Tagged: suffering

Being Vulnerable

…And just when I thought that to be tough is all there is in Life, I found that toughness is the biggest vulnerability someone could have.

When there is no awareness, we could be taught to put up an image in front of the world just to protect our own pettiness.
It is the typical “office world” mentality of “marketing ourselves” to boast about our strengths and to “fake it until we make it.”
That is the world of pressuring ourselves to “succeed.”

Nothing wrong with that world.

Nevertheless, in Life in our relationships with people it is of great importance to show who we are.

A relationship grows in depth as we take off our layers of protection, as we stripe our image and show our vulnerabilities… At that point we are not an ideal anymore, a prototype for everyone to follow…

There is no need to make a list of our own vulnerabilities and to “practice” those in front of loved ones. We just need to allow ourselves to be.

Censorship and rejection could be experienced, and that is fine. We are not supposed to be like everyone else.
That is the first point in self-awareness: Totally acceptance of ourselves; our shadow and our light.
If we have not reached that point, if there is not acceptance, then our interaction with ourselves and others will be a faked one. There will not be fulfillment experienced in relationships as we cannot be ourselves.

When we display our vulnerabilities in awareness, we could know others. For those will be triggers for others to react in judgment, censorship or advice. In turn, that will give us the chance to test our “strength,” meaning our emptiness of “I.”

Without awareness, to display our vulnerabilities will be a source of pain and suffering, for we will feel hurt. That trauma will need to be healed.

The image of the “tough guy” is in vogue. That “toughness” is just meant to conceal the fear of being just who we are. To be tough, we need to set aside our true feelings and with that the opportunity to experience living from the heart.

Vulnerabilities will dissolve in relationship with others, but only for the one who is aware. For the one who is not, it will be the source of belittlement and the need to work on his “image” by building a mental layer of shielding armor.

Emotionally, when our heart is vulnerable, when it is trusting and open, it may get hurt and that is the opportunity to heal through our accumulated strength. It is the perfect chance to see how far we have gone.
If that same heart is tough, hard and closed… not trusting anything…it may not get hurt, because it is already in pain. That is another paradox of Life.

For that closed heart, to live is a fearful experience and to close itself into a small box just to feel safe, is the extent of its “toughness.”

To open our heart despite the possibility of being hurt is an act of courage, and act of affirming the intrinsic necessity to feel Life…and at the same time; the path to experience no-self.

Pain is not to be feared, but transformed. 🙂

The gift of self-realization

Self-realization is a gift to mankind. The “I” offers itself to be no-self.
The “I” with all its tricks, desires, wants, plans, etc. will go away little by little creating pain and agony in “going away” from Life, just to be someone different, unknown, mysterious.

That offer is not related with an ulterior motive. It is to be part of the Totality through a particular role, according to time.

In a way self-realization is unpredictable like death. We could plan all we want for the future, but when the time arrives, there is no going back.

While experiencing this “death,” there is very little interest in any hopeful belief system for the future; in the “after life.”

Why?

Being one with Life is not in the future. It is right now.
The wonderful “I” with all his beliefs of salvation and a better Life in the future are left aside to embrace what is now. Fulfillment, enjoyment, appreciation of Life are in the “now.”

Here there is no praying necessary, nor any special offers to the Gods to be made. There is no promise of any kind to no one.
Life has no promises other than being what is, thus a feeling of appreciation to Life is the ingredient to enjoy it.
We are free.

Do we want a method to reach “heaven”?
Self -realization.
Do we want everlasting “insurance” and good “karma”?
Self-realization.

Do we want to be happy in this Life?
Self-realization.

Then, why is it that Self-realization is not being preached to others, why is it not being taught to others rather than beliefs in everlasting life in the afterlife?

We cannot teach it or preach it. It is not something to be taught or learned from a book. No one knows how to get “there,” even if there is experience of it.

That is why there are so many beliefs and so many holy books instead. Those are things that most everyone could understand or interpret, the method to “get there;” to attain that “special” state, everyone wants to play it safe by following a “planned out” trip to “Heaven,” “risk free.”

