on spiritual reasons, a psychological outlet from a personal issue, or just something momentarily?
Please do not feel guilty. It is a waste of time and energy and could only contribute to make this “issue” to continue on.
In the world of “normal people,” you are ahead in “awareness” and willing to find solutions. That will take sometime to try different things and see for yourself what works for you.
I will give you some suggestions:
Trying to control sexual desires is a sure way to fail in celibacy.
It is not by controlling how we can have a celibate lifestyle, but by transforming that sexual energy into something else. That refinement of energy comes with a change in your life style primarily.
Being vegetarian is a must. Developing feelings by being acquainted with the beauty of Nature, its sounds and colors is another strong help. Balancing your male energy with your own female energy is the last one and that can be accomplished with the help of Nature as well.
There are some activities which are considered “female” which you could participate to balance that energy: singing, dancing, hatha yoga, etc. Also the influence of the elements of Nature such as the Moon and the Ocean are considered of female energy. Have walks at night by the Ocean or a Lake.
Wake up early. 5 AM or 6 AM and gently exercise by doing pranayama and hatha yoga outdoors. Be out before everyone else wakes up.
Be aware on the position that you sleep. Facing up should help, for you should be aware that at dawn your sexual energy will naturally reach its higher point, especially at your age.
That is why, the practice of waking up very early is helpful (so that time period is skipped when you are completely conscious.) Take a nap in the afternoon. That is a healthy practice and that will take your tiredness away until you get used to getting up early.
You have not talked about the contents of your dreams. They could give you clues in what you need to take care of. If they are sexual dreams, you are repressing, rejecting and your unconscious mind is letting you know that.
It is important to spend regular time with Nature for that beauty will develop your feelings so the next step, which you mention as feeling attraction towards girls could be transformed.
Nothing wrong when feeling attraction for girls. Please keep that in mind. It is natural and it is positive if you have learned to transform the “normal” ways.
What you feel will be transformed in appreciation for that which you feel attracted to. Appreciation of beauty. Appreciation of a complementary female energy in front of you.
This blog and healthycelibacy.blogspot.com have plenty of information on the topic of celibacy. I invite you to search those articles in this blog by using that keyword (celibacy) and you are encouraged to ask about this topic if you have further questions.
What is Lust ? How Is sex-lust different from taste-lust (wanting to eat tasty dishes) or cloth-lust (wanting to wear fashionable clothes) ?
Thank you for your great question!
Lust is basically a desire to possess something for self gratification. As you realized there are many forms of lust which typically are expressed through a sense organ.
Sex lust will be expressed through sexual organs. That is the focus of it. However, there are many steps which lead into it which are part of the experience of lust. A thought, an emotion all of that will bring that desire to possess, then other sense organs will become involved in it.
A person who is overcome by sex lust is unable to express love and a nurturing touch through his/her senses without an ulterior motive. For “normal” people this is known as the way for “procreation” or sadly called “love;” but for spiritual minded people , anything that overcomes our conscious awareness is just means not to be a master of the self.
You may enjoy a delicious meal. Enjoy it to feel nurtured. If you want to continue eating just for the “taste of it,” then you are experiencing lust at the taste level. If you “crave” for a particular meal and you cannot be without it, that is lust at the taste level.
Clothes are not “lustful” in itself by our vision on them. So, the sense of the physical eyes are the main culprit. Wearing fashionable clothes is not the issue. The issue is how you feel about it or how others may perceive you (what signal you are bringing.)
A baby wearing fashionable clothes will be perceived as a cute baby for he does not have the “vibes” to be perceived otherwise. However, there may be individuals who may have a different perception based on their own “issues.”
That is the signal that we need to be aware, that we may be triggering in others.
om shanti, I did the foundation course around 15 months back. Have not been a regular student though i am trying to improve myself first. Somehow celibacy is something which is evading me. Have been trying hard but somehow not able to do that. Although I agree that frequency has absolutely decreased yet have not been able to celibate completely and indulge in masturbation. Please advice.
Thank you for your honest question!
Here is my list out of my own experience, hope it is helpful for you.
1) Be especially aware of the food that you eat. Be picky about it. As much as possible eat only what you cook. Being vegetarian is a must. Avoid any sort of spicy food items. Please be informed about Satvvic diet and stick to it. Drink water and juices. Don’t do coffee or any other stimulant as much as possible.
Your diet is VERY important. It is related with your mind and thus, with the way you perceive the world.
2) Because you just started this path, you will need to practice the “method of avoidance” until you get a grip of yourself. Avoid situations which may trigger sexual thoughts. Avoid having idle time where your mind could fantasize. Become busy in spiritual matters. This is where “service” at your near BK center will help you a lot.
3) Regulate your sleeping time. Sleep enough hours but be aware when “dreams” are coming. In the beginning of this, you will have lustful dreams which will lead into “wet dreams.” It is the unconscious trying to force you to change your ways. If you can avoid that by waking up early enough ( 3:30 AM ready for Amrit Vela meditation) you will be ahead of the game.
4) Develop your feelings. Feel intensely with your heart. Learn to appreciate the opposite gender with those feelings. Be around Nature as much as possible so those feelings will be developed without much effort. Enjoy a sunset. Sit by a park. Smell the roses. Watch the ocean. Write poetry. All of that will develop a sensibility in you which will be extremely helpful to conquer sexual lust.
5) Engage in regular meditation. The goal is to feel inner peace, that is to express those inner feelings. Feelings when developed are the way to conquer sexual urges. The heart chakra when developed is beyond the second chakra (sexuality.) True spirituality starts at the Heart Chakra.
6) Be patient. It may take years. However, you will see progress within the first 6 months. You are engaging yourself in something which is not “normal,” so you will require lots of Godly/ Divine help on this task. Be attuned to those Divine energies by loving God with your heart.
7) Don’t give up. You may lose a battle, but not the war. Have the courage to believe in yourself and that this can be done.
8) Read the section titled “The Awakening” By Mathias (it is a tab on this blog.) Pay attention to those pieces of advice. They are very helpful.