Tagged: traumas
Your dream comes true but happiness does not.
We want strawberries out of Life. We dream about them. We believe that “achieving” strawberries in Life will make us happy and fulfilled.
Life offer us lemons instead. Why don’t we make lemonade?
We are stuck with our belief in strawberries. Unable to bend our position to observe things from a different perspective.
Look! Someone has strawberries and he is happy! I want that for me. If life doesn’t offer that, bitterness is the “side effect” of that trauma. We feel unhappy, unfulfilled. What can I do with lemons, for god’s sake!
A “best seller” on how to achieve strawberries will be made.
“Achieving” strawberries or lemons will not make us fulfilled in Life. It is the experience of enjoyment of Life experiences what will bring fulfillment.
Lemons by themselves may be too bitter for some, not for all. Taste them to know. Open up, so the possibility of mixing lemons with something else arrives. Lemonade is such a refreshing drink!
The dream of strawberries is only a dream. If that dream becomes a reality, it doesn’t mean that fulfillment has arrived. We are looking for fulfillment not strawberries.
Shall we wake up from the dream of living Life through dreams?
The mirror of “truth.”
AWARENESS is not something to practice. It is something to be aware of…
How to make sense of that sentence? We heard so much about being AWARE, but all we have are beliefs, interpretations, concepts, information of what that is thus, useless stuff for self-realization.
“Useless” is the right word. It has to be experiential to be able to understand, to know.
Here is an “exercise.” It is not something to “practice.” It is something to fully experience. If you cannot fully experience it, if you cannot let yourself go, then repeat it again.
Find a full size mirror, those that will allow you to observe most of your physical body.
If you are fully clothed, you will probably be alright. The conditioning is to look at the clothes to see if they are wrinkled, if they match, if they look good on you, etc.
Now, take your clothes off. Observe your body and your face fully while doing this “exercise.” Did you notice your tummy? The size of your sexual organs? The color of your skin? The wrinkles in your face?
Good!
Did you notice how you feel while observing those elements of your body?
AWARENESS resides in that.
Did you feel shame? Did you blush and feel embarrassed?
In that moment, that is who YOU are.
Isn’t it silly to get embarrassed by looking at your own body?
That is where the hang up resides. Look for the root of it.
Did you like your body?
That is sick! You are supposed to like someone else’s body but not your own. Perhaps you have some homosexual issues… huh?
That’s it! You found another trauma. Go to the root of it. A body is a body. There is beauty in the body. Appreciate it. Enjoy the moment.
Want to go on with the exercise?
OK. Caress your face while looking at the mirror. What do you feel? Caress your chest. What do you feel? Caress your sexual organs. What do you feel?
Masturbation is “bad”! I shouldn’t touch myself! Do you recognize that thought? What is the difference between touching your face and your sexual organs? Find the beliefs, the taboos. Observe how you feel. Be aware of it.
How could you enjoy pleasure with all of those hang ups, taboos and beliefs in morality and decency?
You cannot. Your mind will not allow you. It is not the ACTION what makes something “sinful.” It is what you feel while DOING it.
How do you “love yourself” if you cannot accept what you see and what you feel by touching your own precious body?
Do you take care of it? Now you are aware…
Want to go deeper? Now self-pleasure yourself in front of the mirror. Look at your face but even more important, observe what you feel. Observe the taboos, the moral standards, the traumas flowing…
Do you feel shame? How about guilt? Someone watching you?
Be AWARE of all of that to discover who you truly are.
Observe how all of that inside you is being covered by decent words, spiritual concepts, Godly morality, that stuff is defining you, coercing you to comply with the conditioning. Discover the root of it, liberate yourself!
There cannot be innocence while looking at your image in that mirror and caressing yourself, until that rust accumulated over many Life experiences, is cleaned up, cleared. For that stuff will be the “inheritance” you will give to others close to you.
Become AWARE of that.
The emotionality of rationality
Because our society is living in the mind, we tend to hide our emotions as dust is hidden under a carpet.
To promote that humans are “rational” beings may be a lie. In the “office” world we may act rational but not in “real Life.”
For instance, we may know that death will arrive sooner or later. If a son dies before the father, we may label that as “untimely” or “premature.” Our minds have an expected pattern. If the father dies before the son, even though the pattern has been respected, even though the son knows the father will die first; when the day comes for the father to depart, the son may break down emotionally.
Where is the “rationality” then? Isn’t death natural? The solution may be in taking refuge in the “future.”
A religion may talk about the “future.” “Now” does not matter. The “future” is important. Many things could happen to a person “now” but forget about it. This behavior closes the capacity to feel. It is the perfect scenario to put up the “tough” face despite living with a melting heart.
In the opposite side, a “self-help book” may acknowledge our emotional side. “It is OK to express how you feel,” nevertheless; the trauma created is unexplored.