All you need to do is to believe, to follow, to entertain yourself with the thought that you are getting there, becoming, arriving … soon…

If there is no method, if there is no way to proactively pursue and obtain that self-realization, what could be “done” to attain it?

Nothing. So enjoy what is.

It is not about “doing.”
It will happen when we are ready, not before or after. “Being” ready is not about “doing” things.
When we have gone through the experiences of the pendulum of Life from one extreme to the other, and our capacity for experiencing suffering has reached its peak, in the depth of that darkness; perhaps light could be seen.

As the “I” takes that helping light to move out of that space of suffering, the “I” perhaps will realize through the experiences of Life, that there is only suffering because there is “I.”
That is a day to celebrate!

The very thing the “I“ has been struggling to and searching everywhere to attain, is in the absence of that “I.”
The medicine resides in the disease.

Suffering= “I.” Pleasure= “I.”
Thus, duality = “I.”
Non-duality?
No-“I.”

Nevertheless, observe how our society from time immemorial, has been trying to build up that “I,” through beliefs in the eternal permanence of that “I.” Isn’t that ironic?

Some say “Life is suffering.”
That is nonsense; although many are repeating and spreading that line of “spiritual wisdom.”

Life is.
Life is the mirror of the “I.”

The “I” suffers.
How is the “I” capable of being one with Life?
Through no-I.
It does not mean that we shouldn’t feel pleasure or pain. NO! It means that while experiencing those experiences we could understand the “I.”
The trauma of the experience, the anxiety, the neediness, the “I cannot live without it” state or the “I need more of that;” those are the ingredients which acknowledge a well built up “I.”

If we stop the urge out of compulsion to practice asceticism or if we go all out for it in full indulgence, both extremes will increase our experience of suffering. It is the “I” driving the show.
Do we see that?
Thus, the middle-way… which is not “middle-way,” but there are no words to express inner balance within Life.
The word is harmony. Behind that word there is absolute emptiness.

Ohh.. now I get it! That is why the “I” cannot “do” anything to become one with Life!
Because anything the “I” does, takes the “I” away from Life. It is the doing of the “I” which gives greater presence to the “I.”

You said it. However, know that it cannot be said. For everything which is said, it is half-truth and half-false. Duality within words.
Words are only deceiving pointers to a place with no name.
Do you see the “truth” of this article?
See its “falsehood” as well.
The “truth” cannot be written in words.

Until July 6th! 🙂

Knowing in Theory does not follow into Being in “practice.”

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In the “office world” we learn the theory before making it practical.
That same “concept” is continuously being applied into living Life.

We learn a body of “knowledge” (commandments, moral codes, laws), which are supposed to transform human beings into something “better.”

That knowledge implies that we either “get better” or else…

To learn the extent of that teaching becomes part of the inner work of the “Life traveler.”

Suzy knew that anger is “bad.” Suzy has learned to “forgive others” and to “forget their errors.”
When Suzy learned that the neighbors killed her beloved pet, Suzy had such a rage and anger that she was ready to “get even.”
Nevertheless, Suzy repressed that anger as much as she could.
What was the outcome?
Suzy became ill. Her energy of anger poured all over her body.
Her “knowledge,” her theory, did not help her. Obviously, she could “help others” by giving them that “Spiritual theory “ of forgiving and forgetting; that made her look like a saint under the eyes of others.
Do we see the trap? Do we see the lack of self-honesty?

“Knowledge” as theory is meaningless when what actually matters is BEING.

If Suzy cannot “be” a forgiving and forgetful person, which is known as being “better” in religious Spirituality, then
do we need for Suzy to “practice” more?

Don’t we realize that BEING is not changed by practice? Behavior may be changed, but never consciousness.
If behavior changes but not consciousness, that behavior will go back to its “original” when the stimulus to keep a behavior is no longer used.

When Suzy observes by herself, because she wants to, after having the time to sit down and reflect by putting all her beliefs aside and just observe the impermanence of things, when Suzy is able to observe that “her pet” was never hers to begin with and that her neighbors’ actions will have a repercussion as we are all together in this, if Suzy is able to perceive that every being manifests through consciousness and consciousness cannot be destroyed … When Suzy is able to perceive those things in her own experience in Life, then she will understand “naturally” without artificial mental games.

