As obvious as this sounds, we continually neglect that. We have ideas of what should be, what is right, what is better for others. Comparisons are incessant and with that a sensation that will not allow us to feel fulfillment in Life.
Most everyone wants to be “someone” in Life: Well known, powerful, influential. However, that is not Life. That is society. In Life, we already ARE. In society, we continually need to BECOME someone else, we call that with a pretty label: “better” we say.
Am I saying to be a “nobody,” not to have goals in “Life”?
No. Every Life is a unique experience. Riches may be combined with ill health. Power with impotence. Influence combined with a lousy relationship, it is a bag of mixed goodies!
How can there be happiness then?
It just depends on what we focus on. Some “spiritual” people like to call this as “positive thinking.” But that could be a bunch of “positive self-inflicted lies.”
What I focus on, is not thinking. It is that which I enjoy, that which I take great pleasure, that which makes my day, and of course; that will change, thus there is no space for the “same old thing.”
It is in this focus how appreciation of that which I am able to do NOW, that which I have NOW becomes my source of fulfillment. When it is time for that to change, I will be able to shift to newness, for in appreciation of now, there is space for a new tomorrow. It may not be as I thought of, or as I wished this newness should be or as I expected it; but it is certain that this new change will bring newness and with that a new source of fulfillment as long as my focus is on the art of appreciation.
In our society, we are taught to think too much, thus there is no space for unrehearsed appreciation. We don’t have to have all the answers before making a move, we just need to feel if that change is where Life will take me and trust it.
Trust is not a matter of having faith in some power above us. It is a matter of acceptance of Life as it comes to us.
Acceptance is one of the hardest things to BE, when we are told to fight for everything in Life. When we ARE in that consciousness of fighting, we are taught to “practice” acceptance when there is no way out.
What a joke.
“… only if it was that easy to wait/observe and not act when your Mind is racing @ lightening speed… Isn’t observing and waiting for a change not a thought in itself?
What lesson is life teaching if someone does not even have basic necessities to survive, abused physically/mentally? – will be hard to develop acceptance and trust.
Love to see your response.”
If your shoelaces come undone, it is because it was done.
Thank you for your question for the common good.
If you make a knot while tying your shoelaces, sooner or later that knot will need to be dealt with. That is Life. There is a process to get there and a process to get out.
Who is the observer?
If it is the “I,” that is not an observer. That is a doer. That “I” is the one trying to figure things out through methods, beliefs and pressure from others, how to untie the knot.
There is an “I” and there is “no-I.”
The “I” is the one known by most. Who is waiting? The “I.” The “I” is observing from a self centered personality while separated from everything else.
“MY mind is racing at lightening speed. What is the method to stop it? Perhaps “I” should “observe it” and “wait” to see if that method works for ME… Hey, I just came up with a thought… It is “my” thought even though “I” did not willingly think about it…This change should be “natural,” I wonder why is not “natural” to Me yet?”
The above is one interpretation of what Ahnanda is trying to explain, but it is far from what Ahnanda means.
If we are only using our minds to make intellectual sense of this, we are wasting our time.
That is not “bad” at all, for it is part of our process. So even that misunderstanding is completely “good.”
How could I express “no-self” through English words structured to use “I,” “you,” “him,” “her” at every corner?
Your mind wants an answer to “resolve the problem” of experiencing the “misery” of “racing thoughts.” Right?
Ahnanda says: Open your heart, your feelings…
All I can share is my experience which is not a “method.” Go to Nature. Not once in awhile, but BE there for you are THAT. “There” your feelings will open up, your heart will breathe and your mind will calm itself “naturally.”
“OK. I will try that. I will spend a year in the wild…”
No my friend. If you are just going there because “you” want to achieve something, you may achieve many things in that experience, but not the “goal” of calming your mind.
If in your process you do not feel the need to be in Nature, if you force yourself to do it, just to achieve something like “peace of mind,” you will be sorely disappointed… but that is not “bad” either. It is part of your process. All is “good.”
The “I” wants to achieve. “No-I,” cannot exist there.
However, if there is a natural need in you to spend your time outdoors as much as possible, to observe Nature not because you want to achieve something for yourself, but just for the heck of it, just because you have infinite love for Nature… then, according to your process, you are naturally ready to experience what is like for the mind to slow down.
Do you see the process? It needs to be natural, it cannot be forced.
“But I want to achieve no-mind NOW!”
Can you force an unripe fruit to be ripe “now” just because you decided to “make effort” to be ripe, because you have the “goal” of going to “heaven” or another “objective” such as peace, happiness, joy, etc.? 🙂
Now, into your second question:
“What lesson is life teaching if some one does not even have basic necessities to survive, abused physically/mentally? – will be hard to develop acceptance and trust.”
Life lessons… are only lessons for the one who is aware. For the one who is not, their position in Life could be of suffering.
Is suffering “bad”? Any other way to dismantle the “ego” “naturally”?
Two things to keep “in mind”:
1. Our perception of someone’s suffering could be enhanced if we compare with them. “Look I can go to the toilet everyday… but those poor things do not even have toilet paper.”
I have seen those “poor things” smiling from the heart in their day-to-day life. That gift stopped, once they started comparing with “others.” This is not meant to say that social inequalities are OK. This is meant to say that our perception could be tinted with greater suffering than what is actually experienced by the one going through the experience in Life.
2. If you are going through some experience in Life, you are equipped to go through it. If “you” tied up your shoes, “you” must experience the process of untying them. The process is not the same for everyone.