If a child is aware that his father has passed away, we could tell him: “God has called your daddy.” Frustration and anger may develop in that child for that idea of God, but our belief may be that we are helping him to deal with his pain.
We are incapable of explaining that death is as natural as living and death can arrive to anyone at any time. Because “you” are here now, “you” will not be. Simple, rational.
Give him a hug with empathy, allowing him to feel support. That is compassion when it is no rehearsed.
As everything in Life, every experience will go away, and we will move on, we will evolve… unless we decide to keep that experience as a trauma.
That is my recent discovery about Life: Be there emotionally, allow the inner child to express, but at the same time, be there rationally, allowing the inner parent to hold the child. Both archetypes are inside us.
One more thing: The only time that matters is the “now.”
The past or the future are for the mind. To be in the “now” means to be “out of the mind.” For that, we may embrace “what is” without looking for explanations or pretty beliefs to cover things up…. We may express our feelings and compassion “now,” in that way; rationality embraces emotionality and both together may heal and integrate into the Totality. As individuals we can only see biased fragments of the Totality, that distortion creates the trauma of the “I.”
Thus, integration into the Totality is how the “I” is healed, for it means to see the Ocean rather than segmenting it and focusing only on a drop of it.
Awareness cannot be taught
Carmen is a new parent. She said to me: “No one is teaching me how to be a parent… this information should be pushed into the school system and beyond.”
Even though she has “good intentions” behind her statement; observe that she is already caught up with the system: The information on how to be a parent is pushed from another source, to be “right.”
Carmen was praising all the books that she read which “helped her” practically.
Carmen read a book about “a prosperous attitude towards money, so money could flow in life, by getting rid of different beliefs that she was inculcated when she was a kid,” However, my friend could not use that information into her parenting situation.
Why?
Carmen lacked Life experience. She has theory in her mind, a very good paragraph of “wisdom,” but she is unable to apply it in different aspects of her Life.
Most human beings have developed many traumas when children. Parents did the best they knew; but that wasn’t enough. Hang ups, taboos, beliefs and so on were transmitted from their parents. Therefore, that is what will be transmitted to their kids. It is unconscious. Why? Because we are not aware.
Many times a child will be rebellious towards his parents. He will not go along with their “ideas,” unfortunately; that child does not realize that to reject his parent’s ideas will only make that trauma stronger. There is no experience of that, no awareness.
Then the “traditional good idea” comes. “If I knew how to be a parent, I will help others to do the same.”
That is very shallow. This is not just information that we pass along like in the “office world” when we get ready to take a test to be a “certified” parent.
Your awareness is needed. If you are aware of the baggage inside you, you will start with you. Look at your issues. Then, your “true self” will be displayed for your kids; not the behavior which you learned in a book, which is not truly you. Just because you know information, it doesn’t mean that you ARE that.
I am not saying that we should wait until we solve our internal issues to become a parent either. This is not a “black or white” “solution.” Just be aware that as you ARE, you will be matched by Life with a partner and that is what is “right” for you. That experience will teach you something, and then your consciousness will move on until… you are able to see yourself as you ARE: Then the process of dissolution of ego starts.
“But how do I help others?”
By allowing them to go through their own process in Life. That is free of judgments.
Let me be clear: The thought of helping others or teaching others, is just self-gratification. Life puts the teacher when the student is ready; BUT neither the teacher nor the student know about those labels, so they are free from the cage that those labels imply. It is that freedom what makes the internal change.
BEING conditioned
“Just BE who you are… Express yourself….Be all you can BE.”
Those catchy phrases, are very superficial… but good sellers… They are easy to understand or misunderstand. Either way, they sell because they are not deep. Believe in them or not, they are like palliative medicine.
BEING is not possible until the layers of conditioning are realized, observed, when we become aware of them.
Notice that I am not stating: “ Work on that conditioning, get rid of it, conquer it, reject it, dissolve it.”
If I say that, then that is material for a “best seller.”
Why?
It is unreal. For those who are not aware, to reject something, to DO something in order to “solve the problem” is the “solution.”
Peter likes to drink beer.
Peter may think that “He is BEING himself” if he overdrinks, for that is “natural” for him at that moment. Peter has heard that he “needs to be natural” and he likes that “concept.”
Peter gets drunk and after a few times of this, he becomes addicted.
What is the solution?
Stop drinking. Don’t allow yourself to be close to a bar. Consider the urge to be a temptation of the Devil.
Fight against your desire. Don’t allow the “bad guy” to win.
Those solutions are considered to be “good,” “moral” in our society. Peter may be sober now, nevertheless; the cause behind his addiction hasn’t been discovered.
Superficially speaking, we may say that “Peter is an alcoholic.” Peter may believe that “alcohol is bad,” but looking deeply, we may find a psychological trauma, which could be forgotten through over-drinking.