Suzy is merely repressing herself and hurting herself in that senseless process of trying to be “someone” who she is not.

Is Suzy allowed to “make mistakes” in Life?
Yes?
That is to experience her lot according to her consciousness.

If you are anger itself in one moment, if your consciousness is in that state; suffering will be waiting for you, through your own activities.
Is that “bad”?
Many of us learn out of that suffering and not out of “theory.”

It may take a refinement of many experiences to understand these things according to our awareness, but one thing is for sure:
Repression by itself in any way, shape or form does not make a “better human being.”

There is nothing “angelic” about repression.
I don’t hear about “teachings” of transforming energies, channeling a particular form of energy into an outlet or to just allow a person to “make a mistake” in Life to learn.
To learn means to make “mistakes.” Right?
Thus, “mistakes” are not truly “mistakes” but the way an aware individual will learn in Life.
Is repression a catalyst for change of consciousness?
No.
The suffering that it brings maybe though; once we become aware, awake of feeling that pain.

Beliefs are typically used to make someone to change his ways:
What I hear is: “Don’t do this because you will go to hell for ever.”
“If you do that, something very bad will happen to you.”

We are too caught up in beliefs and too busy in making ourselves believe that we have attained something “special,” which we are not.

As a reminder, here is a paradoxical aspect of Life.

Humans use repression to change behavior.
Changing behavior does not change consciousness.
However, the suffering that repression brings is the catalyst for a change in consciousness.

Some are able to perceive suffering and hear the voice of Life asking for a change. Others will suck it up and remain repressed for fear of change.

Life is change but still some are not aware of it.
Perhaps some are aware in “theory,” perhaps as “knowledge” but until it becomes BEING it, there is no understanding of it; therefore to “fake it ‘til you make it” becomes the credo, the formula of self-dishonesty for the sake of “self improvement.”

Reinventing suffering

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The world in duality is not typically understood as the interplay of perceived opposite but complementary forces to maintain a harmonious balance. We have been taught to select one of the forces and reject the other.

In this world we value compassion. Some religions and “spiritual keywords” label compassion as something “good.”
Nevertheless, compassion comes from the experience of suffering.
Isn’t suffering “bad”? 🙂

How is it possible to be compassionate without knowing what suffering is? Knowing is not reading about it. It is living it.

The experience of suffering brings greater sensibility to a person.

John kicked the rear end of his dog “Huey.”
If John had the sensibility to empathize with the suffering of others, he couldn’t do harm to a less capable being.
That sensibility allows John to act without a commandment, such as: “Thou shall not kick your pet’s behind.”
Perhaps John has experienced that sort of suffering which has allowed him to breakdown his ego into pieces and to know first hand, what compassion is.

On the other hand, John could have rejected the experience of suffering and that rejection could have created a sense of revenge. Obviously, revenge is the other extreme, which is meant to strengthen the sense of ego.

When John is ready to self-transform, that sense of revenge will necessarily have to transform into compassion.

That is most “seekers’” journey.

The ego is shattered through suffering. When that suffering is perceived as a traumatic experience, more rejection will be built and bitterness will come out.
A bitter person is someone who continuously rejects the experience of suffering as “bad luck,” or a “punishment” from God, destiny, etc.

That same suffering is the opportunity to self-transform: When the ego diminishes its size, then there is an automatic perception of that Totality, wholesomeness of Life.

As my friend Mathias says: “The Universe holds a mirror and most are interested in only seeing the reflection of their own faces. By doing that, these individuals miss the opportunity to see the reflection of everything else.”
That is the experience of a self-absorbed individual.

Looking back at my life experiences, Ananda was born out of the ashes of a different person, Avyakt7.

Avyakt7 went through different kinds of suffering. Those were originally taken as traumatic experiences (thus, the need to heal emotional wounds), which brought a feeling of fear, uncertainty and the greatest need to cling to something to bring some sort of security in life and … even after it.