Acceptance and Trust is needed for the one who has gone through the extreme of experiences of rejection and distrust. When your life is colored with distrust and rejection, then the process will shift, to arrive into trust and acceptance. The “I” will fight to keep things safe for “him” despite the imminent change. Trust is not something for the “I” to “develop,” it happens if the “I” allows it. If the “I” does not, there will be further suffering. See the game? 🙂
Someone who in your perspective has been abused mentally, physically and is living without the basics, may not necessarily experience distrust and rejection towards Life. Again, it depends on the process that this person is experiencing in Life, his “location.”
That “terrible” experience for you, may not be the drop that spills the water from the glass, for that person.
That is why, to feel for someone has a much greater accuracy than to think or analyze their “situation.”
Empathy is a feeling which will naturally tell you “how to act” without thinking about it. How someone became the personification of empathy in Life?
By having experienced its opposite… naturally…That process is not necessarily of a single Life time.
If you don’t have empathy naturally, then a method will be needed to make you believe that you “have it.” 🙂
All the best!
The observation of the process on how a fruit matures in a tree, may be one of the greatest teachings in Life.
Intelligence, wits, understanding, knowledge… Those traits could be defined, confined and imitated.
Nevertheless, once a lifetime ends, then all of the above will end as well.
Insight is what remains in the journey of Lifetimes.
Insight will develop through the assimilation of those experiences in Life.
Wisdom is not something learned. It is not something acquired by reading, by getting a degree or by becoming “old.”
Wisdom is the natural unknowingly, unrehearsed, application of that insight in Life.
That is what some people may refer as the trait of “old souls.”
That terminology is not accurate, for there is no such a thing as an “old soul” but just range of experienced experiences.
Some individuals may stay awake 22 hours to experience most waking moments offered by the day. Others, will sleep 8 hours and stay awake for 16. Some will label the one who was awake longer as an “old soul,” but the range of experiences in both cases is different.
“Who is better? Who is worse?”
Those are not valid questions to ask. It is just different for everyone. Sleeping is not better than being awake. Both are necessary, complements of each other.
It is in that range of experiences in Life how insight is developed through many Lifetimes.
There is a process behind that insight. Continuous change, continuous becoming, which is BEING at the same time.
When I was 8, I thought and felt like an 8 year old kid.
When I was 30, I thought and felt like a 30 year old man.
Am I the same person?
Yes and No.
Despite that contradictory answer, what matters is to observe the process of change.
Can you teach a 2 year old how to solve a differential equation?
Why not? He will be the same person 30 years later! Why wait until then?
Simply because the 2 year old “now” is not ready. There is a process to go through, which is beyond the hands of any human to decide.
The same is with insight.
Living Life is the process to it. Experiencing Life to the fullest is the catalyst to that insight.
There is no religion that could teach insight. There is no book or university able to confer a degree in that. There is no human being who could develop his insight by “making effort.”
Because we are ONE with Life. Not separated.
Insight is the fruit of living Life with “open hands.” The minute those hands are closed, the minute we think that we “have it,” we have “arrived,” that is the self-placed limit to that potential growth of insight.
3 years ago Ron said that sex was “bad.” The day before today, Ron said that sex is “good.”
That is the range of experiences. The process, the journey to be walked to know. That cannot be gathered by intellectual reasoning. You have to live it to know.
An outsider may say: “You are contradicting yourself. You are a traitor to your former cause.”
Human moral standards of “righteousness” do not understand the walk, the journey, the process.
Open your hands. Keep them open.
What is the teaching? we may ask.
Embrace all. Integrate all.
You can only know when it is your experience and not the product of intellectual minds.
But…By keeping your hands open, you will know that “your experience” at one point in time, will not be the same always.
Never ate strawberries before?
Here is one for you.
That was a sour strawberry for you?
Here… take another.
No? You remember the bitter taste of it. It created a trauma in “you”? Do you want to generalize, now?
Open your hands. Keep them open.
There is a difference between trust in Life and making the same mistake.
Your own “walk” in Life will give the answer to that.
Insight perhaps will tell you that a mistake… is not a mistake after all. 🙂
When the “I” is hurt and wants healing, there is something important to understand:
Healing is not to forbid, but to trust.
We’re being asked..Can you let go?
Go with the flow? Be out of control?
Can you enjoy these moments and be free?
Be who your meant to be and always were?
Suffering comes from resistance, persistence and force…
Take a pledge to not negate the beauty that has to emerge
Let go of familiar ways of being that keep you afraid and alone
Because you alone are the one who can break the chains of the old
Nobody else can do that for you, only you can realize yourself
I Trust that you also feel Unlimited Healing Revealing itself
Thank you for your question!
The name that you used appears to be of a female from Indian background, however; your residence appears to be in Australia. (Through your IP Address) I will reply based on that information.
I would suggest to speak with your husband about it. How do you feel, etc. Tell him what you would like to happen. Even though I understand the concept of “extended family” for it is very Spanish as well, I do not understand how “in-laws” could continue to think that their sons or daughters are still little children under their jurisdiction.
What you are describing is an issue when you have some dependency on others. As long as there is any sort of dependency from your part, things will be this way. I hope your husband has a “say so” in this; otherwise, if he is just a “mama’s boy,” then you didn’t get married with an adult but with a “child.”
If you could earn a living that will give you some freedom, as long as you are willing to speak up and defend that this is important for you.
This is as much as I could say about the situation you described.