With greater depth, we may discover that trauma as a conditioning of the mind. Many “horrible” things could have happened to Peter, but he is unable to let those things go. Peter is stuck in the past and unable to move forward despite Life changes.
That trauma will define Peter’s ego.
Intellectually we may understand what is going on and we could offer the “solution” to Peter, but things do not work in that way in Life.
It does not matter how much third party information someone may have to resolve his inner issues. It does not matter if that person changes his thoughts. It does not matter if that person changes his behavior to pretend “improvement.” Any so called “change” coming from ego, is an escape from the opportunity to be completely aware of “what is.”
He is still the same addictive personality in repressed mode.
BEING is not changed by reading, listening or doing things. There is nothing the ego, the “I” can DO to change BEING.
“Why?”
Because the ego is not real, although paradoxically is very real for most of us. It is an illusion that we have taken for granted. We have created a society and belief systems based on that illusion. When we AWAKEN that illusion dissolves.
BEING changes all the time “naturally” for we are one with Life; so the “intelligent” question may be: “Why that traumatic experience isn’t changing now?”
Because there is a grudge, a mental wall unable to move.
The solidity of Peter’s ego depends on that trauma to thrive.
For such person, to “Be himself” is to bring a past trauma into the present.
“What can I do?”
Nothing. BE AWARE of it. Let it go through you without trying to stop it or to change it into something “good.”
Let go of that conditioning.
Merely become completely aware of it, like a “detached observer, “ let a distance between what is going on and the observer, without that distance there is no AWARENESS. Let the sensation move through you.
“It sounds good, but I do not understand… Are you saying that to be lazy, to do nothing about it, is what is needed?”
No. Please stop interpreting. Just look at yourself through the examples.
Carlos eats fast. Carlos overeats because he is eating fast all the time.
Superficially, we may say: “ Learn to eat slowly.” “Take one spoon, count until 10 and then take another.” “Take this pill to slow your anxiety.” “Eat less, so if you become hungry, it is your fault for eating fast and you will deserve your punishment.”
However, if Carlos was AWARE of his eating, of his anxiety, of how tense his stomach is while eating, on how his mind takes him away from the “now” to a dream world here or in the afterlife…there is no way he could eat fast or slow. Carlos needs to eat alone for this realization to occur, that is how the conditioning is realized and BEING comes back without DOING anything.
Leave Carlos alone, by himself in his own solitude so there is no escape from himself.
That is a “natural” remedy.
Nevertheless, Carlos may dread to be alone, to be left all by himself… He may want “methods” to deal with his issue while having the “support” of others… He may want to take a pill, to get treatment, to follow some code of conduct, etc.
All of that is palliative medicine, but if Carlos is not ready for observation of his own conditioning; those things will be his tools to deal with his issue.
His time for self-realization hasn’t arrived yet.
In Tune with Life
So you grew up in a nice family or a not so nice family, then you had a nice childhood or not so nice, then you had relationships, jobs, money, kids, (Nice or not so nice) became older, had diseases, watched TV, went to Disney World, etc. … then “You” die.
Everyone more or less will go to the same experiences, but some will make “big traumas” out of those experiences, thus; those experiences will be felt with greater strength.
Lighten up! Don’t take it seriously… It is just a game.
All your beliefs go with you. All your dramas go with you. All your needs and wants. Paradoxically, all of that stuff gets released when “you” are no longer there.
That is one of the main teachings that Life has for “us.”
When “you are,” you have. When “you” are not, then you don’t.
Some say that it is “better” to pretend not to have all of the above experiences while being “alive.” The paradox is that by doing that, “you” are anything but “alive” even while living.
Every one of us has a mission in Life. We could observe those things that are happening to us from different viewpoints, take any perspective… Just don’t hurt yourself.
But if you do, that ain’t bad. It is a learning experience.
At the end whether you go left or right, you will end up in the same place… just like everyone else. (Like my rhyme?)
Do you see that? No? Oh… “Your” belief will “save” you. I see. The “I” must continue.
Life is such an interesting experience!
“You” are exactly right now, where you wanted to be.
Nevertheless, your experience as it is right now, is exactly what is needed for the Totality, the Universe.
Experiences do not last forever and every experience has the potential to change our consciousness one bit at the time.
When the “I” feels overwhelmed by uncertainty, by an emotional sensation while singing in the back of our minds: “I can’t get no satisfaction,” it is at that point where the door of not being that “I” may open.
Are you scared? Are you afraid to open that door?
Who is afraid?
Find that one. Get to know that one, to be free from that one.
You see, we have been taught to avoid “bad company.”
That is childish. As you are, so your company will be.
Start by hanging out with “you.” Get to know that “I.”
“But …why bother with that?”
So, “it” cannot be.
Do you know what is like to be alone? 🙂
That is to know the one, who does not allow you not to be.
A riddle?
Just like Life. A riddle made to be remembered, until we forget. 🙂
Exploring the Depth of Living 