That “security” thing may have different labels among individuals: God, wife, husband, family, work, etc.
The suffering of “losing” all of the above and more, becomes the source of liberation from all.

That suffering transforms when we bow down to life and allow life itself to change us. This is not surrendering but bowing down; that is to allow that life force to do its work as when we watch the forces of Nature, like a Hurricane or a Tornado, in their presence we bow down in awe.

Therefore, suffering is a medium to transform. It is a medium to know about compassion and a medium to dismantle the arrogance of the ego.

Is suffering “good or bad”?

Like everything else, it all depends on the state of consciousness looking at it.

The guilt of the sinner is the repression of the saint

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The “I” is the issue to comprehend, to understand, to experience.

When a religion or a philosophy is based on giving life to that “I,” we will experience many inconsistencies, many contradictions.

The consciousness of an “I” is like a wall in between life.
When that wall becomes strong as a brick, then the force to dissolve it, will be equally strong.

The struggle to keep that “I” alive is observed in different belief systems.

For example, we may “know” that everything is eternal, but then we are afraid of the “end of the world.” We need to observe that intellectual information is of no use when the “I” is only striving to keep itself alive.

Unless our consciousness changes through an experience of life, then our head will be full with information.

That information could be worshipped; it could take a particular form as to give us the impression that we are safe, that the “I” has obtained life insurance for the afterlife.

The issue is not the “afterlife.” It is now.

It will take lots of courage to “re-set” our minds from beliefs and traditions deemed “good” that we have learned.

It will take lots of courage to accept a life of living just to experience that “I.”

Ego is a word which denotes the answer for every question. Why is there suffering? Because of the “I.” Why is there war, famine, beliefs, taboos, separation, etc.?
Because of that “I.”

Knowing that intellectually, does not “do” a thing. It is all theory until we are willing to explore it inside ourselves, observe it without rejection.

At that point, we have gone beyond the child “spiritual state of consciousness” of blaming things on the Devil, God, Maya and everything else, without looking at that “I.”

Fear is used as a mechanism to trap someone into a particular experience. Sometimes, we do that to ourselves.

We could label the energy of fear as “bad” something which is not “good,” something to reject… however, as my friend Mathias said: “ a brave man is not the one who does not feel fear, but the one who knows how to transform that energy into strength.”
When we realize about transformation of energies, how could we deny or oppose something which is happening in us?

How could we feel guilty of that experience? Trapped in the “black or white” mentality we get trapped into the duality of the “sinner and the saint.”

The child mentality wants to be a “saint” and rejects the sinner in him. It is that rejection, that fear of being a sinner, the force which will keep that sinner alive and guilt will be the shadow on that journey.

All of our fears only strengthen that thing which we fear. When there is no rejection, then we are back into being one… The one who transforms himself.

The fight will continue until it is over

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Raysha and Ananda’s father, keeps “fighting for his life” at the hospital.
He is hooked up to feeding tubes and a respirator, which provides 75% of his breathing.

Ananda’s mother is suffering by seeing that scene. Ananda’s father is conscious but unable to communicate. He seems to “come and go” from that state.

Even though the doctors know that there is “no hope,” their role is to keep him “alive” as much as possible.
Euthanasia is forbidden in that country, for the catholic belief is that “ an innocent life is being taken.” “Human life has a dignity which needs to be absolutely respected.”

Lost in words and concepts, “respect” becomes another philosophical debate of “pros” and “cons” which legislature will be fond on getting into.

But that doesn’t solve the “experience” of Ananda’s father. The “black and white” belief of a religion supported by legislature is meaningless when your father is the one experiencing their rigid views.

Raysha took her father’s hand and told him about the story of “life after this life.”

Ananda spoke with Mathias, the wise tree; about this incident.
Mathias: “Do you think that your father is suffering in that experience?”
Ananda: “Yes and No. When he is conscious of the hospital it is yes. When he is conscious of the other experience that he had with you and Raysha in a different realm, obviously not.”
Mathias: “ Your father wants to keep fighting. He requested that to the family in a conversation about death and dying. The question was, what would you like to happen if you are in a hospital unable to speak for yourself? He said: “Fight it until there is no more.” Do you remember that? “

Ananda: “Yes… but there are others seeing that scene as well….why continue with this when there is no hope? Why go through that suffering?”
Mathias: “ Suffering is the way that life has to make someone bow down. When there are layers of arrogance and pride, suffering will break that mentality. Don’t you think that when you feel as if your heart is about to explode from your chest, that this is the best time to learn and think about detachment in life?”

Ananda: “No. “
Mathias: “Yes. It is. That lesson will be learned rapidly in that intensity. It is necessary for the next stage when Mathias will present you father to the Gods of Olympus. You know that there is no death. If Ananda knows that, what should be his attitude to others who are suffering by watching the scene? The answer is not intellectual. Feel it.”

Ananda:” To accept things as they are. To feel compassion towards my family clan. We are all together in this, related. Compassion because I feel their suffering, but at the same time, I know that a lesson of life needs to be learned.”

Ananda’s mother didn’t want to go to the hospital to see her husband in that condition. She felt pressured by the “ El que diran” (The unspoken belief in latin-american culture that every person’s actions in society are subject to the scrutiny and criticism of every person they know.) Ananda gave her comfort by assuring her that no one in the family will judge her. She needs to recuperate. Everyone has a limit and she has reached hers.

The “black and white” laws and religious beliefs are completely unaware of human intention. The action is not the problem but the intention is.

Since we cannot “measure” intentions with honesty, we cannot create laws for society. That is why, laws are only based on actions and to label them as “good and bad” becomes necessary.

Inner honesty is the main requisite which will allow someone to live harmoniously… even to sleep well, until death arrives.
Be true, open and enjoy the lessons in life which will bring a different consciousness, to look at things from yet another perspective.
No dogma included nor laws to abide.

When the search is over

Santa Hobbes

Living life with joy. That is all.
No beliefs required.
Good “karma” for our “next life” guaranteed. 🙂

Where is that joy?
It is obviously a feeling such as Peace.
When we find peace, we find love.
When we find love… we find joy.
Are all of these things of the mind?
No. None of them. If they were coming from the mind, duality will be involved.

Love from the mind is not love. We could find out this easily by observing the duality of emotions: That love will come with fear, jealousy, insecurity, all of that. The popular “I think I love you” is all mind.

To be able to observe our own mind is of tremendous importance for the “life walker,” the “seeker.”
In that observation we could discover our emotions through their duality and the way those emotions affect our physical body.

Living with joy at this time, is a matter of going into our mind and its identification with a static self. In that journey, we will discover our beliefs and how those beliefs have affected our feelings by turning them into disruptive emotions, which gave birth to psychological traumas, taboos, fear and ultimately a heavy sense of self… which “needs to be saved” in the next life.

There is no “magical act” that could dissolve those issues. It is a matter of giving ourselves the opportunity to experience a different consciousness, for changes within are permanent in a different consciousness.

Many will follow a religious leader to “the dot,” meaning; what she did, what he said, the way he interacted, etc. The hope is: “I want that for me.” A good ego-building method.
That is irrational.

Experiences are different for every individual. Circumstances are different. Perceptions are different. The world changes. It has always been like that. Why don’t we want to consider that?
The static self will not allow it. It is easier to follow than to do the inner work.

We need to be willing to start the journey with one step. Life will help us with another step. We are not alone.

Life is already made. Everything is there and will happen at the right time… However, “my own little world” has many closed windows which are giving me the perception of darkness. A bright, beautiful day is awaiting outside that “self” confinement.

Someone has to open those windows!

Do we want for God to do it for us?
It is our own world. Our own creation. Life is just a mirror.

Here is where awareness comes into the picture. One day, we will wonder about those windows. If the door is closed and we feel that there is no way out, then suffering will arrive to compel us to move out, to “do” something. Many will wait until the pain is unbearable and then will jump out through the windows in desperation.

Life has many methods for someone to reach their path in life.
Those methods could be called fear, beliefs, diseases. The method is not the destination, but merely another way for that journey to continue on… until oh…dear…we realize that everything is within.
At that point, there is no need to walk any further away from me.
The search is over.

Until that moment… 🙂